Yesterday marked 13 long years since my Dad passed away. I think that recently I have been missing him more because my mental health is really not so great. I am struggling with issues that are both silly and frightening. I can't stop the stop the silly and innane from seeping into my brain, so as you can well imagine, the scary thoughts are much more invasive.

The good news is that both Shawn and I are going to see my Mum in September (?) and I will see my ocean again. Not only will I see my ocean, I will get to share it all with Shawn. We will be staying with my Mum for at least part of the time and I am hoping that this will help along the healing process that both she and I are still working through. All I know is, I need my Mummy.

Mr. Landon is still astounding me every day! He was marching around Kayla's place wearing my grandmothers heirloom ring the other day, happy as can be until Kayla caught him. Not even two and he likes baubles and jewels.
 He says things like 'oh wow', 'ok' and NANA! The OH WOW is usually when he is angry at his mom, like 'oh wow mom, really? ' He says bye, and gives great hugs when he is in the mood.

My Jessa just graduated from highschool. It doesn't seem all that long ago that she was in grade 8, sick as a dog, and fighting for her life. Now, she is gorgeous, healthy, and on the honour roll!

September will also mark the 11th anniversary of Shawn and I. What better way to celebrate then a trip to see the ocean, and puffins, and whales? Eleven years - I am still amazed at our staying power.


Next month is the Sci Fi Convention in Toronto. This year it may well be a family event like none other. We are doing our best to get the whole fam damily there for at least one day. I think that Landon is old enough to meet and greet with the celebs. James Marsters will be there, and if KC does not meet him this year, she may well have a full blown break down.



So, that's that. I am still keeping my head above water, still a crazy, funny, Nana, and still sane enough to worry about my sanity.

Sunshine Boy

Can you believe that my Sunshine is already 15 months old?

Somehow, someway, this little boy appeared when I turned away just for a moment.

I am lucky enough to see him at least once a week, since we live a short distance away from each other, and I am the number one babysitter.

Life, my friends, is good.

Jessica's prom is slowing creeping up on us, and we haven't even begun our dress shopping. This is A BIG DEAL for me, because, Jessica is our baby and she is the last of our three girls to graduate from highschool. She is taking co op at school, and is thinking of becoming a chef, a baker, a cake decorator, something along those lines. She maintained her honour roll status, and I could not be more proud, or feel more blessed then I do right now.

On Sunday, Kayla, Shawn, Landon and I took a trek through Victoria Park. It was such a warm and lovely day, there were kids and parents everywhere, and I marvelled at the fact that Shawn and I were once again a part of it all. I was chasing a silly little boy, pushing him on the swings, and navagating his stroller through the the throngs of like minded people.

I am spending more time out of doors, even if it is just on  the back porch watching the pups explore the sodden yard and debris left over from winter. (Part of that debris is a Power Wheels Jeep that a neighbour never retrieved). One day very soon, I will have to tackle that mess to make the yard Landon friendly. For now, I am just basking in the delight of a day without snow and mitts.

I never did  talk about my trip back home to Halifax. Aside from spending an afternoon with a dear friend and her youngest daughter, most of my time was spent with my brother and sister in law. I skipped a visit with Betty, my bio mom, which was something that did not come easily for me. I so desperately wanted her to greet me with wide open arms and a flurry of hugs and kisses. It didn't exactly go as planned. For the sake of my mental health, and my desire to keep my visit as drama free as possible, I did not see my Mum.

It was the right thing at the time, but man, it was the hard thing.

I did  learn that my family is hopelessly and mournfully lost without me *grin*

I missed my family, my little dogs, my Landon.

I was beyond happy to see, smell, and enjoy the ocean again, but coming home was great, too. I will never forget seeing Shawn sitting at the train station, flowers in hand, waiting for me to come home.

It made all of the panic attacks, sleepless train rides, and stress so worth it.

Shawn and Iare stronger and more in love than we ever have been. Iam happy to say this because, it was not so long ago that a third party and his involvement almost made for the end of us.

Now?

I look forward to seeing him everyday, and we are making an effort to spend more alone time and family time together.

On a less personal note, WTF is going on with The Walking Dead! Seven freaking months until the new season?Seven months to findout who or WHAT saved Andrea in the woods?

And what about Rick?

Is he losing it, or WHAT???

I think that there are going to be some huge surprises in store for Darryl, our resident rebel turned team player.

I just knew that he would save Carol. I am sure that there is a storyline in  there somewhere, between Darryl and Carol.

What about T-Dog? Has anyone else guessed how this mystery many in the woods will affect his life and role in the group?

WTF is with the hooded stranger and his two armless pet zombies anyway?

I CAN NOT WAIT seven months to find out.

I am also on the edge of my seat waiting for The Cabin In The Woods and Hunger Games. Finally, some movies hitting the theater that look like they are worthy of my money and time. Jessica has read all of books, and promises that 'Games' will be worth the price of admission.

Well, since I am babysitting, I should go sit with the baby (he is right here with me) and play cars the way that I do whenever I come over. He is such a good boy, I have no idea where all of his goodness and sweetness come from. His gorgeous blue eyes however, are all from his Nana.

Later.

WTF???

Ok seriously, I know that it has been a bit since I have blogged - the fact that I know longer have a computer hinders my creativity - but for crying out loud, that does not give anyone the right to hijack my blog. Since I ended a "friendship" some months ago, everything electronic has been hacked. WTF???? This person claims to love me, yet all he/she does is make my life a living hell. This my former pal, is anything BUT love. GAH. In other news, Landon is beyond awesome. He looks like my Dad, and I find a certain peace in that. I wish that my Dad were here to see him, but this is the next best thing. I can't wait for my Dad's sister to meet him. He is walking, just beginning to talk - WOW - is his new word. I keep telling Shawn that I love this little boy beyond anything that I can explain, express, more that I ever thought possible. He still takes my breath away every time that I see him. How incredible is that?? Jessica just turned 17 and in the next few weeks we will be shopping for prom dresses. I am still in denial. My baby is almost finished high school. She is doing remarkably well, in every way. She is healthy, and is on the honor roll. She wants to be a baker or chef when she graduates, and I could not be more proud. I miss this. Blogging, venting, dropping in to say hi. I miss my blog buddies and the sense of community that it gives me. I need to come back more often.

Cha cha cha I'm Back

It has been so long since I have written anything of depth, substance, or anything at all really.
There are many reasons for this lull. I can tell you, and myself that Landon has been occupying my time, or my many pets, my girls, crazy summer adventures, or something of the like are competing for my time. While this is true enough, the real problem isn't any of the above, or in truth, even my lack of a computer in our house. The real,honest to goodness truth is that my own brain is sabatoging me. I am very much medicated, see my shrink, and do what I can to ease the stress of my broken mond.
It just doesn't make a lick of difference.
I can not control my racing thoughts, the craziness that seems to not only follow me, but actually embraces me and threatens to strangle me in its hold.
There seems to be no escaping the madness that follows my every move, my every thought, my every breath. I don't know HOW to find my way out of this.
Not even writing is enjoyable or theraputic for me anymore. Most days I can barely put thoughts into real, full sentences, never mind find a way out of this dark hole that is hovering above me, waiting to swallow me.
I am lost, and wandering. My only hope is that something or someone finds me before it is too late.

Happy Father's Day to all of the wonderful Dad's out there.
   Special thoughts to all of you that have lost a Dad....

Just For Laughs