Yesterday marked 13 long years since my Dad passed away. I think that recently I have been missing him more because my mental health is really not so great. I am struggling with issues that are both silly and frightening. I can't stop the stop the silly and innane from seeping into my brain, so as you can well imagine, the scary thoughts are much more invasive.

The good news is that both Shawn and I are going to see my Mum in September (?) and I will see my ocean again. Not only will I see my ocean, I will get to share it all with Shawn. We will be staying with my Mum for at least part of the time and I am hoping that this will help along the healing process that both she and I are still working through. All I know is, I need my Mummy.

Mr. Landon is still astounding me every day! He was marching around Kayla's place wearing my grandmothers heirloom ring the other day, happy as can be until Kayla caught him. Not even two and he likes baubles and jewels.
 He says things like 'oh wow', 'ok' and NANA! The OH WOW is usually when he is angry at his mom, like 'oh wow mom, really? ' He says bye, and gives great hugs when he is in the mood.

My Jessa just graduated from highschool. It doesn't seem all that long ago that she was in grade 8, sick as a dog, and fighting for her life. Now, she is gorgeous, healthy, and on the honour roll!

September will also mark the 11th anniversary of Shawn and I. What better way to celebrate then a trip to see the ocean, and puffins, and whales? Eleven years - I am still amazed at our staying power.


Next month is the Sci Fi Convention in Toronto. This year it may well be a family event like none other. We are doing our best to get the whole fam damily there for at least one day. I think that Landon is old enough to meet and greet with the celebs. James Marsters will be there, and if KC does not meet him this year, she may well have a full blown break down.



So, that's that. I am still keeping my head above water, still a crazy, funny, Nana, and still sane enough to worry about my sanity.

Sunshine Boy

Can you believe that my Sunshine is already 15 months old?

Somehow, someway, this little boy appeared when I turned away just for a moment.

I am lucky enough to see him at least once a week, since we live a short distance away from each other, and I am the number one babysitter.

Life, my friends, is good.

Jessica's prom is slowing creeping up on us, and we haven't even begun our dress shopping. This is A BIG DEAL for me, because, Jessica is our baby and she is the last of our three girls to graduate from highschool. She is taking co op at school, and is thinking of becoming a chef, a baker, a cake decorator, something along those lines. She maintained her honour roll status, and I could not be more proud, or feel more blessed then I do right now.

On Sunday, Kayla, Shawn, Landon and I took a trek through Victoria Park. It was such a warm and lovely day, there were kids and parents everywhere, and I marvelled at the fact that Shawn and I were once again a part of it all. I was chasing a silly little boy, pushing him on the swings, and navagating his stroller through the the throngs of like minded people.

I am spending more time out of doors, even if it is just on  the back porch watching the pups explore the sodden yard and debris left over from winter. (Part of that debris is a Power Wheels Jeep that a neighbour never retrieved). One day very soon, I will have to tackle that mess to make the yard Landon friendly. For now, I am just basking in the delight of a day without snow and mitts.

I never did  talk about my trip back home to Halifax. Aside from spending an afternoon with a dear friend and her youngest daughter, most of my time was spent with my brother and sister in law. I skipped a visit with Betty, my bio mom, which was something that did not come easily for me. I so desperately wanted her to greet me with wide open arms and a flurry of hugs and kisses. It didn't exactly go as planned. For the sake of my mental health, and my desire to keep my visit as drama free as possible, I did not see my Mum.

It was the right thing at the time, but man, it was the hard thing.

I did  learn that my family is hopelessly and mournfully lost without me *grin*

I missed my family, my little dogs, my Landon.

I was beyond happy to see, smell, and enjoy the ocean again, but coming home was great, too. I will never forget seeing Shawn sitting at the train station, flowers in hand, waiting for me to come home.

It made all of the panic attacks, sleepless train rides, and stress so worth it.

Shawn and Iare stronger and more in love than we ever have been. Iam happy to say this because, it was not so long ago that a third party and his involvement almost made for the end of us.

Now?

I look forward to seeing him everyday, and we are making an effort to spend more alone time and family time together.

On a less personal note, WTF is going on with The Walking Dead! Seven freaking months until the new season?Seven months to findout who or WHAT saved Andrea in the woods?

And what about Rick?

Is he losing it, or WHAT???

I think that there are going to be some huge surprises in store for Darryl, our resident rebel turned team player.

I just knew that he would save Carol. I am sure that there is a storyline in  there somewhere, between Darryl and Carol.

What about T-Dog? Has anyone else guessed how this mystery many in the woods will affect his life and role in the group?

WTF is with the hooded stranger and his two armless pet zombies anyway?

I CAN NOT WAIT seven months to find out.

I am also on the edge of my seat waiting for The Cabin In The Woods and Hunger Games. Finally, some movies hitting the theater that look like they are worthy of my money and time. Jessica has read all of books, and promises that 'Games' will be worth the price of admission.

Well, since I am babysitting, I should go sit with the baby (he is right here with me) and play cars the way that I do whenever I come over. He is such a good boy, I have no idea where all of his goodness and sweetness come from. His gorgeous blue eyes however, are all from his Nana.

Later.

WTF???

Ok seriously, I know that it has been a bit since I have blogged - the fact that I know longer have a computer hinders my creativity - but for crying out loud, that does not give anyone the right to hijack my blog. Since I ended a "friendship" some months ago, everything electronic has been hacked. WTF???? This person claims to love me, yet all he/she does is make my life a living hell. This my former pal, is anything BUT love. GAH. In other news, Landon is beyond awesome. He looks like my Dad, and I find a certain peace in that. I wish that my Dad were here to see him, but this is the next best thing. I can't wait for my Dad's sister to meet him. He is walking, just beginning to talk - WOW - is his new word. I keep telling Shawn that I love this little boy beyond anything that I can explain, express, more that I ever thought possible. He still takes my breath away every time that I see him. How incredible is that?? Jessica just turned 17 and in the next few weeks we will be shopping for prom dresses. I am still in denial. My baby is almost finished high school. She is doing remarkably well, in every way. She is healthy, and is on the honor roll. She wants to be a baker or chef when she graduates, and I could not be more proud. I miss this. Blogging, venting, dropping in to say hi. I miss my blog buddies and the sense of community that it gives me. I need to come back more often.

Cha cha cha I'm Back

It has been so long since I have written anything of depth, substance, or anything at all really.
There are many reasons for this lull. I can tell you, and myself that Landon has been occupying my time, or my many pets, my girls, crazy summer adventures, or something of the like are competing for my time. While this is true enough, the real problem isn't any of the above, or in truth, even my lack of a computer in our house. The real,honest to goodness truth is that my own brain is sabatoging me. I am very much medicated, see my shrink, and do what I can to ease the stress of my broken mond.
It just doesn't make a lick of difference.
I can not control my racing thoughts, the craziness that seems to not only follow me, but actually embraces me and threatens to strangle me in its hold.
There seems to be no escaping the madness that follows my every move, my every thought, my every breath. I don't know HOW to find my way out of this.
Not even writing is enjoyable or theraputic for me anymore. Most days I can barely put thoughts into real, full sentences, never mind find a way out of this dark hole that is hovering above me, waiting to swallow me.
I am lost, and wandering. My only hope is that something or someone finds me before it is too late.

Happy Father's Day to all of the wonderful Dad's out there.
   Special thoughts to all of you that have lost a Dad....

Just For Laughs

I am actually looking forward to Mother's Day this year. Not only is my daughter a new mom, I am a new Nana and I am speaking to my own Mum again after an 8 year estrangement. It still doesn't feel real sometimes - the Nana part, having a relationship with my Mum, having a daughter that is a mother. I guess that it is still sinking in.

I hope that all Mom's feel like this on Sunday and everyday.

Proof

that I can bake and survive. Yes, I made these on my own, and they are 100% home made by me.

Oh, and they were incredible, if I do say so myself :)

EASTER!!!

Here it is rhe eve before Easter morning and I still have baking to do, side dishes to plan, and floors to mop - after all, Landon will be here!
  
   Happy Easter, Everyone!

Finally, The photos

Our trip to Toronto was fabu. I have been meaning to download pics for a couple of weeks now, but a lost camera cord and spring cleaninghad me somewhat sidetracked.

We met so many wonderful people! Nicholas Brendan was not just sincere and sweet, but he was crazy ass funny. He blamed it on his medication for a throat infection, but we got the feeling that this was the real Nic. We learned many interesting things in the Q & A sesssion with him.

 For instance, did you know that the age of consent in Spain is 13?

 Also, he has a dog named Steven. Not Steve, Steven.

 Alot of his character on Buffy was just him. It was more casting then acting. Another thing that both KC and I learned that we are by far NOT the biggest geeks out there. Convention or not, I can't imagine an adult dressing as an Avatar character - we are talking full body blue make up - or a Steam Punk with all of the regalia.

 Oh, and another thing? Storm Troopers STILL freak me out.

Dustin Diamond was a very pleasant surprise! He was great. He was not the douche bag that most people think he is. He hugged us, told us some juicy inside bits about Saved By The Bell, and was just a nice guy. I really dig him.

Here we are at Dundas Square. If there is a protest, an impromtu concert, some sort of live action show, you will find it here. This was Elvis, I think, but he was blasting Johnny Cash songs. Whatever. He was awesome. He was there for at aleast two days in a row.

I was also offered a free bag of limes (courtesy of The City Of Toronto), which I declined, but later regretted,. KC bought a mini Butter Finger for 27 cents,for some cause or other.

 This was the breath taking view from our 22nd floor hotel room. You can see the water, but most of the view was a construction site that was closed down for the weekend. Still, the water quiets my soul, and gives me a feeling of peace....I was quite happy there.

This is one of my favourite photos. KC and Claire Kramer. You may know her as Courtney from Bring It On, or Glory from Buffy.
 She is one the one the highlights of our trip.
   We had to wait in line to see her, and the man in front of us was special needs. He took up about 15 minutes of her time, taking pic after pic, gifting her with Avon jewelry, and repeating the same thing - again and again. She not only took the time to to actually listen to this guy, she posed, happily, for about 20 different photos. She was so patient and kind that I not only immeadiately liked her. I respected her for her treatment of a man that most people would have ignored or dealt with quickly.
   She rocked.


 Honestly? That trip wiped my ass out. We got home late Sunday night and I spent most of Monday sleeping. It was my first big expedition since I got sick, and I realized that everything must be done in moderation. (Not a word that is normally in my vocabulary). I need to get out more, exercise, be active, but this was like a whirl wind of activity.

  Hopefully I will be more prepared for our next trip. It will warmer by then, and Dundas Square will be a hive of activity. I can only imagine what is in store for us...

Whisked Away

Last weekend my eldest daughter and I boarded the Greyhound and took a mini vacation to the big city of Toronto. We spent two nights at a 4 Star hotel on the 22nd floor.



KC and I rubbed elbows with celebrities and spent some quality time window shopping.I can't resist The Disney Store, and now I have a little one to buy for. I am so looking forward to the day that I can take Landon shopping there with me.



This week is all about spring cleaning. We have cleared about 6 garbage bags and at least as many boxes out of the basement. It's a big freaking deal for me, cuz, although I am not a hoarder, I really could be. I hang on to things, to compensate, I suppose, for all of the loss in my life. That's what Dr. Phil would say anyway.


Life is the old boring thing otherwise, I am waiting for my next two nights away in June when KC head back to the big city to see New Kids On The Block and The Backstreet Boys. It's all good, you can laugh if you want, but I am counting the days!

Tired. Tired of being walked on, used, and then being pushed aside when I can't do something 'useful.'

  Tired and just plain done with the bullshit.

RETIRED HUSBAND




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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.



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Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.



Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.



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Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:



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Dear Mrs. Harris,



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Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our? store.



We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.



Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:



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1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.



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2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.



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3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.



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4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.



This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn



resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.



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5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.



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6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.



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7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers



he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding



department to which twenty children obliged.



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8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,



'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.



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9.. September 4 : Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.



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10. September 10 : While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.



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11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.



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12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.



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13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'



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14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'



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And last, but not least:



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15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Family Friday :Birthdays, Baby, and Cakes

Still here, just having computer problems.

 Going to go catch up with everyone right now.

click here to see what the doctor said

Scared

If you have medical tests done and the doctor won't give you the results over the phone, does that mean that it is bad news???
 

Family Friday - Week Four - Lola and Bruno Turn TWO

Lola and Bruno are TWO! Can you believe it?

  As you can see, Bruno is a pretty relaxed guy. Here he is just chillin on the sofa with Raj, our kitten.

Lola. on the other hand, is living large in her fancy glasses.


  I know that some people don't think of their pets as part of the family, but in our house, they are very much family. I would be lost without my bad little pups.

Happy Birthday to Lola, Molly Bella, Darby, Mia, and Bruno.

Landon is 2 Months Old

I am still in awe of this silly, smilely, laughing little boy.
   Love :)