Monday, September 18, 2006

My Mom



This is a picture I created in paint. Well maybe I should explain that I (KC) have taken over my Mom's blog for the moment and decided to post another piece of art? It's a picture of my mom on Sunday morning when she didn't brush her hair. But notice how she doesn't have the scowl this time? I'm impressed...do you have any idea how hard it is to use the Paint program? This one isn't on the fridge though. I don't trust the people in my house especially since the other one has gone missing? Yes people my art work has been stolen! So this one will not be printed, but I will sign autographs for the other one.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Weigh - In

It's been nearly one month since I took J to see her doctor. On the 18th, we go back again. If she hasn't gained any weight, or not enough, she may have to stay at the hospital. I think that she may have gained a couple of pounds, but she had previously lost 11. Short of a liquid butter diet, I don't know how to put the weight back on. ( On her. I have NO problem gaining weight. ) So, I'm a little nervous about that.
On Monday, Hubby and I will be celebrating 5 years together. In some ways, it feels like so much longer. I can barely remember life before my guy. I think that we may just take the girls out for dinner. Unless J is in the hospital. Then it'll be cafeteria food all around.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

KC's 1st Day of School


This is the family portrait that my daughter drew on her 1st day of school this year. Isn't it precious?
This really is the picture that KC drew on her 1st day of school this year. The funny thing is, she just started college. Imagine spending thousands of dollars on tuition and THIS is what she comes home with.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

***Deep Thoughts, By Jack Handy***

Sometimes, I think that I would be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

If you ever catch on fire try to avoid looking in the mirror, because I bet that would really throw you into a panic.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he gets a good, lucky feeling.

It takes abig man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

I think in one of my past lives, I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.

I saw on this nature show the male elk douses himself in urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

On this day in 1966, The Monkees T.V. show premiered. Some people out there may think that this is no big deal. Consider this- without Davy Jones, where would Axl Rose have learned his cool dance moves? Don't believe me? Check out the clips below.
Guns N Roses 'Sweet Child O Mine'
The Monkees - Daydream Believer

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Ponderings........

Today, mostly because Iam uninspired, I am posting some interesting (?) little known facts.
Taphephobia - is the fear of being buried alive.

Clinophobia - is the fear of beds

Cat urine glows in the dark under a black light.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.....

Yup, that's all I got. It's Sunday, and everyone is home, even KK. Hubby and I are making lasagne today, the kids have been waiting months for this. Must go now, lots to do.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Updates..September 8

Uncle Ned came by today. He was the contractor that Hubby worked for when he was at the haunted asylum. I asked him what happened to the place. His answer was this. The owner stiffed him for 60 grand and work was never completed. It still sits empty to this day.
Those of you who have been reading my stuff since the beginning know that since our move, we have stove-less. We have been bbq-ing like mad, and I am sick to death of weenies, burgers, and bbq chicken. All of that changed today with the arrival of our new Kenmore stove. Brand spanking new, we had to cut it out of the box. It was a gift from Uncle Ned and his wife, Mary. This is my brothers, uncle, mind you. How awesome are Ned and Mary?
No one has ever done anything like this for us before, and I don't know what to say...Thank you just doesn't seem like enough. Maybe a nice casserole, or a cheesecake?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Help!!

This is Ruby. She is the cutest little puppy ever. She has brought new life into our home and into our 'grandma' dog, Porkchop. We all simply adore this dog. There's only one problem: Ruby is a brat. This is hard for me to admitt...No one ever wants their baby to be spoiled.
The truth is this. I need help. I have had many dogs in my 37 years. I have never had a dog as smart, or as bad as Ruby. She is in to everything. She has toys, whole toy box full, but she still wants the toilet paper, our shoes, our socks, my bra (can't believe I just wrote that..I am trying to be brutally honest), the toilet brush, you name it. As I am writing this, Ruby has somehow managed to wrap herself in two plastic bags. She's wearing them like mismatched rain coats and running through the house. The puppy training isn't going so well, either. I know all of the tricks, but I just can't get her to go outside. We can sit out with her for an hour, when we come in, she goes on the floor. ( It might just be me, but I swear, she smiles as she does it ) She bolts out of the house when the door is opened, and has almost been hit by a car. Twice.
SIGH. Help! I am appealing to my friends for advice. I'll take any.
I have to go. I can hear Ruby in the bathtub...........

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I Need A Life

I was told recently that blogging is a "waste of time" and people who blog need to "get a life."
I was hurt by this statement at first. See, I'm a bi-polar, depressed, anxiety ridden, OCD-ing mess. I am, and I am still coming to terms with it. Blogging has really helped me. I share my opinions, stories, triumphs and sadness with people from around the world. I have blog buddies in Michigan, the U.K.,New York,British Columbia, Texas, Ireland....all over, really. Blogging has opened the world up to me. I now have daily contact with people that I would otherwise never know.
I am writing again,too. Writing was my 1st love, my passion. I used to fill notebooks, diarys, and any scrap paper I could find with short stories, and musings. For a long time, there was none of that. I had forgotten how to express myself.
That has all been changing. While I still stuggle daily with my depression, I am beginning to feel good about myself. I look forward to reading everyone's lateast blog, and revel in the amazing photographs that my pals are posting. I'm laughing at their jokes, crying with their sadness, and sharing their joy.
After the shock began to fade at such a hurtful statement, I began to realise something. This person, the negative nay- sayer that put down my efforts ( and those of my friends ), is himself, unhappy. How else could someone that claims to love me say something so negative about something so positive?
I was too shocked to respond to the whole 'get a life' statement. Hubby, however, was not. His reply was simple.
" When was the last time anyone cared about YOUR opinion"?
I didn't need to say anything else. To all of my blog buddies out there ( and you know who you are ), thanks for caring.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Summer


Summer is coming to an end. It fills me with a kind of meloncholy... I love having my girls home with me. I always have. When all of the other parents were filled with dread, I was the one secretly jumping for joy. I love having my kids here. Late night movies, soap opera afternoons, and impromptu trips to the shopping mall are how we spend our summers.
It hasn't always been like this. When they were younger it was trips to the swimming pool, and lazy afternoons playing with Barbie and friends.
I'm going to miss my vine covered front porch, the glorious Morning Glory that has taken over in an inferno of colour. I'll miss my girls ( and the borrowed Boy ) jumping through the sprinkler on the front lawn, or throwing a protesting Porckchop and Ruby in the inflatable pool. ( Not wads of meat, the dog, Porky ).




This photo was taken just as the Morning Glory was overtaking the house. We now blues, purples, reds, and pristine white flowers all over the house.

The winters are so desolate. What is there to look forward to? Slush? Wet boots? The bleak, isolating darkness?

I guess that there's snowmen, and sledding...Christmas, and a fresh coating of snow to cover yesterdays mistakes. Oh yeah.....And the holidays!!!

P.S. The naked guy? Keanu Reeves. He just makes me smile..






Sesame Street - A loaf of bread...

I remember! This one is for Dilling

Friday, September 01, 2006

Sesame Street - Daddy Dear

Dilling- do you remember this one? I don't know what happened today, but it made me cry...Maybe I missed my Daddy? That' the way it is with me..up and down.

One Of Those Days

Today is one of those days. My bi-polar is in full swing, with my depression going full blast. There's no reason for it, that's just how it goes. I was watching a Sesame Street clip and started crying ( again ).
So, I'm posting some of my favourite videos in an attempt to cheer myself up. I don't expect anyone to watch them all, but maybe someone will find something in the pile that doesn't completely offend their sensibilities...Maybe. Enjoy
Spoons Old Emotions

I love the spoons. Always have. I met them about 20 years ago in Halifax....What a weekend that was...
I'm Your Man - Wham!
El DeBarge with DeBarge - Rhythm of the Night

I still know all othe words to this...Sad.
Aretha Franklin - Free-Way of Love !!!!

This is another favourite.....Who doesn't love Aretha?
JUMP -- Van Halen

Who can feel sad listening to this?
Walk this Way - Run-DMC and Aerosmith

This one reminds me of Heather..
Cherish - Kool & the Gang

Ah..Makes me think of Blaine. This was 'our' song. Still think of him when I hear it. He's married now with about 5 kids last I heard..
How Will I Know - Whitney Houston

I was living in Dartmouth when this song was huge. Everytime I hear it I'm back in my Mums basement watching videos with Shane And Blaine.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Haunted Asylum








My Hubby is a dry waller. He works for different companies, and goes where the work is. It is probably the only advantage to being a sub- contractor.
In the spring of 2003, he took a job for my brothers uncle, working out of town. It was only about 45 minutes away by car, but Hubby didn't have a car. He decided to live on- site for the duration and come home only on weekends.
I didn't realize at the time that this job would be so different from the rest. I didn't realize that this summer job would have such a dramatic affect on him...and us.
The job was supposed to be simple. Take a former childrens residence, and turn it into a retirement home/hotel. This place sat on about 100 acres and included its own water treatment plant, and its own power generator system. I can't remember the name of the place, but it was more of a warehouse for unwanted kids. The home was built in the 50's, and eventually closed down in the 90's. What happened in those in between years is the stuff that horror movies are made of.
Children were placed there for a variety of reasons. If a child was deemed 'retarded' or suffered any kind of illness - epilepsy, physically handicapped, troublesome, or just unwanted. Rumors of staff abuse, rape, torture and even murder echoed throughout the near by town. Nobody cared. Infact, the home had a very interesting way of dealing with the town folk and the kids. You could sign out a kid for the day, and even get paid for it. Yup. They farmed out the able bodied kids. Most were overworked on farms and in private homes.
This place had its own morgue. Tres creepy. Then again, the whole damn thing was creepy. Girls were raped by staff members. kids were locked in the padded room to 'settle down', sometimes for hours. I was in the "quiet room." It freaked me out.
In one room , a cable man was killed by an agressive boy. He was in stalling cable in one one of the bedrooms and was stabbed with his own screwdriver.
The basement was probaly the worst. There were single rooms, with bare cement walls, little light, and one small window about 18 inches high- at the very top of the wall . It was so incredibly depressing and dismal. Apparently, the most violent kids were kept there.
The nightmare came to an end some time in the mid 90's with the closure of the facility. It remained empty for about 6 years, until a developer bought it lock,stock, and barrel for about 1 million dollars.
Hubby and another sub contractor agreed to stay on the premises. That way, they could work later, and completely eliminate travel time. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and Uncle Ned was happy to have his best guy on site 24/7.
It was the little things, at first. Hubby was in a room across the hall from the old gymnasium. At night he would hear what sounded like sneakers squeaking on the floor. The former cafeteria would come alive at night. The microwave that Hubby brought for his food would beep. His electric kettle would go missing. It always turned up later. Chairs could be heard being moved about. Not creepy? All of the chairs were gone. Then there were the mice.
One night after both men had been asleep, they were awakened by the sound of a thousand running feet. The room was invaded by probably 100 little mice. They ran around as if terrified of something, syncronized in their fear. Another night, hubbys air mattress jumped in the air, as if a wind had taken hold of it. It danced around the room like something out of Fantasia. The room had no windows.
The murdered cable guy must have been hanging out, too. Hubby had cable on his television. Strange, since the building had been abandoned for more than 5 years, and the only hydro was from extension cords criss-crossing the hallways.
Hubby thought that a night at the 'home' was just what I needed. I love everything paranormal, and had never met a ghost that I couldn't deal with. I packed up my keds and headed off with my man for a night of adventure.
I asked my guy not to tell anything when we got there. I often get a feeling for a place. Sometimes, it feels like I'm going to vomit, other times I have the urge to cry. Sometimes, I'm just creeped out.
I knew immeadiately that something was amiss. The whole property felt tainted, unclean, wrong. I knew where the morgue was, without being told. I felt overwhelming sadness in that room. I heard the ghostly children playing in the gym. I heard laughter and felt the fear. At the pool that night, I could feel unseen eyes watching our every move. Hubby had the joy of watching a 200 pound pool cover dance in the moonlight one evening during a solo swim. He even felt cold hands on his legs one night in the pool house change room. He still continued his midnight swims.

We went on a tour of the facility. Hubby took me into the restricted area, accesible only by a key, 'borrowed' from the groundskeeper. ( the groundskeeper, by the way, had been there since long before the place closed. He told Hubby that he wouldn't even come onto the property after dusk) My guy had been living there for weeks. He knew that place like the back of hand. Somehow, in the early morning light, we got lost. My panic increased with every step, but I refused to give in to panic. We quickened our steps. I heard foot steps behind me, also going faster. I smelled fruity perfume, in a closed down hell hole. It didn't seem possible. I didn't say a word as we navigated those hallways. I was afraid to. We finally left out of an emergency exit. When I spilled my guts about the echoing footsteps, Hubby admitted that he had heard them, too.

I was ready to go home. Enough is enough. As we were packing the car for our ride home, I laughed aloud at my fear. Completley irrational. What a scaredy cat I had been . As I laughed at my silliness for letting myself be frightened, I heard a harsh SHH!.

I got into the car and let my brave guy finish the packing.

Hubby remained on site for about 2 more weeks. When I got home later that day, we noticed that one of my shoes had been left on the job. I found it 2 days later, while Hubby was still away. It was stained and smelly, while the other one was clean and new.

Boo.













Saturday Night

I had such an awesome weekend. Friday night was dinner with family in Elmira at a fabulous restaurant. Saturday night was a visit to the farm, and hanging out with people that are my family by choice.
KK and J had other plans, and TMOC decided to stay home, so Hubby, KC and I went out to the farm with Jethro and Heidi. We got to spend time with The Boy and The Girl, Heidi's parents, and Heidi's sister. Heidi's mom, Sally, is so wonderful, and down to earth. She welcomes everyone into her home like they're family. She makes you feel instantly at ease.
KC got achance to ride a horse, and I got a chance to catch up with some old friends. I seldom get a chance to hang with Jethro ( who has known me since I was 10 ) or Heidi's family.
Going to the farm is like catching your breath for a few hours. I can't explain it. It's like a safe place. There is no other place on earth where you can feel so relaxed, so content, so welcome.
We had a great dinner ( no bbq for us 2 nights in a row ), and laughed. I can't remember the last time that I felt so good. Heidi's Dad got me caught up on the home town gossip. Lori S had a baby! Billy R won $ 50 000! Old man Sisto isn't dead! Big news. I loved every minute of it.
Heidi's sister is so sweet. She makes me miss my sister Lucky.
And the Pug. He is the reason that we got Ruby Tuesday. After we dog-sat him for a couple of days, we were hooked. That dog is love sponge.
Jethro drove us home, ( being that we are to lame to have a WORKING car ) and J and KK had a chance to visit with Uncle Jethro. TMOC had a chance to catch up, too. The night was over way too quickly, we were saying good-bye again before I knew it.
These times with the people that I love the most are always over too fast, and too far in between. I hope that Heidi and Jethro move back home. I hope that we get to spend more time with them. I hope that our next visit isn't so long in coming. I hope that nothing ever changes...the farm, my friends, my family.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I'm back...

TMOC is gone now. He left for his uncle's house, and then he's flying home tomorrow evening. In some ways, the visit seems like it went by too quickly. In other ways, it was just long enough.
We really didn't do much. We watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, and podged a wig for Hubby since he misses his long, flowing locks so much. I'm still picking glue out of my hair.
We went out to dinner with TMOC's aunt and uncle, and had a wonderful time. There's nothing like an evening of laughter to finish off a long day.
I probably won't see my big brother again until his wedding next year. It's funny..I miss him so much some times. I really do. Then when we're together, we revert back to our youth. I can't seem to break the cycle. No matter how hard I try.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Updates

After my last post about our ghost girl, things have changed a bit in our quiet little house. It seems as though someone - or something - is opening the cupboard doors in the kitchen. Strange.......I'll keep you updated.
J has been doing better. Her blood sugars have been closer to normal, and her cheeks are looking rosy again. She is eating more, too. We're going out for all you can eat tonight. I hope that she can keep up!
TMOC is here. We're all going out for dinner tonight and maybe doing some garage sales this weekend.
Has everyone been over to her indoors and todemesne's blog? I got a good laugh out of them today. Check them out if you have time...
Gotta run.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

TMOC


TMOC arrives tomorrow, Friday. He'll be here for 5 days. I can only imagine the things that he has in store for me.....

I See Dead People

It's true. I do. My girls do,too. Not like that kid in The Sixth Sense. They don't hang out with me, or chat about the weather with me, and my therapist is most definetely NOT an earth bound spirit. We do however expirience more than our fair share of paranormal happenings.
It was one of the reasons that we moved 3 months ago. Ok, the crack head neighbours and the slum - like conditions didn't make us partial to the place, either. The truth is the townhouse felt "off" from the minute that we 1st moved in. We moved in anyway, desperate for a home near the school that the 2 youngest girls missed so much since our last move.
It was a townhouse like any other. It was an end unit, with a small livingroom, diningroom, & kitchen,and a miniscule 2 piece bathroom on the main floor. The upstairs contained 3 bedrooms, and the main bathroom. An unfinished basement completed the unit. Hubby and I took the basement, so that each of the girls could have their own room. I didn't mind - at first.
I can't really say for certain what the first indication that our ghost had followed us was. KC was scared to be alone in her room , but considering some of her past expiriences, I couldn't blame her. Maybe it was Hubby complaining to me about the girls tickling his toes at night, or the way that I pulled the blankets off of him some nights. The cupboard doors in the kitchen were always open, even if I was home alone, or I had just closed them. Then we started seeing Her.
At first, we thought that it was J, our youngest. I would see a little blonde head just above the stair railing, coming down the stairs. When the blonde head reached the bottom of the stairs, she simply vanished.
KK was having problems of her own. She seemed to get he worst of it. Her bed shook at night, she actually fought with unseen hands to keep her blankets on the bed each night. Voices called to her when she tried to drift off to sleep. Then, there was the face in the mirror. A little girl of about 8 with blonde hair and an icy smile.
I suppose that I could write this all off as mass hysteria. Except for one thing.....Nobody was talking about what was happening. I hadn't told the girls, they hadn't told us...everyone was suffering in silence.
The worst of it seemed centered around KK. Alone in the tub one night, a woman appeared in the bathroom, slowly making her way to the tub, where KK was bathing. When they made eye contact, KK let out a scream that defies description. It was the kind of scream that makes your blood run cold. I knew as I ran up those stairs, this was real terror. I felt it in my bones, and I also knew, then and there, that we needed to move.
The problem was, and still is, that our ghost, the little blonde haired girl, has been with us, for about 3 years now. She has been a part of our lives since about the time that Hubby started working at the former children's residence, the haunted hell hole that nearly drove Hubby crazy.
We have been here since June. I love it here. For the first time in years, I feel comfortable. The girls are no longer afraid to be home alone, and the house doesn't feel oppressive or unwelcoming. It has been more than 3 months and there have no strange happenings, or unexplained events. Our little house has a lightness, a homey, comfortable feel to it. In fact, I love it here. I hope that our little ghost does, too, because she is bound to show up, sooner or later.....

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Porkchop

As promised, this is Porkchop. She is our 'Grandma' dog, rescued from the Humane Society 2 summers ago. She is cranky, a little mean, and passes gas from both ends. She is also a huge music critic. She hates James Brown and barks like mad when she hears his music. What can I say? She is absolutely one- of- a kind and we wouldn't trade her for anything...

J


Yesterday was not one of my better days. J and I had to go to the JDEC - The Juvenile Diabetes Education Centre at the hospital. J is my 11 year old and she was diagnosed with JD when she was only 3. It has been something that she, and the whole family, has struggled with ever since.
It seems that no matter what we do, her blood sugar, or blood glucose levels, are sky high or way too low. For years, J suffered from low blood sugars and seizures. Now, they're way too high. We have tried different types of insulin, changed her schedule, changed her diet, nothing seems to make a diference.
I have to tell you about my baby. She is one of the most content, even tempered kids that I have ever met. Truthfully. Her 1st word was HAPPY. When she was little, she would ask if she could go to bed, instead of asking to stay up. She has never complained about this horrible disease, not once.
It breaks my heart to see her suffer like this. I worry endlessly about the complications of this
monstrous thing that has taken over her life.
When we went to see her Dr. in March, J was slim, but healthy. She was 89.5 pounds, and 5'1. Yesterday, she had grown an inch, and dropped to 78 pounds. She should weigh about 92, 95 by now. I was shocked. I knew that she had lost some weight, but I was unprepared for something so dramatic.
We are now faced with finding a way for J to put on weight and do it in a wasy that will be healthy for a diabetic. For everything that she eats, she needs insulin, and finding the right balance has always been difficult. Now, it seems nearly impossible. We have one month, to bulk her up, or the Dr. will have to put her back in the hospital. Anymore weight loss, and she is back in the hospital.
As her Mom, I feel responsible. I feel like my defective genes cursed her with this life altering
nightmare. I feel like I should be able to control it, to make it go away or at least make it something that we can deal with. How? How do you fight something like this? I don't think that I can stand the thought of J in the hospital again, hooked up to an IV, pale and sad. I hate it.
You know what the worst part is? She won't complain. She never does.
I would take this away from her in a nano second, the blink of an eye, and take it upon myself. If I could. If only I could..........

Sunday, August 20, 2006

What Happens At The No-Tell.....

Friday was our night away, the first in 3 years. Unless you count my 72 hour "vacation" a couple of years back. It didn't matter to me that what started out as a whole weekend away was now only one night, or that we were staying at some dive a few miles from home. It was an adventure just the same.
It started with dinner at a restaurant with a view of the mall. The lasagna was almost as good as mine, and Hubby's burger was homemade and huge,just the way he likes them. It was more like dinner theatre, because shortly after we were served, we watched some rent a cops take down a shop lifter. Three security guards for a girl not much bigger than my leg. She put up quite a fight, though.
After dinner it was off to our favourite hole-in-the-wall, across from the kick ass toy store and Chapters. Imagine my surprise to find out that there was a La crosse tournament in town and nearly every hotel/motel was booked. By the time we found a place, we had spent 1/2 of our budget just getting there. The lady at the front desk thought that I was crazy when she read the address on Hubby's id. Less than a block away. Yup. We were smack in ther middle of the old 'hood, and only steps away from Hubby's whole family.
I still didn't care. Away is away, right? We hunkered down for the night,content to be alone.
The room itself was pretty standard. Two queen size beds, a fridge, a broken night stand, and the same a/c unit in my Nanie's apartment - 25 years ago. Thankfully, the place was sound proof, and we only had a drunk knock on our door once.
We spent the evening together, just the 2 of us, and caught up on....Stuff. I kept the weather network on all night because neither one of us brought a watch, and we didn't want to miss our 11am check out time. At 9:30 the next morning, we discovered that we had pay TV. Oh yeah. I watched the weather network for 12 hours and there was free movies playing.
Typical.
We left at 10:45, soaking up every minute that we possibly could. It was glorious. Truthfully. We had such a good time that Hubby promised to take me "away" once a month.
I can't wait for September.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Some Of My favourite Things.......



Some Of My favourite Things.......

A photo of my garden,I am so proud of it...SOMEBODY thought that these flowers wouldn't grow....And... Ruby Tuesday Soho. Ruby came into our lives on June 18,th of this year. Our terri-poo, Poodle passed away exactly one year earlier. We didn't plan on getting another puppy on the anniversary of Poodle's death. It just worked out that way. I think that some things are just meant to be......

Friday, August 18, 2006

Today is Friday

Today is Friday, and YES, I'm in love.
Our road trip has been scaled back to just a night away at our favourite No- Tell- Motel, across the street from 3 of my favourite places: Chapters, the movie theatre, and a really kick ass toy store that sells hobby supplies,too. I could spend all day in there.
Hubby has promised NO WORK on Saturday, so in a couple of hours, he is mine, all mine.
Can't wait to get the weekend started!!!!
The Cure -- Friday I'm In Love (rUmPeLsTiLtSkIn)

For My Hubby

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

10 things that you might not know about me

#1 I am deathly afraid of heights. I won't even stand on a step stool.
#2 I once had my nose broken after I was hit by a Grey Hound. Not the bus, but an actual grey hound. Smashed my face and broke my nose.
#3 I used to work at a morgue,in one of the local hospitals. I helped with autopsies. That's why blood and guts don't bother me much.
#4 I have a Yoda lamp in my living room. His eyes light up when you turn him on. Creeps the kids out. Big time.
#5 My best friend and I have never had a real fight. I think that it's because she is too sweet to argue with me, and knows that I can't be reasoned with. It's true.
#6 That I partied with The Forgotten Rebels. This means nothing to those of you that are not part of the Canadian punk scene, but it was big news when I was 15 and hanging with them.
#7 That I was once picked up by the cops for suspicion of attempted murder. Long story. No actual charges laid. I'll save that story for another time....
#8 I was once attacked by squirrel. True story. I tried to help the little bastard escape a garbage can in Toronto. Never again.
#9 I once "borrowed" a car with my best friend in Nova Scotia. Course we didn't know who the owner was, but we did return it. Drove it right back into the driveway.
Almost as good as new.
#10 I spent the night with Hubby in an old, HAUNTED, mental facility for children. That was spooky as hell, and I will NEVER go back there again. Another long story. Save it for later.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Barnyard

I don't do reviews,it's too much like english all over again, but I will tell you that you have to see this movie. Hubby and I took our 11 year old to see The Barnyard yesterday. Not only was there no swearing, or sex, but we all enjoyed it.
Sam Elliot, Courtney Cox, Kevin James, Wanda Sykes and Shaggy all provide voices in this family friendly comedy. I actually laughed out loud. If you have kids, or, if you're like Hubby and I, you just love animation, check out The Barnyard.
Barnyard: The Original Party Animals

Great family movie.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Lucky

There's something that some of you may not know. I've only known my sister for about 4 1/2 years.
TMOC and I call her Lucky. We found each other in February 2002 after what had been for me, a 22 year search.
I first heard of my sister when I was 11. My Nanie let the secret out one night when I was there for an over night visit. I was astounded. Shocked. This was what I had always wanted. A big sister.
I would dream about what she was like, where she lived, who she was. I searched phone books, wrote letters, made phone calls. I even went to a psychic. For years, I got no where.
Life went on, for me, and for Lucky. I didn't know where she lived, knew nothing about her, except one thing. I loved her.
It's funny how you love someone that you've never met. I waited for the day that we would meet,the day that it would all come together. I waited, and waited.
We both got married, had babies, and got divorced. She was always on my mind. I thought of her the day that 1st daughter was born. I wondered if she had children of her own. I thought of her on Christmas, every year on her birthday. I wondered if she was happy, where she was, did she even know about me, and TMOC.
In 1999, Colorado experienced such a tragedy that it sent shock waves around the world. I watched the Columbine footage on T.V,with my Dad, over the phone.
"Dad, she could be there, her kids could be there." I thought that she could a teacher, maybe I had nieces or nephews there.
I had no reason to think that Lucky was in Colorado. No reason to think that she was anywhere but in Canada, where she had been born. I prayed, for the students and teachers at Columbine, and for my lost sister.
On September 11, 2001, I watched, along with the rest of the world, the terrifying footage of the World Trade Center being attacked. My thoughts once again went to my sister. Was she in New York? Was she safe? Could she have been on one of those ill fated planes?
It strenghtened my resolve to find her. I went to work with a vengance. I left no stone unturned this time. I needed to know once and for all. I needed my sister.
I've seen a lot of reunion stories over the years. I watched every one that I could. Every episode of Jenny Jones, Montel, Oprah, Sally Jessie....you name it. I knew that not every reunion had a happy ending. I knew friends that had their own stories of lost family members. It didn't always end with one big, happy, family. I knew that. I also knew that with us, it would be different.
I found some adoption sites on the web. There were so many, and you had to be registered at the right one...But, which one was the right one?
Christmas came and went that year, and my sister was never far from my thoughts. I had no phone call, no e mail, no nothing.
In February, I found a new site. 24 hours after I registered, I recieved an e mail.
It was the news that I had waited 22 years for. I had found my sister.
The world stopped spinning, my breath caught in my throat. It was the news that I had been waiting for, news that I knew would change my life forever.
Our first contact was via e mail. There was so much to tell,so much that we both wanted to know. She had 2 kids, a boy and a girl. We had both been divorced, from men with the same name. She DID live in Colorado, and was very close to Columbine. She was a teacher. She had in-laws in New York.
The best part was, she was exactly like I knew that she would be. Smart, and beautiful, funny ,and kind,with a heart as big as her smile. I love her so.
I love her in a way that I never thought possible. She is so much more than a sister, more than a friend, more than I could ever have hoped for. I love my niece and nephew, and my brother-in-law, even though we've never met. I know them in my heart. Of course I do. They've been there all along.
Bright Eyes -- First Day of My Life

For my sister, Lucky

Saturday, August 12, 2006

The Party's Over

So K.C. had her party last night. I must say, I'm impressed. Nothing was broken,stolen,smashed or burned. When I called home to check on things the first time, K.K was already stressed out.
That was about 9:30. By 11:30, when I called back, K.C. was the life of the party. And happy to let me know that she is no longer puke free.
All she had was wine coolers.
Today, she is hung over, and not looking for ward to working this afternoon. She has made a solemn oath to NEVER drink again.
You see, there is a method to my madness.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Postponed

Bad news. The road trip has been postponed until next week. I was so looking forward to it that I cried when Hubby told me that he had to work on Saturday.
Curse this bi-polar crap. If I'm not laughing, I'm crying. No in between. I need this road trip now more than ever......
Punk Rock Girl

Another favourite.
Potsmokers Cartoon

Neil Diamond sings about smoking pot. Scary stuff.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Almost like Magic!!!!

OOh look everybody, Biddie has links, um, I mean, I! I have links!

I, Biddie, have figured out how to do links! To my blog friends, like for example, the smartest hick in the world. Like who would have thought that a little chick from the sticks knew so much about computers and stuff, especially since I didn't pay attention in high school---I mean, SHE, she didn't pay attention, you know, when computers were all new and stuff.

Especially since I'm so busy watching Johnny's latest--I mean SHE, Heidi, is watching Johnny Depp's latest movie and that's why SHE couldn't possibly have fixed up those links.

DON'T ASK ME HOW I MADE THE LINKS IN MY SIDEBAR OKAY?

(because I'm pretty sure it was really just pure dumb luck)

What The Eff?

I must have hit my head when I fell yesterday... I agreed to let K.C. have a party on Friday while Hubby and I spend the night away. We haven't decided where yet. I was insipered by my blog friend, CindyDianne, who recently took a road trip with no destination.
Seriously, what was I thinking?

Speaking Of Suckfest............................

Yesterday sucked.
Ok, not completely. One of my favourite people in the whole world stopped by. She is my former mother-in-law. Hubby #2's mom. I love her. She always makes me laugh. She adores her grand daughters, and they adore her back, she knows that her son is a jerk, but it hasn't interferred with our relationship. We're are still family, she and I,more so now than when Goof and I were married. And, she loves Hubby.
So that was nice. I was having a good day until I went downstairs to get the laundry.
I should back track and tell you that I am a complete klutz. I'm certain that my photo is in the dictionary if you look the word up. I have broken my ankle, several toes,and foot numerous times. Always the right foot. Always. I almost cut my baby toe off while baking a pie once, too.
Told you. Klutz.
My foot is still not healed properly from my last incident. I stepped on my own foot and "shaved" or "flaked" a piece of bone off. Ouch.
So I'm bringing the laundry up yesterday. No big deal, right?
I should also mention that our little house is about 80+ years old. Most of the fixtures, etc, are original to the house. Including the heating vents on the floor.
I had noticed previously that the floor vent by the front door was cracked. Didn't think a thing of it. I stepped on the damn thing and it broke into about 4 pieces. I fell through the floor, and it sucked me in clear up to my thigh. The laundry went flying like confetti and I folded like a K- mart lawn chair.
I was so stunned that I just kinda sat there. Stuck. My dear friend just looked at me, too shocked to do anything. The kids were horrified. K.C thought that I broke my leg.
I couldn't bring myself to laugh, but I didn't cry or pee myself, either. ( standard reaction for me)
Man that hurt. My poor foot was swollen in a matter of seconds. Pretty impressive, really.
Today, I'm sore and bruised, and a little bit battered. I don't think that I fractured my foot, just my fragile ego. Why do I always fall when I've got an audience? My dear friend thinks that I will do ANYTHING for a laugh. Maybe she's right. It was pretty funny. I wish that I could've seen my face. In fact, the more that I think about it, the funnier it seems.
Yup, got the giggles now. Full on hilarity. Excuse me while I go pee......

Monday, August 07, 2006

Grandpa Ed

Today is a bad day. I went a funeral this afternoon, for a family member that I haven't seen in a couple of years. Not only do I feel sad, but I feel endless amounts of guilt for not visiting with Grandpa Ed.
Ed wasn't my REAL Grandpa. He moved in with my Nanie when I was about 15. My Grandpa had passed away about 5 years earlier,and Nanie was lonely. She had raised 8 kids, and had never really ever been alone before.
I don't know how they met. I think that it was at the food court of a local mall. She was funny and personable,everyone that knew her liked her.
He was grumpy and surly, and used to having his own way. They hit it off.
I learned very quickly not to speak when Ed's favourite 'programs' were on T.V. People had been uncerimoniously tossed from the apartment for lesser offences. He and my Aunt Jill had a now legendary fight over country music. She was for he was against.
In spite of everything, I liked him. He was good to my Nanie. Some family members complained that she waited on him hand and foot. She did. She needed to. It was her way of saying that she cared. She needeed someone to fuss over, and he needed the fussing. It wasn't one sided by any means. Every time that Ed left the house, he came home with a present for his girl. It could be a can of hair spray,or a new lamp,or key chain. She needed that.
They would have been lost without each other. Indeed, they were.
In October of 2001,Nanie became ill. I can't even remember from what. What I do remember is Ed. I saw him at the hospital, and he was lost. He wouldn't leave her side, even after the doctors told us that she was gone.
At the funeral, he spoke of her as if she were still coming home. He looked different, like 1/2 a man. Not like our Ed at all.
I worried about where he would go, who would see that he ate,that his laundry got done,who would be there for him.
In December of that year,the unthinkable happened. Ed, despondant over the loss of his best friend, tried to kill himself. He set fire to his mattress,wanting to be with Nanie again. Of course, Ed being Ed changed his mind. He walked out of the apartment in his slippers,and went to have his oil changed. My Aunt Josie found him several hours later.
Most of my family members pretty much gave up on Ed then. They were angry with him for setting the fire that destroyed all momentos and tangible memories that they had of their parents. No one was hurt, but a lot of lives were affected. People were angry.
I saw the truth of it all. Ed wasn't trying to hurt anyone. He was in so much pain that he literally could not function without the love of his life. I understood then. I understand even better now.
Ed passed away last Friday, after living out his remaining years at a retirement home. He never recovered from his loss.
Today, along with the sadness, and guilt, I feel a little bit of joy. Maybe, just maybe, Nanie and Ed are together again. Watching their programs and drinking tea.
I hope that he says hello for me.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Circa 1978

Do not adjust your computer screen. The photo you are viewing IS technicolour. IT was the 70's, after all.
This is about 1978,my big brother,TMOC,our dog,Boss, and me. I'm about 9 here.
TMOC and I were latch-key kids. Our Mum had left years earlier,so long before that I have no memory of ever having lived with her. She left with our next door neighbour,Stan, who also left behind 2 kids.
We lived with our Dad,and our beloved dog, Boss in a little town house. My Dad owned a towing company,which meant that he was gone- alot. It also meant that sick days were often spent in the garage being watched by one of my "uncles". I loved it when the burly truck drivers would teach me words that I never heard in my Catholic home,or when they would let TMOC and me drive the cars in the junkyard. The best part was watching them play barbies with me. I don't know who had more fun.
I was the unofficial mascot of Professional Towing. We played pinball and ate candy, drank pop and drove clunkers, found treasure in the abandoned vehicles. Life was great.
Dad was always at work it seemed. That left TMOC and I to our own devices. We played Batman & Robin,watched The Odd Couple,and argued over whose turn it was to do the dishes. (His)
I thought that my big brother was the smartest guy ever. I believed every word that he said,took it as gospel. He took me everywhere. I had crushes on all of his friends, and was the text book bratty little sister. It didn't matter. He still played with me,took me to the comic book store, bought me chips.
I didn't realize it at the time, but we were poor. Dad owned our little town house, and had his own business, but things were worse than I ever knew. One of his partners was stealing from the buisness, and he almost lost evrything. We never knew. Our Christmases were still huge, with nearly every toy on our wish list. Ok, TMOC got a Big Jim instead of G.I.Joe, and I got a Darcy doll instead of a Barbie. But he tried. We had every electronic toy before any one else. In fact, TMOC charged his friends to play pong on our game console. Hey, it was hi tec.
Yup, TMOC was quite the enterprising young man, even at 12.
All things must change,and change they did in 1980. My Dad met someone special, and TMOC moved to Toronto with Betty and Stan. My Dad and I moved to a small town to be closer to his new "friend" I missed TMOC terribly. No more exlax hot chocolate, no more bus trips down town, no more Batman & Robin.
TMOC is in Nova Scotia now, with his fiancee. I adore her, the kids love her,and she and Hubby are kindred spirits. I've known her since I was 15. She is most definetely too good for my brother.
I miss him like crazy. I know that we're too old to play silly games. I know that he has his own life. I have my own life, too. But what I wouldn't give for one more game of pong,or a trip to the comic book store.
I'm 37 now, and he's 41. The funny thing is, no matter how old I get, I'll still be TMOC's little sister.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do Not Adjust Your Computer Screen...

H.R. Pufnstuf TV Theme

Dilling - I found it! I would love to have this on dvd, but my family is frightened..gives the kids techno color nightmares.

In the spirit of my childhood nostalgia,I'm posting more of my favourite commercials and T.V. shows. How scary were the 70's ? Gives me goose bumps.
shazam

I forgot about this. I used to have the biggest crush on Shazam!!
Sigmund and the Seamonsters intro (1973)

this one is for dilling....

Friday, August 04, 2006

Electra Woman & Dyna Girl

I used to watch this every Saturday. Can you believe how cheesey the 70's were? scary.

Barbie Commercial

The Barbie that I always wanted...
Crest Gel Toothpaste Cavity Creeps Commercial

Does anyone remember this commercial?

Back in The day

I'm filled with nostalgia today. Thinking of my childhood, and people from my past.Life in the small town where I spent (as my Dad would call them), my formative years.
One of my favourite memories is playing Chase with the kids from the neighbourhood. The great thing about Chase was that everyone played. We had kids as young as 8 and kids that came home for the weekend from college.(or jail). It was hide'n seek, except with teams. We would have 3 square blocks to run and hide in,nothing was off limits. We hid in strangers sheds, under cars,someones front porch. It was heaven.
The other game we played was kick the can. I can still see my brother 'Menty' clothesline-ing himself during one particularilly wild game. We never locked our doors. Everyone said hello to each other. There were no secrets in our small town.
Sometimes, I yearn for those days. I wish that my girls could live such a simple life. The local cops used to drive us home on slow nights, and sometimes, they even flashed the lights. Yup. Life was good.
I guess when I feel down, when it feels like life has kicked me in the head, AGAIN, I have those memories to draw from.
Life really was good.
Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Hot.......

Today is 47 with the humidex. Is it possible for your brain to melt?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Have Hose, Will Travel

We are barely settled into our our new home, I still have boxes to unpack, curtains to hang,walls to paint. We've been here 2 months, after fleeing our old neighbourhood, full of drugs and hookers. Guess what? As it turns out, the house next door to ours is known as a crack house.
The landlord didn't tell us THAT when we moved in.
They're pretty quiet, actually. The worst part is all of the unsavoury looking characters that come and go. It only took us a couple of days to figure out that the place next to ours is a boarding house. That didn't bother me much. The old guys watching my dogs frolick on the lawn didn't bother me. The people coming to buy drugs, parking in my driveway, now THAT bothers me. Nothing deters these guys from using my driveway. Two weeks ago, Hubby and I came home from market to find a moving truck in our driveway, and part way across our lawn.
I've been mulling over the solution to this problem. I could call the police, but I don't think that my call would take priority. I am not legally allowed to have the vehicle towed. My solution was the garden hose. A bit of water never hurt anyone, and it has been crazy hot lately. So far, the offenders have high tailed it off of my property before I could get the water turned on.
Then yesterday, the gods were smiling down on me. I heard a car, and sure enough,there was a car in my driveway. Parked. Just waiting for me and my hose. K.C. watched from the window as I put on my shoes, ready for the attack. Then it happened. The passenger side door opened, and instead of STEPPING out, MR.Next Door ROLLED out,down my driveway, and onto the side walk. What does the guy in the drivers side do? He watches. Just like K.C. and I did from the livingroom window. Mr. Next Door reaches the sidewalk,and just lays there. Kinda like a turtle on his back. Or a dead bug, on his back with his arms and legs straight up, pointing.
I am a PSW, trained to help people in distress. Did I help? Nope. Couldn't. I mean the guy wasn't hurt, he was loaded, or hammered, or baked,whatever. I sat on my couch and watched. Mr.ND had to CRAWL up the little hill and into his front door. The funny thing is, my driveway hasn't been used since. Maybe I'm a little evil. Maybe . But I loved every second of it..And I didn't have to get the hose.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Should I Stay, or Should I go ???

I've been feeling pretty down lately. When I'm low like this, I can't concentrate, focus, or think straight. My thoughts race, along with my heart. I have been off of my medication for a very long time, so my days of functioning as a 'normal' person are few and far between. I am always tired, I could sleep for 18 hours and still not feel rested.
My thereapist says that I may need a hospital visit to get back on track. No thank you. I've already been to the booby hatch, and let me tell you, it is not as much fun as advertised. There were honest to goodness CRAZY people there. Really. There was a guy there that thought that he was a prophet sent by God. Then I thought, 'maybe he is....' God has sent us messengers before. Then I thought ' OHMYGOD!!!! I really AM crazy!!!! Only a crazy person would believe that.
There are no locks on your doors. Not on your bedroom door, or the bathroom doors, or on your closet. My curtains were nailed on. My shower didn't have a head on it, just a pipe sticking out of the wall. My mirror was a piece of polished steel. The nurses took away my plastic disposable razor.
I was treated like an inmate,nobody even looked me in the eyes. I saw the Prophet wrestled to the floor, stripped, and tied to his bed. He had a pencil. I guess that he needed one. God was giving him instuctions, and he just wanted to remember them all. The worst part is, my 16 year old daughter witnessed it. The whole thing. I met a woman named MiMi. She was interesting . She was sooo happy with her life that she stripped naked in the parking lot of a local drugstore, and danced under the stars. True story.
So you can see why I'm in no hurry to return. I can't cope, but the alternative is.... no alternative,really. I don't know what to do.
My family needs me here, even if I am just a shadow of my former self. I don't know if I can go back to that place. Maybe the voices in my head will convince me......Until then I guess that i'll just muddle through. At least I'm not dancing naked under the stars......

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Specials - A Message to You, Rudy

this is dedicated to my ex, the 1st one. Any one that knows him will know how fitting this is.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Honeymoon Really IS over

I remember it well. I don't remember WHY he hit me, or what the arguement was about. I do remember packing up my little girl and walking to the nearest payphone. The problem was that I didn't really have anyone to call. I couldn't tell my parents, I was too ashamed. TMOC was too far away,and besides, if he knew, he would've killed Randi. Thumped him out, at the very least. None of my friends were in any position to help me. I had no money, Randi made sure of that.
We went back.
Things went down hill from there. I got a job, at Randi's insistence, and had to leave my 18 month old daughter with a sitter. Randi told me to get a job so that I would have my 'own' money. My sitter made more than me, and whatever was left, Randi took, supposedly to pay bills. I was working full time, and still doing everything at home. While I cooked, cleaned, and bathed K.C.,Randi relaxed after his "hard day". I, meanwhile, rode my bike to work, then spent 9 hours on my feet all day working a crappy factory job. It came to a crashing halt after a few weeks when I came home early one day and heard the sitter( my friend since we were 4 and 6 ), hitting and cursing at my baby.
Things were not great at home, but I told no one. I never had money, and had to ask if I wanted to go somewhere. I desperately wanted out, but I had no cash, no job skills, no place to hide. I can remember the police being called to our apartment on more than one occassion. I always put on a brave face,insisted that everything was fine, thanks for stopping by.
It was Christmas time before I suspected that I was pregnant again. I remember telling my best friends on New Years eve. Yup, I'm having a baby, and it's going to be a boy. I wanted this baby so badly, more than anything. not to make things right with Randi and I, but because he was MINE. That baby was loved, by me, from the moment the he was concieved. Randi, of course, was less than impressed.
The fighting was getting worse, and by this time, Randi was cheating on me, and not even bothering to hide it. It seemed as though I was constantly pissing him off. I actually babysat for the girl that he was screwing. I look back and can't believe it my self
I had a preminition about the baby. I dreamed that he was still born. The next day, February 4th, 1990, seemed the same as every other day. Randi and I were fighting, about....something. Same as always. The unbelievable part is what happened next. I should have left the apartment,or taken K.C. and locked ourselves in the bedroom. I didn't do either one of those things. Randi had hit me before,but I WAS PREGNANT. I never in a million years expected what happened next. Randi was sitting in a chair, screaming and freaking out. Instead of walking away, I went to him, stood in front of him, asked him' WHAT is your problem'? I can still see it when I close my eyes, in slow - mo. The kick, aimed right at my belly.
The next 24 hours or so are mostly a blur. There was a procedure, some complications,because I was nearly 7 months along. The doctor wanted me to stay in the hospital for a few days, maybe a week. I couldn't. How could I leave my baby alone with him? Nobody spoke directly to me, but instead every piece of imformation was gleamed from conversations about me. It was a boy. He was perfect - or would have been. We could go ahead and try to have another baby in 3 months.
I told no one, not a soul, about the abuse, even after all of this.
The doctors released me, against medical advice, within 24 hours. I was to be on bed rest for at least a week, no lifting for 6 weeks. My 1st day home, Randi informed that I was babysitting the very next day. Nobody gets a free ride. That was the end of my bed rest.
Randi refuses to acknowledge that there ever was a baby, to this very day. There was. His Mommy loved him . Alot. His name was Shane.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Friday, July 21, 2006

I'm feeling rather 'blue' today, my mood is definetely depressive, no manic in the forecast.
There's a ton of crap in my life right now, and in the lives of those that I love. I had a very long late night phone call from Lucky last night. Too much shit in her life. There's nothing that I can do to change any of it, so I'm listening to some of my all time favourite music. Maybe I can't solve the problems of the world, but I can dance!!!! Sorry about Time After Time posting , well time after time. I didn't double or triple cluck ( this time ) just having great difficulty functioning today. Enjoy the music.
Obsession - Animotion

Come on! Get up and Dance!
Big Country- In A big Country

Another one of my 80's favourites
The Communards - Don't Leave Me This Way

This song can ALWAYS take me out my funk!!!!!
cindy Lauper - Time after time

This song was playing in my head when I was flying to Nova Scotia for my "visit"
It still takes me back to that moment in time.
cindy Lauper - Time after time

This song was playing in my head when I was flying to Nova Scotia for my "visit"
It still takes me back to that moment in time.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

General Public - Tenderness

This one is for Heidi, and all of my other friends from my soc-hop days

I DO?


It didn't take long for the questions to start after K.C. was born. You know the one - when are you getting married? It did seem like the natural progression of things. Well the NATURAL progression would have been wedding then baby, but you get what I'm saying.
I was only going to be 20, and I knew that I didn't love Randi enough to spend the rest of my life with him, but I felt...pressured, like I had no other options. Randi wasn't very nice to me most of the time. He called me fat, he went out with his buddies but not with me. He spent most of his spare time away fromus, his little family. I don't exactly why I agreed to marry him. Maybe I felt like I owed it to our daughter to make it work. Maybe there was so much pressure on me to do the right thing. Maybe, I didn't know what else to do.
We set a date for August 5th, 1989. The planning was more tedious than fun. Randi's mom was more concerned with the menu than anything else. My parents gave me a play-by-play of every detail. My Dad and Mom were paying for the meal and the drinks at their house afterwards. Every conversation with my Dad opened with a dollar amount. I wanted to scream "I don't want to marry Randi" at the top of my lungs. I wanted to run away,I wanted my Dad to make everything better. I knew that he was only Mr. Right Now, but I was too young and immature to put a stop to the madness.
So, on August 5th, 1989, I became Mrs.Randi.
I cried as I walked down the aisle. I heard whispers of 'that's so beautiful'. If only they knew the truth. I was crying because I knew that I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
We didn't really have a honeymoon. We went to a little motel near my hometown.I had never been to one before. I don't think that we even made love ( loose term ) that night, because Randi was too drunk. Maybe
if I had been drinking things would have been different.
We were only married one week the first time that he hit me.
Yup. The honeymoon was over.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Things that Make you Go Hmmm.................

An Ohio man has been awarded a patent for a cordless jump rope

Lipstick contains fish scales

Philo Farnsworth, the inventor of the television, wouldn't let his kids watch t.v.

Genuphobia - is the fear of teenagers

Ephebiphobia - is the fear of knees

Thursday, July 13, 2006

And Baby Makes Three....


I was barely 18, and about to be a mom. This wasn't the way that I had planned it all. I was working most evenings and weekends for a catering company,and looking for a new place to ,live since TMOC and Amazon were now in Toronto.
I didn't have to break the news to my Dad because my (step)mom worked in the lab at the hospital where the test was done. My Dad actually phoned me and broke the news to me. Unconventional, I know. I nearly fainted, I had to sit down. Fast.
My parents were less than impressed but Randi's were a different story altogether.Randi was the youngest child and the only boy in a family of 5 kids. His mom and dad were German, and very old fashioned. His mother flipped. She lost her mind. I remember getting chased away from his house by his mom who was swatting me with a broom and screaming obsenities at me in German. True story.
I didn't for one minute consider adoption or abortion. Never. Some of my relatives would bring up the subject of adoption,but I didn't want to hear it. This baby was mine, my responsibility, and I was going to raise her.
That established, I had a few minor problems. Like shelter. I couldn't work at my job any more, either. There was the little matter of a curfew imposed upon me by the courts.A few weeks before my 18th birthday, I had stolen 3 bottles of beer out of the back of a truck. Long story short, 9 months of probation. This was a bit of thorn in my side. I had to have an acceptable place to live, and needed to be in by 10:00pm every night.
My parents didn't want me in our small town, and Randi's....I couldn't even go near his house for months.I had no options left, so I went to a home for pregnant girls.Oh joy. That experience is a whole other story. My room mate was a 15 year old girl ( also from my home town ) that played wedding music until she fell asleep EVERY night. I became her unofficial big sister. Lori was a sweet kid, but I didn't want a roommate, or rules, or structure of any kind. I actually got caught trying to climb out of my 2nd story window one night after lights out. Can't remember where I was going, but it must have been somewhere important.
As time went on, things got a little better with Randi's family. I was invited to Christmas that year. My parents didn't invite Randi. Everyone got me baby clothes, but no one talked about the baby. It was too weird.
By March 1988, we had our 1st place. it was the top floor of an otherwise empty house. The kitchen was nothing more than a long hallway. To open the fridge, you had to be standing beside it, and reach in just so. the only window in the bathroom was in the shower. The other 2 rooms served as a bedroom and a living room. We moved in with maybe 5 or 6 boxes and the place was packed. The summer was brutal, it was like sleeping in a sauna. The rent was $300, our price range.
We were living there less than a week when my water broke. It was about 7 in the morning, and I had been up all night watching a cheesey movie. I woke up Randi, who immeadiately FREAKED out. I was pretty calm about the whole thing. I had a shower, shaved my legs, and had a pb&j sandwich. When I was good and ready, we left for the hospital.
His parents were there, and mine, and my sister, Posh. Twelve hours later, and nothing was happening. No labour, no baby, nothing. I had a c- section and at about 10:00 that night we welcmed our baby girl into the world.
She was perfect, with a patch of black hair and brown eyes, I don't even remember her crying. Honestly though, I remember very little. I had to be sedated and was out like a light when my 1st daughter was born. Actually, I slept through all of my girls births.
I looked at my Dad as he held my new baby, and at the people around me. Randi's mom and dad, Posh, my mom, Randi. Everything seemed right. I knew that we would make it. It didn't matter that Randi was selfish, or that he sometimes called me fat and lazy. So what if I hadn't finished highschool.We were a family, and I knew that we would be forever.Against all odds.

Enough Already

I have just spent another sleepless night tossing and turning in my bed. I have a feeling that K.C. didn't sleep much, either.
K.C. has a tough decision to make. I could make it for her, but this is one that she needs to make for herself. If you read my rant the other day, you know that we spent the better part of the day in court. What I didn't tell you was that we have at least 12 more hours of testimony and court time left. That's a low estimate. GotNo is calling his own witnesses, and K.C. hasn't called hers yet. GotNo's "legal advisement" spent about an hour grilling Kristy, and he told the Crown Attorney that he is only half way through. That means that this whole stupid mess will drag on into August, and maybe even into September.
The Crown Attorney spoke with GotNo about a program that would take him ( and K.C. ) out of the court room and into a less formal forum, where they could resolve their issues. GotNo is mad at ME, so he won't do it. His motivation is anger,not seeking justice, or finding the truth. I wonder if this travesty will ever end.
K.C. wants to drop the case. She doesn't want to miss work, or spend her summer in court. She is not sleeping, the stress and anger is beginning to affect her physically.
I'm angry with my self, for encouraging her to solve this through the legal venue. It's a sham. This drug dealer is still a part of our lives. I want this to be over, finito, done. K.C. could drop the case.It is an option. The problem is, that if she does, the next time that he tries to hit her with his car, or follows her around town or threatens to kill her,will she be taken seriously? Will the powers that be look at her as trouble maker, someone who can't follow through? What message will this send to GotNo? He will continue his destuctive ways,and who knows who will be next?
As a mom, I want to keep my kids safe. We as parents strive to protect our kids from any harm. I don't know what to tell my daughter. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like the legal system is allowing GotNo to continue with his bullshit, and on their dime. Why are they allowing this to continue after he admitted to dealing drugs, told the Crown that he hates me, and therefore will not agree to mediation? At what point does the Judge think that we have enough evidence?
I wish that I had the answer. I wish that I could protect my daughter from this bottom feeding, drug dealing, crazy man. I wish that the court system didn't make people feel victimized twice. The truth is, I don't have the answer. I can't protect my kids, and, the whole damn court system is a Mickey mouse affair.
I can't help my daughter to make the right choice. The choice is hers alone.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

1987

I enrolled in school shortly after my return to Ontario. I started grade 11 on January 31,1987. It was much different than the junior high that I had last attended, and much larger than my highschool in my little home town. Things were changing, too fast for me to keep up with. I was now in the city with TMOC,many miles away from Dartmouth.
I was scared as hell that 1st day, but I didn't see any way out of it. It was just something that had to be done, no way around it. I was taking math, science, english and business. I was in a sea of strange faces,and it felt like I was drowning. I was praying for a miracle when I got one.
English class, roll call. Mr.V, our teacher,called out a familiar name. It couldn't be,could it? There in the back row, closet to the window, sat JETHRO!
I had my miracle!
Jethro and I wwere from the same town, along with Heidi ( aka Hickchic ).It wasn't long before we were all spending time together, cutting classes, and hanging out in Jethro's car. Those few months were heavenly in so many ways. Life with TMOC and Amazon wasn't always great, but we did have some good times. TMOC was 21, Amazon was 19 and I was 17. life had so many possibilities back then,nothing seemed impossible.
I was committed to starting over, getting my life back on track, being , as my dad put it,"a productive memeber of society".
That was the plan, anyway.
The plan got side tracked when I met Randi.
Randi and I were introduced by mutal friends that thought we would good together. I thought that he was kinda cute, funny, and he seemed sweet. It wasn't long before we were an item,completely inseperable. We were kids, and we thought that that we weree in love.
On week after my 18th birthday,4 months into our budding relationship, I got news that would change my life forever.
I was pregnant.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Rantings of an Angry Mom

Today was hell. My 2 eldest girls and I had to go to court. K.C. is seeking a peace bond against GotNo, the drug dealing ex-neighbour that made our lives a living nightmare. He woke us up at all hours,threatened my kids (even the 10 year old), slashed our tires,and pushed drugs on my kids.
We arrived at 11:30 am, and didn't get out of there until 5:30pm. His rights are more protected than K.C.'s, we found out the hard way. While we had to disclose all of our evidence, he had the right to remain silent - this means that he doesn't have to share HIS with us. His agent is his dad, the same guy that 2 weeks ago tried to imtimidate us at the court house. He asked personal questions - 'why does your mom live with S if they aren't married'? ( meanwhile, GotNo is shacked up with his woman ). None of it makes any sense to me. My daughter felt like she had been assaulted, and GotNo left the court house smiling. The same landlord that told us that he couldn't help us in anyway because he hasn't witnessed any events himself, was at the court house today to testify against us. More accurately, against my daughter. So was the no account woman with 5 - FIVE - kids that K.C. babysat for free. She is still angry with K.C. for not watching her kids on New Years.
It seems to me that this is more about a popularity contest than actual justice. All my girl wants is some peace of mind. GotNo says that he is harmless, yet he asked the court more than once for our new address. He is a confessed drug trafficer. What more does it take? I'm afraid that one of my kids will be hurt, or worse. He has made threats. But HEY, I understand.
He's got his rights.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Decisions, Decisions

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking about life, family, stuff.
My oldest daughter is preparing for college in September. She's not moving away,she's staying at home. I have mixed feelings about this. I am SO not ready for my baby to move away, but will I ever be? Am I doing her a dis-service by not insisting that she live on campus.
My sister, Lucky, also has a daughter going to college. Her baby, however is going to live on campus, more than an hour away. Lucky thinks that this is something that every young person Must do.
My other sister,Posh,( not as in Spice ),wants me to call her. That wouldn't be such a big deal, except that we haven't spoken in ...17 months. This was her decision and I knew that she would have some sort of guilt or remorseful feelings at some time. Why now? Do I have to forgive her? If so, then how many times do I have to forgive? I am not without fault, but explusion from the family seems a little extreme, especially when the infraction may not have been committed by me. I'm just so tired of being the one to say'sorry',the person to reach out. It's hard, and it hurts like hell when your hand is slapped away.
Tomorrow will be 7 years since my Dad died. I know that he would be heart broken by what's happening with his family. But, the truth is, my Dad is gone, and living life the way that he wanted me to just isn't working. He would've put an end to this nonsense a long time ago.....
These are some of the things that have been keeping me up at night. I just can't seem to turn it off.
Tomorrow my 2 eldest girls nad I are going to court seeking a peacebond against GotNO. ( Got no job, got no prospects ). This has K.C. freaking out, and I don't really blame her. We are having a trial tomorrow, and the anxiety is just about killing me. I guess that I need to keep in mind that this is normal. Anybody would be stressed at the thought. This is way different than freaking out because you have to take the bus alone.
My life is otherwise great. 3 awesome kids,my Hubby, our little house. I guess that whether or not Posh and I speak again, or GotNo gets away with his crap, or K.C. leaves for college, I'll muddle through. I always do.

Starting Over, Again

My trip home took 27 1/2 hours.We had a stop over in Montreal, and I felt very grown up, travelling and seeing the sights on my own.27+ hours gives you a lot of time to think.
I had been gone for over a year.That's a long time. Things can change in a year. People can change. Would everyone and everything in my small town be the same? Would my family and friends rejoice in my return? In my mind I saw ticker tape parades and loved ones waving banners at the train station. I would be like the prodigal son returning home,triumphant.
Yeah.
I was met at the train station by my Dad. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I saw him standing there.I had hoped for some dad/daughter time, but it didn't exactly go down like that. His best bud was there, too, and dominated most of the conversation on the way home. Oh well. At least it was a ride.
Coming home wasn't much better. My room had been taken over by my little sister. I slept in the basement. It felt like any trace of me had been wiped away from the family home. My 2 brothers barely noticed me, and, I thought, may not have even realized that I was ever gone. Nice.
When I finally did get sometime alone with my Dad,it was to lecture me. He felt that I was "partying my life away" in Nova scotia, instead of going to school. What? I had 3 jobs waiting for me back east.
My oldest brother, TMOC,stuck a deal with my Dad. I was going to move in with him and his amazonian gal-pal,and go to school. My Dad would pay my rent, and I would pay for my own expenses.
I had even more to think about now.Back in N.S,I had a life. MY life,friends, a new family. In Ontario I had family, roots, my history. I loved my life in Nova Scotia. Nova Scotia had been good to me. In Nova Scotia, I had Blaine.
Ohgodohgod....I was scared as hell,I didn't want to make anymore life altering decisions on my own. I was 17 for crying out loud. 17......
The choice was clear to me. For better or worse, I would be staying. I needed my family,a real home,I needed to graduate highschool. This was a 2nd chance for me, and I wasn't going to blow it.

Friday, July 07, 2006

It's a Scary (Blog) World........

I was up late last night,checking out some of the competion - other blogs. There is some seriously weird sh*t out there! I happened upon one that had full frontal nudity. Naked! For everyone to see. I stumbled across another blog,written by someone greiving the loss of a spouse. I'm talking about divorce here, people. My heart when out to this soul,this person who feels so alone. I found a lot of Blogs that are used as a political forum. Boring.
I like to blog because it's anonymous. I can share my deep, dark thoughts,funny and personal stories,and I'm not worried about what anyone else thinks. It's a creative outlet for me,not a chance to speak out against the Politicians, or seal hunters,(barbarians),or post religious views.Who cares about that? I have enough deep thoughts that keep me up at night. So relax,sit back and enjoy the Biddie....

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Hubbys 1st love


It occurred to me this morning that there has been an awful lot written about my 1st love in the past few days.This hardly seems fair to Hubby, who is my forever love. Hubby had a 1st love,too, and it wasn't me.
Her name was Mabeline, and he met her when he was just 15. She was 3 years older than him, but that didn't matter to Hubby. I must admit, Mabeline WAS beautiful.Her curves were enough to catch any man's eye. Hubby and I were together for many months before he introduced me to her. I was in awe of her,no doubt.
Mabeline is gone now,we haven't seen her about 3 years. I wonder if he misses her? Does he think of her when we're together? I guess I'll never know.
Here's to you,Mabeline,wherever you are......

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Flyaway Home

I have the most wonderful memories of my time spent in N.S. The friends that I made were one of a kind. There were so many people from Ellenvale J.H. that made my life bearable.
Heather and I became the best of friends. Heather lived with her mom,sister,brother in law,and baby nephew.I fell in love the baby, and envied her family. I missed my sblings terribly,even though we mostly hated each other.
Life with Betty and Stan had reached a boiling point,culminating in a swift departure of their home. All of my family was in Ontario,I had no where to go.Enter Blaine and family. I hid away at a friends of theirs for a few days. It was like the witness protection program minus the government funding.Without Betty watching over me, I was gloriously FREE.
At the Twins house,there were little or no rules.We moved around alot,and we were often in charge of the 3 younger kids, other than that.....Freedom.
Heather was at our house,or I was at hers. We got into all kinds of trouble, she and I.We used to sit outside on the lawn of one of our classmates, listening to his garage band.They would play Cosmetics by Gowan, and we'd be pretending that it WAS Gowan. We raided gardens at night,stealing the lettuce and cukes to take home for my adopted family. Then there was the "shopping" that we did at night...It usually involved someone's clothesline and one of us jumping like jackrabbits to reach the freshly laundered clothes.Don't hate me. Things were difficult back then.We sometimes went days without a real meal.Heathers mom always had Kraft Dinner for us.She was my saviour.
Blaine and I broke up. Many times.Ohmygod, but I loved him. When I decided to go back to Ontario for a "visit", he asked me not to go.He refused to see me off at the train station on that cold November morning.I'll never forget the way that he looked at me,the lump in my throat,or the pounding of my heart.
"Please,don't go...I love you, I always have."He took my hand,brushed the flyaway hair out of eyes.
"I'll be back.I promise." I was crying now,standing on the front steps of the little house that we had shared.
We weren't even officially back together.I loved him,more than anything or anyone. He was so much more than a boyfriend.Blaine,Shane,Heather,C.J.,they were all a part of me now.They would be, forever.
Besides, I'd be back,wouldn't I?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Blaine

It really was love at first sight. He was wearing a burgundy sweater (it was the 80's cut him some slack), and the most confused expression on his face. There I was, the girl of his dreams, in his bathroom, naked from the waist down. He must've thought that I was a gift from the heavens above. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.
C.J. dated Shane, and I got my Blaine. We were inseperable. We were BiddienBlaine. He tagged our initials everywhere.
The Twins went to a different school, and I soon realized, were from a whole different world. My Catholic/Lutheran upbringing did not have me prepared for the challenges that I would face dating a J.W. That's Jehovahs Witness for those of you who aren't in the know. Christmas was a mystery to them. They loved coming to my house to watch the twinkling lights, and rattle the gifts under the tree. They were full of questions. Did I get Christmas gifts EVERY year? What kind of gifts did I get? Christmas carols were something that the Twins never had an opportunity to sing ,and with me, in Betty and Stan's livingroom, we belted them out at top of our lungs.
I mulled the idea of buying Blaine a Christmas gift ( his first ever ), and to be honest, I can't remember if I did. What I do remember, is his gift to me. A gold chain.
The only jewelry that I had ever been given before was from my parents. I got jade earrings for my 10th birthday, a ruby ring for my confirmation(I still wear it) and a silver locket on the day my Dad got married. This was different. It was from Blaine.
I don't remember the moment that I realized I loved him. It could have the first time that he kissed me (in C.J.'s basement), or the 1st time that he walked me home in a snowstorm. It could have been when we made love for the 1st time.
I wasn't a virgin,even at 16, but I wished that I was. My experiences up to then had been traumatic, to say the least. I remember it like it was yesterday,even what I was wearing.
I was babysitting, 2 doors down from my house. It was winter late in November, and I was missing my friends back in Ontario. There was a knock at the door, barely audible. The little girl that I was watching squealed in delight when she saw the Twins standing on the doorstep. They both smiled at me with the same loppsided grin.
"Hey" Blaine said,stepping in and kissing me. Shane went directly to the T.V. and put on an old rerun of Night Rider.
Blaine put his arms around me and pulled me in for another kiss. Before I knew it, we were upstairs in the master bedroom. I can still see the tacky wolf throw blanket on the bed. I was wearing my favourite pink and white sweater, a gift the previous year from my aunt. I was so nervous, my breath came in unsteady bursts. Blaine took my hand and we sat on the bed together.
My mind was racing. Can I really do this? What if I throw up? Will he call me tomorrow?
We made love. I had never made love before. It's true, I wasn't a virgin, but that was the 1st time that I ever made love.
And it was wonderful.