Shawn is back to work! Whoo Hoo! He was so excited about going back to work today that he could barely sleep last night.
Lol.
No, seriously. That is the way he is.

I found out today that we owe aprrox. $600 and then we are caught up on our rent.
I am talking about more than three grand we will have paid off! We have been paying an extra $300+ every month to get it paid down. I am soo psyched! This will give us an extra couple hundred in our pockets every month. It will make a huge difference for us.

I am heading out with my SIL tomorrow, to see her new lawyer with her. I have mixed feelings about this. I have my doubts as to whether or not SIL will actually follow through with the custody/support thing from her abusive almost ex. On the other hand, she needs a friend in her corner. I know more than the average person about custody/asshole issues, so I guess that I am the friend of the day. Or week. We'll see how long this lasts.

My SIL from Nova Scotia is coming by on Saturday. She will be in Toronto for a few days doing some kind of training, and she will make the trip from there to see us. I love my SIL, TMOC's wife. I have known her since I was 15. It seems as though she has always been a part of the family. Sometimes I wish that she lived closer, but then I remember that would mean that TMOC would live closer too. Lol. That makes me rethink my statement :)

Jessica is fine. I am not certain how I feel about her hanging at the mall without one of her sisters there for back up. I am kicking myself because since we have had zero cash flow, our cell phone account is suspended. I hate having her out there and not being able to reach her. I know that it is not the end of the world and lots of kids go without cell phones every day. Lots of kids are not diabetic with a seizure disorder, though. Now, this mess at the mall? I am loathe to let her out of my sight.
I have no idea how I will react if we see these thugs at the mall. I am liable to freak out...
I know what you are all thinking...Biddie? Freak out? No way!

I know, cuz I am normally soo even tempered!

Oh, did I tell you that I am going to be a grandma?

Yup.
Ruby and Bumble are expecting.
How awesome is that?
My poor lil 8 lb dog is so fat that she looks like she swallowed a watermelon, and Bumble seems to strutting his stuff more than usual.


January 15 th would have been my Dad's 75 th birthday. I still can't believe that he has been gone nearly 10 years. I think that I will go through my old home videos. I can't remember his voice anymore. That is what I miss the most - just hearing his voice.

Maybe that is what I will do....spend some time with my Dad later today.

Have a great Thursday, everyone.

What ????

What the eff is the world coming to?? My 14 year old daughter and her friend were swarmed and robbed inside The Bay.
Did you all hear me?

They were inside the store when it happened.
In fact, Jessica's friend was actually sexually assaulted.

Inside.

I am so freaking pissed that I could just kill someone right now.

The police are on their way right now.


I think that's going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KITCHENER — A teenage girl was pushed and robbed of cash by two other girls as she and a friend left Fairview Park mall.Waterloo Regional Police said the 14-year-old victim and a friend were near the exit of the mall on Tuesday at about 8:30 p.m. when they were approached by a group of three teen girls and two boys.One of the girls approached the victim and tried to take money out of her pocket, police said.She got some cash and then tried to take a shopping bag when the victim pushed her. The argument turned into a pushing match and a second teen girl joined in, pushing the victim.The victim's friend intervened and they were able to leave the mall. The 14-year-old wasn’t hurt in the incident.Police are looking for the two female suspects, who are described as between 15 and 16.The first girl was described as black, about 5 feet 4 inches tall with a slim build and black, curly hair.The second girl is described as possibly latina, between 5 feet 6 and 5 feet 8 inches tall with a slim build.She had brown and blond hair and was wearing a white a gold jacket.Anyone with information is asked to call police at 519-650-8500 ext. 4430 or Crime Stoppers 1-800-222-TIPS.

Bumper Stickers

Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence..Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called ...they found your head..

Everyone has a photographic memory ...some just don't have any film.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.


WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one..

Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

!
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

Better

Thanks for all of your kind words. I am feeling a bit better.

I feel less homicidal at least.

I will be back soon, as long as my internet conncection holds out.

Biddie xx

Pain

Seems like that is all that I feel these days.
Pain.

I am not trying to be a drama queen, I am just trying to explain myself. I don't really know if I can.
Things are not going as well at home as I let on. Or, maybe, I thought that things were better and tonight it hit me just how NOT ok things really are.

I am on the verge of a breakdown. I have left the house three times since Christmas Day. No, three times including Christmas Day when Heidi and I took the dogs for walkies.
That is probably the same amount of times that I have gotten dressed or brushed my hair.
Kinda doesn't matter anyway. Nobody ever sees me.

I have been struggling to make time for a breakdown. The truth is, I really don't have that luxury. You see, I have to make it to the disability office by Friday..Have to be there in person to show them my birth certificate. I need to fill out papers that must be signed, by me.

We have no money coming in, so our only hope is my support and/or GST cheque. Once again, they both come in my name, and I am the only one that can cash them. If they don't arrive, or if they do and I don't cash them, we will be without our home phone by Saturday.

Then, there is the small matter of guilt. How could I possibly leave my family knowing full well that we don't any money, not enough groceries? Will Jessica take care of herself? I doubt it. That seems to be sliding recently, too.

Then, there is the matter of Shawn. When I tried to tell him just how depressed I was, his response was.."It's all about you.."

Jesus Christ. I am having a fucking breakdown and I am selfish.

If he - if anyone really knew what was going on inside of me...If only.
Shit, that would actually make things so much easier...Here, look THIS is what the problem is guys...SEE??? Yeah, that would be much more to my liking than trying to talk about this crap.

Shit.

What am I even saying here? I dunno. My thoughts are racing and I...I...am stumbling. Faltering.

Am I asking for too much? Maybe I am. Maybe the whole 'unconditional love' idea is bullshit.

Maybe there is no such thing.

All I know is that I feel so alone.

More alone than ever in a house with four other people.

Church Bulletins

Church Bulletins

They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with old fashioned typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ----------------------- --- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. ------------------------ Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.-------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Happy New Year, everyone!
Best wishes for a joyous and wonderful 2009!
Biddie xx

Now For The Fun Stuff

Christmas was great. Heidi and her family came over for dinner and fun, and we had a blast.
We ate our faces off, as usual. I never take pretty photos of the food the way that everyone else always does. I guess that with our family, there just isn't enough time.
Ruby and her rawhide Christmas card from Santa.

KC and Bumble (with Spencer in the back ground) sharing a moment.

Jessica and Heidi. As you can see, Jessica is taller than Heidi. She is taller than Kayla, too, and will soon be as tall as me. Look at how healthy she looks! What a difference a year makes!

Jessica and her new cell phone. I don't think that it has left her hands since Christmas morning.

Cody and Kayla. Isn't that Christmasy and such? A new pellet gun for Christmas. It's not a Red Rider, but Cody seems happy as heck anyway.

Things are better today. I feel like there are still some things for Shawn and I work out, but I am feeling much more hopeful about the future today. I am going to chalk his insaneness (is that a word? Well, it is now) to holiday stress and madness.

I am looking forward to 2009 and a fresh start for all of us :)

Better - ish

Things are better. I think. Thanks for your words and your prayers.
What would I do without you guys???

Ironic

Ironic -
Posting a poem about a mom leaving her kids and not being there at Christmas, only to have your husband leave you that same day.

Reflections

Christmas has always been a time of reflection for me. It may have something to do with the long winter nights, the dark and the cold. It may be because I have so many fond memories of Christmases gone by, the holidays of my past that I cherish so much.
Whatever the reason, this Christmas was no different.

I have been troubled with insomnia again, and I was up late on Christmas Eve, talking to a friend on the computer (Hi, Corky!).
When it felt as though I could barely keep my eyes open, I shut everything off and sat in favourite chair, took a deep breath and thought of the long ahead of me..

Kayla appeared suddenly, unable to sleep herself. After talking for a few minutes, Kayla produced a three ring binder that I had not seen before.
It was a book of poetry, written many years ago, by my Dad.
I have read some of Dad's poems before, but this binder held some of his most heart wrenching and personal thoughts.
I read one out loud, and it brought tears to my eyes.
It was called
Christmas Without You

The children are sleeping,
Tucked in their bed,
The presents are wrapped,
Round the tree they are spread,
As I sit here in my chair,
In my mind, thoughts go through,
Why am I so sad?
It's Christmas Without You

Morning comes early,
Down the stairs the children run,
They tear open their presents,
To receive them oh what fun.
But their laughter seems distant,
There is something missing, it's true.
You have left us, you're gone,
It's Christmas without you.

Afternoon brings dinner,
I am no cook I have learnt.
The potatoes are soggy,
The turkey is burnt.
Vegetables that are cold,
Ice cream that looks like stew
No wonder we have not eaten,
It's Christmas without you.

Kids going to bed early,
Something is sure amiss,
First they give me a hug,
Then I get a kiss.
Why are their little minds troubled?
The answer I know - I do.
For their Mother was not here,
It was Christmas Without You.

This year, my best gift was that binder of poetry. I have learned so much about my Dad, just by reading his notes.
I had no idea that the divorce has affected him so profoundly. I was so little when my Mother left that I don't remember that first Christmas.

Thanks to that little black binder, I feel as though I know my Dad better, differently, than I did before, almost ten years after he passed away.

I couldn't ask for anything better.

I hope that you all had wonderful holidays, too.

Biddie xx

Merry Christmas To All...........................

Merry Christmas to all of my friends out there. Have a safe and happy holiday!

I am still not ready for the holidays. I don't even feel close to being ready. There is still so much to do and I feel woefully unprepared.





Jessica turned 14 on the 16th. Fourteen! I am still shell shocked that my baby is 14.


Gramma Lynn came over after school and we opened gifts. TMOC's Christmas package arrived that day, so we opened those too. We never seem to be able to wait.

I went shopping with Gramma on Monday and we had all of her shopping done for KC, Kayla and Jessica done in less than an hour. It was a kamikaze shopping trip. Normally, she spends a couple of hours wandering the mall wondering what to get. She rocks as a Gramma, but since the girls have gotten older (and their taste is considerably more expensive), she has been more miss than hit at the gift giving. It was fun, and the whole thing was just under $200 (for my girls, Spencer and one of her other grand kids). I must say, we rock.
I took Jessica to see her doc on the 15th and she was given a clean bill of health. Her weight is at a healthy 107.5 lbs, and she has stayed there for a few months. Her cheeks are rosy, she looks great...There is not much else that I could want, really. Well, work for Shawn, but that is not likely to happen until after the New Year.

I know that you are all sick of hearing this by now, but I am just pinching myself at our luck....It is the Christmas season again and my baby is home. Can I ask for anything else????

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas....

Finally, our tree is up, courtesy of KC and Kayla. I actually have enough Rudolph ornaments to do the whole tree, but it would not be Christmas without the home made decorations that the girls made when they were little. I have a bunch of new ones this year. I love the red round ones with all of the Rudolph characters. This one is Sam The Snowman.

Looky here! It's Kris Kringle and The Winter Warlock. I got this one well over a month ago, and when I hung it tonight, I discovered that it doesn't work.

Here is my new water globe. Of course, Bumble is afraid of this, too, and the ornament beside it.

Anything that plays music or moves scares the crap outta him.

Here's a wee little Bumble. I wish that he wasn't so washed out.

Kayla found the rest of the village pieces (accidentally) and we finally have the whole town up and running.



Looks like a fresh snowfall.

Our new diner. I LOVE this piece! It is easily my all time favourite.

Kayla and KC put the tree up for me when I was out buying groceries. How sweet is that? I gotta say, with the tree up and the stockings hung, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

One Of My Favourite Christmas Carols

I love this video..Bing Crosby, David Bowie, what more could you ask for?

Christmas with Gramma Lynn has been put off until the 20 th, the day before she leaves for B.C.
I'm ok with that, because I am not exactly caught up in the Christmas spirit.

My dental surgery was put off until January 20. I am going to see my regular dentist and he is doing the procedure himself - without sedation. I can't afford it and I am tired of dealing with other dentists. I just wanna get it over with.
Shawn and I are going to the dentist together that day - me for my surgery and he is having another root canal. Isn't that romantic?

A relative stopped by today. Most of you may know that I love hanging with family, and they are always welcome in our home. Almost always.
Shawn has a relative named Bob. He is....Odd.
Probably harmless - I am told.
He stopped by today unexpectedly. Of course, Shawn was gone, and asked me to keep him there until he could get back.

OK.

I tried to talking small talk with him. He doesn't really get the whole small talk thing. His idea of small talk is this :

Bob: Remember that time with Shawn?
Me: Ummm...
Bob: You know, that time!
Me: That time...?
Bob: Yeah! That time! With you and Shawn!
Me: Oh, yeah.....That time. That was...great.
Bob: (sitting back in the chair, smiling ear to ear) Yeah! That was the best.

Bob then spent several minutes telling me about his girlfriend's Jack RUSSLER terriers, and how hers have fur just like Bumbles, except that really, they have no fur at all.

God help me.

Bob has a warehouse full of boat mufflers that he bought online from a guy in Australia. He is positive that they will sell like hotcakes.
Thank goodness Bob lives in Orangeville now and we don't see him as often. Bob is best enjoyed in small doses.
Shawn is still not back to work. I am really starting to sweat now. There are only a couple of weeks until Christmas and then there will be no work for almost a whole week after that. There is no way that we can hang on until then.
I mean, the kids can eat just about anything - and they will, but the cats...If they go hungry they will eat my eyes out while I am sleeping. Ok, maybe not my 15 year old orange tabby, but that wild ass crazy black cat of Kayla's will, I know it.
I am NOT going to be wearing an eye patch for the holidays.

Geoff had a lovely vacation in Cuba. I saw some of his photos on facebook. I think that Jessica did, too. I often wonder how he (or any other deadbeat) can sleep at night. He has not bought Jessica any diabetic supplies in over six months and he has no money to help with braces, but he can vacation in Cuba.
I wish that I were that broke, don't you?

Jessica is devastated. She can't understand why she rates so low on his list of priorities and I have no way of explaining it to her. I just hope that this doesn't put a damper on her birthday celebration this weekend.

Anyway, I am not going to let him spoil my holiday season. I refuse to give him that kind of power.

Well, it is late. I usually hang out on my own late into the night, but I am trying to get my sleep back on schedule. I haven't been falling asleep until after 3 am most nights and I have to be honest, it does nothing for my sweet disposition!

Monday`s Thoughts

I have loads of stuff swirling around in my big empty head.

I am so relieved that Jessica's friend is home safely. I still have no idea what happened to her. I am just so happy that her mom can sleep at night now.

I got a phone call from my blogbuddy Camie Vog last night. She says that I sound 'Canadian.'
Most of my Canadian friends will say that I sound like a Nova Scotian. It was great to hear from her, since she doesn't get much blogging done these days with the wee one toddling around and getting into stuff.

Shawn has been off of work since he came home from Toronto. I hate the winter slow down and I hate that it always happens right before the holidays. I am not freaked out, though. We are doing so much better than we were last year at this time. I have not forgotten how far we have come.....Jessica is healthy, I am on my meds, and we are paying off our back rent. Yup, still chipping away at it.

I don't have my Christmas tree up yet and we are celebrating Christmas with Gramma Lynn this Sunday. She is heading out west, to see her other grand baby, so we are having a huge turkey dinner early.
I love Lynn for so many reasons. She is a wonderful grandma to the kids. Beyond wonderful, really. She loves KC and Kayla like her own, and treats them the same as all of the other grand kids. Naw, who am I fooling? She treats them (and Jessica, of course) better then the others. LOL. It's true. She spoils them.
Gramma Lynn has been a great friend to me. When Geoff and I got married, she was my matron of honour, and when Geoff and I divorced, she and I became even closer. We just decided that Geoff leaving was just that, Geoff leaving and it should not affect our relationship.
She is wonderful to Shawn,and calls him her son. I laugh at that, but I love it. She hugs him tight whenever she sees him, and he loves it. His family is not touchy feely and he never got a lot of hugs as a kid. We are making up for it now.
I still have a ton of stuff to get in the mail. I have not mailed TMOC`s package yet. I bought my SIL a Royal Dalton fígurine and now I am kicking myself. How the heck am I going to get that off to Nova Scotia in one piece? I may have to wait until she comes for a visit in January to give it to her. I have to mail the other stuff, though. My brother is a bigger kid than I am about the holidays and he needs his stuff. Of course, there is always a little toy for him, too. This year I found a Pez dispenser that looks a skull. Not very Christmas-y, I know, but he will love it. I also got him the complete series of Soap on DVD. Now he can drive my SIL crazy watching it instead of me. LOL. I am evil.
I am only about half way done my shopping. I got Shawn a sno cone machine. He will love it. I still need to buy something for KC. Can`t say what, she reads this blog and it would spoil the surprise.

Jessica is having a birthday party this Friday. She is having 6 friends sleep over...I hope I know what I have gotten myself into. They are going to watch movies and do `girlie`things. I have to find a place that can make me a peanut free cake, cuz two of her friends are allergic. The only affordable place that I can think of is Zehrs, the same outfit that had me arrested for stealing the cheese. You can see my dilemma. I am banned forever from the place, but I won`t have an issue going to the one that I used to work at. I just feel icky about supporting them in any way after the way that I was treated.

I have been watching Celebrity Rehab 2. Sigh.
Gary Busey is an even bigger freak than I thought, and Jeff Conaway is a jerk. I am so disillusioned. Kinikie is an asshat.
Rodney King on the other hand seems like a sweet guy. Every time I see him I can see the beating in my minds eye, and then the subsequent beating of Reginald Denny during the L.A. riots. It makes me wonder about the human race and the way that we treat each other.

OK, well, Shawn has come home (He was hanging out with his nephew) and brought me a coffee. If I have to make a choice between Tim Hortons or the laptop, Timmie`s will win every time!

Missing Since Thursday

This is 15 year old Shannon. She is a good friend of Jessica's and she has been missing since last night at approx. 5 pm. (Thursday, December 4th)

I think that she was wearing her school uniform when last seen - navy blue pants and a white top.

This is a not a run away. She has never done anything like this before and none of her stuff is missing.

PLEASE, if you live in the Kitchener/Waterloo area and you have seen her, call the police at:
519-653-7700

If you are reading this and are not in our area, please, pray that she is brought home safely. It's cold out there and she is alone.

Thanks.
Biddie

**************************************************************************************
We just got word that Shannon is home. That is all we know for now. Thank you for your prayers - I can only imagine what the past couple of days have been like for her family.
Thank God, she is home now.

Today is a suck ass day. For the second time, I was told that I was having my dental surgery, and for the second time, after I arrived at the dental office (different one then last time), I was told that the actual surgery would be months away.

I hate this. Not only was I up half the night completely freaked out about the whole thing, but I had to get Shawn's dad to drive us (it was out of town) and listen to him complain about he waited outside for us for 20 minutes. (He was there about three minutes before we came out of the house).

The dentist that I saw had teeth that are far worse then mine, which really did not inspire any trust or faith....Then, they tell me that there will be an extra $669 associated with the cost.

WAH????

Why am I just being told this now? Thank goodness the surgery was put off..I don't happen to have $669 kicking around. I can't spend that. Jessica needs her braces and that has to come first.

I have to try to convince my dentist that I can do this in his office.
Yeah, right.

My village is finally up, but we are missing almost 1/3 of it. I have no idea where the village diner is or the cars, people, fences...sigh.
I don't suppose that they could be too far off. Must have been pushed into the back room when Cody started his Fish Room.

Yes, we have a whole room dedicated to fish and aquariums.

Whatever keeps you off the streets, I guess.

Other than that, everything is the same old.

No news is good news, right?