Monday, March 31, 2008

I just realized that I still had some awards to give out. My good friend Gabriel gave me this award some time ago. There are so many excellent blogs out there, it is always difficult to choose. I forget how many I am supposed to pick to recieve this award, I am just gonna award to as amny people as I want to. When have I ever followed the rules?

So, without further ado, I give this award to:

Why? - Well, why not? His blog really is excellent, even though he is a newbie here in blogland. Mind you, I have to live with him, and I will never hear the end of it...His head is already big enough....

Whimsicalbrainpan - Anyone that has ever read her blog knows how excellent it really is. If you haven't stopped be her place, you really should. She truly is exceptional.

Rain - I love her photos. They amaze me each and everytime. Stop in for a visit, you'll see for yourself.

Dilling - Another truly excellent blog, and a great place to visit. I love the photos that she takes on her walkies with Em. I hope that someday I can walk along with her.

Hickchic - We have all read Heidi's blog. It truly is excellent and exceptional.

Christine - She never ceases to amaze me. She seems to know a little bit about everything! Seriously...see for yourself.

Palm Springs Savant (Rick Rockhill) - He keeps me 'in the know' with all of his info about celebs and life in the fast lane. Jessie is still jealous that he met Zac Effron :)

Her Indoors - Katy. I love her sense of humor,and her travel photos. Maybe one of these days, she will travel to Ontario and you will see photos of us together :)

I still have one more award to give out. I'll do that tomorrow (unless my internet goes out, then it'll take me awhile longer)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Heather's Hangout

After much cajoling, my dear friend Heather has decided to start her own blog.
I would like all of my blog buddies to stop by and say hi.
She is wicked cool (we both are, as you can tell from the class photo) and she means alot to me.
You'll love her as much as I do once you get to know her :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ghosts, Dimes, and The Voices In My Head

It's a strange feeling, being mentally ill. I know that my perceptions, way of thinking, and my emotions become altered. I know this. I know that sometimes I act like a maniac, and I am impossible to deal with. I know these things, and yet, in that moment, I am unable to stop myself. I know that part of my mental illness is seeing and hearing things that might not be there. That has been a part of my life since childhood.

I also firmly believe in spirits, ghosts, and the paranormal. How could I not? It has been happening all around for my entire life. In fact, Bio Betty's family are known to have a profound sense of intuition, an ability to forsee the future, and have been dealing with haunted houses for generations.

My mental health has not been great lately. Not at all. In some respects, I am worse than I have been in years. So how then, can I tell if a noise is really a noise, and not something in my head?

Well, one way is when the dogs react. Take today for instance. The tv was on, the birds were chirping, and the dogs were chasing each other all around my livingrooms, into my bedroom, and back again. The noise was incredible considering that I am the only two legged family member home today.

I heard singing.

Now, normally when I hear something like a ghost (or whatever you call it - insert word here), my hair stands up on the back of head and I feel like I'm going to vomit. When I am having a very low point and I hear things, this doesn't happen to me. It's just a noise.

Well, today, I heard that blasted singing.
I tried to ignore it.
It got louder.
The dogs stopped playing. Just STOPPED.
Then, I heard in a sing-songy voice -

They both went to the bottom of the stairs, and growled, their fur standing up on their backs. (Bumble almost NEVER growls, even when he is playing with Ruby).

I gotta tell ya, it scared the jeepers outta me. (In fact, just writing about it is freaking me out again)

I can not even tell you how many times that I have put something down and when I come back, just a split second later, it is gone.
A ten pound bag of dog food went missing for two days once. Just reappeared, like that.
The heat in our house is another thing. The thermostat is constantly being moved. Some nights, I will go to bed, and set the heat at about 19. I will wake up sweating like mad, and see that 'someone' has turned the heat up to 25, or even higher.
Once, when Shawn was having a bath, I brought some clean clothes upstairs for him to change into. When I tried to turn the knob, it was locked. I called through the door to Shawn, and he told me that it was NOT locked, and to try the knob again.
He watched as it unlocked by itself.

Then, there's the money.
Before my Dad died, he promised me that he would come back, if he could, and check in on me and the girls. He gave me his word that he would let me know, one way or another, that there was life after death.
My first inkling that my Dad was around was about 5 days after he died. I was on my bed, despondent and crying.
I heard a voice telling me to stop.
Everything was fine.
It was my Dad.

Ok, so here is where you can say..'She is delusional..She needs her meds.'


I used to find pennies. Pennies were everywhere. I would vacuum the floors, leaving no trace of anything on the carpets. Spotless.
There would be pennies, right where I had just finished cleaning. Not just a penny here or there, but I would find them in strange places, too.
The bathtub, after I had filled it.
The freezer.
Once, I found a penny in my glass of juice.
I laughingly told my Dad that if the pennies were from him, I really did appreciate them, but since money was soo tight, could he send something else? Nickles or dimes, maybe.
Now, I find dimes.

Sunday was a very bad day for me. I won't go into it, but it was BAD. From a mental health stand point.
I spent four hours in my room, crying. Hysterical, really.

Yup. It was that bad.
I prayed to God, to the Saints (remnants of my Catholic upbringing) and asking, begging for help, for a sign.


Last night, as all of the girls slept in their rooms and Shawn was napping on the couch, I went into our room to make the bed. (Yes, yes, making it at bed time). I shook the covers and then smoothed them out.

Later, when I went to bed, there was one lone dime sitting in the middle of the bed.
Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I really am nutso, but I took it as a sign.
Guess what?

I feel better for it.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Friday, March 21, 2008


I have been tagged by Marni to do the Middle Name MeMe. This is what you have to do:

1. Post the rules before you give your answers

2. List one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name.

3. At the end of your blog post, tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.

C is for Cookie, and that's good enough for me.

O is for Obnoxious. This comes directly from my family. (Thanks)

L is for Lunatic. Seriously. You should see me when I am having a manic episode.

L is for Lie Detector. I can always tell when Shawn or one of the girls are lying. I ALWAYS figure it out. (Even if it takes a couple of days)

E is for Eclectic. I like a little bit of everything. My music taste ranges from punk to classic rock to hymnals. I would have to say that there is not one thing about me that is 'normal.
E is for Erratic. Expect the unexpected with me. I hate following rules of ANY kind and you never know what I am going to do next. I like it that way.

N is for Nurturing. I will take in strays, help out my fellow man, and I love helping people. That's why I took my PSW course. I love working with the elderly and hope to get back to it someday.

I have to tag 7 people now. So, I tag:






Tod (Are you still tag free???)


BTW, that was chocolate ice cream that Bumble got into. I will not make that mistake any time in the near future :)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My Ruby

Holy crap. I was at the mall tonight, and Kayla and Jessica were home with the dogs. Bumble ran out the door when Kayla and her bf were trying to go catch a bus.
Kayla ran after Bumble.
Ruby ran after Kayla.
Bf ran after Ruby.......

At that moment, a car was speeding (and I do mean speeding ) down our quiet street, and

Ruby got hit.

She is ok, but the driver didn't even stop. She came thisclose to hitting Kayla.
I am so freaked out, I still feel like crying.

That little dog must have an angel on her shoulder. I don't know what I would do if something happened to her.

Monday, March 17, 2008

MORE Good news

Tomorrow is our new Tribunal date. I am still not sure WHY The Germanators reopened our case, but they did. I think that it has something to do with John leaving the country again and Mrs. Crustini being in charge.
At any rate, tomorrow is the day.

Lucky for me (and Shawn) we don't have to go. John and my worker have made an agreement that will allow us to stay. Period. End of discussion.

My case worker is basically going to pay the church $1000 of the support that Rudi has not been paying. Then, they will go after Rudi for it. That's the gist of it, anyway. So, The Germanators will get that, plus the regular rent at the end of the month. We will have everything paid off in one short year. That's nothing, really. The old agreement that we had would have taken about 2 years to pay it off. Since I will be getting my missing support one way or another, that gives us an extra $239 a month to play with. That will make a HUGE difference for us.

I feel like a million bucks!

Well, like $239, anyway :)

Friday, March 14, 2008

Anyone wanna hear some good news?

I had to go to my see my disability worker today. Actually, Shawn and I both had to go.. I was crazy nervous, because I have only been in the system a few months. I really didn't even sleep last night, I was so worried.
As it turns out, I really had no need to be worried. My worker was awesome. He is going to try to work something out with the church so that we can stay here. We have another Tribunal date on Tuesday, even though we have NOT fallen behind again. I am sick to death of dealing with these people. It is nice to have someone else in my corner, someone to help us. I don't know if our worker will be able to convince The Germanators to let us stay, but either way, I feel better.

I can't get over the difference between Ontario Works (welfare) and Disability. It is the same government, the same system, but the people that I am dealing with now are so much more compassionate. When I had my little breakdown back in 2004-ish, I was on welfare for about three months so that I could get my meds. After that, they dropped me, saying that I was no longer eligible. I am now paying back every penny that I got during those three months, as an over payment. Dealing with the Ontario Works case workers was so awful, that I just gave up.

I also found out that because of my disability, I can get loan forgiveness on my student loan. I have paid back about 2 grand now, and I they are taking my tax refunds because I am not working and can't repay them in a timely manner. This will be a big relief...I feel like I can breathe again.

Our worker also gave me several phone numbers for places that will do my taxes FOR FREE. This is a Godsend, because Shawn got paid a whopping $80 this week, and I need them done ASAP.

Blah, blah, blah...You don't hear from me in over a week and then I babble like a crazy woman.

I am trying to get caught up with everyone, too. Now that Shawn is blogging, it seems that my blog time has doubled. ( I do his typing. He is still doing the hunt and peck thing and his mind works WAY faster than his fingers)

So, I am back, and better than ever. Look out blog world, BIDDIE is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lost some of my links...If you don't see your name, let me know :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Spice Girls

I am still online, but my connection has been hit and miss. I have no idea how it is that I am online, my cable company has phoned me three times to let me know that I have been cut off already. I am keeping my fingers crossed that they don't discover their mistake until we have a chance to pay them off....
Not much else going on really. We got a huge ass pile of snow this past weekend. It actually snowed us in and we couldn't get out for groceries yesterday. I am not kidding when I say that the snow piles out side my house are as tall as me.
WTF? I mean, we are well into march here...I remember March break 1987. I was wearing shorts and riding bikes...Not wearing snowshoes and mittens.
I am kind of bummed out over the lack of work and our finances. It seems like we take two steps forward, one step back. The only thing that cheers me up when I feel this bad is a good laugh. That's why I'm posting this video. KC has posted it before, but I really can't get enough. These guys crack me up!

I thought that I was going to have to resort to one of these. Whew. I have tried several times to post, but they never show up. Darn Blogger.

I AM still online. The cable/phone/internet company thinks that we are off line, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that they keep thinking that. Shawn saw a Rogers van driving on our street with a guy holding a Whisper 2000 looking thing out the window. I think they may be on to us.....

Monday, March 03, 2008

Bad News

I think that I am going to be off line for awhile. My cable/phone/internet company just called me and said that my account is suspended. I can live without my 'net, I suppose, but my phone? Apparently, I will still be able to get calls in, but I can't make calls out. That will be a big fucking help when Shawn has to call about jobs.

Sorry about the cursing. I just feel sick, and I feel like giving up. It will take us forever to get caught up, and I don't know how we will do it without a phone. Never mind if Jessie gets sick.

So, I might be around, I might not. I still have all of my services, but I bet that by tomorrow they will be gone.

Be back when I can.