Saturday, January 23, 2010


I cleaned the kitchen without shedding ONE tear.
For those of you that know me, you will understnd why this is huge!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I survived my harrowing ordeal last week - I lived to tell. Actually, I am not quite ready to talk about it. Talking about my stressors sometimes makes them larger than life. Shawn has his appointment coming up, and then there are various other appointments - the shrink, disability, nothing that should keep me up at night, but they do just the same.
I am ok. I will be ok. I just have to believe.
I have been trying to get out of the house more often, but it has been hard. The winter depresses me - well, obviously, I am depressed, but the winter deepens my dark moods. Plus, there is the whole cold weather part. Nobody feels like going out when you have to wait for the bus when it is -20 or lower outside.
Shawn and I did head out to the movies with KC and Spencer last week. We stopped at Chapters and our favourite toy/hobby shop. What could be a better evening for me?
It was fun, I don't see KC as often as I would like, and there has been no cash for anything like a night out recently, but I just had too get out.

The puppies are turning one on the 27th and we are having a puppy party on the 23rd. I know, I know, these are dogs, but my two sil's that adopted Molly and Chloe don't have two legged babies, and I love having the house full of puppies. I love the fact that I am close enough to some of my in laws to feel comfortable having them over to the house. This would never have happened a couple of years ago.
Shawn groan when I likened the reunion of the the dogs to the Dionne Quintuplets getting together. Lol. What can say? That's how my mind works :)

I had to post this shopping list. Cody actually found it several months ago when he was working at a grocery store. Can you all see what it says there?
I swear, you can not make this stuff up!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I Think I Can

You know that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomache when something - anything - has you so beyond stressed that it is all that you can think of? That queasy, icky, feeling of dread that you get right before a big test, or a trip to the boss's (principal's) office?
Yup. I got it, and I can't shake it.
Something big is going down, alright, but it is something that I have zero amount of control over. So why do I obsess so much?
If I knew the answer to this than I would probably be working full time, I would sleep peacefully without a slew of doctor presrcibed happy pills. I could breathe deeply and step onto the bus alone, without my ipod, without coming up with some sort of escape plan in my head.
I wish that these simple actions were just that for me - simple - but every move that I make outside of these four walls must be carefully planned.
Where was I going with all of this? I have a thing tomorrow, and I am scared sh*tless. I HAVE to this, there is no choice.
I am going to put on my ipod, take some crazy pills, and lean very heavily on my support system - Shawn and Lynn.
I can do this.
I can.

Friday, January 08, 2010

59 Questions - Borrowed From Truth Monkey

[1]What is your middle name? Colleen
2] What color is your mailbox? black
3] Are you available? Depends for what
4] Have you ever hit a deer? Nope, but I have never tried either
.[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? No, but I used to when I was kid and I had nightmares (still do) about the bridge collapsing and falling into the river.
[6] Are you taller than your mom? Nope
.[7] What curse do you say the most when you're pissed? The F word. of course, but I am trying to us other words, like fudge and stuff
[8] Are you God? To my dogs and cats I am

[9]What do you do to get over a broken heart? Sob, cry, mope, and let time work it;s magic. It takes me a looong time to heal
[10] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens? sure, who doesn`t?
[11] Does anything hurt on your body right now? My ankle..dang arthritis
12] Do you often cry during a movie? Like a cranky baby
. [13] Last text message you received? Couldn`t tell you
.[14] Who sent it? Proabaly one of my daughters
[15] Do you hate your life? No, but I wish that I could change a couple of things
[16] Do you get mad easily? Oh yes, but I am working on that too
17] Do you drink? Seldom
18] What is your biggest pet peeve? Only one? People who lie
[19] Are you cold? not right now
[20] Do any of your friends have kids? Oh yeah, lots of em

21] Who should pay on the first date? Depends...
[22] How many years older than you are you willing to date? I have never dated anyone older than me..They have always been my age or younger
[23] Do you have any friends? Not a lot, but the ones that I do have are beyond wonderful
[24] Do you have any mean friends? No way
25] What is the ugliest color in your opinion? Puce
[26] Have you ever dated someone who all your friends couldn't stand? Yup, I even married him
.[27] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously? No, but I have felt like getting toooo close to the edge, just to see what might happen
28] Have you ever contemplated suicide? Sadly, yes, but now I am happily medicated :)
.[29] Do you scratch your ears? Only when they itch
[30] Who was the last person to hug you? Shawn
.[31] What brand are the pants/jeans you're wearing right now? I am wearing blue jammie pants with penguins on them..not sure of the brand..The t shirt..MXM, maybe
[32] How tall are you? 5'6"
[33] What is the closest green object? a Kool Aid cup
[34] What is on your feet?nothing
[35] If you were born the opposite sex, what would your parents have named you? Not sure, but it would have been Irish - Sean, most likely
[36] If you could go back to any time period when would it be? I would love to go back to the 80`s, just for a day or two
.[37] Do you want to have kids? I already have three and they are all but grown now....
[38] What is your favorite color? purple
[39] Who is the friend you have that you thought you would never have? Jethro, cuz we grew up together and he was my brothers best friend..Now, he is like family to me :)
[40] Who do you hate the most right now? I`m sure that he knows who he is and why..If you read my blog than you will know who I mean
[41] What's your mother's middle name? Christina
.[42] What kind of car do you want? any that works
.[43] What is your favorite video game? tetris
44] Do you like your dad? Loved him more anything, but he has been gone ten years now.
[45] Do you have any TV shows on DVD? 21 Jump Street, The A-Team, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, My Name Is Earl, Supernatural, Reaper, Third Watch, Crossing Jordan, Without A Trace, Criminal Minds, Booker, Land Of The Lost, ABC Afterschool Specials, Nip Tuck, Dexter, Desperate Housewives, The Simpsons, V The Sopranos, Oz, Chips, The Brady Bunch,Charles In Charge It was a weak moment)...Possibly more
[46] Are you wearing make up? No.
.[47] Do you have a tattoo? One, in a place that most people will never see!
[48] Have you ever broken a pinata? Once or twice
[49] What time is it right now? 2:25 ish am
[50] Do you know how to draw? Sure, I KNOW how, but knowing and doing are two different things!
[51] Who loves orange soda? Jessica
[52] Who is your hero? My Dad
[53] Who did you last IM? Not a clue
[54] Do you work a lot of hours? My job is at home, so really it never ends
[55] Where were you 24 hours ago? In the living room
[56] Who was the last person that called you? My daughter KC
[57] Is there anything you regret? Lot`s of things..I try not to dwell on it though, too many what if`s will make you crazy
[58] Do you know where your family name originated from? Germany, Ireland, and Scotland[59] Animal that creeps you out? spiders, snakes, jelly fish..many more

Monday, January 04, 2010

Back To Reality

I just can't believe how fast the holidays flew by this year. Jessica is already back at school and our tree has been down for days. The village is still up, of course. I will keep it up as long as possible, which is usually until someone drags the boxes up from the basement as a very subtle hint.

Christmas was beyond what I expected. Not in terms of gifts (which were scarce this year) but in every other way. Grandma Lynn was here for Christmas Day, along with Spencer and Cody. Shawn prepared a veritable feast, and we gorged ourselves on turkey and the fixings. KC actually made dessert this year, and it was incredible. Home made squares and macaroons.

We played Apples To Apples after dinner and laughed ourselves silly. These are the best part of the holidays for me. Time spent with family.

Shawn and I never forget that every year spent with ALL of our girls is a great holiday. It was only two years ago that Jessica spent her whole Christmas break in the hospital. Every year is a gift.

Boxing Day we spent with Heidi and her family. There was of course, another feast, this time we had ham and the fixings. Jessica and Bucky tried to out do each other with his new Bop It, and we played more Apples To Apples. I think that I may need an intervention, cuz we played again on New Years Day when we had our third holiday feast.

New Years Eve Kayla Cody Shawn and I took the bus to Shawn's parents house to hang out with his folks and a couple of his sisters. I'm glad that we went,and I am actually enjoying the time spent with his family, when a few short years ago spending time with them felt like a prison sentence. We have a long way, baby.

Molly (Bella), Ruby and Bumble's baby.

Bumble and his new glasses. He will let Kayla do anything to him, apparently.

Bruno and Lola found the warmest spot in the house.

Ruby and Bumbles babies are almost a year old. It seems like just yesterday that we were sitting up all night bottle feeding the wee lil pups and Ruby was sick. On the other hand, it feels like they have always been a part of our lives. Since two of Shawn's sisters and a cousin of mine have the other three pups, we get to see them now and again. It all worked out rather well, I think. The pups are all healthy, happy and in great homes. Molly and Darby (Bella and Chloe) live like princesses, since their moms don't have any two legged babies of their own. Even my two brothers in law that used to laugh at my small dogs are smitten with their dogs.
I have to admit, I am glad that 2009 is over. It was a tough year for so many people that I care about, with so many different transitions and challenges. I am definitely looking forward to a better and brighter 2010!