Friday, December 31, 2010
I can remember New Year's Eve as we bid farewell to the 70's. My brother, his bff, a bottle of coke and Dick Clark. I had no idea that the new decade would bring so many changes and heart break. I was 11 years old and thought that life was all unicorns and lollipops.
I can recall heading into the 90's (with husband #1) and the new millennium (with #2).
This year, maybe because I am with husband #3 (third time is the charm) or because I have a brand spanking new adorable grandson, I am feeling remarkably positive about this new decade.
Who am I fooling? It is probably the meds :)
Whatever the case, I am spending time with my family tonight and then having a buffet dinner with more loved ones tomorrow. I can't think of a better way to start the new year.
Happy New Year, friends. See you in 2011!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
This year, I am only making one - to get back into the blog world and start writing again.
It doesn't have to be epic, it just has to be me writing my thoughts, my dreams, about my dull ass life, whatever.
Writing is something that doesn't come easily to me anymore. I am not sure if it is the racing thoughts that come with my bi polar/anxiety mood disorder, or the meds that I take for the disorder. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Still, I need to write. The words, thoughts, the urge, is a part of me that I need to acknowledge. So, 2011 will see more of me, my moods, my kids, grandkid, my life in general. I hope that my old friends will be back and I will make some new ones along the way. Christmas Day, Cody, Kayla and Landon. The new family.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I have loved you since the day that you were no more than a thought. I have seen you struggle with your health and other issues and you have never complained. I am proud beyond words and my love is deeper than the vastest oceans and seas.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
You have been hacking into my accounts and using my name for years now. It will not stop me from blogging, speaking my mind, and being the real Bridget Steeves (Allen) Biddie(girl).
There are many other pastimes that you might enjoy equally as much..With your stunning intellect, I suggest starting with something simple - like counting your fingers and watching the Tree House channel.
Mind your own business, take care of your own kids, worry about your own life and stay out of mine.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 06, 2010
He is the spitting image of his mom, yet he looks like his dad, too. He also resembles my Dad - not in a Benjamin Button way - but rather he looks like my father did when he was young.
Landon (or Lando, as I call him) changed my world. He has changed the world of many people, I suspect. He brought joy to Shawn's mom on Sunday when he was the guest of honour at Oma's birthday party.
Seriously, it was like a celebrity was in the house. He is slowly making friends with his cousin Ryder, who at a year and a half, is not quite ready to pass the 'baby' torch. At one point, Ryder was showing everyone his finger, where Landon had bitten him in an unprovoked attack.
Kayla is doing an imcredible job as mommy. I am so proud of her.
There is more to my life than just Landon, though.
Jessica turns 16 on the 16 th. She does not want a party, or any kind of fuss. I still haven't decided what to get her, and her big day is quickly approaching.
Christmas is just around the corner too and *gasp* my village is nowhere to be seen. It is still in the basement, gathering dust.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Kayla has been feeling fine - well, if fine is huge and tired - and is so ready to hold her little one tight.
This child has been the catalyst for so much change and he is not even here yet. I credit Landon for giving me the strength to call my Mum and tell her that she was going to be a great grandma. We had not spoken in years and even though I had a lot of anger towards her, all I really wanted was her love and approval.
I am sad to say that we wasted so many years, but beyond happy to tell you that we finally have what is shaping up to be a 'normal' relationship. At 41, and a month away from becoming a grandmother, I have my own mother in my life.
As for my step mother...I doubt if she even knows that Kayla is expecting. Oh, who am I kidding? Everyone has facebook and she has probably heard the news. I have not heard from her, though, and honestly? I am good with that. Sometimes you have to slough off the crap, and that is what I am doing.
It's not about anger anymore. I just don't see what she or any of the others from that side of the 'family' have to offer to my kids, or my grandson for that matter.
I only want positive people in Landon's life, so I guess that leaves Mission Mary out in the cold.
My sister in law was here last month and I think that she may have seen a little bit of the 'real' me. I can hide my crazy ass ways when people only see me at family gatherings, or for small periods of time. My SIL actually spent two nights here. Gah.
I love her so much and she is just about the sweetest person that I know. We have silly fun days out at the second hand stores or just hanging at the house. I mean, she is awesome.
And I was stressed beyond the max. I sleep schedules are all screwed up, I can barely function like a person should - cooking, cleaning, all of that - and I am a big moody mess sometimes. I hope that her stay wasn't marred by my mental madness.
Jessica will be 16 next month, right about the time that Landon is due. I want to make a big deal out of her sweet sixteen, but the timing could not be worse. You never know with Jess anyway. She may very well prefer a quiet night with her boyfriend to a big party and all of that hoopla.
Speaking of grandmothers and hoopla - it is getting too late for this old lady.
Talk to ya'll soon.
Monday, October 11, 2010
My depression has been deep and dark, for reasons known only to my misfiring brain. I do have some weighty issues on my mind, but that in itself is not the problem.
I find myself laying (lying??) awake at night, obsessing about so many different things. My heart is heavy at the thought that Kayla's childhood is gone. At 19 it was anyway, but this makes everything so final. It feels too soon, too fast, too much. Not the baby itself, but the way in which time passes.
On the other hand, I am rejoicing at the arrival of my grandson, who will be here in less then two months! I see little boys in strollers and my heart sings, knowing that soon enough I will have a wee little boy to hold and love.
Many of my days this past month or so have been spent in my room, on my bed. Not sleeping, but not not sleeping.
I am enjoying a healthier relationship with my Mum that ever before. I still watch what I say - I want to believe that this is all real, but I am cautious. I do love her, and now I can tell her that.
My sister in law is coming for a much anticipated visit. This gives me the kick in the ass that I need to get the house in order. Plus, she is just about the sweetest person that I know.
Ok, just babbling now. I had to write, just write something. For the first time in years I can actually read a book. Is that a side effect of sleeplessness and all of my morose moods?
If it is, then that is one less thing to complain about.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Would you fight off the panic, the anxiety, the terrror that you feel just thinking about getting on a plane and flying to another country, and actually do it?
Would you give your sister, a part of you? A lung, liver, anything that she needed to see her next birthday?
Maybe, just maybe, this is why we found each other. Maybe, just maybe, I was born to do this.
All I know is, I have to try.
I love my sister too much not to.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
This is a bit blurry cuz we were on the move, but that is Darth Vader using the ATM.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
You have to be FATHER before you can be a GRANDfather. Think about it.
Some people are real bozo's when they booze. Put the beer/rum/vodka/whiskey DOWN and drink some water. You might like it.
Taking someone out to supper or making them a table in arts n crafts does NOT make up for years of neglect and/or abuse.
I have the best and coolest friends in the world.
Forgiveness can be a difficult and loong process. I am still working on it.
I may not be married in the conventional way - church-preacher-signed on the dotted line way, but I feel more married to Shawn than I ever did to Rudi or Geoff.
I hate, I mean HATE that I have all sorts of 'issues' that run my life.
I am so tired of explaining to people why I don't have a job. If it were your business, you would know and there would be no reason to ask.
My father has been gone for 11 years and I still dream about him almost every night.
My head is more cluttered than my house.
My blog buddies know me better than most of the people that are related to me, and I am ok with that.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I also had an interesting phone call this evening. A friend/family member that I have not heard from in quite some time called me out of the blue. This person and I were once very close, but metal illness (hers), divorce (mine) and physical distance all took its tool on our friendship.
She has been homeless at times, in care at others, and just plain lost. Mental illness messed her up but good....
When she called today she told me that she has a good relationship with her daughters, holds down a job at Wal-Mart, and was incredibly lucid and focused on the phone.
Or, so I thought....She went on to tell me about a Christmas with her family a few years back and that she made the dress herself.
Wonderful! Except for one thing.
It was a wedding dress...
I am not poking fun at her. I am honestly not. I just feel so awful for her and I am thanking my lucky stars that I am bi polar, and not suffering from a worse , more debilitating illness.
Jessica and I were at the ER twice in two days this week. She had an infection that spiked her blood sugar and made her feel all around just miserable. We got some anti biotics and headed off for home. The 2nd night, it a new problem, a new pain, and x rays.
It looks as though everything will be ok and the pain is temporary.
Thank goodness. I really didn't her to spend her last two weeks of vacay in the hospital.
Speaking of vacay - Two more weeks and us girls are off to the FAN EXPO!
William Shatner, Adam West, Burt Ward, James Marsters, AND the original Bat mobile from the TV series will be there.
I am one happy geek!
I know that I have been neglecting my blog buddies, and I promise to make my rounds in the next few days.
I have to see what you all have been doing!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Down swing or not, I hauled my butt out of bed at 6 am on Friday morning to go babysitting with Kayla. We weren't paid in cash, but traded a baby mattress for our work. It was worth it. We babysat a 2 1/2 year old energetic little boy. Did I say energetic? That would be an understatement to say the least.
Oh, did I also mention the rather large dog that was part of the arrangement? She was rather big - not heavy, but about 2 inches taller than Kayla while standing on her hind legs. Did I also mention that she was so protective of the boy that we could barely get in and out of his room? Even sharing my breakfast muffin only earned me about thismuch trust.
I had forgotten how your (my) body feels after lifting, running, and playing with a 2 year old for 6 hours.
My day was far from over after the day care portion. Oh no, KC and I had errands to run which can take hours when you are going by bus and foot power. Since our errands took us to the pharmacy directly across from Toys R Us, I had to stop in. With KC as an Auntie this baby will want for nothing, I can tell you that much.
Speaking of the baby, we will find in just a few more days if I will have a grand daughter or grandson. I am hoping for a girl, partly because will be named after my Nanie, the one that helped to raise me, my Dad's mom.
It doesn't matter either way. A boy will be loved just as much.
There is so much happening right now, aside from becoming a grandma. Shawn's health issues have not gotten any better, they are actually worse than ever. The pain treatments are living up to their name - it hurts like hell. He is not feeling any relief and we are struggling to make ends meet, never mind paying for these treatments that are so far doing nothing. Worse than nothing, really.
I am trying to stay positive, I honestly am. I just feel constantly overwhelmed and it seems as though my chest pain is always there, nagging and consistent.
The good news is that Kayla is doing well. She looks wonderful, and the baby is fine. KC is going to Nova Scotia at the end of the month for a week to visit my brother. I wish that I were going too, but this is the next best thing. Jessica got her report card and she not only passed everything, but she actually did quite well. I am so proud of her.
I know that there have been worse things happen to me - to my friends and family - but right now I can't deal. I am doing my best to look at what I have instead of what I don't, but it is becoming more difficult everyday.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
It is so real now, and I am so in love with this little person that I haven't even met yet.
There will be another ultrsound on the 21 st and that will tell us if we are having a boy or a girl...Either way, I am love struck.
Monday, June 28, 2010
How serendipitous was it that The Rebels just happened to be in K-Town on my 40+1 birthday? I was finally able to keep a loong ago promise to my first born.
We saw The Forgotten Rebels and they kicked ass! Speaking of kicking, how do like my new kicks? They were a birthday gift from KC along with the Rebels night out, and a ton of other things...New clothes, a night out at the movies....I was most definitely spoiled. Not like I am complaining :)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Kayla and Cody left and about two hours later she phoned and asked if we were still up. She had forgotten something and she wanted to come back and get it. This was approx two hours after we had last seen her. She came back and she was showing. I mean, not the teeny little baby belly that has been sporting, but the baby popped out and she looks like a mom-to-be now.
KC took me to the movies on the 18th for an early birthday gift. Heidi came along and we saw The A-Team. I have been soo stoked to see it. I am sad to say, the movie was a disappointment. Oh, don't get me wrong, it was non stop action and it had me laughing out loud at times. The problem, as a fan of the original series, was, Murdoch.
The actor that played him was great, I just didn't but him as 'Howling Mad.'
Bradley Cooper, however, is a different story. He is just pretty enough to pull off Face. He's no Robert Downey Jr, but he is a cutie.
Liam Neeson as Hannibal, the character that George Peppard perfected? Not so much. I adored him in Taken, where he single handedly took on half of Paris to rescue his daughter. George Peppard worked with Audrey Hepburn, and then later went on to do the The A-Team. What kind of range is that?
Now B.A. I liked. He was just likable enough, not the one syllable spouting, chain wearing tough guy that Mr.T portrayed.
The next movie on my list is Toy Story 3.
My fourth blogiversary was on the 16th. Four years that have flown by as I have shared my life with friends around the world. I feel so blessed to have 'met' you all, and truthfully, I have Heidi to thank for it. She introduced to the wide world of blogging and I haven't looked back since.
Here's hoping for another fab four years!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
It was one of those days, ya know?
I got my cable bill and it had a staggering $200+ dollars in pay per view charges. Not just pay per view, but pay per view porn.
It would be funny as hell if weren't so freaking expensive.
My On Demand choice is almost always the free stuff - catching up on Glee, or Criminal Minds, with the odd documentary (Car For A Dollar) or 80's flick like Krush Groove. The lay out of our very small house is not exactly conducive to any kind of privacy, never mind the kind that you would need to watch some kind of nudity and actually enjoy it. I mean, that is the point, right?
As it turns out, our neighbours were able to steal our signal for over six weeks. (Now that I think about it, they did stay in a lot..Hmm) I didn't ask for any of the titles of the movies (the first rep that I spoke to was too embarrassed to read them) It really didn't matter, I know that the charges are not mine. Or Shawn's, or anyone else's in this house. If they had been my charges, I would have just paid them. I would have been too humiliated to argue....
Anyway, after being called a perv by the second rep that I spoke to, I was able to get the bill knocked down by $130 - which still leaves me out of pocket by the same amount.
We are puppy sitting this week, too. We had 4 gorgeous, tumbling, jumping, chewing, braying pups that are poop machines. Kayla's favourite went to her forever home last night. The other three (Kayla calls them brown boy, black boy, and Fun Puppy) are still here.
Well, that's a good question. The guy that dropped them off is MIA. Kidnapped? Drafted? Incarcerated? Lost?
I have no idea. Nobody has seen him in days and meanwhile I have three poop monsters crawling all over my floors.
I am at a loss. I love dogs, but I already have a whole pack of my own..
WHEN will I learn to just say no to people???
My Mum and I have spoken on a the phone a few more times and have exchanged lots of emails. (She lives in another province, so we won't be seeing each other any time soon).
I have been reflecting on the past and all of the years that we lost. I wish that I had a magic wand and I could do all of it over. I would call her on Mothers Day, even if I were angry. I would take back all of the awful, hateful words that I have spewed angrily at her. The hurt, the pain, it would all be gone.
I can't do that. There is nothing that any of us can do to change the past, so I am looking toward the future. I am putting my energy into being a good mom, wife, grandmother, daughter....
This tiny baby has changed so much for me, for my family.
I am so thankful. Kayla has given my Mum and I a chance to start again.
I never dreamed that I could have this bond with my mother.
Friday, May 28, 2010
In a few short months, I Biddie, will be a grandmother. Well, a Nanie, to be more precise.
Best Mothers Day gift, ever? Kayla telling me that she was giving me my first ever grandchild.
I seriously stoked. I can't wait until they place this little person in my arms and let me hold him(?). It feels like a million years away, yet I know that the days will fly by and he will be here before we know it.
Kristy and Jessica are over the moon. Kristy and I have already brought home bags and bags of baby clothes, socks, receiving blankets...Yet there is still so much more that we will need. I plan on being the number one babysitter so that Kayla can go back to work as soon as she is ready.
As for Kayla......She is scared. I mean, it IS scary, bringing a new life into the world and being responsible for that life for at least the next 18 years. It is also wonderful, and rewarding, and the best job that you will ever have.
I know that Kayla will be a wonderful mom, I just hope that I don't disappoint as a Nanie.
The other bit of news that has my head spinning? I got a phone call from my Mum, Betty, two nights ago. I had left a message on her answering machine, letting her know that she is going to be great Nanie. I thought that even if we weren't speaking, she still deserved to hear it from me, not second hand, or as a stream on facebook.
It was awkward at first, and there were many silences that broke our conversation up into nervous chit chat. Still, we spoke. To each other. Kindly, and with respect.
Then, before we hung up, she apologized. To me. For all of it..All of the wasted years, the sadness, the hurt. The best part?
I heard something that I have not heard since..well, I actually don't know how long it has been since she said those words to me.
I LOVE YOU.
Can life get any better???
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I am just trying to wrap my head around some stuff right now.
I finally saw Iron Man 2. RDJ did not disappoint, and I am love with him all over again. KC and I spent most of the weekend together and we had soo much fun. We went shopping on Saturday and completely blew our budget, but I think that it was worth it. It has been oh so long since we have had that much fun.
Ok, it is getting late and tomorrow is going to be a crazy day. Big news soon, my friends, I promise!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thursday, May 06, 2010
I can tell you that my cute as a button nephew turned ONE a few days back. He was so well behaved, even though he was all jacked up on sugar from the cake and birthday treats. I can't believe how quickly the first year flew by.
Shawn is finally going to see a pain specialist next week. We are praying that this doc can offer Shawn some hope for the future. Hope that he can live pain free - or at least have some kind of productive life. This last year or so have been hell for him. He misses work and the pain has gotten so bad that there is very little quality of life for him.
KC has a new job at a brand new dental practice is so far, thrilled. I find money to be a great motivator.
As for Geoff and Steff..For those of you that don't know, Geoff is my x husband - x number 2. He is the bio father of Jessica and he raised Kayla and KC. Anyway, it seems that Steff is so jealous of my 15 year old that when Jess phoned Geoff a couple of months back, she was told (and I quote)
Don't bother calling here anymore..He has a new family now.
This, of course reduced Jessica to tears, which of course, enraged me.
I just don't understand. HOW does a person walk away from their own child? What kind of a person is capable of that?
It's a mystery that I may never know the answer to.
In other news, Kayla and I saw the new Nightmare On Elm Street. I really just didn't buy a former child star as the evil child killer, Freddie Kruger. No Robert Englund, no fans in this house.
Iron Man 2 is coming out at MIDNIGHT.
RDJ at his finest. I. Can. NOT. Wait.
Oh, and one more thing.
WTF is going on with LOST?
Sayid, Jin and Sun are all - dead?
I hope that the weird flash sideways thing is going to show us that they are living happily ever after, somewhere.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
This is my wee nephew Ryder, all growed up at 9 months. Isn't he the sweetest lil guy? I seriously do not get to see him often enough, but who knows what the spring weather may hold for us. With our family friendly yard and swing set I just may get more lil guy time yet.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
I hate this.
The break up itself has been difficult enough. The move into a smaller home has us all jockeying for our own space and there truly is so little of it.
The worst, the very worst of all of this has been the breakdown of a family unit.What else can you call, really? We welcomed Spencer into our hearts and home, made him one of us.
It seems so unfair that Kayla has to give up her confidant and Jessica has now lost the closest think to an older brother that she has ever known.
Shawn has lost a fishing buddy, and Spencer has lost his father figure.
KC has lost all thst she has known for the last three years. The person that she loved lied, cheated and betrayed her in nearly every way possible. This is not a transgression that I take lightly....My daughters are my everything.
If there is one good that came of this it's that my daughter is back at home where she is cherished and loved for the wonderful woman that she is.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Things had not being go well with her and Spencer, and they have decided that maybe they will be better apart. These things happen. They were both very young when they got involved, I think that Spencer was only 19 when KC moved in with him...
Shawn and I had an idea that thie relationship may not be forever (mostly due to thier young ages).
I have tried to stay neutral on this matter. The last thing that you want is to trash the ex only have the happy couple reunite. I doubt that is going to happen, so I am going to rant a wee bit.
This guy has grown up issues to deal with - unpaid bills, items that were purchased together need to be sorted, and maybe Spencer will have to put on big boy pants for 10 minutes so that KC can actually move on with her life.
I HATE this. Watching my kid, my girl, suffering because the person that she was with for 3 years has suddenly decided that he needs to be a kid again.
I am just effing angry. My kid deserves better, she should be feeling great about herself, not wondering what is wrong with her.
She is gorgeous, funny, well educated, personable, intellegent..The list goes on.
I just want to be able to fast forward through all of the pain that KC is in. I can't stand watching her anymore. She deserves respect and love, not this.
I'm sorry...I wanted to be able to say that I was ok with all of this, but the truth is, I think that I am almost as heartbroken as my daughter.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Shawn, on the other hand, wants video games for the PlayStation. Not the PS3 that nobody ever plays anymore, but the PS1.
He might as well ask me to cook.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
~ Shawn has another appointment tomorrow for a CT scan. I am keeping my fingers crossed that something actually comes of this..
~ Shawn's mother is STILL in the hospital. It has been over two weeks now and every day is the same thing - maybe tomorrow she can go home.
~ Shawn's screw guns were stolen, AGAIN, this time by a co worker and possibly a family member. Isn't that nice?
~ Someone that both Shawn and I have known for a loong time passed away last week. He was not exactly a friend of mine, but I did know him, and it just seemed so sudden. We are both still so shaken by it, ya know? So fast and unexpected, and whamo, here we are at the funeral home, again.
~ Kayla has a new job, and she is loving it. It is only part time, so she is looking for another job so that she can save for school.
~ Speaking of school, KC is now DONE and working for a dentist in Waterloo. She LOVES her job, and I am soo proud of her.
~ Jessica is still st her school, and that is where she will be staying. I had a meeting with a VP and a guidance counseller, and took Grandma Lynn along. She kept me calm and on track...The bottom line? Jessica's family doc wrote us a letter suggesting that she would do well in her current school and that moving to another might trigger stress and high blood sugar. I am beyond relieved. (Thank you Dr.D)
~ We got a new(ish) king size bed that is large enough for Shawn, the dogs, and me! It is heaven on earth!
Whoo hoo! I promise I will be heading over to visit you all soon :)
Monday, February 01, 2010
Dear Blogger -
What a week! The puppy party was a smash hit, with all five of the babies, their new families and our mommy and daddy dogs here, it was insane, chaotic, and just plain wonderful.
I am fairly certain that Ruby remembered her pups. They all remembered us - mind you, we spent countless hours bottle feeding them while they were with us. They have all grown into well adjusted, loving, dogs.
Things even went well with my sisters in law and their husbands. I have to admit, this was a big deal for me. I always get nervous when I have to the whole 'Happy Homemaker' thing, but I pulled it off!
I think that we will make this an annual event. We have to - it was that much fun.
Shawn and I had an interesting group counselling session on Saturday afternoon. We signed up for this class as a way to get our toes wet, so to speak, and to see if this place is the place for us. Well, I can say without a doubt that this is NOT the right place for us, but I am still glad I went. Either way I see it as a step in the right direction, even if the lady in charge is a bit of a tree hugging share the love, come on gimme a hug type. Sweet lady, just not right for us. We are checking out another place next week and I am hoping that it will be a better fit.
Shawn's mother has been ill. She is diabetic, and now her kidneys are failing. The doctors seem to think that she may only need dialysis as a temporary measure, but I am skeptical. She is 86 ish and her health has been failing for some time.
I am doing my best to be there for Shawn, but this is a hard one for me. We all grieve differently, and in this way, his family is so very unlike mine. We (my girls, my Dad, Grandma Lynn) are all touchy feely gimme some sugar kind of folks. Shawn's family..? Not so much. I want so badly to throw my arms around his mother and hold her tight, but that is just not done.
Speaking of Shawn, we finally had that appointment that we were waiting for. It did not go well. For whatever reason, the family doc sent Shawn to a surgeon that specializes in tumors. Just not in orthopedics....So, off we go for more tests, and Shawn is feeling defeated. It seems as though no one is taking his pain seriously and I am frightened that no one ever will. I can never let Shawn know this, I am doing my best to stay strong. He has been there for me so many times, I need to do this. I NEED to be strong, there is no other option.
Saturday evening gave me an opportunity to pay it forward. My dearest, bestest friends ever were in town, dealing with a loss...So often I unable to actually BE there, cuz, you know, we don`t have a car and getting around ain`t easy.
It so great to see Miss Sally, even under the circumstances. My family and friends rock, and I am so beyond lucky to have them. I hope that they know that.
We also finally got our health cards, dealt with (boring) legal issues and the principal of Jessica`s school. She is hell bent on transferring Jess to a different school, despite the fact that the other school is way farther away, I would have to buy all new uniforms, and Jessica has been crying almost everyday over the stress of it. She LOVES her school, and her blood sugars have been bouncing around since all of this started. I wonder if Mrs. T.H really understands who she is dealing with here. I won`t let my daughter get bullied and she WILL be back for semester two. You can count on it.
This week has been a roller coaster of emotions and I am so relieved that it is finally OVER. I plan on doing nothing except hanging with my dogs and catching up on Lost.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I am ok. I will be ok. I just have to believe.
I have been trying to get out of the house more often, but it has been hard. The winter depresses me - well, obviously, I am depressed, but the winter deepens my dark moods. Plus, there is the whole cold weather part. Nobody feels like going out when you have to wait for the bus when it is -20 or lower outside.
Shawn and I did head out to the movies with KC and Spencer last week. We stopped at Chapters and our favourite toy/hobby shop. What could be a better evening for me?
It was fun, I don't see KC as often as I would like, and there has been no cash for anything like a night out recently, but I just had too get out.
The puppies are turning one on the 27th and we are having a puppy party on the 23rd. I know, I know, these are dogs, but my two sil's that adopted Molly and Chloe don't have two legged babies, and I love having the house full of puppies. I love the fact that I am close enough to some of my in laws to feel comfortable having them over to the house. This would never have happened a couple of years ago.
Shawn groan when I likened the reunion of the the dogs to the Dionne Quintuplets getting together. Lol. What can say? That's how my mind works :)
I had to post this shopping list. Cody actually found it several months ago when he was working at a grocery store. Can you all see what it says there?
I swear, you can not make this stuff up!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Yup. I got it, and I can't shake it.
Something big is going down, alright, but it is something that I have zero amount of control over. So why do I obsess so much?
If I knew the answer to this than I would probably be working full time, I would sleep peacefully without a slew of doctor presrcibed happy pills. I could breathe deeply and step onto the bus alone, without my ipod, without coming up with some sort of escape plan in my head.
I wish that these simple actions were just that for me - simple - but every move that I make outside of these four walls must be carefully planned.
Where was I going with all of this? I have a thing tomorrow, and I am scared sh*tless. I HAVE to this, there is no choice.
I am going to put on my ipod, take some crazy pills, and lean very heavily on my support system - Shawn and Lynn.
I can do this.
Friday, January 08, 2010
2] What color is your mailbox? black
3] Are you available? Depends for what
4] Have you ever hit a deer? Nope, but I have never tried either
. Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? No, but I used to when I was kid and I had nightmares (still do) about the bridge collapsing and falling into the river.
 Are you taller than your mom? Nope
. What curse do you say the most when you're pissed? The F word. of course, but I am trying to us other words, like fudge and stuff
 Are you God? To my dogs and cats I am
What do you do to get over a broken heart? Sob, cry, mope, and let time work it;s magic. It takes me a looong time to heal
 Do you enjoy writing in colored pens? sure, who doesn`t?
 Does anything hurt on your body right now? My ankle..dang arthritis
12] Do you often cry during a movie? Like a cranky baby
.  Last text message you received? Couldn`t tell you
. Who sent it? Proabaly one of my daughters
 Do you hate your life? No, but I wish that I could change a couple of things
 Do you get mad easily? Oh yes, but I am working on that too
17] Do you drink? Seldom
18] What is your biggest pet peeve? Only one? People who lie
 Are you cold? not right now
 Do any of your friends have kids? Oh yeah, lots of em
21] Who should pay on the first date? Depends...
 How many years older than you are you willing to date? I have never dated anyone older than me..They have always been my age or younger
 Do you have any friends? Not a lot, but the ones that I do have are beyond wonderful
 Do you have any mean friends? No way
25] What is the ugliest color in your opinion? Puce
 Have you ever dated someone who all your friends couldn't stand? Yup, I even married him
. Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously? No, but I have felt like getting toooo close to the edge, just to see what might happen
28] Have you ever contemplated suicide? Sadly, yes, but now I am happily medicated :)
. Do you scratch your ears? Only when they itch
 Who was the last person to hug you? Shawn
. What brand are the pants/jeans you're wearing right now? I am wearing blue jammie pants with penguins on them..not sure of the brand..The t shirt..MXM, maybe
 How tall are you? 5'6"
 What is the closest green object? a Kool Aid cup
 What is on your feet?nothing
 If you were born the opposite sex, what would your parents have named you? Not sure, but it would have been Irish - Sean, most likely
 If you could go back to any time period when would it be? I would love to go back to the 80`s, just for a day or two
. Do you want to have kids? I already have three and they are all but grown now....
 What is your favorite color? purple
 Who is the friend you have that you thought you would never have? Jethro, cuz we grew up together and he was my brothers best friend..Now, he is like family to me :)
 Who do you hate the most right now? I`m sure that he knows who he is and why..If you read my blog than you will know who I mean
 What's your mother's middle name? Christina
. What kind of car do you want? any that works
. What is your favorite video game? tetris
44] Do you like your dad? Loved him more anything, but he has been gone ten years now.
 Do you have any TV shows on DVD? 21 Jump Street, The A-Team, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, My Name Is Earl, Supernatural, Reaper, Third Watch, Crossing Jordan, Without A Trace, Criminal Minds, Booker, Land Of The Lost, ABC Afterschool Specials, Nip Tuck, Dexter, Desperate Housewives, The Simpsons, V The Sopranos, Oz, Chips, The Brady Bunch,Charles In Charge It was a weak moment)...Possibly more
 Are you wearing make up? No.
. Do you have a tattoo? One, in a place that most people will never see!
 Have you ever broken a pinata? Once or twice
 What time is it right now? 2:25 ish am
 Do you know how to draw? Sure, I KNOW how, but knowing and doing are two different things!
 Who loves orange soda? Jessica
 Who is your hero? My Dad
 Who did you last IM? Not a clue
 Do you work a lot of hours? My job is at home, so really it never ends
 Where were you 24 hours ago? In the living room
 Who was the last person that called you? My daughter KC
 Is there anything you regret? Lot`s of things..I try not to dwell on it though, too many what if`s will make you crazy
 Do you know where your family name originated from? Germany, Ireland, and Scotland Animal that creeps you out? spiders, snakes, jelly fish..many more
Monday, January 04, 2010
Christmas was beyond what I expected. Not in terms of gifts (which were scarce this year) but in every other way. Grandma Lynn was here for Christmas Day, along with Spencer and Cody. Shawn prepared a veritable feast, and we gorged ourselves on turkey and the fixings. KC actually made dessert this year, and it was incredible. Home made squares and macaroons.
We played Apples To Apples after dinner and laughed ourselves silly. These are the best part of the holidays for me. Time spent with family.
Shawn and I never forget that every year spent with ALL of our girls is a great holiday. It was only two years ago that Jessica spent her whole Christmas break in the hospital. Every year is a gift.
Boxing Day we spent with Heidi and her family. There was of course, another feast, this time we had ham and the fixings. Jessica and Bucky tried to out do each other with his new Bop It, and we played more Apples To Apples. I think that I may need an intervention, cuz we played again on New Years Day when we had our third holiday feast.
New Years Eve Kayla Cody Shawn and I took the bus to Shawn's parents house to hang out with his folks and a couple of his sisters. I'm glad that we went,and I am actually enjoying the time spent with his family, when a few short years ago spending time with them felt like a prison sentence. We have a long way, baby.
Molly (Bella), Ruby and Bumble's baby.