Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's Like This

Ok. I have been gone a long time. There has been a lot going on and I am not coping well.
I am not ready to talk about Jessica. Things might not be as bad as I think, but I don't want to talk about it or even dwell on it. I am afraid of jinxing it. For now, she is ok. Well, her boyfriend broke up with her in a text message, but other than that, she is fine.
The concert was incredible. Beyond anything that I could have imagined. Kayla and I had a great time together in Toronto. We spent the day after the concert window shopping and hanging out with KC and Spencer. I love Toronto! We took a pile of photos, but since my pc is still a mess, I haven't been able to download any yet.
I got a card in the mail last week from my blog buddy, Whim. It was handwritten and I can't tell you how wonderful it was to get a real card. I nearly cried when I read it, but I held it together, barely.

Something else happened last week. I can't get into too many details, but we very nearly had one less family family member on Shawns side of the family. One of his nephews was actually stabbed with a screwdriver.
I am not sure if it was because of my meds situation (or lack there of right now) or a serious case of family loyalty, but my reaction to A's stabbing affected me in a way that I shocked even me. I felt an overwhelming need for vengeance and it scared the f**k outta me. I very nearly did something that would have changed the course of many lives - forever.
Geoff is a Major stressor for me right now, too. He refuses to help out at all with Jessica and her braces, but he has money to fly off to Cuba? I have asked him for $1000 and the total is estimated to be about 8 grand. Even with his second job, he is too broke to help. Maybe they are flying there on Steffanie's broom stick and saving money that way. I'll have to ask her what kind of mileage she gets.
I am off my meds. I don't have any left, other than my sleepers, which are not working anymore. I seem unable to do what it is I need to do to get more meds. I seem unable to do anything right now, except to be angry. Life is not much fun right now. For me, or those around me.
Argh. I am not going to whine here, not today. I am just telling it like it is. I know that things could be worse and I am trying to focus on that....The fact that things could be, and have been worse.

I am going to see my Grandmother on Sunday. She lives about 4 hours away and because we don't have a car, getting to Windsor is no easy feat. Spencer is driving us on the weekend and this will be the first time that Shawn will meet my Dad's side of the family.

Hopefully, I will be around more this week. I have missed you all.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Bad Day

Shawn can't make the trip with us this week. He has to go to work, has to push, push, push, to make his deadline and pay the bills. My hotel is already booked and paid for, so Kayla will go with me instead. That's ok by me, I think that it will do us some good to have time alone.

Speaking of Kayla, she brought home a kitten. Need I say more?

Jessica saw her Doc today. It was bad news. I am feeling completely drained, tight chested, and overwhelmed. I really thought that she was on the right track. Now, I am not so sure of anything.

Monday, September 08, 2008

There is so much stuff going on at my house, I can barely keep up.
I went to see my shrink, and he put me on a new drug - Cymbalta. I am still on Wellbutrin, too, but this is supposed to make some drastic change for me. So far, all it has done is upset my tummy and make me sleepy. I will stick with it, though. After all, what have I got to lose?

The girls are back in school. This means that I finally have the house to myself again during the day. Whoo Hoo! I like having the kids home, but by September, I am usually ready for some alone time.

I had an interesting phone call last week. A guy from a talent agency- Jerry - called to inquire about Jessica. KC had given Jessica's name and info to his place of business (Hollywood something or other) and he called us within a day or two. Jerry wants to represent Jessica and get her some auditions...he mentioned lots of companies and tv shows (Disney, Universal, Nickelodeon,Fox, and Hannah Montana). I just about fainted when he called. He wants her to get head shots and start going on auditions immediately.

Poor Jessica. She had absolutely no idea that KC had even sent her name in anywhere. I think that she is too shy for that kind of thing. It is kind of cool though, and very appealing, but I don't think that it is something we will pursue.

In other news, our household has a new member. Cody, Kayla's boyfriend has moved in. His mom bought a house out of town, and he wanted to finish his last year of high school with his friends.
I was reluctant to agree to this arrangement, at first. I mean, aside from the obvious (boyfriend/girlfriend thing) there is the whole privacy issue. I am a freak and I love my privacy. Some days I am in my nightie until close to 3:00. Then, there is the whole mental health problem. I cry - a lot. I stay in my room - a lot. I don't clean up some days, or make dinner or do anything.
So far, it has been fine. Cody fits right in with the family and we love having him here. Kayla and Cody are seeing that it is not always mirth and laughter to live with your better half. In fact, they are getting on each others nerves more often then not.
Shawn has a new buddy now, too. He and Cody are getting on famously, and it something that I think has been lacking for both of them. Cody needed a father figure,and Shawn needed another male in the house. Before Cody, estrogen was practically dripping off of the walls here.

Our Big Trip to Toronto is almost here, too. With any luck, we will be spending the night in Toronto after the NKOTB concert. Shawn and I have never had a vacation, and we have never stayed in a decent hotel, either.
It seems fitting that our first night away should fall on our anniversay.

Yup, seven years.

It seems like only yesterday, and yet, in some ways, it feels like we have always been together.
Oh, I almost forgot the best news of all!

The A-Team is on everyday at 3:00.

I love it when a plan comes together :)

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

First Day

Today was Jessica`s first day of highschool. She has to wear a uniform, and you can see how thrilled she is.
Sigh....she is growing too fast for me.