Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Ok, I will be super quick, because it is almost midnight and I am trying to get stuff done.....I will be at the hospital for about 13 hours tomorrow, and I won't have time to write.

Not much change today. Jessica has a new monitor, new pen needles, and a new insulin regime. They will be checking her kidneys this time around, too. That is really all I know.

She is ok, just bored and lonely. I stay with her as long as I can, but, as she keeps reminding me, I am boring. We have been playing Wii, watching tv, walking the halls and playing board games. There isn't much else to do. I hope that her kidnesys are fine and we can take her home soon.

Thanks for praying and thinking of us.

Biddie xx

Monday, April 28, 2008

Jessica is sick again. She will be in the hospital about week her doctor thinks.

I just don't knowwhat else to say.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Advertising Gala

Photos from the gala. Shawn and KC. He looks angry, but he really isn't. This was about 5 minutes before he headed home for the evening. He was siiiick.
The three of us. I am not real happy with how I look, but Shawn and KC? Gorgeous.
KC and Spencer

Our fabulous table setting.
KC and Spencer again. I love this photo. And that dress? How beautiful is my daughter?
KC and Gramma. We wouldn't dream of celebrating something this big without Gramma. She rocks.

Mom and KC. Once again, I am not thrilled with the way that I look, but my kid? Amazing.
Oh, and did you notice my hair? Yes, I did get it cut and coloured, thank you. Kayla and I coloured it about three hours before I left for the gala. It is a deep burgundy, the closest that I have come to a wild colour since before I had my kids. I LOVE it.
I wore my tired and true dress. I am getting so sick of seeing myself in it. Honestly everytime we go to an event, I am in that damn dress.
I just can't believe that she is finished. It seems like just yesterday I was walking to to kindergarten class.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I got some awards a couple of weeks ago. I did notice them, I was just busy dealing with the fallout from losing a family member. I have not forgotten, and I will take care of that asap.

We went to KC's semi formal last night. Shawn had to leave early, because he got soooo sick. I was bummed out about it, but what can you do? The night ended early anyway, because there must have been a cool house party going on somewhere. The DJ got paid for the whole night and left almost two hours early. Sweet deal for him.

KC looked fabu, and we had a really great time. I will post the photos when somebody that knows about these things comes home. I just figured out how to turn off my ipod, so don't expect any miracles here :)

Other than that, it is the same old same old.

Have a great weekend, everyone. See you on Monday.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Happy Birthday, Ruby Tuesday.

Today is Ruby Tuesdays second birthday. She is the 4 legged love of my life. She makes me get up even when I am tired or depressed, she makes me laugh, and she keeps me company when I too depressed to function. She just simply stays with me. I can't imagine life without her.

This week is KC's semi formal dinner to celebrate her grduation from college. Yikes. I do NOT do dresses, and I am freaking out about my hair. I need a cut, pronto, but I also need to pay for the tickets to the event and pay for Jessicas grad photos. Yup, she is graduating from grade 8 this year. The pictures turned out great, and of course, they are way too expensive. With a kid as good looking as Jessica, I have to buy a pile of them.
Shawn is not a worry. He had to buy a new suit for the funeral (he was a pallbearer) and it looks delicious. Hubba hubba. I want him to wear it the next time that we have the house to ourselves.....:)
Maybe I'll post photos of the big event. Well, I will get Kayla or KC to post the post photos.
Well, it is another gorgeous day here in my part of Ontario, so I think that I will go soak up the sun like Ruby and Bumble are doing.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

What a week. I am still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened. Remember when I said that one of Shawns sisters told me that she wanted things to change? She really meant it. They all seem to mean it.

It has been nearly 7 years of Shawns family not accepting me, picking on my kids, and making life hell. There were some sisters that were nice enough...N, and her husband W have always been nice enough. I even took the girls swimming at her house one time. It was a long time ago, because Mission Mary came with us. It must be three or four years ago. His eldest sis, K, was nice enough to me. I always suspected that it was because of the baby gifts that I sent her new born grandkids. She is close to moms age (both of them) so we have very little in common. Then there is Alex. She even gave me a birthday gift one year.

The real problems were with the three that always hung out together - Mona, Linda and Janet. I barely knew Janet, but because she was so close to the other two, she hated me. Janet and Linda kids picked on my kids. I do mean picked on. Lindas daughter came close to getting suspeneded in grade 8 for all of the grief that she caused Kayla.
Linda and I used to be next door neighbours. She actually encouraged me to ask Shawn out all those years ago. I guess that she thought that we would hang out a bit and that would be it. She never expected us to last.

Mona and I used to live in the same townhouse complex. Her son played wwith KC and Kayla when they were little. I bent over backwards for her. She was a single mom, and I knew what that struggle was like. I loaned her my cell phone when her youngest was a baby b/c she couldn't get a home phone. We babysat, we loaned her movies, and responded to frantic phone calls when she was having troubles with her boyfriend. I think that Shawn has helped her move three times - since we have been together.

It didn't matter. They all still hated me. I was never really sure why. I hadn't been rude, or intentionally hurtful to anyone. They just didn't want to let me in from the get go.

Mona and Linda made life hell for all of us, and Janet just went along for the ride.

Linda was the first one that I saw a change in. When we saw her at the hospital on the first day that Mary was admitted, I saw her crying. I just pulled her in close for a hug. What the heck else could I do? No matter what was said or done, this was no time for petty bulls shit.

Janet was the next one to freak me out. She spent about ten minutes chatting me up at the funeral home. I have not spent ten minutes talking to her in the past 7 years combined. I made her laugh, and I hugged her. It was all I could do.

Shawns mom referred to me as his wife, and the girls as his kids. In fact, the only time that I saw her smile was when Jessica came to the funeral home and gave her a big hug.

On Friday, Shawn went to see how his mom was doing. She put him right to work in the garden. Mona was there, and when she had a quiet moment, she approached him in the yard.

Now, this is the part that would have knocked me over if I had not been sitting already.

She apologized to Shawn. She apologized for being mean, for all of the problems that she has caused and for making problems for us....

When KC and went shopping later that day, we ran into Janet, Mona and Janets youngest daughter, A. (She is close to KC's age).

Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by a loud and happy "HI" from all three of them. These are the same people that would normally ignore us, or worse yet, mutter under their breath about me as I passed.

It seems that they are all so impressed by the way that I have handled myself since all of this has begun. I have been thanked, time and time again for all of the support that I have shown the family. Dunno why. That is just what you do. No big thing. We also got many compliments about the girls and the way that they behaved throughout all of this.

I am in shock. Seriously. I am so happy, but at the same time, I am afraid that it will all end. I really and truly want Shawn and his siblings be close again. His mom has just suffered the worst loss that anyone can suffer, and she deserves better.

Shawn is working with his brother this week, and there has been progress there, too. It just seems too good to be true...After 7 years of crap, can this be real?

Friday, April 18, 2008

To all my friends that have offered me support through this terrible time -

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Today we laid Mary to rest. It was incredibly difficult. I know that funerals usually are, but this was much worse that I could have ever imagined.

Wednesday was the visitation. Shawn had to work, so KC and I went to the afternoon session alone. It was like walking into the lions den for us. My anxiety is like a crushing weight on my shoulders for little things, like grocery shopping. You can imagine what it was like to be in that funeral home amongst people that were less than thrilled to see me. I was pleasantly surprised though. The sisters that I thought would be a problem were welcoming. I felt united in grief with Shawns family. In fact, one sister even said that she was tired of all of the arguing and estrangment. She wants to see a change. So do I. I just wonder if it is possible.

One good thing may have come from all of this. Shawn has reconnected with Marys two sons. There was no estrangement, just life getting in the way of family. I think that may change now. It's too late for Mary, but we still have her sons.

I am trying to cope with all of this. There have been so many changes in one short week. We are all still reeling.

A good thing happened for me, too. Bio-Bettys sister came to the funeral today, to support Shawn and I. I am not very close to her family, mostly because I was raised by my father and Bio Betty had very little involvement in my life. Today I feel like maybe a positive change has made in that family too.

Why does it always take something like this to bring people back together?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Mary passed away at 5pm today. I really can't believe that it has only been 4 1/2 hours....It seems like a lifetime since we were all in that crowded lounge, overflowing with family, waiting for everyone to say their goodbyes.

I can not believe the incredible pain that Shawns Mom is feeling right now. This week, she will bury her second child. How much can one woman take?
I have been struggling the past couple of days to come up with something to say here. I have so much stuff swirling around my big empty head. I just don't know where to start.

My relationship with Shawns family has been tumultuous to say the least. We have a lot of history. I knew two of his sisters long before I knew Shawn. I lived next door to one, and in the same complex as another. My girls played with his niece and nephew. My brothers knew Shawn many years ago, when they were all still single crazy bachelors. You would think then, that our transition from friends to family would be smooth.
Yeah, well, you might think that, but you would be wrong.

There was resentment from the very start. I am not going to go into all of the gruesome details. Some of his family might stumble across my blog, and I don't want to cause any more pain.

Now that this horrible tragedy has befallen the family, we are all thrust together in small rooms and long hallways. I am sharing space with people that I know don't want me anywhere near their sister.

I am at a loss. I am going to be there, at the hospital, holding Shawns hand, talking to Mary, consoling his Mom.

Shawn is trying to remain calm, focused, and stoic. He hasn't fallen apart yet, even though one of the people that he loves most in this world is suffering intolerably.

Ah. All I am doing now is rambling. I'm sorry. I just need to vent. This whole situation is so fucked up. I have watched people wail, cry and scream at the injustice of it all, and find a way to make this all about them. I can't stand it.

Mary doesn't deserve this. Her husband, her sons, they don't deserve this.

Ok, well, I Have to get back up to the hospital. Some of the family might not want me there, but I am staying right by Shawns side.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I Need Your Prayers

Please pray for Shawns sister. She is only 53 and has had a stroke. She has major damage to her brain and her heart. It looks bad. If she survives, she will most likely be in a vegetative state.
This is Shawns favourite sister. She is a wonderful person, kind, generous, and always laughing. We are heartbroken and I ask that all of my friends pray for her.
Thank you, my friends.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Happy Birthday to my wonderful, incredible, sister, Lucky.
I thank God every day that we found each other.
Love you, and miss you much.
Biddie xxx

Friday, April 04, 2008

Proud Mommy

I am sure that Jessica will be mortified, but what the heck. I'm her mom, and I have bragging rights!

For the 2nd month in a row, Jessica has won the
Student Achievement Award
For her Consistent effort and the great example that she sets for other students.

Did I mention that it was TWO months in a row?

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

It is Tuesday, and I still have my cable/phone/internet. Whoo Hoo! Shawn called and asked The Powers That Be if they can wait until Friday for a half payment and then we will pay the rest next week. Now that he is back to work, and our rent situation is worked out, I am feeling hopeful again. I think that I might even start putting money away every week for My Trip. I started a fund loong ago, to pay for me to go to see my sister, or back home, to Nova Scotia. I actually feel like anything is possible. Mind you, I am bi polar,and that can change by the minute :)

I nearly forgot that yesterday was 10 years since Jessica was diagnosed. I can still remember that moment like it was just yesterday. She was just a chubby cheeked little three year old then.

So much has changed except for the fact that she is STILL insulin dependant.

Also, April is Autism Awarness Month

Autism is a neurological disorder that often affects communication skills. Nationwide, cases of the developmental disability are skyrocketing.
If you don't already know someone with autism, chances are you will eventually. It's estimated that every 21 seconds a child who will have autism is born.