Tuesday, July 27, 2010

One of the many things that I hate about being bi polar - Sitting up at 4:26 am because my brain simply refuses to shut down for even a few moments.
Nothing like racing thoughts in the wee hours of the morning.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Boy OH Boy!

Well, the ultrasound was on Wednesday and we found out that Kayla is having a BOY!
I am one happy Nanie-to-be :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Once again I have neglected my blog. I just don't seem to have the drive to do much of anything these days. I am taking my meds and I see my shrink next month, but I am on a down swing, I guess.
Down swing or not, I hauled my butt out of bed at 6 am on Friday morning to go babysitting with Kayla. We weren't paid in cash, but traded a baby mattress for our work. It was worth it. We babysat a 2 1/2 year old energetic little boy. Did I say energetic? That would be an understatement to say the least.
Oh, did I also mention the rather large dog that was part of the arrangement? She was rather big - not heavy, but about 2 inches taller than Kayla while standing on her hind legs. Did I also mention that she was so protective of the boy that we could barely get in and out of his room? Even sharing my breakfast muffin only earned me about thismuch trust.
I had forgotten how your (my) body feels after lifting, running, and playing with a 2 year old for 6 hours.
My day was far from over after the day care portion. Oh no, KC and I had errands to run which can take hours when you are going by bus and foot power. Since our errands took us to the pharmacy directly across from Toys R Us, I had to stop in. With KC as an Auntie this baby will want for nothing, I can tell you that much.
Speaking of the baby, we will find in just a few more days if I will have a grand daughter or grandson. I am hoping for a girl, partly because will be named after my Nanie, the one that helped to raise me, my Dad's mom.
It doesn't matter either way. A boy will be loved just as much.

There is so much happening right now, aside from becoming a grandma. Shawn's health issues have not gotten any better, they are actually worse than ever. The pain treatments are living up to their name - it hurts like hell. He is Check Spellingnot feeling any relief and we are struggling to make ends meet, never mind paying for these treatments that are so far doing nothing. Worse than nothing, really.
I am trying to stay positive, I honestly am. I just feel constantly overwhelmed and it seems as though my chest pain is always there, nagging and consistent.
The good news is that Kayla is doing well. She looks wonderful, and the baby is fine. KC is going to Nova Scotia at the end of the month for a week to visit my brother. I wish that I were going too, but this is the next best thing. Jessica got her report card and she not only passed everything, but she actually did quite well. I am so proud of her.

I know that there have been worse things happen to me - to my friends and family - but right now I can't deal. I am doing my best to look at what I have instead of what I don't, but it is becoming more difficult everyday.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Today, I finally heard the baby's heartbeat.
It is so real now, and I am so in love with this little person that I haven't even met yet.
There will be another ultrsound on the 21 st and that will tell us if we are having a boy or a girl...Either way, I am love struck.