Sunday, December 30, 2007

Christmas Photos

It's been a craptastic week. I won't lie about that. Jessica spent Christmas Eve in the hospital, and it looks as though she will be there for New Years, too. We have had some good moments, though. We opened a couple of gifts on Christmas Eve, in Jessie's room. I can't recall what she is looking at here, but even with that IV in her arm, she is smiling. This is Kayla's happy face. It's true. She loves her new purse.
Gramma cried a bit when she opened her gift....A photo frame with a montage of happy family memories. She had a bit of a fall a few days earlier, so she is a bit beat up here. Still smiling, though.
KC in the new jammies that Spencer gave her.
Kayla and Jessica. They look like they are tired of having their pictures taken by now. You can see from the hand with the camera, that it does not deter a happy Gramma and Mom.
What a week it has been! We managed to have a wonderful Christmas, in spite of Jessica's illness. Boxing Day we spent with the Heidi family, in the cafeteria of the hospital. It was a lot of fun, and there were no distractions. Gabriel and Gaby stopped by, and Heidi and Jethro got to meet them. It was a great day, all in all, except for saying good bye to my baby at the end of the day.

I thought that we were home free when Jessica came home on Thursday afternoon. She seemed fine, but by Saturday evening, I knew that was too sick to stay home.....

Tonight, she is still feeling yucky, and when I left, she was thinking that she was going to start vomitting again. Her fever has been up and down all day, and she is still on the IV. The doctors and the nurses keep saying that it is just a bad flu, but it seeems way worse to me. I haven't seen her this sick in years.

It's hard to stay positive. There have been alot of tears. Mine, Kayla's KC's, and Jessica's. I hate that Jessica is feeling this way, and I hate leaving her at night. I can't help but wonder WHY. When is enough ENOUGH?
Shawn and I just got home from the hospital. Jessie got sick again last night, and started vomitting, and she has a fever. We were there all night.

I have no idea what is going on with my daughter. I am too scared to even think of the possibilities. It seems much worse than a flu. Her doctor thought that she had an eating disorder, but he ruled that out before we brought her home on Thursday. I knew that she didn't, but the doctor was convinced.....Well, she doesn't have a disorder, and this is not something that she is doing to herself.

We all went to the movies yesterday, and she was fine. She ate popcorn, and joked around and seemed to have a good time. We got home around 6:30, and she said that her tummy hurt. By 7, she hadn't eaten any supper, and I was on the phone with the on call doctor. As I was on the phone with him, she started getting sick, and he decided to bring her right in (she was admitted) and hook her up to an IV.

We stayed the night with her, partly out of concern, and partly because we couldn't get a late bus home. When I left this morning, she was no longer vomitting, but had a low grade fever, and was in pain.

I guess that I am just rambling at this point. I am at a loss, and I am heartbroken that my baby has had to spend most of her Christmas break in the hospital.

I have to go. I am going to try to catch some ZZZZ's, and then shower and head back.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Jessica is home, safe and sound. We still don't know how/why she got so sick so fast. I'm just glad to have her back.

I'll tell you more, later. Might even have some photos to post. Right now, though, I am going to get caught up on some sleep.

Later :)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Home For The Day!!!!

As we were packing up our gear to head off to the hospital, we recieved a surprise phone call, from Jessie. The doctor had removed heer IV and was giving her a day pass!

Jessica is home for the day! Whoo Hoo! Her weight is increasing, daily, and she is smiling more :) We opened our gifts, and had lunch, at home. Gramma is on her way over, and the family is whole again.

Tomorrow, we will have our Christmas with the Heidi family, and we will take over a wing of the hospital, if we have to. Just let them try to stop me.

A big thank you to to all of my friends, who have been incredibly supportive, in so many ways.

A super big thank you to Gabriel, Gabby and family, for the sweet treats that were waiting for us when we got home last night. We'll be at the hospital tomorrow, if you want to stop by and visit. :)

Monday, December 24, 2007

I am so overwhelmed by the out pouring of love and concern.

Jessica is in better spirits, and has some colour back in her cheeks. She has actually regained 4 pounds already, thank goodness. She is not thrilled about spending the holidays in the hospital, but she is dealing with it. We will all wear our pj's to the hospital tomorrow morning, and we will have a ham dinner in her room. Christmas is where you make it, where the family is, and we will be with her.

Hopefully, she can have her IV taken out tonight, and we can take her home soon. I'll let you know as soon as I do.

Thanks, for everything.

So....Jessica is not going to be home for Christmas. I haven't been to the hospital yet, but I called. She is eating, and that's good, but she lost 7 pounds.

It seems like she caught a bad flu bug. She started vomitting at 6 am and by 11 she was so dehydrated that she could barely walk. When we saw the doctor on Friday, he was very pleased with her progress, and by Sunday morning she was down to 83 pounds.

I think that she will be in for a few days, to get her weight back up again. I really don't mind, I want her healthy. I just hate the thought of Jessie waking up Christmas morning in a hospital room. We will take Christmas to Jessica, turkey and all if that's what we need to do. I just wish that we didn't have to.

Thanks for thinking of us, I'll update you as soon as I can. I am late today though (couldn't sleep) and I need to get moving!


Sunday, December 23, 2007

Jessie is very sick again. Not sure why, but we are on our way to the hospital.

Might have to put Christmas on hold. Keep your fingers crossed.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

So, Jessica saw her doctor on Friday. She has not gained any weight, but she hasn't lost any, either. That is reason enough to celebrate.

I decided to post some photos of my favourite Christmas ornaments, hoping that I will feel more of the Christmas spirit if I do.

These are my animated ones. I only have three, and the Laverne and Shirley one is a gift from TMOC and Lovely, my brother and sister in law. Of course, I opened my gifts early. I always do when he sends me stuff. I just can't help myself.

Christmas Day promises to be wonderful. We are having the girls grandma over for dinner, my dear friend and former MIL, Lynn. We all get along great, and she and Shawn have a better relationship that most 'real' mom's and son's.

Boxing Day Heidi and her family are coming over, so that we can celebrate our family Christmas. I love spending time with Heidi and Jethro. They have been more like family to me than those that share my name or a blood line. It has been like that forever. You know that Ruby is dying to see The Pug, too. I plan on taking tons of photos of the chaos - 5 kids, 3 dogs, and 4 parents. I can't wait!

I hope that all of my blog buddies out there get to spend time with their loved ones, and have a joyous and wonderful holiday. That is what Christmas is all about.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I am back! Whoo hoo! I will be later, or tomorrow. We'll talk.

Can't wait to get caught up.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Last Friday Jessica had an appointment with her doctor. We were going every week, and she was doing so well that the doctor scheduled her next appointment for a whole 4 weeks later, instead of one. We were feeling pretty good about that. Her cheeks have filled out again, and she is looking much better.

Imagine our surprise, then, when discovered that she had LOST 3.5 pounds. That is alot when you are already at least 20 pounds lighter than the doctor would like. We are shocked, and dismayed, to say the least. Her blood sugar, has improved, overall. Her monitor is working, and she is doing all of her injections. I am not sure what else we can do. At this point, all I can think of is those nutrional supplements, that come in a can, like Boost, or Ensure. She needs to gain weight, in a healthy way.
I found out that her insulin isn't covered by my plan, either. The powers that be have suggested changing insulins, to a cheaper one. That is not an option for me. Changing insulin means changing her whole life style. I just can't see that helping. She would have to stick to a strict schedule, and that would only depress her more. Plus, the insulin that she is on now is just plain better.
We go back to see her doctor on December 21 st. I am hoping that she has gained enough weight by then. If she has lost anymore, then the doctor will put her back in the hospital, just in time for Christmas.
I wish that I had a magic wand that make everything better.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Special Delivery!

Some of you may recognize the people in this photo. (and others may recognize my cluttered livingroom. I swear, I thought that it looked better before I saw it in the picture) Oh, I have to tell you that most cameras add 10 pounds, right? Not mine. It adds 20.

Gabriel and his family (minus Juan) dropped off a cake for Jessica's birthday party. This is a cake that Gabby baked and decorated herself. She is so talented that she teaches a class at one of the local community centers. Her handiwork is amazing.

Check out this work of art! How can I cut it into pieces?
Look at the blue ribbon. How does she do it? I offered to be her taste tester anytime Gabby needs one. I doubt that is a problem for her though, with 5 willing helpers at home.

Once again, I have been reminded how lucky - indeed blessed - I am to have such thoughtful friends. Gabriel and Gabby were so kind to not only provide the cake, but they delivered it right to our door. They also brought us two Christmas cd's - one of which Gabriel sings on! I think that we are going to pop them in when we put up the tree.

I wish that they could have stayed longer. Shawn and I would like for them to stop again some time, so that we can thank them properly. I hope that they take us up on the offer.

Thursday, December 06, 2007


I heard from the shrinks office today. His receptionist called me to give me an appointment - for February.

Ok. I can live with that because he has sent my Rx to the pharmacy, and I can start again ASAP.

I was elated. This is what I have been waiting for, afterall. I just want to get well enough to function and be happy.

The pharmacy called me, too.

Guess what they told me?

My meds are not covered by disability.


So, now, with no appointment until February, I am right back where I started. My shrink is unlikely to prescribe me a diiferent drug, since he won't be able to monitor me for the first 2 months.

I am so done. I don't know what else to do.

I am either crying, or sleeping, or NOT sleeping, or just....taking up space. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I am following the rules, doing what they ask of me....It just doesn't seem to matter.

I'm going to bed. It's after 11:00 and I am tired. Well, honestly, I am always tired.

I finally reached someone at the shrinks office today. Not the doc, but his receptionist. She has assured me that he WILL be calling, and I WILL be getting my meds.

Yay! I am hoping to hear form him before the end of the week.

Jessica goes for her check up on Friday morning. I am keeping my fingers crossed that she has actually gained weight. It's difficult to tell, because she is getting so darn tall! Her birthday is on the 16th, and she is having a party here on Saturday night.

I am so pumped about the thought of teenagers crawling all over my house for 2+ hours. Can't you tell?

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I Feel A Rant Coming On............

ARGH! I am so pissed off.

I finally have the papers that I need to get my meds covered, and I can't reach my shrink!

Seriously. I have lost track of how many times I called. I have called everyday last week, and I left several messages. Today is Tuesday, and I have called no less than 5 times since yesterday. I have left at least 3 messages since then. No matter when I call, the phone always goes to voicemail.

I understand that Doctors are busy, but COME ON. My phone calls have not been returned once.

This doctor works FIVE hours a day in his office. On Wednesdays, he works from 11-3, with a one hour lunch break. I can see that he is very obviously over worked.

I need to start my meds all over again, because it has been so long since I have had any. I can understand that. The thing is that the last time I started my mood stabilizer, it made me feel like crap for the first two weeks. I remember talking to Heidi and Jethro on the phone, crying because I was bottoming out. It was better after the first couple of weeks. Then there was the other side effect.


You might think that this would not be a problem. Heck, normally sleeping is NOT something that I complain about. I LOVE to sleep.

What I do NOT love, however, is falling asleep sitting up. That's right. In the middle of a conversation, or watching tv, or even folding laundry.

Christmas will soon be here, and I do not want to spend it sleeping or crying because I feel like crap.

I think that I have been very patient here. I don't expect the doctor to drop everything to call me, but it has been weeks since he has contacted me.

I am at my witts end here. I don't know what else to do. I feel like calling him and letting know how angry I am, but if he won't return my calls when I am being polite, then I seriously doubt that a phone call from me dripping with sarcasim (They don't call me sarcastro for nothing) will help.

Has he dropped me as a patient? Doesn't he have to tell me if he has?

HELLO! He is the mental doctor for mental cases, for crying out loud! I feeling more and more mental by the minute.


Any suggestions?

Monday, December 03, 2007

My good (blog)buddy, Canadian Flake gave me an award! You all know her, right? I hope so. If you haven't been over to her place, then this is your chance. Head on over and say hi.

I hope that I am deserving of this. I have 'met' so many wonderful people through this little blog that Heidi urged me to start. I feel blessed every day to know all of you.

I guess that I am supposed to pick 7 more people that are deserving of this award. That's difficult, because you have all been such good friends to me. Whether it has been offering advice, or giving me a shoulder to cry on, or just 'listening' to my rants, I could never ask for better friends.

Marni. I don't know where to start when it comes to Marni. She has called me at home, just to say hi and check in on me when she knows that I am feeling low. She has such a capacity for love and kindness. Marni is a true Georgia Peach. Stop by her place and say hi. I have a feeling that if you do, you'll be back - again and again.

CindyDianne. She has been a wonderful friend, too. She has called me, like Marni, just to see how I'm doing. She is sweet, and funny, and I cherish my friendship with her. Stop by and see her, too. You'll see what they mean about Southern Hospitality.

Her Indoors. (Katy) We haven't spoken in the phone, but we have exchanged cards, and letters. She is planning a trip to Canada next spring, and I looking forward to meeting her and Himself. She has 'listened' to me rant, and always finds a way to make me laugh. I dare you to stop by her place and not come away smiling.

Gabriel - Gabriel is a newer friend. I am not sure how I found him, but I am so glad that I did. When Jessica was in the hospital in October, he stopped by to say hi. This small gesture was something that I will always remember. He reached out to me when I needed a friend most. I can't wait to meet his wife, and their kids. He is an amazing person, in so many ways. Stop by his place and you'll see what I mean.

Debi. Where do I start? She is wonderful. We have become long distance friends, and I feel like I have known her my entire life. She is generous, and thoughtful, and has a way of making me feel good about myself. Everyone should have a friend like Debi.

Dilling. Last Christmas, when I was feeling down, a surprise package arrived in the mail. It was from Dilling. She had sent me one her photos, one of my favourites, and she made my day. It lifted my spirits and reminded me what Christmas was really about. I can't say enough about Dilling. She is passionate, and artistic, and has a big heart. She stands up for what she believes in, and I admire that greatly. In short, she rocks.

Gardenia. I am so blessed to be in her 'inner circle.' (Her blog is by invitation only) We have had long conversations about so many different topics! She is insightful, and loving, and I am so happy to be one of her blog buddies. She has helped me through some dark times.

Well, that is seven. I always hesitate to add Heidi to any of my lists, or awards, because we are best friends. We have been friends since highschool. We failed math together, and ate lunch together, and went to the sock hops in the gym every Friday. She is the Godmother of all 3 of my girls (she took over after Jessie and KC's Godparents seemed to lose interest) She has NEVER let me down. When my Dad died in 1999, she and Jethro (along with 2 small children) were in the air, flying home from England. The second that she heard what happened, she was at my side, jetlagged kids and all. She has supported all my choices, even the ridiculous ones, and listens to me rant, rave, whine and cry. In short, she is the best friend that you could ever ask for.

I would also like to mention some other friends. 4D has been a good friend, too. We have a lot in common, and it is good to have a friend that understands and doesn't judge. He may deny it, but he is a hell of a guy.

Christine is a good blogbuddy, too. I know that most of you have not stopped by her place, but I really think that you should. You will not be disappointed.

Whimsicalnbrainpan. Stop by her place. You will be forever changes when you see how incredible and courageous she is. She is good friend, too. She always has time for me, even with all that she is dealing with.

I didn't add Corky, because he already has this award. He is My American Cousin. Nuff said.

Tod? You rock, too. You know it. :)

I can't forget Camie Vog. She keeps promising to come and pick me up so that I visit with Beanie and Little Man - oh and her, too!

Well, in all honesty, ALL of my friends are the best. It was so hard to choose just 7. I do truly feel blessed to have met all of you. I wanted to pick each and evryone of you, because you have all touched my life in a postive way. Thanks for being there.