40

I am exhausted! I had more fun than should be legally allowed with my family.
It's been a pretty good start to 40 so far................

Bruno, Bumble and Lola, caught playing in the tub.

Molly/Bella and her new mom.

The new love of my life, baby Ryder.

Yesterday I spent some time at the cemetery with my Dad, my Grossie (great grandma) and some other old friends. I don't get out there often, it's in Smallburg and I rarely venture out that way anymore. There is nothing for me since my family became fractured and my Granny passed away a few years ago.

I do like the quiet solitude of the cemetery. It's peaceful and I find myself reflecting on my life, my Dad, lost friends and loved ones while I walk the winding pathways. I always clear the clover and dirt of off the plaque for the Smallburg Board Of Trade that bares my fathers name. Seeing his name always gives me some measure of comfort... It has been nearly 10 years since he died and he has not been forgotten. His name is there for everyone to see...I like that.

Today was relatively quiet..As quiet as can be when all of my girls are at home. We don't see enough of KC - she is busy with work and school, and of course, Spencer. Shawn got a pile of gifts from the girls, and best of all, we were all in the same room. At the same time.

Kayla and Cody have two more days of high school and then they are done.

Forever.

It is so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that wee little Kayla is all grown up. She is undecided about the fall, she is wants to take something, learn something, but what is the real question. In the meanwhile she is pounding the pavement looking for work.

Cody is taking a summer school course and then is thinking of an apprenticeship. I have no idea how much longer he will be with us, but we are not pushing him out the door. We want him to have a head start and the only way that he can have that is if he has a safe, warm place to live with no worries.

Jessica is almost done grade nine. My baby. How? When? It seems unreal to me. Sometimes I wish that she were 4 again, and I was her whole world. Those days passed so quickly, at the speed of light.

Sigh.

Friday I will be 40.

I don't feel 40 and if you ask most of the people that know me, they will saw that I most certainly do not act 40. Still, there it is...

My mental health has improved expediently in these past weeks,and I am happy with where I am right now, but I still pause to wonder....

I`m not sure what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I am pretty sure this isn`t it.

Who knows what the next 40 years are going to be like? My guess is that whatever the universe has in store for me, it will be anything but boring.

Happiness Is

Hearing from an old friend that you thought had been lost to you forever - even if it is only two simple words...
Thank you.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I went back to see my shrink last week, a couple of hours before we had to get ready for Kayla's prom. I have to admit that I do feel a lot better since I have been on the new meds. They are kicking my ass as far as sleep - I can't seem to get enough - but I am a changed woman! I am no longer crying for hours on end, I actually smile now, and best of all, I have been getting out of the house - alone.
That's right friends, I have been walking the dogs all by my lonesome.
There are no words to describe how incredible it is to finally break free.

Shawn and I got FREE passes to the movies last week and saw Drag Me To Hell. I loved it. I am a huge Evil Dead fan, so this was right up my alley. We have two more free passes, but we can't decide between Up and a couple of others. I have to chose carefully - these are the last of my freebies.

There have been other things to occupy my time and keep me busy.
Last Saturday we had a visit with Heidi and her girl, Tribble. I love girl time with Heidi, and it was especially great to have her girl along. I couldn't help but look at the sweet 15 year old with the gorgeous super model smile. I wanted to tell her to smile more, but I didn't. I should have. She is such a great kid, I love to see her smile.

Shawn and I have had numerous doctor's appointments in these past few weeks. Shrinks, dentists, and a couple of specialists, too. Shawn has had an MRI, CT Scan, an ultra sound, and was checked out by a vascular surgeon. I am not certain what is happening yet, but we do know that there are no blood clots in his leg or knee. We do know that he has a large cyst behind his right knee that will most likely require surgery, but that is about all that we know right now.
I have put off discussing this with my friends, mostly because it scares the hell outta me to think of cancer or surgery, or any more time spent in the hospital. I am ready to go into full on PSW mode if I have to, but let's hope that it never comes to that.

Honestly, this change in meds could not have come at a better time. I just picture myself moping in my room, fretting about this and that. I actually feel ok.

I do.

How cool is that?

Oh, one other wee bit of news. I will turning 40 in 20 days. Not sure how I feel about that...I'll let you know. :P