Monday, June 22, 2009


Bruno, Bumble and Lola, caught playing in the tub.

Molly/Bella and her new mom.

The new love of my life, baby Ryder.

Yesterday I spent some time at the cemetery with my Dad, my Grossie (great grandma) and some other old friends. I don't get out there often, it's in Smallburg and I rarely venture out that way anymore. There is nothing for me since my family became fractured and my Granny passed away a few years ago.
I do like the quiet solitude of the cemetery. It's peaceful and I find myself reflecting on my life, my Dad, lost friends and loved ones while I walk the winding pathways. I always clear the clover and dirt of off the plaque for the Smallburg Board Of Trade that bares my fathers name. Seeing his name always gives me some measure of comfort... It has been nearly 10 years since he died and he has not been forgotten. His name is there for everyone to see...I like that.
Today was relatively quiet..As quiet as can be when all of my girls are at home. We don't see enough of KC - she is busy with work and school, and of course, Spencer. Shawn got a pile of gifts from the girls, and best of all, we were all in the same room. At the same time.
Kayla and Cody have two more days of high school and then they are done.
Forever.
It is so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that wee little Kayla is all grown up. She is undecided about the fall, she is wants to take something, learn something, but what is the real question. In the meanwhile she is pounding the pavement looking for work.
Cody is taking a summer school course and then is thinking of an apprenticeship. I have no idea how much longer he will be with us, but we are not pushing him out the door. We want him to have a head start and the only way that he can have that is if he has a safe, warm place to live with no worries.
Jessica is almost done grade nine. My baby. How? When? It seems unreal to me. Sometimes I wish that she were 4 again, and I was her whole world. Those days passed so quickly, at the speed of light.
Sigh.
Friday I will be 40.
I don't feel 40 and if you ask most of the people that know me, they will saw that I most certainly do not act 40. Still, there it is...
My mental health has improved expediently in these past weeks,and I am happy with where I am right now, but I still pause to wonder....
I`m not sure what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I am pretty sure this isn`t it.
Who knows what the next 40 years are going to be like? My guess is that whatever the universe has in store for me, it will be anything but boring.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

So good to hear that you are feeling better. Try to remember, nothing ever stays the same, we are constantly changing...Oh, well, I guess you know that, since you are almost 40!
Happy Birthday!


Maggie Mae

Kimber said...

Hey, you have accomplished plenty, miss b. Raising great kids, offering love and shelter to another kid, having a happy marriage and actively pursuing your health are huge achievements at any age. Not to mention a cool, introspective and often funny blog!

Hope you have a fantastic 40th. Mom would have been 70 this year...we have a big bottle of Stoli ready to celebrate!

Gardenia said...

Well, you'll just keep growing. That's the future. Time flys faster too with each year - I have to warn you.. One day when I was forty I was driving and crying wondering why I was crying...then a picture formed before me of three little kids in their corderoy bib overalls and white hightop shoes (old fashioned dressing) and I thought - "Oh my babies are grown and I miss them." Its bittersweet, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I remember turning 40..and the kids growing up? Gardenia is so right - bitter sweet.
Hope you have a great 40th.

Peter Piper

Heidi the Hick said...

You have never been boring and never will be!

I feel that sense of time slipping away too. Are we old enough to feel that way?

Anyways... it's so good to hear that you're feeling better. Finally! Well deserved!! Can't wait to see you!

coffeypot said...

Well, its Friday so Happy Birthday, Miss Biddie. Damn I would love to be 40 again. The 40's were the best years of my like, so far.

Stinkypaw said...

Happy (belated)birthday - hope you had a great day and may this year ahead be a great one!

Palm Springs Savant said...

Hope your 40th was fun and not too depressing. When I turned 40 it didn't bother me at all. Although I must say I am more aware of my age now than I ever was....

love these pics btw!

Biddie said...

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes! I had a nice evening with my family.
Forty feels ok...I don't really feel older, maybe just a tad bit wiser :)

Francisco del Mar said...

I wonder if you will be returning to work....