Monday, August 04, 2008

19 Years Ago.....................

Today is my anniversary. Well, it is in some alternate universe where Dumb Bridget is still married to Rudi.
That's right - 19 years ago today Rudi and I were married. I was 20 and he was even younger. We gave in to pressure from my family and decided to get married, because, we were, after all, living in sin with our toddler daughter.
It's a story that you have all heard before. From me, I mean. I have already told that story. Been there, done that.
What I was thinking of today was not the wedding itself, but how much my life has changed in the 19 years since I walked down that aisle, a 2o year old bride, full of hope.
It didn't take long for Rudi to pound the hope right out of me.

I am 39 now, twice divorced and once again, living in sin. We don't own our home, we owe money to everyone and their uncle, and we don't own much.

Rudi is married to the woman that he was cheating on me with. They are living un-happily ever after in Woodstock. They own 10+ acres of land, a big house, 2 Harleys and 3 cars. He is living his dream life in many ways. Well, he hasn't seen his own girls in years and his step kids, that lived with him for 15 years moved away and have little to do with him....Hmmm, maybe that IS part of his dream.

As I sit here, tonight, in my rented home, on a borrowed computer, with my butt on an old orange chair, I realize something.

This is where I want to be.

Rudi can have his toys and gadgets, his fancy cars and big house.

I have something that I had been looking for since I was 20 and I marched defiantly down the middle of my little church in Smallburg.

Real, honest, forever love.

Happy Unversary, Rudi, where ever you are.


coffeypot said...

Of the two, you are the richest. You appreciate and love what you have and receive love in return. Rudi can rot in hell.

aims said...

Hooray! You said it! and yes - Rudi can rot in hell!!

whimsical brainpan said...

I am so glad you got out of that marriage. You are so much richer for it.

Heidi the Hick said...

Huh- I totally forgot that date. I must have erased it from my mind.

You were full of hope, yes, because you wanted so much for it to work and to have a good life. It didn't turn out like you wanted, but honestly, splitting from him was the BEST thing you ever did.

He is not a happy person, from what I hear. I look back and think maybe he never was. I don't know... I had hope too, back then. Back when I wanted to believe the best in everybody!

(And what's with this living in sin crap? You're a grown up. You do what's right for YOU. Amen.)

jAMiE said...

You are better off Biddie...Rudi..pfffffft?

Karen of Sillymonkeez said...

Just found my way here through Gabriel's blog. You have a great outlook! Not everyone can say they are where they want to be. :)

Karen of the MomDot Street Team

Anonymous said...

I love the label:you suck ass. I love this post for many reasons.I know it's true that you are with a good man. Sometimes we actually get to see why things happen the way they, deb

The Laundress said...


I'm happy for your happiness.

Biddie said...

coffeypot - I have met Rudi's wife..I know her well. Trust me, Coffeypot - he IS in hell. Does it make me a bad person if I am enjoying it just a tiny bit??!

aims - His loss, the way I see it. He is so caught up in material wealth, that he has lost sight of what really matters...Like I said, he is in hell....

whim - I was always happy that I left Rudi. ALWAYS. I never missed him, just the adult interaction, which, let's face it, sucked ass anyway. I am so much happier without him.

Heidi - You forgot that date? That's ok, I could never it either, even when we were still together. I always said Happy Anniversary on the 5th. lol. Used to piss him off.
I think that he can running to me b/c he wanted to escape an unhappy home life. I wonder how long we would have lasted if lil baby KC hadn't been born. I must say, he did give me two awesome kids...Along with alot of emotional baggage and some bruises..
I remember that Heidi..The hopeful, sweet girl that loved everyone and everything. Honestly? I like you better now. A little bit of cynicism works for you. :)
You have been there through it all...Man, what a ride.

Burfica said...

oh girlie you have it all if you have that love. We are sorta similar. I know a couple x's that have alot of money, sports cars etc. we own two junk cars, are still paying on our house, and are in debt up to our ears. But we have so much dam love in this house, that there is nowhere I would rather be than here.

Tod said...

You are so much better off than he is. Material wealth counts for nothing over a loving family around you.

Biddie said...

jamie - Thanks :)

karen - Thank you. I figure that I can either laugh or cry, and laughing feels so much better!
Stop by anytime :)

Biddie said...

Deb - It took me a long time to see that leaving Rudi was the right thing, and then again, having Geoff leave. At the time, all I could see was the negative. My aunt told me that God had a plan. She was right :)

Biddie said...

~jj~ Thank you :) I am glad that you stopped by. I have a heck of a time getting onto your blog,and I can almost never leave comments. I am still reading though.