I have had some emails letting me know that my comments aren't always showing up. I don't know why, maybe it is just a blogger glitch.

I don't feel very much like blogging these days, anyway. My family is going through some crap (there is really no other way to say it, it's just plain craptastic) and until we are all a happy family unit, my heart won't be in it.

Biddie x

What A Week

I am more than thrilled to be starting a new week and leaving the last one in the dust! Whew! It seemed to go on and on and on....

Kayla and I went shopping for prom dresses and we actually found one in the 1st store that we went to! Well, to be completely honest, she has already been out looking with KC, but this was our 1st trip out. The dress is gorgeous, and of course Kayla looks incredible. And why not? Shopping with Kayla is like playing Barbies. She is tiny and beautiful and looks great in nearly everything. The best part was that the dress was in our price range and it needs almost zero tweaking to make it perfect for her.
I spent an insane amount of time crying. I logged in 8 hours on Thursday. Eight freaking hours. I just could not stop...Or, I would stop, only to start again over something silly (like not being able to find any of my journals) and then it was like a faucet had been turned on. Gah. I hate that. I sit in my room, and think crazy thoughts. What if`s and the like. I seldom do anything drastic anymore - I used to cut myself. It was a way to focus the pain, to make the pain make sense. I mean, of course, a cut up arm is going to sting and bleed, and I understand why. My heart, on the other hand is a complete mystery. I can`t put polysporin on that sucker to make it heal.
Thank goodness I am not a drinker. I don`t do drugs, either, although I do admit to taking an anti anxiety that KC gave me when we were on our way to Harrow. It didn`t help much, but at least it gave me a reprieve from the sobbing.

Bumble left on Friday. He is with KC, at Spencer's house. Most people are shocked when I tell them that KC really doesn`t live here anymore. She lives at Spencer`s house. It happened so slowly that we were all surprised when it finally dawned on us that she had moved out. She just spent less and less time here. I still see her most days, because she comes home after school.
Anywhoo, I miss the little jerk. Oh, Bumble, not KC, lol, although I miss her too :) Now that we have three dogs of our own, we decided that KC should spend more time with her boy, and give us all a bit of a break from Bum. He is high energy, silly and gets the pups all worked up until I have three dogs doing laps up and down my stairs. (Ruby rarely joins in. She mostly keeps busy with her toys, she is far too lady like to be running amuck).
He will be back, and he will be here for most of the week, but I still miss him crazy-like. He is my shadow and follows me everywhere. He gets up early with Shawn and they watch the news together.

Shawn and I went to see Monsters Vs Aliens on the weekend. In 3D. I laughed my butt off and that is exactly what I needed. Shawn looked hilarious in those horn rimmed glasses and that

alone was worth the admission. The movie was great, but more importantly, we had some alone time. I think that we both really, really, needed it.

Oh, Cody got a job, too. He gave us some money out of his first pay, without even being asked. He is a good kid, I just wish that his mom could see that.

That`s all I`m gonna say about that.

So, the week is starting anew and we have much to look forward to. Ruby Tuesday turns 3 on Tuesday. That means a new squeaker toy and some treats. It also means that I might get talked into baking a cake. Kayla loves cake and will use just about any occasion as a reason to eat one.

The kids have a holiday on Friday, which means that I just may be able to talk Jessica into watching some more episodes of Dexter with me.

Oh, and the best part of the up coming week? Shawn has promised to finally get some repairs done around the house. The door that he installed last June (yes, you read that right..JUNE) still needs some trim and never mind the kitchen. I have a whole weeks worth of work in there for him.

Well, on that note, I better get moving. I still have laundry to fold and it`s getting late. When will I ever learn to start it in the morning instead of midnight???

Better-ish

Today is better..Somewhat.

There is no one thing that has made me feel this way. Oh sure, there are money problems, and relationship issues, and all of the everyday stuff that gets you down.

I just can't seem to shake the doom and gloom that is a constant companion of mine.

I know that it will get better...I just have to keep telling myself that.

I can't remember the last time that I felt this hopeless. I just can't think of anything else to say.
It's that bad.

Nothing Like Back Breaking Work To Make You Feel Alive

Shawn and I went to his parents house today to do some yard work. Actually, I went along to watch Shawn do some yard work, but somehow I got roped into it, too.
I didn't mind, to be honest. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, it was nice enough to wear short sleeves, and hey, spring is finally here!
Now, I just need to get up the gumption to work on my own yard.

Just feeling overwhelmed with stuff. Life in general, really. Too much to say tonight, instead of having nothing, I have everything to say. I'm not even sure if that makes sense.....I am just going to post these photos, more of my fav's from my trip to see my Aunt and Uncle.

Maybe things will be better tomorrow.

Biddie xx

Saturday In Harrow

What a day! We left here at 9am, hoping to arrive at my Aunt and Uncle's around lunch. Unfortunately, Google Map and The Universe had different ideas.

We must have toured most of Southern Ontario. In fact, we were darn near to The Ambassador bridge before we turned around. (Just for the record, I did mention the Leamington cutoff). Either way, we arrived, a full two hours late!

We were soo lost...When we were finally able to get bars on the cell phone, and we got my Uncle on the phone, I was ready to give up.

No, really. I told the kids that I was going to flop on the first lawn I find and stay there until my Aunt and Uncle come to get me.

My Aunt laughed and said that I would have made the front page of the local paper - for a week and a half. Lol. .Fine with me. You know I LOVE an audience.

I didn't make it to the beach, but chose instead to stay behind with KC, my Aunt and Grandmother. I had the best visit with my Grandmother that I have ever had. EVER. She is 88, and she has mellowed in soo many ways. When I was young she was the stern Grandmother that I saw for a week or two every summer. While I loved my grandparent's, those summer days were spent waiting for my Aunt to stop in and bring laughter to the house. My Grandmother was most likely overwhelmed by the two bratty kids that she seldom saw that were raised soo much differently than her own daughter.

The Grandmother that I spent time with yesterday was relaxed, smiling, and actually ate pizza with us. PIZZA! It still blows my mind...When Posh and I were kids, there was never pizza at Grandma and Grandpa's house. No junk food, nothing but good old fashioned home cooked meals and lots of fibre. (Oh, and awesome cookies, my Gramma rocks it in the kitchen).

My Aunt laughed until tears were streaming from her eyes and my Grandmother laughed along with her. It was a side to my Grandmother that I had never seen before.

I'm sorry that it took me nearly 39 years to see it, but I am blissfully happy that I did get to see it.

Kayla and Jessica went to the beach with my lil cousin C, Spencer, and my Uncle. They had soo much fun. They took a pile of photos and had a blast.

I love this one of the duck prints in the sand.

Oh, lookie at this one! Doesn't Kayla have a great eye?

KC, Jessica and I got to hang with the newest family member, my cousin KL's baby. She is nine months old now and has grown like crazy since we saw her in October.

Here's the other baby that I fell in love with...KL's min pin, Pixie. She is sooo funny! I love her to death, she is spoiled rotten just like my Ruby. My Aunt keeps telling me that I should take her home with me, but you know, I have 4 dogs in my house already. Bumble is KC's dog, but he is with us most of the time.

We got home just after midnight, and we were all completely exhausted. My legs were cramped, my back was aching and I could barely keep my eyes open. I think that we spent about 8 hours driving yesterday.

As far as I am concerned, it was a small price to pay.

I am already planning our next trip.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter, Everyone!
I hope that you all have a wonderful long weekend. KC, Kayla, Jessica, Spencer and I are all heading south - for the day. We are spending Saturday with my Aunt, Grandma Steeves, and family in the Windsor area. I can not tell you how blessed I feel to be almost 40 and to still have a Grandma that I can visit. My Aunt and Uncle are two of the kindest people that you will ever meet, and they live in a part of the province that can only be described as heaven on earth. The snow has long since melted and the beach is a mere 5 minute drive from the house.

Blissful.

I found this ultra creepy photo on line. Look at that Easter Bunny! Lol. Poor kid. I bet that Easter was never the same for him again!

Mia is coming for a visit tomorrow before we colour eggs. The kids are soo excited. She has grown so much. Her new mom gave me a disc of photos - it feels like an open adoption! I am so grateful that pups all found loving homes. Who would have ever thought that the puppies would become such a big part of our lives in such a short time?

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Thank you, everyone, for the support that you have shown to me, not just these past few days, but in the past almost three years that you have all been a part of my life.

You are the best friends, ever.

Biddie xx

I Stand By My Statements

I stand by my statements 100%.

Do you understand that?

Every thing that I have written here, about me, my life, my kids, is THE TRUTH.
I understand that the truth is, or can be, somewhat subjective, but, I am telling all of you, here and now, that everything that I written about my life is the truth.

Wanna take me to court?

Go for it.

I have NOTHING to hide.
I AM over you, I am SO over you...
What I am dealing with however, are the feelings of a person that has been subjected to various forms of abuse. I don't drink, do drugs, or beat my kids to deal.

I write.

That's it, that's all.

Once again, I stand by my statements, one and all.

Now, if you don't mind, leave me in peace here.

Bridget Steeves.

Bolt - Pigeons Clip

Shawn and I watched this movie the other day and it cracked me up! I think that the pigeons are hysterical...The animators got the movements just perfect....I could watch it again and again....