Life Or Something Like It

Bruno, Bumble and Lola, caught playing in the tub.

Molly/Bella and her new mom.

The new love of my life, baby Ryder.

Yesterday I spent some time at the cemetery with my Dad, my Grossie (great grandma) and some other old friends. I don't get out there often, it's in Smallburg and I rarely venture out that way anymore. There is nothing for me since my family became fractured and my Granny passed away a few years ago.

I do like the quiet solitude of the cemetery. It's peaceful and I find myself reflecting on my life, my Dad, lost friends and loved ones while I walk the winding pathways. I always clear the clover and dirt of off the plaque for the Smallburg Board Of Trade that bares my fathers name. Seeing his name always gives me some measure of comfort... It has been nearly 10 years since he died and he has not been forgotten. His name is there for everyone to see...I like that.

Today was relatively quiet..As quiet as can be when all of my girls are at home. We don't see enough of KC - she is busy with work and school, and of course, Spencer. Shawn got a pile of gifts from the girls, and best of all, we were all in the same room. At the same time.

Kayla and Cody have two more days of high school and then they are done.

Forever.

It is so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that wee little Kayla is all grown up. She is undecided about the fall, she is wants to take something, learn something, but what is the real question. In the meanwhile she is pounding the pavement looking for work.

Cody is taking a summer school course and then is thinking of an apprenticeship. I have no idea how much longer he will be with us, but we are not pushing him out the door. We want him to have a head start and the only way that he can have that is if he has a safe, warm place to live with no worries.

Jessica is almost done grade nine. My baby. How? When? It seems unreal to me. Sometimes I wish that she were 4 again, and I was her whole world. Those days passed so quickly, at the speed of light.

Sigh.

Friday I will be 40.

I don't feel 40 and if you ask most of the people that know me, they will saw that I most certainly do not act 40. Still, there it is...

My mental health has improved expediently in these past weeks,and I am happy with where I am right now, but I still pause to wonder....

I`m not sure what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I am pretty sure this isn`t it.

Who knows what the next 40 years are going to be like? My guess is that whatever the universe has in store for me, it will be anything but boring.