I have been either sleepy, or groggy the past few days and I have gotten very little done. Well, there was KC's graduation. I managed to get my arse out of bed for that.
It was almost the way that I had imagined, except that in my version, there would have been a huge cheering section made up of family and friends. We were told that each graduate could only have two guests, so we didn't even bring Kayla and Jessica. I wish that they could seen their big sister up there, walking across the stage with all of the pomp and circumstance.
It has been an interesting week, to say the least.
I found out that a family member had a baby...A baby that, because of the he-said-she-said game (and family politics) I will never get to hold. In all reality, I will only get to see her if we bump into each other on the street, like the strangers that we have become.
I am mourning the loss of another baby. There will be no firsts for this little one. I am heartbroken for my much loved family members that have lost something - someone - so precious.
I found a long lost love this week, too. Not that he was lost, really, but we lost touch right around the time that Shawn and I started dating. We dated off and on for a couple of years. It so tumultuous. We were either arguing and breaking up, or making up.
He asked me to marry him, finally, after Jessica was born. I turned him down, because I had to. I had to think of the girls.
My long lost love moved out west, leaving me here. It was a painful time, and I felt for years that I had made the wrong choice.
As it turns out, I did do the right thing. I have Shawn, who I love more than anyone, and he has a family of his own.
Still, I think of him from time to time...
We took Jessica to see the doc on Monday. Her AIC average over three months) has come waaay down, and she has gained another pound since she left the hospital. Small victories, but victories all the same. I am so glad that Shawn came to see the doc with us... Going to see the doctor now is like walking that long lonely walk to the gas chamber.
Well, maybe not like THAT, but definitely panic inducing. At least with Shawn there, I am not alone.
My biggest piss off about the whole thing? Jessica's doctor has a med student shadowing him. She seems nice enough, but I have never met her. After we discussed Jessica and her progress, Jessica's doctor asked me - in front of shadowing med student - about my mental health.
I have no problem talking about my situation with the regular doc, but I am not going to discuss private matters with a stranger. Shawn and I left thrilled to bits about Jess, and fuming about the intrusion in our personal lives.
Other than that, I am sleeping, thinking of sleep, or waiting until I can go back to sleep. Lol. It;s okay though. This is just a phase.
That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.