Sunday, April 20, 2008

What a week. I am still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened. Remember when I said that one of Shawns sisters told me that she wanted things to change? She really meant it. They all seem to mean it.

It has been nearly 7 years of Shawns family not accepting me, picking on my kids, and making life hell. There were some sisters that were nice enough...N, and her husband W have always been nice enough. I even took the girls swimming at her house one time. It was a long time ago, because Mission Mary came with us. It must be three or four years ago. His eldest sis, K, was nice enough to me. I always suspected that it was because of the baby gifts that I sent her new born grandkids. She is close to moms age (both of them) so we have very little in common. Then there is Alex. She even gave me a birthday gift one year.

The real problems were with the three that always hung out together - Mona, Linda and Janet. I barely knew Janet, but because she was so close to the other two, she hated me. Janet and Linda kids picked on my kids. I do mean picked on. Lindas daughter came close to getting suspeneded in grade 8 for all of the grief that she caused Kayla.
Linda and I used to be next door neighbours. She actually encouraged me to ask Shawn out all those years ago. I guess that she thought that we would hang out a bit and that would be it. She never expected us to last.

Mona and I used to live in the same townhouse complex. Her son played wwith KC and Kayla when they were little. I bent over backwards for her. She was a single mom, and I knew what that struggle was like. I loaned her my cell phone when her youngest was a baby b/c she couldn't get a home phone. We babysat, we loaned her movies, and responded to frantic phone calls when she was having troubles with her boyfriend. I think that Shawn has helped her move three times - since we have been together.

It didn't matter. They all still hated me. I was never really sure why. I hadn't been rude, or intentionally hurtful to anyone. They just didn't want to let me in from the get go.

Mona and Linda made life hell for all of us, and Janet just went along for the ride.

Linda was the first one that I saw a change in. When we saw her at the hospital on the first day that Mary was admitted, I saw her crying. I just pulled her in close for a hug. What the heck else could I do? No matter what was said or done, this was no time for petty bulls shit.

Janet was the next one to freak me out. She spent about ten minutes chatting me up at the funeral home. I have not spent ten minutes talking to her in the past 7 years combined. I made her laugh, and I hugged her. It was all I could do.

Shawns mom referred to me as his wife, and the girls as his kids. In fact, the only time that I saw her smile was when Jessica came to the funeral home and gave her a big hug.

On Friday, Shawn went to see how his mom was doing. She put him right to work in the garden. Mona was there, and when she had a quiet moment, she approached him in the yard.

Now, this is the part that would have knocked me over if I had not been sitting already.

She apologized to Shawn. She apologized for being mean, for all of the problems that she has caused and for making problems for us....

When KC and went shopping later that day, we ran into Janet, Mona and Janets youngest daughter, A. (She is close to KC's age).

Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by a loud and happy "HI" from all three of them. These are the same people that would normally ignore us, or worse yet, mutter under their breath about me as I passed.

It seems that they are all so impressed by the way that I have handled myself since all of this has begun. I have been thanked, time and time again for all of the support that I have shown the family. Dunno why. That is just what you do. No big thing. We also got many compliments about the girls and the way that they behaved throughout all of this.

I am in shock. Seriously. I am so happy, but at the same time, I am afraid that it will all end. I really and truly want Shawn and his siblings be close again. His mom has just suffered the worst loss that anyone can suffer, and she deserves better.

Shawn is working with his brother this week, and there has been progress there, too. It just seems too good to be true...After 7 years of crap, can this be real?


Heidi the Hick said...

I know why you say that you just did what anybody would do... but the thing is, they didn't expect it. After their attitudes towards you, they expected the worst from you. I think they expected you to give back what they gave.

But you see, they didn't know you that well yet. They didn't know what I know. You're a good person -- one of the best out there.

Let's hope they get it now. I'm so proud of you.

Lots of Love

Gabriel said...

Yup, it's real. Take it, and enjoy it (even if it's a 'enjoy it while it lasts' kind of thing).

You fully deserve this break, you guys have been through too much already.

I'm happy to see that something good came out of this sad situation

Burfica said...

Oh Biddie, I don't wanna be negative. I mean be receptive, but be cautious. I'm not saying we are exactly the same. But with Gigantor's sisters and mother even. It's been 15 years of hell.

This past year they seem to be a bit better, and it's blowing me away. I'm still very cautious though. They could snap and turn in a second.

I hope it's for real for you all though, that would be soo cool.

dilling said...

things can always change...i hardly even talked to my father until i was 21, then we lapsed again until my late 20' we're "just like peas and carrots." funny thing is, how distant all the "bad stuff" seems now and now many happy memories i remember...weirdness. but totally cool, too.

dilling said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aims said...

I hope so - for everyone's sake.

Heather! said...

Good to hear. :0)

Biddie said...

Heidi - Thank you (blushing). It was an easy thing to be there, to be supportive, it was really only terrifying when KC and I had to go to the funeral home alone. (Oh, and one of Rudi's cousins works there, the only one that I like and likes me). It was hard in so many ways...It was the same funeral home that my Dad was at, there was a room full of people looking at me, and we were there without Shawnie.
I really really hope that this change will be agood one and that it will last. I want Shawns mom to be happy, for as long as she can. She has already lost two kids, I am hoping that the remaining 8 can come together. I just wonder if it has to be at my wedding? Yikes. I think that I am gonna elope.
And you know what? I am a nice person. :)

Gabriel - I am hoping that this is the good that will come from Marys passing. If nothing else, I want to spend more time with her boys. They are really great kids and they must be missing her like mad right now. Mothers Day is right around the corner....You're right though. It might just be a while it lasts kinda of thing.

Burfica - I have been hurt so many times by them, I am hoping that this is real. Mona has been just awful - she has been the worst, I think, and all I have done is tried to be good to her. (There is so much more to her story). Shawn is being cautious, he is worried that this will blow up in our faces. I hope not.

Dilling - I know what you mean. I have renewed relationships over the years, too. I was fortunate enough to spend alot of time with my Aunt Josie after many years of barely speaking. She passed away 2 years ago, and I am so glad that I had time with her.
Shawns family is different...It seems like they just don't care about these things. I hope that marys death is putting everything into perspective for them. It would make Mary happy if she brought about the change in everyone.

Biddie said...

Aims - Me too. More than anything.

Heather - So far so good :)

Christine said...

Biddie - Have not been around much of late - I'm sorry for the pain you and Shawn have had to experience.

You have stayed the course on the high road and your sisters-in-law see their errors by your moral example.
The lessons are for the next generation - your kids see the importance of being a good and giving person No Matter What.
The world is a richer place because of the values you display and reflect in others.

whimsical brainpan said...

It sounds real to me. And for everyone's sake I hope it truly is. :-)