Thursday, April 17, 2008

Today we laid Mary to rest. It was incredibly difficult. I know that funerals usually are, but this was much worse that I could have ever imagined.

Wednesday was the visitation. Shawn had to work, so KC and I went to the afternoon session alone. It was like walking into the lions den for us. My anxiety is like a crushing weight on my shoulders for little things, like grocery shopping. You can imagine what it was like to be in that funeral home amongst people that were less than thrilled to see me. I was pleasantly surprised though. The sisters that I thought would be a problem were welcoming. I felt united in grief with Shawns family. In fact, one sister even said that she was tired of all of the arguing and estrangment. She wants to see a change. So do I. I just wonder if it is possible.

One good thing may have come from all of this. Shawn has reconnected with Marys two sons. There was no estrangement, just life getting in the way of family. I think that may change now. It's too late for Mary, but we still have her sons.

I am trying to cope with all of this. There have been so many changes in one short week. We are all still reeling.

A good thing happened for me, too. Bio-Bettys sister came to the funeral today, to support Shawn and I. I am not very close to her family, mostly because I was raised by my father and Bio Betty had very little involvement in my life. Today I feel like maybe a positive change has made in that family too.

Why does it always take something like this to bring people back together?

13 comments:

Heidi the Hick said...

I wish so much that it didn't take a tragedy to wake us up...

Take a deep breath. Give Shawn a big hug. I really can't imagine what you've all been through. You'll all need some rest now.

Biddie said...

Heidi - Sigh...It has been such a long week. I wish that I could do more for everyone...Marys youngest son kept thanking me for being so supportive....Really, I didn't do much. I really like her boys,and her husband. They are good people.
Shawns mom looks awful. I was talking to her today and I have no idea what she was saying..We are worried that it might be too much for her.
I have been emailing my Aunt Jackie tonight. She was so great today. Made me realize that I have more people that care about me than I knew....
I will give Shawn a hug for you. He is soo run down tonight. It's too bad, too, cuz he got a new suit and all I can say is..Hubba hubba :)

Chellie said...

Biddie-

You really hit your anxiety head on when you have to and I'm so proud of you for that. I hate it when my panic takes over and it often does upon viewing loved ones in the casket.

Unfortuantely, life works in strange ways and we do tend to want to change upon a tragedy. Too bad, but I guess it's a bright spot too.

Biddie said...

Chellie - If KC hadn't have been with me, I never would have made it at all. I was just so focused on Shawn and his pain, it was easy enough to forget about my crap...That being said? It was sooo hard to walk into that room!
I am really hoping that things will work out though...I want nothing more than Shawn to have his family back.
(And thanks, Chellie)

Gabriel said...

Biddie, I hope you, Shawn and the girls are doing better. I read your blog and KC's and I can see how hard it was for you today.

Please give Shawn a hug for me. I have a lot of appreciation for that man.

coffeypot said...

I'm glad some progress has been made in the family relationship department. Now you have to pursue these changes with a positive attitude and build on them. Otherwise, things will settle back into the same old same old.

Tod said...

I am glad you all got through it and that the family stuff appears to be getting sorted.

Biddie said...

gabriel - We are, thank you. Yesterday was a hard day for everyone. Watching Marys mom, husband and sons say goodbye broke my heart. I will give Shawn a hug when he gets home form work. I thinnk that is the best place for him. Hopefully, it will keep him busy enough to think about something else for a few hours.

coffeypot - I really hope that real progress has been made and it wasn't just nice words at a difficult time. I would love to see Shawns family reunited. I can't think of anything that would make his mom happier.

tod - It does appear to be getting sorted. I am waiting to see how everyone reacts when we tell them that we are going to get married....Mind you, that has been put on the back burner for awhile now.

aims said...

It is amazing what we can do when we shove that anxiety and panic behind us and move forward.

Most deaths divide a family. It is wonderful that it is bringing yours together. Remember that.

Biddie said...

aims - Oh, I hope that you are right! I want to have Shawns family whole again. They have already lost two siblings. What more can it take?
I am amazed at myself for kicking my anxiety in the ass. Still shocked that I did it. :)

jIhAd PuNk said...

'cause we're human babe. that's all it is.

whimsical brainpan said...

For some reason the worst is what brings out the best in most people.

Change is always possible.

Palm Springs Savant said...

Biddie- I'm just now catching up on what's been going on in your life, I read through everything, sorry to hear about Mary. Obviously a sad and difficult time for everyone involved.

It is interesting how something like a death puts things in perspective for those left behind-to think aboout "what really matters". They key is to follow through 2 months, 6 months, a year from now. good luck