Saturday, April 12, 2008

I have been struggling the past couple of days to come up with something to say here. I have so much stuff swirling around my big empty head. I just don't know where to start.

My relationship with Shawns family has been tumultuous to say the least. We have a lot of history. I knew two of his sisters long before I knew Shawn. I lived next door to one, and in the same complex as another. My girls played with his niece and nephew. My brothers knew Shawn many years ago, when they were all still single crazy bachelors. You would think then, that our transition from friends to family would be smooth.
Yeah, well, you might think that, but you would be wrong.

There was resentment from the very start. I am not going to go into all of the gruesome details. Some of his family might stumble across my blog, and I don't want to cause any more pain.

Now that this horrible tragedy has befallen the family, we are all thrust together in small rooms and long hallways. I am sharing space with people that I know don't want me anywhere near their sister.

I am at a loss. I am going to be there, at the hospital, holding Shawns hand, talking to Mary, consoling his Mom.

Shawn is trying to remain calm, focused, and stoic. He hasn't fallen apart yet, even though one of the people that he loves most in this world is suffering intolerably.

Ah. All I am doing now is rambling. I'm sorry. I just need to vent. This whole situation is so fucked up. I have watched people wail, cry and scream at the injustice of it all, and find a way to make this all about them. I can't stand it.

Mary doesn't deserve this. Her husband, her sons, they don't deserve this.

Ok, well, I Have to get back up to the hospital. Some of the family might not want me there, but I am staying right by Shawns side.


Chellie said...

Hang in there, Biddie. Family dysfunction really sucks and tends to come out when there is crisis. It's good that you are there for Shawn.

Heather! said...

Good B,be strong.

You are the better person,trust me.


Anonymous said...

They don't know how blessed they are to have you. We love you Biddie. deb

whimsical brainpan said...

Shawn is lucky to have you.


Burfica said...

good you are staying your ground and being right where you are supposed to be.

Gardenia said...

You are a tower of strength. You have a lucky husband. Keep your head up.