Thursday, February 19, 2009

I am sitting here, trying to think of what to write. Oh, I have a ton of crap on my mind, I just can't decide what it is I want to discuss.

The puppies are all fine. I am amazed each and every day at how quickly they are growing and changing. I have five tiny miracles right here in my living room.

Shawn may be back to work on Monday. His bosses are still out of the country, doing God knows what, while their employees are all waiting to work again so that they can do silly little things like, oh, I dunno, pay the rent??? You know, silly things like that.

Nothing much ever changes with Shawn's family. I really thought after we lost his sister last year that things would change with us. With them.

It looked as though things had improved, actually.

Family members were calling me by name, not just her or she. Nope, for the first few months, I heard my name.


Oh, yes, I hate my name, but having any of them call me Biddie doesn't sound right.

That was then.

A month or so ago, one of Shawn's family members called the house looking for Shawn or Brenda.



Come one. We have been together for more than 7 years now.


I was tempted to over look that.

I DID overlook that.

Then, today, the bullshit started all over again. Shawn's mom said some things to Shawn today that had him beyond upset..Livid, in fact.

It seems that no one in that family can wrap their tiny little minds around the fact that yes, we are a couple. (Couple of what??) Shawn has helped me raise these kids longer than - well, longer than the bio fathers have been around.

I am just about ready to give up. What does it take to get through to these people? What have I done - or not done - to make them treat me like I am less than human?

I don't want it to get to me, but it does.

How can I pretend that something doesn't hurt me when it tears me up inside?


Gardenia said...

Don't pretend, acknowledge it, then don't let your mind go there. It is not about you - its about them - something in them, you probably know that. Don't let them pull you down....sometimes we have to cut off those people that purposefully work on hurting us - its self preservation!

Biddie said...

gardenia - Sigh.....
I know. Shawn is talking about cutting them out of his completely, and I am the one that is saying we should really take a step back and think.
I am soo far from perfect, but these people have no idea who I am or what I am all about...They might just like me if they ever gave me a chance. The worst of it is that my kids are suffering.
Shawn's mom is elderly - 85, I think, and I just want him to do the right thing.
I'm just not sure what that is...

Burfica said...

oh Biddie I feel your pain. I've been married to Gigantor almost 16 years now, and they still treat me like crap, and I will NEVER be part of his family.

And yes it still hurts. What I think hurts worse is seeing how they hurt my son and my husband for their stupid decisions.

honestly we try to have as little as possible to do with them, but all of them still cause us to fight with each other.


I'm so sorry, and all I can offer is a very big very understanding hug.

Biddie said...

burfica - I knew that you would understand.
I have done nothing bad to these people. Truly and honestly. I have given money to one sister, loaned movies that have never been returned, had another wrack up a $600+ cell phone bill, baby sat for them, cleaned up after them,and yet, it is never enough.
I can't even say here what Shawns mom said because I don't want my kids to read it.
Too bad we are so far apart, Burf. We could hang and ignore all of the jerks together :)

Heidi the Hick said...

You should NOT pretend it doesn't bother you.

They should have some decency and he's totally in his place to be angry with them for their treatment.

Biddie said...

Heidi - I guess the real question is where do we go from here? Do we continue our strained relationship, or do we walk away
You know how many people are absent from my life now, and you know why...You know that it is for the best in most cases..So do I. Still, I miss some of these people.
I don't want Shawn to give his family up for me, or for us. I want for Shawn to have a relationship with his whole family....
Is it even possible?

Heidi the Hick said...

I don't think you have to cut them out. But, I also don't think you should bend over backwards for them. don't be cruel right back to them... But no favours. They clearly won't repay you in kindness. Don't babysit or loan them anything. Arm's length, know what I mean?

They'll always be his family but there's a good chance they'll continue to use his good nature. Be civil and polite, but that's it. Visit, don't get involved.

And insist that they get your name right!!! Geez. That's so passive aggressive. Seven years later they can't remember your name? Bull. Correct them. You're not the one who should feel stupid.

Biddie said...

Heidi - We have been just visiting - for the most part. I refuse to lend anything anymore, and i will not babysit for anybody in that family.
BUT, when Mary died last year, I wanted so badly to make a change that we let them back into our lives...It always backfires.
Can you believe that some of them still ask the names of my girls??? Oh, come on! There are 4 of us, and about 30 of them. I know all of their names, yet they claim to be confused about my three kids??
I am tired of correcting them. Just plain tired of all of it, to be honest.
I think, for now, at least I am done.
I have better people in my life to devote my time and engery to :)

Stinkypaw said...

For having gone thru something similar with my MIL I can understand the feelings. It is hard to not care. One day I realised it wasn't me nor about me, it was about her. She had issues and was taking them out on me. Everytime she said something that could hurt me, I would force myself to think that in doing so she was showing me something, she was my teacher. She thought me to not let things affect me at a personal level and for that I'll always be thankful to the crazy old bitch!

I wish you a great teacher and may you learn great things about yourself and your couple from that family. Remember it's not about you, so let it go.

Biddie said...

Stinkypaw - I will try to keep that in mind...My first MIL was not real nice to me and we worked through it - mind you it took until her son and I split up, but we did have a great relationship in the final years of her life.
This lady though....
I will work on it. You are right about one thing for sure - it really isn't about me as much as it is about her :)

whimsical brainpan said...

I hope Shawn is able to go back to work soon.

As for his family, you have every right to be upset over how they treat you. However I wouldn't waste my time dwelling on it. They don't seem worth it. You have the love and respect of the only member of that family who truly counts, Shawn.