Happy Birthday, Kayla

Today is February 27th. Today my 2nd born turns 16. I know that everyone thinks that their kid is special. Everyone thinks that their kid is wonderful, and one of a kind. I don't think so. I know so.

Kayla was born in 1991, a little more than a year after the loss of my son. Unlike her sister 3 years earlier, Kayla was not a surprise. We planned for her. I didn't even wait the 3 months that the doctor suggested that we wait. I couldn't. I knew that this amazing little person was just around the corner.
I was 21, and stuck in a bad marriage. I thought that a new baby, a son would help. I wasn't expecting Kayla to save our relationship. I thought that Rudi would realize how much he loved his little family and straighten up. I was wrong.
I was sure that Kayla would be a boy. So sure, in fact, that I bought everything in blue and green. The walls of the nursery were painted blue, the curtains were blue, the blankets, sleepers, and stuffed toys were all blue. I even bought a blue crib. About a week before she was born, I had an epiphany. The baby that I was carrying, the child that I was already calling Kyle, was a girl.
Rudi hit the roof when I told him. He must've thought that it was some conspiracy to drive him crazy. It wasn't. It was just a wonderful side effect.
Kayla slept through the night for the 1st time when she was 3 weeks old. I thought that those first 3 weeks were the longest of my life. I had to run the vacuum at all hours to calm her. The neighbours must've thought that I was crazy.
I was.

Crazy for the brown haired, wide eyed little girl that was the spitting image of me. Friends called her Midget Bridget. She really was. She had my attitude and my looks. Poor kid.
When we baptized Kayla, we gave her 2 sets of God parents. I knew that a kid like Kayla needed special spiritual guidance that Rudi's sister could never provide. Rudi's sister and husband were God parents out of guilt. Heidi and Jethro were made God parents out of love, and it is a decision that I have never regretted.
Kayla was always the brave one. I remember a 3 year old Kayla heading out the door to fight an 8 year old bully that had smacked KC around. Kayla was having none of that. She rolled up her sleeves and snuck out the back door while I was cleaning KC's cuts. My 3 year old Kayla sent the 8 year old bully home in tears.
Once, when she was 4, she caught a chipmunk. With her bare hands. That's how we learned that chipmunks don't carry rabies.
When she was in grade 7, she got a one day suspension from school because she kicked her shoe off at a girl. She was pissed because the shoe missed the other girl by a mile, but she still got suspended. She truly felt that if she had to do the time, she should get to REALLY do the crime. She wanted a re do.
I sent her to Shawn's parents for the day, because I was still in school. His parents were supposed to make her work in the garden and teach her a lesson about respecting her fellow classmates.
Grandpa took her fishing and then out for ice cream.

That'll teach her.
I guess that you could say that she mellowed in her old age. She will walk away from a fight- unless someone is threatening her little sister. Kayla took down a 200 lb girl because the girl threw a punch at J. Kayla told me that she just twisted the girls arm until she screamed and promised to leave J alone. It was about the same time that she heard a snap. Kayla weighs about 95 lbs soaking wet. This girl, a bully that had been bothering Kayla for months, crosses the street now when she sees Kayla. I don't condone or approve of violence, but sometimes you have to stand up for your self.
Kayla will stand up to God Himself. Then she will tell Him why He is wrong and she is right.
Those that know us well, Kayla and I, say that we are 2 peas in a pod.
I couldn't agree more.
And, I couldn't be more proud.
Happy Birthday, Kayla.

Introducing Lint Brush

This is Lint Brush, or LB for short. He is one of Henry's babies and I just HAD to introduce him to you. I'm not sure why, but he has a bald spot. See it? It cracks me up.
In other news, I have come to an agreement with my (2nd) x husband regarding child support. He is paying less than what the guidlines say that he should, and he hasn't been paying for any of J's extra's. He has a great benefit package, but other than her Rx's, he hasn't helped with anything. Even with his benefits, which cover up to 80% of the fees, I still pay about $120 a month for J's diabetic supplies. If we went to court, I would be awarded an extra $80 a month, plus I would be entitled to more to help with the cost of medical supplies. I don't want to fight, though. I will have a tough road ahead with Rudi, and I can only manage so much crap at once. I proposed this. X #2 (we call him Goof), will pay the same amount of support that he has been. He will pay for the deductible on her eyeglasses, and he will pay the cost up front. He will pay the deductible for the dentist, and he will pay it up front. If the deductible is less than the 80%, then we will split the cost. He will also buy her a box of needle tips every other month. He is still beating around the bush when it comes to her braces. She needs them and neither one of us has any coverage. I won't pay for them alone, it just isn't happening. Anyway, we got a lot settled, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me..
I did this.
ME.
I did this all alone.
Now, I just have to deal with Rudi.
The thing that gets me about Goof is this. He hasn't seen his daughter in about 2 years. Her birthday, and Christmas passed without a word from him. When we spoke on the phone, he didn't ask about any of the girls. Not once.
I don't get it.
I have gotten a few ideas for my next blog. Tod wants to know the worst advice that I ever got. Dilling wants to hear more about highschool with Heidi. I believe that Ldbug and Gardenia mentioned something about cheese..Heidi asked about the dog and TMOC...I still have lots to think about. I think that I'll ponder it tonight and get back to you.
Night.

I got nothin'. Any suggestions?

I 've been thinking alot lately, about honesty, and stealing, and perspective. I can't get the Great Cheese Caper out of my mind. I lay awake at night thinking about it. I think about it in the shower, doing laundry, making dinner, it's all I can think of. I guess that I'm confused. I made a mistake on January 26th. A big one, but a mistake none the less. I will probably be punished for this by losing my PSW license, a fine, and probation. Here's what confuses me.
My sister, Posh, works for a large company and makes about $250,000 a year. She travels, all over the world, and has a pretty good gig. She steals from her work place on a regular basis. She gave KC a memory stick for the computer, emblazened with the name of her work place. KC tells me that these are worth up to $100. Posh spends that on coffee every week. $100 is a drop in a very large bucket for her.
Here's what confuses me. If Posh knew about my arrest, she would cluck her tongue and lecture me about honesty and being accountable for my actions. She would. She prides herself on her honesty and considers stealing to be a sin. (I guess that it is, if you know your commandments). So...I'm a theif, and she isn't?
I guess that it's all in the perspective. People 'borrow' from there workplaces all of the time. Hubby tells me about co workers that have redone whole rooms in their houses with materials taken from the job site. When I worked at the grocery store (same chain that is charging me), coworkers punched in early and punched out late on their time cards. Is this theft? How many times have we taken pens, office supplies, whatever, from work? Who among us is NOT guilty?
I will go to court on April 3rd to be judged for my transgressions....I DID put the items in my cart. I AM guilty of that. I did not mean to leave without paying.
I wonder who the judge will be? I wonder what his/her perspective will be on this issue. Will he/she be understanding, or will he/she also want to make an example of me?
I wonder if the judge will also be a 'borrower' and will see things as they are? I wonder if when the judge signs his/her name on the documents before her, it will be a pen 'borrowed' from someone else.
I wonder.

Updates, Rants, and Headclogging Crap

Henry and the babies are doing well. The little ones are 2 weeks old now, and have become tiny hopping furballs. They are all living together again, and Henry is feeding them on their own. I took a photo of "Skippybunny" in mid hop. Isn't she just the cutest? KC named her that because Skippy is promising to drive down in a few months and get her.

I go to get finger printed on March 16th. I have an appointment, just like going to see your family doctor. I go to court on April 3rd. I am seriously considering just pleading guilty to stealing the fricking cheese. If it goes to trial, it could drag on for months. I think that the worst I will get is probation anyway, maybe a fine. Maybe, the judge will look at the whole thing and throw it out. Maybe. I can hope, can't I? I just don't want this thing dragging on into the end of May. TMOC is getting married then, and Lucky is coming up from Colorado. She is planning on flying in to Toronto, and then renting a van so that we can all go together. It's the only way that I'll be able to go. It's more than just the wedding though. See, my kids have never met her kids, and I have never met them, either. Lucky and I have only ever had about 2 days to visit, and I miss her terribly. My neice and KC are both 19 now, and we don't know how often we'll have a chance like this again. KK and my nephew are super close, and they are positively DYING to finally meet. I just want to see my sister. I want Heidi to meet my sister, and want to create some real family memories, not just emails or long phone conversations. I want a photo of all of cousins together, a photo of Lucky, TMOC and me.

Shawn is back to work today. He's with a new company now, and will be making about $10 less an hour. Ouch. We weren't exactly rolling in dough before, but it sure beats the big fat $0 that he has been making. He hasn't been fulltime since before Christmas, and we are dangerously behind on bills. Besides, he HATES doing nothing, not working everyday. I am just happy that he is back to doing what he loves. A happy Shawn makes for a happy house.

Do you remember KC telling you about the cabbie that assaulted her and tried to steal my cell phone from her? It happened on the day that Shawn went to pay the ginormous gas bill, December 8th. Well, we heard back from the detective in charge of the case, and the cabbie is being charged with assault and robbery. Neither KC nor Shawn have to testify, but Shawn has opted to give a victim impact statement. I can't wait for this! The trial starts on April 13th, and I plan on being there. We are finally being taken seriously, and more importantly, this creep won't get the chance to terrorize another person again. At the very least, he will lose his taxi lisence, even though he is the owner of the car.

We got dumped on again on the 14th. More snow. It is so deep that Porky won't even leave the front porch, and Ruby won't go out. At all. Unless she thinks the Pug might be out there. Hey, I do what I have to, ok? I almost had a stroke when I went out shovelling with KK last night. I would've been pissed if I would've missed Supernatural and ER because of a stupid stroke. I almost cut my baby toe off once, and it was during ER. I didn't want to go to the hospital until it was over. My x made me go right away, and of course I missed Dr. Carter and what'shername getting attacked by the crazy knife weilding patient. Never again, I tell you. I'm planning my accidents better now.

Anyway, KK has finally emerged from her room. It must be close to feeding time. Gotta run, motherhood calls.

Later.

Love Is....................................

A Cornicopia Of Awesomeness

Today our package arrived from Lucky. I felt like a little kid at Christmas! Inside was all manner of randomosity, including, paper cups from Starbucks, Luckys' fav mac and cheese, sea monkeys for J, 2 ipods, family photos, keychains hand made by The Nephew, dry soup, microwave popcorn......The list is endless!

I think this is my favourite gift of all. Can you read what it says? It says RECLAIM YOUR SENSUALITY. Reclaim? I didn't know that I ever lost it. Shawn is so excited. It's like spanish fly for grown ups. I don't know if this was a gift for him, or for me!

Among Shawn's fav gift was the Useless Information Quiz book. I love it! There are about 10 hand-me-down sweaters and t shirts for KK and J. And jewelry. And shot glasses. Post its, candles, and telephone, Grateful Dead stickers.......I swear, she put in one of almost everything.

How cool is my sister? I haven't seen her in about 3 yrs. We're hoping to get together for TMOC's wedding. I can't wait.

Anyway, I am off now. Since Hubby is laid off right now, we might as well make use of some of this time to try and reclaim our sensuality. Maybe. I'm thinking about it. We'll see what happens....

Is It Mother's Day Already?

I had the surprise of my life yesterday. Hubby got laid off, again, and his paycheck wasn't enough to cover our bills, groceries, or rent. I didn't tell KC how much the cheque was for, just that Shawn was laid off, looking for new work, and that money would be extra tight for the next couple of weeks. KC went to the grocery store to pick up some munchies because she was having her insignificant other over to watch movies. I called her on her cell phone and asked her to pick up toilet paper for me.
She came home about an hour later with $120 worth of groceries. That is the equivelent of a weeks pay for her. You could have knocked me over with a feather. My almost 19 year old bought food for the family. With her own money. Without being asked. Without complaining.
I am speechless. ME. Speechless.

Ruby and The Babies......

The baby bunnies are living in the old bird cage for now. Ruby is just dying to get to them, as you can see from this photo.....

It seems I spoke too soon when I said that Henry was a good mom. This is a photo of KK feeding the black bunny, the one that she calls Spazz. We lost a bunny, too. The smallest one didn't make it. We still have 3 baby bunnies that we are now hand feeding. They are walking around now, trying to hop. We have about a month of "bottle" feedings until they're able to eat on their own. I am so excited. Can't you tell?

For My Little Buddy In Virginia - Baby Bunnies!

Just a quick post today. I am feeling a little better, at least I got dressed today. Trust me, that's big.
We had a new addition to the family last Thursday. Actually, 4 new additions. I thought that we had the bunny situation worked out. You know, the boys in one place and the girls in another. Yeah, well, I was wrong. This is what we found Thursday evening. Four tiny babies. They are still bald, and their eyes haven't opened yet. That'll happen when they hit about 10 days old. They babies are about 3 days old here. The mom doesn't mind if you handle them, and many times we have had to bottle feed new born bunnies. Not this time. Henry, the mommy, is doing a great job.
Anyway, that's about the most exciting thing that has happened around here. Unless you count the huge amount of snow that we got, and the unbelievable temerature of -30. Ruby won't even go out to do her thing. Porky runs on to the porch, and right back in. I haven't been out since grocery shopping, and if I can work out, I won't be leaving the house again until the spring thaw.

I am still sick. Strep throat. Not fun. Not much to say, either, except thanks for stopping by.

Backstreet Boys - Everybody (Backstreet's BACK)

My mom is sick is today so I have hijacked her blog like all good daughters do.
I added this little ditty because I know it's one of her favs.
Also, to embarrass her now...we have this joke that she is going to try out for the popular television show "So You Think You Can Dance" and we have been working on a routine. Yes, I have been watching millions of music videos to get her some good "moves" so that she will blow the competition away. The problem is that no one in our house has any rythm except for KK. My solution to this problem was to add me and KK so that we can be a dance troupe. Basically, we are going to steal the majority of the dance "moves" from here. Especially the "Throw your hands up in the air like you just don't care" and the weird hand/butterfly thing that the girls in the red dresses do.
If you have any sweet "moves" that we can borrow please let us now. We need to come up with a killer routine...one like Napolean Dynamite's.
Sweet!

Friday night was not a good night. It started off ok, better than the previous few days had been. I was still reeling from my break down, still feeling out of sorts, but better. I had a bill to pay, one that had to be paid that day. I was already late with my payment, and I had made a promise to pay it on Friday. Shawn had to go out, so I headed out with KC. We paid the bill then walked across the street to a smallish mall, to grab a few groceries and get some of J's photos developed.
I dropped off the film and had an hour to kill. We strolled through the grocery store, looking at bedsheets, and kitchen gadgets, and reading valentines. I threw stuff in and out of my shopping cart, collecting crap as I went.

The shopping cart (trolley) was one of those bi -level jobbies, with a basket at the top, and the bottom, the bottom basket being longer than the one on the top. I had my huge purse, and a bag from Zellers, where we had been earlier that evening.

The time spent waiting for the photos seemed longer than an hour. I dunno. Maybe that's just me remembering. I paid for my groceries, my photos, and left the store. I actually took my time, pausing at the entrance of the store to look at the photos, and then stopping at the entrance to the mall itself. That's where a grubby looking kid approached me. I thought that he was panhandling for bus fare or money for the phone. I had to ask him 3 times what he wanted. Then, I was approached by a plain looking woman in tattered jeans and uncombed hair. (I am not making this up, folks). The kid told me that he was with security for the store, and would I come with them.

KC was getting bus tickets, and I was there alone. I was so shocked. I thought later that I should've told her to push off, get lost. I really thought that I had nothing to hide, so I went. No problem.

They took me to the lower floor of the grocery store, and into an inner office. I was still confused. I let them look through my bags, my purse, offered to empty my pockets. I did all of that, even though, by law, I did not have to allow them access to anything. I still thought that I was ok.

Well, I wasn't. On the bottom level of my cart, were some groceries that I had forgotten. I didn't have them stuffed into my bags, or my purse, they were just there. I saw the cheese and nearly fainted. I had wanted the cheese, that was my main reason for going into the damn grocery store. I had forgotten the cheese. I felt so stupid. The cheese! I really had forgotten. I offered to pay, and thought that would be the end of it.

Nope. The female security guard decided that since I had put the food into my cart, I was guilty. Well, yeah, of course I put the shit there! I never denied it, and I hadn't tried to stuff it down my pants or into my bags, either.

So, the cops were called, and I was placed under arrest. He read me my rights, and then asked me what happened. Now look, I'm not a complete idiot, and I wasn't going to implicate myself in any way. I told him that I didn't mean to leave without paying for that stuff, and that it was an accident. He tried to get me to fess up. I mean, listen, guilty or not, I've seen enough TV to know better. I wasn't going to say anything that could be used against me. I also knew that if I started talking, I would freak out, and lose it. I was polite, and answered all of basic questions, but would not admitt to anything. Then he tried to scare me. He told me that the judge would go easier on me if I confessed.

Are you kidding me? I have NO criminal record, and I have never been in trouble like this before. I can't even imagine what the judge will do even if I am found guilty....A fine?

The problem here is this. I am a licensed PSW, and in order to work anywhere, in my chosen profession,I need a CLEAN criminal record. I will never work as a PSW if I am convicted. Even though I'm not working now, being a PSW is my light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping to work again, and make a difference for the people that I am helping. Without my lisence, I'll just another shmuck looking for a minimum wage job. I've already been that shmuck. I want more.

I feel so freaking stupid. I don't quite know what I was thinking, but I know that I wasn't thinking, 'Hey, let's steal this brick of $2.99 cheese, when I have enough money in my pocket to buy a weeks worth of food.' I mean, it was more than just cheese...there were some pens, and some cucumber seeds...a bunch of little stuff. I am so freaking humiliated. I now have to go to court, stand before the judge, and answer as to why I stole CHEESE. Shit. If I was going to risk my lisence, it wouldn't have been for cheese.

I have to go to be finger printed in March, and then I go to trial in April. I could plead guilty, get a fine, and a stern warning, maybe community service (yeah, right, no problem when you've agorriphobia), maybe probation. That would save me from a trial. I can't do that, tho. I can't risk losing my PSW lisence, the one thing that I have accomplished in my adult life. I don't think that I am guilty, either. Well, I guess, yeah, I am, because, I HAD THE CHEESE, but you knowwhat I mean. There you have it. My big night out. One of the 1st nights in ages that I have gone out without Shawn since my depression has gotten this bad.


So, friends, I hope that you don't think less of me. I could've kept this to myself, but it helps to write. And yes, I am ready for the cheese jokes. If I don't laugh I'll cry, and THAT isn't working for me.


I am going to try to get some sample meds in the meantime, and get back into counselling. It's a start. I realize that I need to be more pro active, even if it means being a little pushy with my family doctor. It's hard, because when you're depressed, even the small things seem almost impossible to do. I have to take charge. I have to learn to tell Shawn when I'm feeling bad, and ask for help. No more trying to hide it, or just pretending that everything is fine. It's time to get serious.

What I did With My Time Away, By Biddie

Hmm...This was a stressful week. My little break down lasted several days, and I did a whole lotta nothing. Actually, that's not true.
I cried. Alot.
I talked things over with Hubby, and feel better about that.
I watched Wicker Man. Don't bother.
I cried some more.
I talked to Lucky, who scored 2, count 'em TWO ipods for KC, and KK.
I talked to Skippy.
I wrote A LOT of emails to Heidi.
I cried some more.
I went out grocery shopping, and got arrested.

Anyone know a good lawyer?

The Whole Truth

I live with bi-polar, depression, and OCD. It's not easy for me, or for those that love me. I don't work, I can't work. I would like to, most days, anyway. I used to work at a grocery store, and before that I worked at the morgue in the hospital. I liked working, I liked the way that it made me feel. I liked bringing home money, even if it was only minimum wage. I liked the feeling of helping people, and more than anything, working made me feel useful, productive, needed.
Most of my life, I have struggled with committment in various forms. It's difficult to say that 'YES, I will be there!' when you have a panic attack at the thought of getting on the bus. Sometimes, I can get on the bus, but then the panic sets in. How will I get OFF of the bus when it's packed? What if it's late, or I'm on the wrong one? Some days, I feel well enough to work, but I know that this feeling will only last for days, sometimes even hours. In fact, in the past year I have applied for jobs and volunteer positions. I even went through most of the training needed to work with Alzheimer's patients - my dream job. I did everything, until I had to spend an afternoon in a nursing home shadowing someone. It should have been no big deal. I did my PSW training at 3 different nursing homes. I just couldn't do it.
In fact, even though I graduated with honours, even though I loved working with the elderly, even though I felt better than I had in years, I still barely finished my course. I fell into a deep depression, and begged my teacher to let me drop out. Thankfully, they worked with me so that I could graduate. Becoming a PSW was the life long dream that I had always yearned for. I was helping people, and loving it.
So, I graduated, and that was almost 3 years ago. I wound up at the hospital within months of finishing, and I have been in limbo ever since.
Most days are a struggle for me. My manic days are now few and far between. I can't remember the last time that I truly felt good, or laughed and enjoyed myself. Maybe it was boxing day.
The truth is that I am hard to live with. I can not work, and most days I am lucky to make it into the tub before 1:00. I don't return phone calls, or leave the house on my own, or do housework. I see the way that the house looks, and it depresses me. I want to cry, and I usually do. I struggle to do the basics. I make Shawn a lunch, most everyday. I feed the dogs, do some laundry, and take care of the bunnies. I don't read the way that I used to, because my concentration isn't there. I forget things. Big things. I have plugged in the kettle, and left it to burn dry. I have forgotten appointments, and loathe the thought of even going to one.
I can not work, and it looks like I won't be working for quite sometime.
This can put a strain on any relationship. Apparently, it has put a big one on mine.
I don't know what to do. I am on a waiting list for a new Dr. Even when I do get a Dr., I won't have money for my meds. We can't afford that. I'm looking at a few hundred dollars a month....I was on 3 kinds of meds before, and they were still tweaking and perfecting it.
I feel so lost. If my relationship fails, I will be out on the street. That is the reality. I can not support myself, and even if I got disability, it can take years to kick in.
The truth is, I think that my relationship IS over. The whole truth is, I don't know if I care.

This is kind of how I'm feeling right about now....

My Hometown

My hometown is a place that Heidi fondly refers to as Smallburg. I hated most of the time that I spent there. It was a small town, a place that many would call quaint, or think of as haven away from the city. For me, who was used to living in a townhouse complex with 81 units, it was both a nightmare and a dream come true. It was more than just the location that was scary to me, it was the fact that my Dad and I moved out to the boonies to be closer to his new fiancee and her 3 kids, while my older brother TMOC went to Toronto to live with Betty and Stan. You wouldn't think that moving 15 minutes outside of the city that I grew up in would be a big deal. It was.


The first place that my Dad and I lived was a one bedroom apartment on a huge farm that had a gravel driveway and a cool old barn out back. I loved the rickety old barn, with the birds in the loft and the antiques littering the floor. I spent many happy hours there, by myself, or with my soon to be sister. We had no cable, being so far out in the country, and our home phone was a 'party' line. We shared the line with 3 neighbours, and when the phone rang at one house, it rang at all of the houses. Most of what we owned was in storage and I spent way too much time listening to my Dad's old Glenn Miller albums.


School was another problem. I did not, could not fit in. I was used to walking to school with TMOC, or riding my bike with my friends. In Smallburg, I took the bus. The same bus that the other kids had been riding for all of their school aged lives. Every day was a trial for me. I got beat up getting off the bus nearly every day, and the mornings weren't much better. I can't remember how long we lived there. It was a temporary home for us, a place to stay until my Dad and step mom got remarried. I was 11, and in grade 6. I hated it - everything- so much that I stayed home from school for almost a month. That back fired big time, and I ended up repeating the whole year.


After Dad got married, we moved into 'the big house,' a cool turn of the century home with stained glass windows and a bathroom bigger than my room at the townhouse. This meant blending in with 2 new brothers and anew sister, who constantly reminded me that "we are three." Like I could ever forget that I didn't belong in this house, with it's fancy furniture, plush carpeting and secret cupboards. The only bright spot was the horse barns, on the road behind my house, a short bike ride away. I spent many afternoons there, mucking out stables, and talking to the horses. I finally had room to play. I was free to explore the whole town, wade in the river, watch baseball games at the grandstands, hang out in the public library,(my fav hang out for many years) or sit in the big old oak tree in the back yard. I can remember running to the park after school and watching the fall fair being assembled. The carnies always let us play on the rides, and I can remember climbing on the carousel and ruining a skirt that I hated. The trouble that I got into was so worth it.

Most of the kids still hated me, and I was lonely. I taught Sunday School at our little Lutheran Church, babysat most Friday nights, and stopped at Tony's Donuts a couple times a week for day olds. That was it. My life in Smallburg.

Things got better in highschool. I finally fit in, found a niche, and a great bunch of friends. I found Heidi there, in our English class. We have been friends ever since.
It didn't last long. I got kicked out of school, and sent away to Nova Scotia for my own good. Know what the crazy thing is? I missed Smallburg. In Nova Scotia, all I could remember were the good times. I remember playing 'chase' with half of the town. Of course, Jethro was there, with his sister, and my brothers, and everyone else between the ages of 8 and 20-ish. We had a 5 block radius to hide, in teams, and search out the other teams. We played kick the can, and road hockey, swam in Jan's pool (Welcome to our OOL! Notice there's no pee in it? Let's keep it that way!), or at my aunt and uncles. I played with baby cousins and smoked my first cig with Kim behind the horse barns. The grandstands? We broke into the concession stand one night and ate our weight in chips. (They came in foil bags then). We went to Short Stop where "Duh, Ross" worked. That place was always a score because there was 15 cent table that had treasures galore. I once bought my (step) mom a bottle of 15 cent mouth wash for her birthday that Duh Ross convinced me was perfume. (I know, I know, maybe I should have been called Duh, Bridget). The cool thing about Duh Ross was that you could pick anything at all from the store and tell him that it came from the 15 cent table. I once got a 10 pound heart shaped box of chocolates for a measley 15 pennies.

My Dad was on the board of trade there, and designed the war memorial that was rebuilt in 1991, and helped to create the largest working water wheel in North America. It is still there, almost 8 years after his death. The horse barns are long gone, torn down to help make room for the hall where Jethro and Heidi held their wedding reception. The grandstands that once looked like the photo below, recently burned down, and now look like the other photo. It just about broke my heart, and I'm pretty sure that Heidi cried when we heard the news.

It's strange what time and a little bit of life expirience will do to your perspective. I actually miss Smallburg now. When I saw the house that we're living in now, I feel in love with it because it reminds of Smallburg. The same place that I hated, loathed, and cursed the whole time that I lived there.
My Dad is still there. He is buried in the small town cemetary that is also the resting place of my Granny, my Grossie, and far too many highschool friends. There is a plaque that bears his name, and a gravestone that I haven't seen in over 4 years. It's funny, you know? I miss the place like crazy, but I just can't bear the thought of going back. It might tarnish my memories.

Alphabet Soup

I have been tagged by Gardenia, to do my own version of Alphabet Soup. So, here goes....

A - Availible/single? - TAKEN!

B - Best Friend - Heidi, of course, and Shawn, and Skippymom..

C - Cake or Pie? - Why pick one? I LOVE cake, but Shawn makes a pretty wicked homemade pie....

D - Drink of choice - Flavoured water

E - Essential everyday item - Toothbrush. I brush my teeth about 6 times a day

F - Fav color - Purple

G - Gummy bears or Worms? - Bears, of course

H - Hometown - I was born in Wallaceburg, Ontario, near Lake Saint Clair

I - Indulgence - I can only pick one? Ummm..new jammie pants? Extra milky chocolate

J - January, or February? - June

K - Kids, and names - KK, 15, J, 12, and KC, 18 (all girls)

L - Life Is Incomplete Without...... A good book

M - Marriage date - August 5th, 1989, August 23, 1997, which I consider to be my 'practice' runs. I'm still working on #3, maybe this year.....

N - Number of siblings - Ok..Let me think....2 step brothers, Ralph, and Craig, 2 adopted brothers, Mike and Andy, 1 brother, TMOC, 1 adopted sister, Posh, and one wonderful sister, Lucky

O - Oranges or apples - Depends on my mood

P - Phobias/fears - spiders, snakes, and heights

Q - Favourite quote - Still pondering this one. I don't think that I have ONE fav....

R - Reason to Smile - Ruby

S - Season, Fall or Spring - Spring, because I always feel like it's a new beginning for me, too

T - Tag 3 or 4 people - CindyDianne, Heidi, Corky, and The Adult In Question

U - Unknown fact about me - I think that you all pretty much know everything. Why don't you ask me, and then I'll tell you?

V - Veggie that I don't like - Green and yellow Beans..YUCK! -

W - Worst habit....Only one? There are SO many....I guess putting things off for as long as humanly possible

X - X-rays - My wrists, my foot, both ankles, my legs, my teeth....Do CT scans count?

Y - Your Fav Food - Lasagne

Z - Zodiac sign - Cancer, the crab

I haven't been feeling well the past few days..I can't seem to shake this cold. I woke up today feverish again, and I stayed in bed till lunchtime. Consequently, I don't have much to talk about.
I have heard from Lucky. She is doing MUCH better, and thanks to a very well known computer company over charging her and screwing up, she phoned this morning to tell me that she was offered some free electronics. My sister being the wonderful person that she is, phoned me and asked if the kids still wanted ipods. Uh, yeah! Hell yeah! So, she is working on it as I sit here typing. Really, how lucky am I to have her for a sister?
Skippymom has her boy home now, and even though she sounds tired, she also sounds blissfully happy! It feels great to be spreading some good news instead of dwelling on negative crap.
That's it, that's all I have. My head is spinning again, and I think that I'm going to go lay down.
Later........................