My creative juices are just NOT flowing these days. I lay awake for hours at night, and think of amazing stories, interesting topics, funny little blurbs. At 3 am, it flows. The problem is that when I sit in front of the computer, when my fingers find the keyboard, I go blank. Worse yet, I know what I want to write, but my mind freezes. I can't remember how to spell certain words, words that are simple, words that I use every day. I stumble, and falter. I can not put the words together, my concentration fails, my thoughts race.
For me, this is worst part of my depression.
I can't read, either. I mean, I CAN, I haven't forgotten how, but there's the concentration thing. I forget what I have read, or I can't stop my thoughts from racing long enough to focus on the book in front of me.
I hate it.
I hate it more than the mood swings, or the crying spells, or even the paralyzing anxiety that keeps me prisoner in my own home.
I hate feeling like this.