Friday, November 24, 2006

Too Much Time On My Hands

I've been sick. Some kind of cold/flu type bug. I haven't done much of anything, I've slept, and I've done alot of thinking this week. There isn't much else to do when you're lying in your bed (alone) all day, with a snotty nose and a pounding headache.
So this is what I've been thinking of.
My brother is getting married. I love my brother. I adore his fiancee, who I have known for 22 years. She is a wonderful person, with a heart of gold, and a quick wit. ( You need both to be with with my brother). I live in Ontario, TMOC and Lovely live in Nova Scotia. I have 3 kids, and a houseful of pets. (No, really, a houseful. 2 dogs, one cat, 3 birds 9 bunnies, a turtle, a guinea pig...have I missed any???). We don't have a lot of money. I can't work, and we barely eek by on Hubby's pay. TMOC and Lovey want us to come to the wedding. I WANT to go the wedding. It will cost us about $2000, to take the train, and pay for hotels/motels/food. I don't have 2 grand. Our Mum will be there. We haven't spoken in about 3 years. We will not speak at the wedding. I have no one to take care of my pets. Hubby won't want to take time off of work, cuz he's a sub contractor and taking off one week could cost him a job that may last for months.
I don't know what to do. KC has booked the time off of work, and is willing to pay for her train ticket, but that still leaves at least 3 more tickets, and expenses...........I feel so torn.
J has gained weight, and her blood sugar levels have come down ever so slightly. She still needs to gain about 5 pounds, and I'm worried about her long term health if we can't bring her numbers down. I don't know what to do, I am at a complete loss. I wish that I could take this away from her. I wish that she didn't have to live with this horrible disease.......I know, I know.....If wishes were lollipops..........
I am still unmedicated, due to the fact that that we don't have medical benefits. My meds would cost upwards of $200 a month without coverage. If I had my meds, I could probably work part time. Without them, my depression worsens, and I'm afraid that I'll end up in the booby hatch - AGAIN.
On the bright side, being sick has also given me time to think of all of the things that I am grateful for....It's actually a pretty long list.
I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my sweet (but naughty) puppy, a working furnace, diet pop, push up bras, my cute little house, my king size mattress, a long, hot bath, (thanks to the working furnace, and gas), chocolate, of any kind, a Hubby that LOVES to cook, that Fame is back on in re runs (don't judge me!), my washer and dryer ( we spent nearly 2 years going to a laundromat where the owner alternately hit on me, or KC.......EWWWW), my uber-comfy sleep pants (I'm wearing them right now), and, the ability to laugh. Honestly, witout it, I would be back in the booby hatch.....Oh, I can't forget my computer, which has brought all of you into my life.....
Have a good weekend, everyone.

11 comments:

dilling said...

gosh, that is a lot of thinking...usually, I will just ingest bottle after bottle of Nyquil and sleep until I am well again... with really funky dreams... and a hangover at the end.
glad you remembered the good stuff, too, though... that is often the hardest part of being sick. hope you are better soon, sending you chicken soup love and best wishes for recovery.

Life, or Something Like It said...

dilling - I tried the Nyquil, and I had funky dreams...man. Scary, fever induced freak-fest stuff. That's what got me to thinking.....

Anonymous said...

You poor thing. I wish I could be there with Dilling's chicken soup and all the hugs you know we would have for you.

You have to stop worrying so much about what you can't do and start knowing and working on what YOU CAN DO! So you won't make the wedding - well send a lovely card or something written [wonderfully] by you and signed by the family letting him know.

You can't take away diabetes but you can do everything in your power to make sure that she lives a healthy and happy life - with all the advances she is in great shape to go FAR! You are a great Mom and you know that you can and will take perfect care of her. Right? [nudge] ;P

I am sorry for the lack of meds - I really am...I wish I could help you there - but try, please for you family, for us...heck do it FOR ME! heehee...to keep a positive attitude. You are bright, a great Mom and funny! FUNNY! - hang in there...

or I am coming North to give you a POINK in the head.

I am warning YOU!

Hugs sweetie...great big stupedous HUGS!

Anonymous said...

sorry you have been ill, hope you soon well again.
sorry you cant get to the wedding, get them to send you a copy of it on dvd.
glad to hear J is doing well.

lots of thoughts and love coming your way xxxxxx

Heidi the Hick said...

You KNOW I LOVE YOU! And I am so sorry about the germs!

I love your thankfulness wish. Things are so much better now than they were a year ago. (for all of us!)

My week has been similar to yours. Today's the first day I've felt okay. Hang in there. Hug your grumpy grandma dog and your obnoxious puppy for me!!!

fancy-face said...

ahhhh...sniff, sniff..having a moment here, hang on.....
ok I'm good it's passed what a lovely thing to say to us....

Gardenia said...

Oh I wish you could go to the wedding, but it seems the odds are stacked up against your going. Why is it so darn expensive to celebrate with loved ones? I looked at the price tag on Tom's & Kate's wedding and how blithely everyone flitted in and out of the castle - and it doesn't seem fair.

I have another soapbox I can crawl up on when it comes to prescription drugs - what a racket, and again oh so unfair that normal, everyday folk can't afford them . . . . no, we are not a classless society - we are ruled by the elite - I would love to see Bush out pushing carts to people at Walmart at age 70.....or some of our congresspersons!

anyway, blah, blah - I am heading home tomorrow to post a new post - still also struggling with depression off and on - I find pain brings a black cloud - I tried to do a special shopping trip to Body Shop for my girl's Christmas present - went to all the work of picking out things, and then couldn't stand in line...I had to leave it and limp to car.

I like to think our wrestlings make us better people than the average bear -

thank goodness (i agree) for our bloggy friends who do not preach, condemn, etc....but support us.

Anyway, get well, laugh at your animals, and kiss your washer and dryer for me....I hug my kitchen island when I go home and kiss it....and eat some chocolate - a cup of the warm stuff with whip cream on top sounds purty good right now!

Life, or Something Like It said...

Skippy - You know that you are at the top of my list of friends that I am thankful for, right? I can't believe that my silly blog has brought me so many amazing friends! When are you coming North to poink my head? Hugs to you, too. :)

her indoors - I haven't given up on going to the wedding yet. It does look hopeless, tho...Thanks for the kind thoughts and love....

Heidi - I don't know where the germs came from! it doesn't matter anyway. I am feeling better, bit by bit...I could have added a lot more to my thankfullness list, but I think that everyone gets the idea. You, my dear are also at the top of the list. I love you so much.

fancy face - It's true. All of my bloggy friends are great, and I am thankful everyday for all of you.

dollface - You are so incredible. You are so kind, and sweet, and always encouraging. I do have so much to be thankful for. I am sooo happy to have have a washer and dryer...We went a whole year, and then some without heat/hot water, and I am truly grateful EVERYday that we have it now. I am, without a doubt, very blessed to have you and my other blog friends in my life...

Anonymous said...

I hope you are feeling better. Everyone on the blogosphere seems to have flu at the moment...except me.

I always tell myself not to bother worrying about the things that are out of my control. Though of course that is easy to say and hard to follow.

Coffeypot said...

I agree with skippy mom. There are things we want and things we can have. The one is not as important as the other. A personal card from you and the family would be a wonderful gift.

I, too, have fought depression. I came off the drugs because they maid things worse – for me. Couldn’t get the right combination or prescription. So I rely on my family and the wonderful people around me to get though the rough times. You have that support system, too. Aren’t we lucky.

Get well soon. Kick the germs ass. Take a shot of bourbon and go to bed. I’ll have one with ya.

Heidi the Hick said...

WOW! Who needs drugs with friends like these!?!

(I meant that as a compliment!!!)