I have been struggling to come up with a blog topic when my ex husband reared his ugly head and gave me fodder.
My 1st husband and I were married in 1989, when I was barely 20, and he was even younger. We already had a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and there was great pressure on us to "Do the right thing." I don't know if it was the right thing, or not, but in August of 1989, we got hitched.
The marriage was a bad one. Rudi (that's right folk's, no more alias, his name is Rudi Horst Stangen) started belittling me and hitting me. The term is 'sexual assualt', but we call it rape. It happened to me on a weekly basis. I'm not telling you this for sympathy, I'm just telling it like it is. When our youngest (not J, she is from #2) was 6 weeks old, he tried to kill me. He did, and he even had the nerve to tell Heidi about it. I was with him for a little more than a year after that. I wanted him to leave, but he controlled everything. I had no access to our joint bank account, and I had to ask when I needed bus fare. If I wanted to go out for an evening, I needed to find a babysitter. I could never afford a sitter, because he controlled the money. I finally found the courage to stand on my own after he started abusing the girls. He pulled KC's arm out of the socket, twice. He shook KK like a rag doll when she was about 14 months old - because she was crying.
Since our seperation, and divorce, things have only gotten worse. Rudi would visit the girls only when he had time...Which was almost never. He would take the girls, and they would come home crying. His step daughters would pee in KC's bed, break their toys, hit them, steal their allowance, and Rudi and his new wife ( mistress, they were f'ing around for over a year before we split), Shannon didn't care. The girls would go weeks or months without a word from Rudi, and then he would show up out of the blue, screaming about his rights.
Once, when KC was 7, I had to phone the police because he refused to bring KC home. Another time, when KK was about 10, he did the same to her, but he actually had her for over a week. When I finally showed up with the police, Shannon wanted to fight me.
The past few years have been especially rough. KK was nearly hospitalized after his last visit. He took her to the mall for 2 hours, and told her all kinds of nonsense. When she came home, she was suicidal, and tried to push me down a flight of stairs. I can not let him near my daughter, who is just now beginning to feel good again.
Rudi has not sent a birthday card or gift in YEARS. He has never attended any special events, even when the girls have begged him to. He stopped paying support for KC in June, and has been paying about 2/3 of what he should be paying for KK. He decided how much he should pay.
Before we moved, he sent the police and Children's Aid to my house about every 6 months. The accusations were always pretty wild, and the file was always closed the same day, because my girls are not in danger, not going hungry, not being beaten, thank you very much. This is how Rudi has fun. He puts energy into being disruptive and destructive. He obviously doesn't care about the kids. He has not phoned or stopped by in a year.
So......Rudi pays me my support in 12 post dated cheques, that he drops off every January (2 weeks late). Since we moved in June, I knew that I had to phone him and give him an address to drop off the support cheques. Our lives have been quiet and peaceful since we have lived here. No Rudi.
I have been having full blown anxiety attacks just thinking about making this phone call. My chest actually hurts, and I'm having difficulty breathing. That's how much I hate conflict. So, I got Shawn to call, and speak with Rudi. Guess what? Rudi won't give me my support until I give him my address.
Now think about this. We moved in June, and he had no idea. He had no idea because he never visits. Or calls. He would never known that we moved, except for Shawn's phone call. So why does he have to have our address? To phone Children's Aid, and the police, and the SPCA. and anyone else that he can think of. He has phoned ex #2, and tried to entice him to the dark side. You would think that x #2 would love to screw me over, right? Maybe. The thing is, as much as #2 might hate, me, he hates Rudi even more.
So, I won't get my support cheques until I give my address. Guess what? It ain't happening.
Shawn got a phone call from Rudi after his conversation with Rudi.
He's going to have us, Shawn and Bridget, (last name Allen , thank you very much) charged with kidnapping.
Interesting. I have full custody. KC is 18, and KK is nearly 16. Neither one want to see him . Ever.
Can you be charged with kidnapping your own kids? When you have custody? When the ex spouse hasn't even ATTEMPTED a visit in OVER 2 years?
I'll let you know.............
Wow. I feel much better. Blogging really is better than freaking out.