Thanks for all of the e mails and comments. My bi polar has gotten the best of me lately, and I am struggling to do the day to day stuff - even bathing has been a chore. I see my shrink on February 7th, and I am just trying to hang in until then.
I have court on Tuesday, with KC and Shawn. This should be interesting. We have all been subpoenaed to give evidence in the robbery assault that happened in December 2006. (Shawn and KC were assaulted and robbed by a cabbie). On my best days I can't talk in front of strangers, in a crowded room. I have no idea how I am going to handle this. I am not coping well right now, and I am afraid of having a full blown panic attack in the court room. (Ok, deep breaths.....) If I feel myself going down, I'm gonna scream 'It's The Big One !'
I will, I swear.
I am nothing of not entertaining.
Jessica is feeling better, and her weight has held steady at a mighty 94 lbs. I am buying a blender asap and making that kid shakes. She needs to pack the weight on (and no, we can't donate any..I already asked) so that the next time she gets a little flu bug, she doesn't fold like a K-Mart lawn chair. We have enough of that for the time being.
Shawn has promised to take me out this afternoon, so I should get my butt in gear. It is cold out, and we are soo close to broke, but I NEED to get out for awhile. It might take my mind off of the ordeal that awaits us on Tuesday.
Thanks for waiting for me. I'll be back soon.
Biddie
26 comments:
I am the very same way. When I had to go to court for my divorce settlement, I had THE WORST panic attack waiting in the hallway, but ya know what? Most of the panic is anticipatory. Once I got in there, it was okay. Not fun, but I managed. I had also worked out with my attorney that if I needed to step out of the courtroom that she would explain to the judge why and all would be fine. Give yourself some "outs" and things will feel easier!
Were you in the cab too? If not, then why are you having to testify? Chellie has a good sugestion, talk to your lawyer about your worries. I'm sure the lawyer has seen all kinds of stuff like that and knows how to deal with it.
Glad to hear about Jess keeping her weight steady.
I hope you have a good weekend and a wonderful time out. You deserve it! (((((HUGS)))))
chellie - I think that I will have a word with the Crown Attorney. (Same as DA?) It really couldn't hurt any. An 'out' maybe be just what I need. I know that you are probably about the panic being all in the anticaption of this...Probably :)
pheonix - Actually, the Crown is pursuing the charges, so I haven't even met her yet. (just spoke with her on the phone briefly). I have to give my account of what happened for several reasons..It was me that phoned the cab company and ultimately the region to report the incident, KC phoned me, frantic, from the scene, and I have to testify about how Shawn looked when he came home (the spit on his jacket) and about upset KC after all of this. Shawn and KC are talking about the incident itself...
So...either way, I was subpoenaed, so I have to go...
We went to the cheap theater and saw Cloverfield. It was a nice afternoon out. :)
it's been quiet all over lately...
I dunno, this post sounds to me like you're back ON, BABY!
Fold like a Kmart lawn chair???? It's The Big One????
Uh huh.
Isn't it awful how panic attacks can be brought on by fear of panic attacks? I don't really have that so much as just that deer in the headlights kind of panic. Just remember to breath. I once had to go to court for something I did not want to talk about and I hope I never have to do that again.
Hang on. Pshrink day is coming soon. And let's just stop saying crazy like it's a BAD thing!
xo
dilling - You're right. It has been quiet...I hope that everyone is coming back soon.
heidi - Back on? LOL. Even in the throws of depression, I still have my moments.
I have been to court too many times to count. Mostly for custody/support/divorce crap, but still, too many. I wish that I didn't have to do this, but this guy needs to know that what he did was SO wrong.
Some of my panic attacks are brought on by memories. I think that when I see my shrink again, I have to really deal with the issues.
SIGH.
heidi - There are two issues in particular that I think I need to deal with. One is something that happened 18 years ago next month,and another is something that I have been carrying around with me for 20 + years.
I hate it, but it's time.
Not dealing IS way worse.
You are so wise.
awww of course I'll stick with ya. I'm always lurking and keeping you in my thoughts.
My mother got subpoenaed on a case and with her dissabilities, they let her give a deposition over the phone. Speaker phone in chambers. I dunno if you can look into that or not. But I'll pray for a good day, and good luck with it.
burfica - That is great idea, too. I have to meet with the Crown early tomorrow, about an hour before the case. I think that she will tell me that I should just stay...The problem is, I LOOK normal(ish), you know? People don't look at me and see someone that they consider to have disabilities.
I think that I am going to talk to her, tho. I am so wound up about this that I didn't even sleep last night. LAST night. Yikes. I have another one to go.
glad you had some time out of the house. Good to hear that Jessica is putting on some weight.
Take a paper bag with you into the court and if you have a panic attack breathe in and out into the bag, it might just help, worth a try.
not long till the 7th just keep saying it,s not long till the 7th.
take care Biddie x
katy - Not long till the 7th, not long till the 7th...It really isn't that long now, but I will keep reminding myself. :)
canadain flake - I'll take the prayers. Couldn't hurt. I'm sure that things will be fine, but still, I'll take the prayers.
Sorry that you have to go to court. That really sucks! I hate courts and lawyers and all that stuff. A lot of my friends are actually lawyers but, I just pretend they're football players and strippers. That way I won't hate them. ;)
Hang in there Biddie! I'm always around.
corky - LOL. Maybe I should pretend with some people. :)
I am ok about GOING to court..It is just up the street, and we can walk. ( I haven't been there since the Cheese Incident of 2006)
I am sweating bullets at the thought of talking in front of people. Also, I have no idea what to wear. Might not stress you out, but I only own one pair of dress pants, and since I smashed my ankle so many times, wearing dress shoes is torture. Can't wear my Converse with dress pants, soooooo...
See how my mind works? NO wonder I'm tired all of the time.
I've been lurking around Bridget, but I've had so few words...
My thoughts, however, are with you!
{{Much Love}}
cindydianne - Thanks :)
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you. I hope getting out helped.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
whim - Getting out always helps. :)
Things are better for US, as a couple and as a family. Shawn has just gone back to work after a 7 week lay off, and Jessie is doing well. So, all in all? It's good.
I just have to get ME in a good place. Counting the days until the 7th........
Good luck with the court thing. You know when you mistook me for your lawyer the other day, well I'd happily come along and shout foul mouthed swear words at everyone that stood in our way ;)
Tod - LOL. Thank you. I knew that I could count on you :)
I was going to ask the other Tod about the coming events. He isn't going to be there, but he always helps me out with free adivce.
Like I said, still laughing :)
Oh, and Tod? I'm not sure if shouting foul mouthed swear words would actually HELP, but it would make me laugh.
I will say a prayer for you tonight. I had no idea panic could be so debilitating until I experienced it as well. Let us know how it goes.
gardenia - Thank you :) I will take all of the prayers that I can get.
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