These are my girls...KK is the 80's Madonna, and KC is the tigerlicious babe with the ears....KK's boyfriend went out as Jiffy Pop popcorn. KK protested the whole time that we teased her hair. She never would've survived the 80's. Teased hair was part of my daily routine, for crying out loud!

Happy Hallowe'en, Everyone

Ok, I figure that most of you have been stopping by my blog long enough to know that with out the help of my kids, I am hopeless case when it comes to the computer...So, this is what you get when I left to my own devices. I haven't got a clue as to how to turn the photos....

The top photo is KC and Ruby, in her bumble bee costume. The 2nd one is Pork Chop in her Hallowe'en tutu..She is NOT impressed.

I was looking for some photos of Hubby and I from Hallowe'en a few weeks back. No dice. If I find 'em, I'll post 'em later.

Have a happy Hallowe'en, stay safe.

Friday Night

What a weekend...Hubby and I went to the movies. This was a fairly monumentous event in light of our little cash flow problem. We decided to see Saw 3 and forgo the snacks and drinks, just paying the price of admission. We generally hit the movies every couple of weeks, so I was chomping at the bit to get out and see a new movie.
The movie was great. It was over the top gore and horror. I even had to look away from the screen a couple of times. ME! The former morgue worker, the horror movie queen, looked away!! I still can't believe it.
The whole evening would've been wonderful if it hadn't been for the incessant thump-thump-thumping on the back of my seat. And the chatty Cathy's talking all the way through it. Twicw Hubby asked the guys sitting behind us to PLEASE stop kicking the seat, PLEASE stop talking. I'll never understand WHY some people pay admission to the movies and talk all the way through it.
At the end of the movie, I told the two 20 something boys that they had ruined the movie for me. The one kid, on crutches, turns to me, and says 'what are you going to do,punch out a cripple?'
Now look, I was pissed, but I wasn't about to punch anyone out in the lobby of a movie theatre. Not even a loud mouth, ill mannered, howler monkey on cruthches.
His friend, the seat kicker, looked like he was about to cry. I thought that I might get an apology out of him. I might have, to, if Howler Monkey would've shut up.
I told the loud mouth that I had an 11 year old at home was better behaved ( I do), at which point, I swear, the Seat Kicker had tears in his eyes.
Howler Monkey just couldn't shut up.
He cursed me out, screamed, threatened, and called me names, at which point I was about ready to punch out the cripple.
I responded with 'your parents must be so proud.'
They eventually left, and we waited a couple of minutes, and walked the other way. I was ready and willing to laugh the whole bad expirience off until a van load of men drove by and drilled a huge can at my head.
Seriously.
I wish that I would've tripped the Howler Monkey.
I phoned the manager at the movie theatre to let him know what had happened. His response to me?
"Sounds like a typical Friday night."
He gave me 2 free passes to the movies. I think that we'll go again, just not on Friday night. Either that, or I'm wearing a helmut.

5 MORE Things That You May Not Know About Me...

1. I hate stickers. No, really, it's almost pathological. A sticker on my banana or apple? Can't eat it. A sticky price tag? Someone else has to pull it off. If a sticker gets stuck to ME? You'll see me dance and squeal like I'm in pain. Sad, but true.

2. I once left a wedding via a bathroom window. Long story short? Dirty dancing with the groom REALLY pisses off the bride. In rural Nova Scotia, they think nothing of chasing you out of town...Piled into a pick up truck shooting at you with a shot gun! Sheesh! Some people are SOO touchy. Thank goodness the bride can't shoot her way out of a paper bag.......

3. I lived in a "home" for unwed mother's when I was expecting my 1st daughter. It was a nightmare for me! I got caught sneaking out once....I was climbing out of my second story bedroom window. Can't remember where I was going, but it must've been important.

4. I once fell out of a moving car. I was about 4, and I was out for a cruise with my Dad. I had my handy dandy pea shooter with me and I was trying to get a good shot at the kid in the car beside us...I told my Dad that I hit the door handle with my knee, but I'm pretty sure that I may have opened the door to get a better shot...I flew out, but had enough sense to grab the door. My Dad had drive about 100 feet or so to get on to the shoulder of thee road, and slow down so that I wouldn't get crushed by the door if he slammed on the brakes. I was wearing these awful yellow plaid overalls that day...Man they were itchy. I remember thinking (as my Dad and Grandma were cleaning gravel and fabric out of knees), 'at least I won't have to these pants ever again.' Nope. My Nanie made 'em into shorts.

5. I was almost hit by a car while at work one day. No, no, I wasn't part of a road crew, I was a cashier at a grocery store. It was February, 2001, and I was inside, at my till when a car came crashing through the store front windows. In actuality, it was about 30 feet away from me, but when an outta control vehicle is coming at you 90 miles an hour, and you're standing INDOORS, it scares the crap outta ya. Turns out that an elderly man with dementia had been left alone in an idling car, and he decided to look for his wife....He ran over a woman, and she got stuck under 20 pounds of drywall, and the car. The store manager didn't even close the store...He just ushered people AROUND the trapped woman. Nice guy, huh?

I was going to post 10 things that you may not know about me, but I decided to do it in smaller installments.....My life sounds way more exciting when I break it down like this.....

I can't seem to break free of this funk that I am in. I am more depressed than ever, I have been for the past week or so.
Hubby and I went to my former MIL's last night to help move some furniture for her. She is still sorting through Grandma J's things. We moved some stuff, and my former mother in law (MFMIL) let us take some of Grandma's things home with us. I felt like a vulture. I still do.
What upset me even more is the fact that my no account ex didn't even bother to go help his mom while she deals with the emotional as well as tangible baggage that she's working through.
So, that was weighing heavily on me last night.

I miss this place. Nova Scotia. It has been 17 years since I have been to the one place that makes my heart sing. I consider Nova Scotia to be home, and I miss it sorely. My older brother and his wife to be live there. Some days, I wish that I did too.

Christmas will soon be upon us, and I am worried about that. Not just the financial aspects, but the whole Christmas season has got me down. Ever since the big rift in my family, Christmas hasn't been the same. We used to spend every Christmas Eve at my aunt Donna's house, after the church service, of course. The church service, at my littleLutheran church in my small home town, was always magical. The songs, the candles, the same people that have known me since I was 10....Nothing ever changes at St. Peter's, and I like that. I was an acolyte there, my Dad was Lay minister, my aunts still sing in the choir. I feel the joy and wonder of Christmas just walking through those doors.

My aunt Donna's is a magical place, too. She lives in some would consider an honest-to-goodness mansion, easily the prettiest house in town. When we were kids, we would hide in the basement until it was time to open gifts, playing with the couch cushions, making forts, hiding from my brothers. As the kids grew and more joined the family, the basement gave way to video games and barbie dolls. My girls played in the rooms that I had once found cavernous and wonderful.

That all changed a couple of years ago. Now, it is just my Hubby, the girls and I . I no longer feel the same anticipation for the hoildays. I know that my family will be gathering without me, and my heart breaks a little more every time I think of it.

As for Hubby's family...We've already covered that, no need to rehash it. We won't be spending Christmas, or any other holiday with them in the near future.

I know that I have a lot to thankful for, and I am. My kids,my Hubby, my friends (bloggy, and otherwise), the fact that we did pay our rent this month....I am thankful. I just can't shake this soul crushing depression.

Hey, maybe if I had some visitors over the hoildays.....What are you guys all doing this Christmas? Wanna come for turkey dinner? Hubby is a teriffic cook, and KK and I will bake some pies....

So many husbands would agree......

Today is a much better day....KK had her award ceremony last night. The ceremony itself was a joke. It appeared as though it was planned at the last minute. Nobody knew what they were doing, the students didn't know when to stand up, sit down, or recieve their awards. I felt bad for all of the kids that worked so hard.

KK, however, made us proud as hell. She has stuggled with her learning diabilities, and depression for years. Last year at this time, I was getting phone calls from the school because she was skipping class, talking back to teachers, (I know!! What a shock! MY kid, flapping her lips!), and forgetting homework. I am so impressed with her turn around. Hubby and I knew that she had it in her, it was convincing HER that was difficult.

In one week I have watched my eldest daughter graduate from high school, and watch my middle daughter recieve an academic award for english. I don't think that I can take anymore for awhile. I wonder what the little one has in store for me?

My former MIL came by on Wednesday with some furniture, cookbooks, and dishes for us. She had to put her mom in a nursing home recently and she's feeling kind of low. It couldn't be avoided. Grandma had fallen in the tub, set my girls' Christmas gifts on fire last year, was giving out money to dead beats just stopping by for that purpose, and was losing weight because she had forgotten whether or not she had recently eaten. My heart goes out to my dear friend(MIL). I can only imagine what a nightmarish decision it must have been for her.....

Tonight, we're off to buy new winter coats. I may regret spending the money next week, but it has to be done....The little one has grown so much that her big sister's hand me downs are too small....

So, that's my week in a nut shell. I skipped over the part about KC going to VORP and dealing with the crack head because I am too pissed to write about it. I will, though. I want to end the week with ahppy thoughts....Have a great weekend, every one.....

Thank You

I got a cheque in the mail today. It isn't a big cheque, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it is enough to buy bus tickets to get the kids to school, and Hubby to work. Tomorrow my middle daughter has her academic award ceremony, and I was worried that I wouldn't have bus fare to get us there. I wasn't expecting this money until next week, so it truly is a Godsend. I think that there can only be one explanation for this....
The prayers and thoughts of my blog buddies, all of whom have been incredibly supportive. Not once was I told to shut up, or to stop whining...Everyone was so kind. I had friends tell me that they would feed me if they could, offer to roll their coins for me, and was given the ulitmate offer by 2 blog friends and their families. I almost took them up on it, too. (No, really, I was going to phone today because of the bus fare situation). I have been shown more love and support in the past few days by blog buddies, then I have in the past few years by my own family.
Thank you to everyone. Thank you Marni, and 4D, and their families. Thank you to Diana, Dilling, Tod, Ldbug, Cinydianne, *(Asterisk), Camie Vog, Nonny, Callie, Coffeypot, Kate Isis, EVERYONE for your kind words and best wishes. And of course, thank you to Heidi (and Jethro) who have been dealing with me for YEARS.
Thanks, guys.
Biddie

The Truth About HIS Family

I love my Hubby. I love my family. I do NOT love my Hubby's family.
Hubby and I have been together for just over 5 years. We have been through so much together...More in 5 years than some people go through in 20. Hubby has helped me raise my 3 girls from 2 previous marriages. We have become a family in every way possible. My girls adore him, and like every other kid, they also hate him some days. They refer to him as "Dad", or "My Dad", but usually call him by his first name. KK has been reduced to tears more than once by a classmate or hurtful person telling her that 'S is not your Dad.' My response is to tell them that KK's relationship with her Dad is no one else's business. We decide who our family is, not someone who is of no importance to us.
My family, the family that I am still involved with, think of S as my Hubby, TMOC and Lucky think of him as their brother-in-law. It's that simple. The rest of family, Mom, Mum, 2 brothers, a sister, are no longer a part of my life. That makes it simple too.
Hubby's family is different altogether. He has 7 sisters, one brother, numerous nieces, nephews, his mom, his dad. He has been the go to guy since he was a kid. He quit school at 15 to work full time. He supported his family, turning over every paycheck for years to help out. He was single, without a serious girlfriend until 5 years ago, when we hooked up. This created a problem for S's family. With me, and 3 kids to support, love, live with, he could no longer be the guy to rush in to rescue eveyone else. He still cares, but his resources are now spoken for, he has his own family now. This means that he can't hand over a whole paycheck to give to a sister, so that she can go away for a weekend, or buy a new wardrobe, or a $500 bike for her kid. I'm not kidding. This is where his money went. He also paid for pedigree puppies, bought cars, paid for home improvements. This was expected because he had no family of his own to support. He was the one that was going to take of his parents in their old age. Pay the bills, give up his life to care for his parents, so that the other 8 siblings don't have to be bothered. That is what it boils down to. Give up your life so that I can live mine. It may sound unbelievable, but that's the truth. They have done just about everything that they could to break us up. They have even tried to convince me that S is cheating on me. I think it pisses them off that I am still here.


So, as a result, they hate me. Not me, so much as what I mean to them. I mean a loss of their freedom, a loss of their free time, a loss of their guilt free living. Now, instead of S picking up the slack, every one has to pitch in. I have been treated like gum stuck to a shoe. No, worse. Like dog shit stuck to a shoe. They don't even know me. They don't know that I would do just about anything for someone that I love, someone that I care about. They don't know that if they were to treat me with just an ounce of respect, or with a fraction of kindness, I would bend over backwards for them. They don't know this because they have never taken the time to get to know me.
So, S had it out with his mom today. He laid it out on the line. Treat Biddie with respect, or say good bye. I don't want it to come to that, but I am so tired of being hurt, of crying about people that have never given me a second thought.
S's mom was so shocked. She wanted to know what to do. Should they have a get together just for Biddie? Should we all go out, maybe have dinner?
Christ on a cracker, it's been 5 effing years! I have extended my hand so many times, that I just don't think that I can do it again. Why? I am done being hurt.
When Hubby asked for a loan last week, his mom' s response was 'If it were just you, we would, but HER...'
I doubt whether they even know my name. Well, they probably have their own name for me....
That's it. That's the reason that his family hates me. Not because I am a bad person, or an unfit mom or a horrible wife. They hate me because I love S.
I honestly don't know what will happen. Maybe S will be forgiving. Maybe we'll all have Christmas together, maybe, maybe, maybe...But I'm not holding my breath.

Long Week Ahead..............................................

I'm in a bad mood, and maybe I shouldn't even be writing..Maybe this is the best forum for me to vent..It's probably better than freaking out and slamming stuff around, or screaming at the people around me..
The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult. Ever since my notice from the ASS-HATS at hydro, things have gone steadily down hill. Hubby was laid off. It was only for a couple of days, but it really messed us up. Then, he went back to work, but has been unable to put in his usual hours. That wouldn't even be a huge problem except that my support from x #1 was cut in half, by him. He owes me about $3000.00. My Child Tax Credit stopped coming a few months back, too. All of this together has led to near diaster.
We only paid October rent yesterday. It left me with about $11.75. I'm not kidding. I need bus fare for Hubby to get to work, and J to get to school, and of course, groceries. It's that bad.
I have no family here, to speak of. I have no one to help, no one to turn to for supprt. Hubby has 8 siblings, all in town. He is the youngest, and the one that has always helped the others. He has paid the rent for one sister, for over a year. She has a job, she just likes to have spending money. He has drywalled and landscaped several different houses, for free, of course, 'cause that's what you do for family. Need something moved? Call my Hubby. A niece or nephew with a birthday? Hubby has been known to spend upwards of $500. Back to school shopping? No problem! Hubby will give you money. He has paid the mortgage AND taxes of one particular family member for 3 years. He 'sold' someone a car for $5oo - he got $20.
Where am I going with this, you ask? We need enough money for food and bus for the week...$150.00 will do it. Until Friday. You'd think that these people would be more than willing to help out, right?
Wrong.
As I sit here typing, I have no idea how we'll take care of the family until the end of the week. Hubby has heard a million different reasons why nobody can help us.
Don't get me wrong...Just because Hubby has helped someone out, doesn't mean that they are obligated to help him..I don't want people to think that Hubby or I do things for the reward. I don't. He doesn't. It's just that you would like to think that maybe, just maybe, the people that Hubby has dedicated his life to helping would care enough to do the same. It pisses me off and breaks my heart at the same time. I loaned one sib a cell phone because she had an infant and no phone. She ran up a $600 bill and gave me $40.
I could go on. And on.
So, it's Sunday night, and we have 5 more days until there is a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. If everything works out the way that it should, we'll be fine by the and of the week. Better than fine, really. I'll be able to pay some bills, buy my kids some new winter coats, and go the movies with my handsome Hubby. I might even take the girls out for dinner...Five more days...
It will be a long week. I have one consolation, though. When our long, hard week is over, we will be able to say that we did it alone, without the help of the ingrates that Hubby used to call family. I really think that this may be it now. I can't imagine Hubby speaking to them for a very long time. If ever.

Today is a big day. Today my eldest daughter graduates from high school. I have so many conflicting feeling about this.
My 1st daughter was born before I turned 19. I was a highschool drop out, living with my then boyfriend, also a drop out. It was a less than ideal start, to say the least. I had dreams of becoming a journalist, or a nurse, or .... It didn't matter then. Now I was a Mommy. I always wanted to be a Mommy, too. Just not at 18.
From the very beginning, I knew that I was meant to be a Mom. A wife, not so much, but I loved being a Mom. KC was beautiful, and funny, and oh my GOD, we thought that she was BRILLIANT. We all did, truthfully. (Of course, now that Heidi has her own kids, we've seen True genius. The Boy made an electric guitar out of cardboard. And the Girl? Where do I start?)
I remember KC's 1st day of kindergarten like it was yesterday. I can tell you what she wore, how she smiled, they way that my Dad and I cried as she made her way into the classroom. She was independant from the moment she could walk, talk, get around on her own. She was a little mother to her 2 younger sisters, teaching them everything that a big sister should. KK followed her everywhere, and J was dubbed 'Our Baby' by a 7 year old KC.
Things have changed. I'm no longer Mommy, I am Mom. I'm not tripping over toys any more, I'm tripping over shoes and school books, and purses littering the living room. The girls argue more now. If I have to hear one more disagreement about that GD hair straightener....KC is in college, working part time, and spending more time at parties then at home.
I know that this is normal, and I welcome her journey into adulthood. I do. It just seems as though every step forward is another step away from me. I want her to be happy, and successful, and to have her own life. I just miss the little girl that made me into a full fledged grown up. I miss the kid that would smile through her missing front teeth, laughing like mad at something that her baby sister had done. I miss Hallowe'en parties and birthday parties with 20 screaming kids. I miss barbie dolls and cartoons...(Ok, we still watch cartoons, but it's not the same).
I guess that I'm afraid. I'm afraid that we will drift apart, the way that I did from both of my mothers. I'm afraid of my kid getting kicked around by life and not being able to fix it for her.
So, tonight we go to see her get her diploma, the 1st of my girls to graduate from high school. Tonight I wll cry, and rejoice, and feel an overwhelming sense of pride. Tonight, my daughter will once again help me in my journey. Hubby and I will become parents of a Graduate. Life will be different for everyone. I don't know what will happen on her journey. I just hope that we have prepared her for everything that lies ahead . I hope that someday she has a daughter that changes her life, to make it better, enhance it, to complete it. The same way that she did for me.

The weekend was mostly uneventful. Hubby and I took J to the mall to get her pants for KC's grad ceremony on the 12th. The whole bus smelled like beer, courtesy of Oktoberfest and tourism Canada. Thank you. I bought her a pair of size 0 dress pants, and even they were too big. Maybe she does need to gain more weight.
KK came home from school on Friday with a note.....You know what that usually means - nothing good. Not this time. KK is getting an academic award for having the highest English grades last year. This is the same kid that has always needed extra help because of her learning diabilities. How proud am I?
Hubby's hours at work have been cut back, and I am sweating about the growing pile of bills. I was supposed to go to the hydro office today to see the lady in charge of collections. I don't think that I'll make it. My anxiety is kicking in full blast and I feel ill. Not only that, but KC lost her keys and took mine. That would normally not be a problem for someone that never leaves the house. It is today.
Ruby lost her mind while I was in the tub today, barking and pacing. Turns out that the crack heads next door were in my drive way again. Not just parking, but actually WORKING on a van. In MY driveway. I think that I should just start charging them a fee, and maybe it'll help pay our bills! The perfect solution!

MSN video

MSN video

I thought that some spooky ghost stories might be fun...watch if you dare!

With my kind of luck, this is where my next night away will be.

MSN video

MSN video

I love this video...makes me laugh everytime.....

It's That Time of Year Again....

Yup, it's here. The time of year that I so dread. Not autumn, or back to school, or Thanksgiving. No, what I'm talking about is .... OKTOBERFEST.
Never heard of it? This is what it boils down to. Oktoberfest runs for about 10 days, always the weekend of the Canadian Thanksgiving. We have a huge influx of tourists, infact, this is our tourist season. Many years ago, it was the celebration of the harvest - after the actual harvesting was done, of course. Now, it has come down to this: Beer, music, shnitzel, saur kraut, and sausage. This means that the buses will be over crowded, the hotels/motels will be all booked up, and drunken idiots will be wandering the streets. What fun!
But wait, there's more! We also have a parade. Yup, complete with Onkle Hans, the big, orange headed mascot. Then there's the Miss Oktoberfest pagent. Oh, yeah, I'm for real, here folks. Ladies come from all over the world to vie for the honour. No, I'm not kidding. I wish that I was.

I hate it.
I don't drink beer. I don't listen to polka music, and I refuse to do the Chicken dance. I refuse.
And Onkle Hans? He scares the sh*t ouuta me.
I might go to the parade. It is just outside my door. I might even go to the tapping of the keg - the official start of Oktoberfest. Could be interesting. One year, a guy threw a pie in the face of the keg tapper...It might have been the Premiere of Ontario, I forget. I might even ride the bus late at night for free. (They do this to keep the drunks from driving). Sometimes, they have a laser light show downtown. About 2 blocks away from where we live.
I won't wear the red or green hats. They look like Peter Pan's hat, but they have a white or yellow feather tucked in the band. For an extra few $ you can buy a HUGE feather that you are guaranteed to lose before the festivities are over.
Yeah, I might check out some of the free stuff.
I will NOT however, enjoy myself of have fun. You have my word on it.

It's here..................

Remember last week when I mentioned waiting for my way cool ebay purchase? Well, it's here! I am so excited and as usual, I'm home alone with no one to share my joy.
I have been collecting toys for a couple of years now. Mostly toys from my childhood, but anything that strikes my fancy, really. I gave myself a $20 limit, so it makes it hard to indulge in my passion.
My latest purchase was an Enemy Visitor, from the V tv series, circa 1984. I have been looking for one for a few years now, and the last one that I found on ebay went over $150.00 - way out of my price range.
I finally found one one ebay last month. At $22.99 with shipping, it came in just over budget. Today, it arrived! He is sitting (quite regally) on the shelf along side my Glinda doll, and the Pilsbury dough boy.
I love V, and have been waiting for my action figure like a little kid at Christmas. With all of the crap going on lately, this is just what I needed.
Anyway, must go now, my action figure awaits..........

We Interrupt This Program

My electricity went out yesterday, just as I was getting in to A Haunting. It didn't just flicker and go out, but blew out, like something from a B movie. There was a huge zap, we could hear sizzeling, and the whole house vibrated. So did the church next door, just as the parishoners were arriving.
Everyone was stumped as to the cause. Even the beat cops on the corner couldn't figure it out. It took my Hubby, as usual, to save the day. He knew right away that the hairless, smoking squirrel at the foot of the hydro pole had to be the culprit. Poor little guy, Never knew what hit him.
It took less than an hour to get the problem fixed, and the hydro workers removed the charred corpse.
I still feel bad for the little squirrel.....