Sunday, October 15, 2006

Long Week Ahead..............................................

I'm in a bad mood, and maybe I shouldn't even be writing..Maybe this is the best forum for me to vent..It's probably better than freaking out and slamming stuff around, or screaming at the people around me..
The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult. Ever since my notice from the ASS-HATS at hydro, things have gone steadily down hill. Hubby was laid off. It was only for a couple of days, but it really messed us up. Then, he went back to work, but has been unable to put in his usual hours. That wouldn't even be a huge problem except that my support from x #1 was cut in half, by him. He owes me about $3000.00. My Child Tax Credit stopped coming a few months back, too. All of this together has led to near diaster.
We only paid October rent yesterday. It left me with about $11.75. I'm not kidding. I need bus fare for Hubby to get to work, and J to get to school, and of course, groceries. It's that bad.
I have no family here, to speak of. I have no one to help, no one to turn to for supprt. Hubby has 8 siblings, all in town. He is the youngest, and the one that has always helped the others. He has paid the rent for one sister, for over a year. She has a job, she just likes to have spending money. He has drywalled and landscaped several different houses, for free, of course, 'cause that's what you do for family. Need something moved? Call my Hubby. A niece or nephew with a birthday? Hubby has been known to spend upwards of $500. Back to school shopping? No problem! Hubby will give you money. He has paid the mortgage AND taxes of one particular family member for 3 years. He 'sold' someone a car for $5oo - he got $20.
Where am I going with this, you ask? We need enough money for food and bus for the week...$150.00 will do it. Until Friday. You'd think that these people would be more than willing to help out, right?
Wrong.
As I sit here typing, I have no idea how we'll take care of the family until the end of the week. Hubby has heard a million different reasons why nobody can help us.
Don't get me wrong...Just because Hubby has helped someone out, doesn't mean that they are obligated to help him..I don't want people to think that Hubby or I do things for the reward. I don't. He doesn't. It's just that you would like to think that maybe, just maybe, the people that Hubby has dedicated his life to helping would care enough to do the same. It pisses me off and breaks my heart at the same time. I loaned one sib a cell phone because she had an infant and no phone. She ran up a $600 bill and gave me $40.
I could go on. And on.
So, it's Sunday night, and we have 5 more days until there is a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. If everything works out the way that it should, we'll be fine by the and of the week. Better than fine, really. I'll be able to pay some bills, buy my kids some new winter coats, and go the movies with my handsome Hubby. I might even take the girls out for dinner...Five more days...
It will be a long week. I have one consolation, though. When our long, hard week is over, we will be able to say that we did it alone, without the help of the ingrates that Hubby used to call family. I really think that this may be it now. I can't imagine Hubby speaking to them for a very long time. If ever.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hugs from Georgia

Life, or Something Like It said...

Oh, Marni, you are going to make me cry. You have shown me more love and support than my own family. It blows me away....Really. I can't thank you enough....

Coffeypot said...

Hugs from Marni's old man, too. And change you phone number and return all mail to those sellect few labele, "Dead To You."

Life, or Something Like It said...

coffeypot - you made me smile! Changing the phone # isn't much of an issue, as they never call. They just send Hubby's dad by if they need something.
I know that my post must sound harsh, but this has been a long time coming. We wouldn't even ask if we weren't completely desperate, and they have to rub it in...I hate the way that they treat my Hubby. He put one sister through school, and she refused to help him, too. She has the means, she just can't be bothered...
Anyway, I feel better after 'talking' to Marni. She is a wonderful,kind woman, incredible, really. You must be so proud!!!

ldbug said...

Ok, first of all, you have GOT to stop being nice. That's all there is to it. If someone asks you or Hubby for a favor, money, anything at all, say 'no, sorry, but no, unless you pay UPFRONT.' Put your foot down, enough is enough. When you sell something, or if you must lend something (i.e. cell phone) type a little contract that the person must sign saying they will pay you in x amount of time. If they don't, go to the nearest courthouse and sue them. They'll have to pay court fees, and everything, so they'll most likely just pay you with the threat.

If you have cable, cancel it. Any extra bills at all, cancel the service. Yeah, that sucks, but when times get tough, it'll make a huge difference, especially with winter coming.

Finally, keep your chin up, it'll be fine. I've been (and still kinda am) in bad money time. My ex husband owed me $6000, I got $300. I don't have kids, so I don't have to worry as much, but just living, and paying off those credit cards is rough.

Now, repeat after me, "I will not be nice anymore, I will not be nice anymore!" Ok, here's to the weekend, and that movie, and those winter coats.........

Life, or Something Like It said...

ldbug - I WILL NOT BE NICE..Believe me, I am DONE helping any of those people...I should have typed up a contract for the phone, I should have done alot of things differently...
I know that things will get better, I know...
My only real 'extra' is the internet and my computer.. I don't want to lose that, but if times get too tough, then it'll go before the gas or hydro, or..whatever.. I feel better after my little rant, and the support of my blog friends...
How are YOU? I loved the video that 4D did for you! I sang my arse off !!!!

ldbug said...

I'm doing OK, I'm having a lot of trouble formatting the thesis page numbers...other than that, it's DONE!!

Yeah, I hope you don't have to give up the internet!! It's the best. My roommate and I are currently sneaking off of our neighbors wi/fi.........not a nice thing, I know.....but we're desparate!! Life here is soooo expensive!!

Anyway, I cried at 4D's video, I was soo touched that I added him to my thesis, he's such a nice man!

Well, take care, really, things'll look up!

Heidi the Hick said...

You have every right to rant! This has been a crappy few months!

I recently told our long lost friend in the ol hometown that you are still the most big hearted and funny person I know, and that if you had three apples and two slices of bread for the week, you'd give up an apple if asked for it.

I think maybe you just need to be a little more choosy about who gets the apples. But don't stop being your amazing self. Just...cautious. I'm so sorry about his wack so-called family. They treat him terribly and he doesn't deserve it. They haven't done anything to deserve him either.

Hang on. We're gonna get through this. Please tell me you'll give up cable before your internet!!! But not heat and hydro. I can't stand the thought of you being cold.

Life, or Something Like It said...

ldbug - I am so glad that things are getting better for you. I have been to New York once, in 1999. It was soo much fun, but I nearly starved because it was crazy expensive. I can't imagine the cost of living there.
4D is a sweet man, I think that he tries to hide it.

Heidi - It has been a few tough months..I would YOU anything, just the way you would to me. You and Jethro are just about the best friends that anyone could ask for...but, I digress...
I will give up cable 1st, I am so dependant upon the internet. I have this cable deal where if I cancel it in the 1st year, I pay for it anyway. It was some kind of dicount deal...So, it makes no sense to cancel it if I can avoid it. I have been cutting corners as much as possible, trying like hell to stretch a buck.
You are right, though. I do need to be more choosy. Some people are not deserving of my help. I want so badly to be accepted that I do things that I know may back fire - but I always hope for the best!
I sent you an email, telling you about Marni...I have found unbelievable support from my blog friends.
Thank you, Marni, Coffeypot, Ladybug, for your thoughts,& kind words. It means so much. Really.
And Heidi....what can I say?

Tod said...

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. It is hard when people we think we can rely on let us down. Some people are just take take take aren't they?

Keep your chin up!

Kate Isis said...

Hang in there xox.
Hugs from Australia.

Nonny said...

Been there myself. Still kinda am. It's hard but somehow you manage. Have you tried rolling your coins? We had $140 the last time we did that.

(((HUG)))

Coffeypot said...

I am very proud of my daughter. She takes after her dad – NOT. I like to think of my self as Tom Sellick - tall, handsome, funny and sexy. But I am afraid I’m more like Gilbert Godfreid (if that is how you spell his last name.)

Life, or Something Like It said...

tod- That's about it. I do feel better, after so many blog friends sending me warm thoughts an dwords of encouragement! :)

kate isis - Thanx for the hugs. All the way from Ausralia,no less! How can I feel down with so many people rooting for me?

nonny - no coins. we use them for bus fare. mind you, I haven't looked in the washing machine yet! Thanx for the hugs...

coffeypot - Wow. You had me going there until you said Gilbert Godfreid..I was thinking, Oooh, Tom...But hey, Gilbert is ok, too. You don't sound like him, do you? That would be a little TOO much...That voice!
I'm sure that she does take after her dad. Maybe you should give yourself a little pat on the back...

Callie said...

(((HUGS))) from California. I completely understand the whole family thing. Hubby's family usually comes to us if they need anything. It's funny that we can never find them when we need something. Not that we'd ask them, but still. As soon as things start getting tough for us, they are NOWHERE to be found.

I'm so glad they live 400 miles away.

Life, or Something Like It said...

Hi, callie - Thanks for stopping by..My Hubby's family all live in town, they're pretty hard to avoid.
It's funny, isn't it? His family had a big Thanksgiving dinner and we weren't invited - even though they made plans right in front of him.
We wouldn't ask if we weren't out of options..I wish that HIS family lived 400 miles away. Thanx for the hugs..

dilling said...

hang in there...if I was close, I'd feed you all week...

Life, or Something Like It said...

dilling - I know that you would! I didn't doubt it for a moment!!!

Camie Vog said...

I agree with ldbug. Stop being nice. Geez, you know from my post a few weeks ago how I feel about my husbands family. We actually got that way because we stopped being nice to them. They often choose to live beyond their means, we do not choose that kind of living. We got sick of them asking hubby to repair their house, because they spent their money on buying a bedroom set instead (on credit, mind you). They would get mad at us when we only bought one little toy for their kids at Christmas. They bought our kid lots of stupid stuff (on credit), expecting more for their kids. Two weeks later they begged my husband to re-roof their house since they had no cash and their homeowners insurance would be cancelled. Shit, we don't even own a house.
I don't know how it is in Canada, but can you apply for emergency cash assistance and food money from your provence? I tried doing this once from the State of Michigan and was turned down because my husband had made $8,900.00 US the previous year. What about the Salvation Army, or some other charities? I hate going that route, but sometimes it is better than the homeless shelter. I truely feel for you... I have been in your shoes many times and for such a long time. Like Dilling says, if you lived closer I would feed you and roll my change for you.
xxxooo

CindyDianne said...

Biddie - I wish I could say that I didn't know where you were coming from, but I do.

I sure wish I was close enough to help!

(Check your email)

Gardenia said...

I'm so sorry, it sounds as if you guys have given and given and given and given somemore. Nowhere in your post is any indication that you expect anything back except a certain level of decency - which is not forthcoming. Of course your hearts are broken, if family won't help, who will? These people have taken gross advantage of two very kind hearted people...you & your husband! Me, too, if I were close, I would share my freezer with you, and even cook you up something delicious! And what's a few bucks for the bus? My gosh - here's a sock in the eye to each one of them!

Life, or Something Like It said...

camie vog - I am not eligible for assistance. Hubby makes too much money, too, although we live below the poverty line. I could go to the food bank, if I had a drive (too much to carry alone), but I won't get what I need in terms of milk and snacks for J, who is diabetic. I DO appreciate the help, I do, but the produce is usually moldy.
We don't own our home either, although most of Hubby's family own their homes. That's kinda how it is with us - they live beyond their means, then go running for help when the bills are due. We don't even have a car...Hubby takes the bus to work everyday.
Some of the churches offer help, but only on certain days of the month. I still need toilet paper, bus tickets, that sort of thing..I have gone the charity route before, although it has been quite awhile.
I know that things will be ok in a week or two...I just wish that I could go to sleep and wake up when the smoke clears!!!
Thanks for the offer of dinner...I know that I have a lot of awesome blog buddies an dit means sooo much to me. :)

cindydianne - So many people have been kind, offering hugs an dadvice, and dinner...It means a lot to me, really.

Life, or Something Like It said...

diana- I will probably write about all of this later, talk about why they are the way they are...
Thanks for the offer of dinner! I have had such an out pouring of love here..I feel better just knowing that so many people care!
So much for the moron that told me that blogging is a waste of time! I have made the best friends EVER. I am so grateful!

* (asterisk) said...

It's a shame to feel that you have to break with family, and i hope it doesn't come to that. No one wants that. But I guess the fact that hubby helps them all out means that they themselves are not in a position to help out others. I think you and hubby need to put yourselves first in future. You certainly can't depend on others, it seems. Stop helping others. It seems harsh and selfish, but it's the only way, I think. Good luck.

Life, or Something Like It said...

*(asterisk)- Thanks for stopping by.. I am going to be a little more choosy about whom and when I help. I like helping people, I like the feeling of doing something nice just for the sake of doing something nice.
The problem is not that they don't have $, the problem is that they (hubby's family) simply don't like me. Not for anything that I have or have not done, just BECAUSE.
You're right, though, we need to put ourselves, our household, 1st. I don't want my kids to suffer of do without...
Thanks for your support. I have found more support here, in this forum, then within our own families. It is a good feeling to know that people care.

FOUR DINNERS said...

n we do. n no I'm not. Just forget to be a git sometimes.