Friday, May 11, 2007

Mothers Day

It almost slipped my mind, this year. Mothers Day. I never forget Fathers Day, even though my Dad is long gone. It's not because Shawn is here, and he reaps all of the rewards and the hoopla is all about him. I remember Fathers Day because I had a great father.

Mothers Day, on the other hand, has always been a challenge for me. When I was little, really young, like under 10, we celebrated with my Nanie, my Dad's mom. She spent every spare moment with us, cooking, cleaning, sewing us clothes (that's another story altogether), until she passed away unexpectedly shortly after my 10 th birthday.

My Dad got remarried when I was 11. I did NOT like this new person in my fathers life, not one bit. She came with 3 kids of her own, and I had to share my Dad with ALL of them. In time, we grew closer, and Mothers Day became about her, my step mom.

My father passed away, and nothing has been the same ever since. I am now completely estranged from that side of the family. My "mother" hasn't seen me, or her grandchildren, in years.

I do have a 'real' Mum. She lives in Nova Scotia, in a town that I have never been to, in a house that I have never seen. She left TMOC and I behind when she ran off with our next door neighbour. I couldn't have been older than three, because I have no memory of her. Our relationship has been very strained, and with the exception of the 54 weeks that I lived with her, we have never spent any real time with her. We are very different people. She is STILL angry with a man that died nearly 8 years ago, over a marriage that was doomed from the start.

This leaves me feeling bitter sweet on days like Mothers Day. I am mom myself, and I know that I will get breakfast in bed, and home made cards, and maybe some bubble bath. KC will write a poem that will make me cry, and I will get to watch my favourite movies, without complaints. Still, I wish that I had my own mom to celebrate on May 13th.

I did have many wonderful women in my life over the years. I think that Mothers Day is a good day to celebrate them.

Jane was married to a cousin of my dads. She had 3 girls, and they were like sisters to me. Jane babysat me whenever my brother needed a break from his duties. She instilled in me a love of horror movies, and taught me how to make meat loaf. She babysat KC when we took off for a weekend after my 1st marriage, and baysat KC while I was in the hospital afterI had my still born son.

Aunt Josie is my mums sister. Josie and my Dad were great friends, long before my parents were married. My Aunt Josie, my Uncle Ray, and my Dad raced stock cars together, and remained close even after my parents marriage failed. Aunt Josie watched me after my mum left, and held me as long hours stretched into even longer nights while I cried for my mommy. Aunt Josie babysat KC the day that I got out of the hospital after losing my son. I was supposed to be on bed rest for 6 weeks, and Rudi left me home alone with a 18 month old. Aunt Josie to the rescue! She made me laugh, told me how proud she was of me, and me feel good about myself.

Mary is Heathers mom. She fed me, and sheltered me, and put up with me teen age moodiness. Her home was a haven for me, and the doors were always open.

Delores. She is the mother of the infamous Shane and Blaine. She took me in when I fled my mums house, and even hid me when my drunken angry mother showed up on her doorstep, demanding that I come home. I lived with her for months, and I was treated EXACTLY the same as everyone else, for better, or worse. This was my home away from home.

Liz was the wife of my Dads best friend. She took me shopping and bought me my first bra. She made me laugh, and taught me things like plaid and stripes DO NOT match. I thank you, Liz, and my family thanks you for that one.

Sally is Heidis mom. Sally has always opened her home to me, my husbands, and children over the years . She makes you feel instantly welcome, and you will NEVER be judged in her home. This isn't because (as Shawn believes) that she is Mennonite, it is because she is simply, wonderfully, Sally. It was by watching her, and her daughters, that I learned what a healthy mother/daughter relationship looks like.

Lynn, my former mother in law. I hate calling her that, because she is so much more to me than a former anything. She is Geoffs mom, and I almost didn't divorce him because I didn't want to lose her. That's what I thought during the rough periods of my marrige to her son. She is the world's best Grandma, to my kids, and a mom to both me and Shawn. Yes, you heard me, Shawn. What we have is a family here, made of a patch work of other families. She is kind, and funny, sweet, and silly. I treasure my time with her, and I love her like a mom. She has ALWAYS been there for me, and now, she is there for my girls, and Shawn, too. We adore her, love her, and would do anything for her. My relationship didn't suffer when the marriage ended, it just changed. It's better now. In my heart, Lynn is my mom.

I guess, while I'm at it, I should thank three very important women in my life. KC, Kayla and Jessica. That's right, my girls. Without them, I wouldn't have been on this journey. My daughters have taught me so much. I was a much different parent with KC, then I was by the time Jessica came around, 7 years later. I can't imagine my life without all of the wonderful women that have supported me, influenced me, and been there for me over the years. I can't imagine where I would be, or what I would do if I weren't a mom.

I hope that this Mothers Day all of my friends out there will celebrate the uniqueness of their own moms. I hope that all of my blog buddies that are moms hold their children tight.

Happy Mothers Day, everyone.


Heidi the Hick said...

oh cry cry cry!!! In a good way!!!!

First of all as I read this I kept thinking how much you've broken that cycle of abuse that your mother was trapped in. I cn't say enough about that- it's a decision you made and that you've worked at you whole adult life.

And that sometimes a mother has to earn the right to be that...and sometimes you have to choose who that woman will be...

and then you mentioned my mom and I lost it! You know how much I love her and it means so much to me that you appreciate her. She's one of the best! (and she loves you and your family too!)

Big hugs to you. Those are some pretty daughters and really nice outfits on them in that last picture there....xo

Heidi the Hick said...

Your daughters by the way, I may have mrntioned this, are pretty awesome young ladies.

keep up the good work eh?

Biddie said...

Heidi - I was going to mention the outfits! The photo, too. I also forgot a paragragh, and went back to add it. I forgot Lynn!
Gahh! Read about her, too.
I meant every word that I said, and you know it. My kids are pretty cool...
I have worked HARD to break the cycle of abuse. Not easy...but so worth it.

Marni said...

You are so awesome! I hope you have a fantabulous mother's day with those three wonderful girls.


Biddie said...

Marni - I don't know about awesome, but thanks. Coming from you, it really is a compliment!

her indoors said...

wow you deserve the best, that was very thoughtful and touching, you have come a long way and you have 3 beautiful girls, enjoy your mothers day, take time to remember all those who are important to you, but more importantly enjoy your special day with your girls and your man x

Heidi the Hick said...

nice labels! geez...!

paddy said...

A Sad and yet warm story of the women in your life, the love in your life, the strife. I feel it from you Biddie you're a caring person with a lot of love to give. ("All you need is Love", well that is how the song goes but we all know it's not the way life goes. You can't have life, love, shelted, food, without money) However!
I said it already and I'll say it again: "You are a great soul. Happy mother's day: if I may adopt you for that day.
Sincerely Y;-) Paddy


eh? wha? when? mothers day? I've just been to see The Dragon n she never said owt. Must be a different day over there. Wonder when bury yer mothers day'll be?

Heather said...

Nice biddie!

I have to show my mom this,she will very touched she was a part of this.

captain corky said...

Happy Mother's Day Biddie. Your daughters show that you are a great Mom.

Anonymous said...

Happy mothers day biddie xoxox

Gardenia said...

What a beautiful Mothers' Day tribute. I cried a bit as I read, but at the same time felt so thankful you had these other wonderful women in your life. Sounds like you dad should have married your mom's sister - but then there wouldn't have been you, nor your girls - so things DID turn out. Sometimes for some reasons mothers' can't mother too well, but we can always turn that around as you have done. For me Mothers' Day is about those women who nourished us and those we have nourished. Thanks for sharing a bittersweet story, I think it should have been published in a magazine this month!

Camie Vog said...

happy mom's day!!!

mjd said...

Biddie, this is a very lovely post and a tribute to all of those women in your life. I am impressed that you have found and emphasized the the good in your life as well as the good people in your life. Although this one is almost over, Happy Mother's Day to you.

Bauniculla said...

Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for commenting on my blog. I am glad it gave you a chuckle.

Again, Happy MUM's Day from kitty corner of the North Americas.