Sunday, June 03, 2007

So...Most of you know that I have two moms, right? Not 2 moms like moms that were a couple, but 2 different moms. My dad was married twice, and my bio mom was rarely around. I spent more time with my step mom...We'll call her Mary.



Mary and my Dad got married when I was 11 or 12, I'm not sure...They had been dating for a couple of years, and it came as no great surprise to me when they did. Of course, that mean that I was happy about this wedding, or ready for a new mommy, a new sister, and 2 new brothers. Like I told all of my bloggy friends before, in time, I felt that we became a family, and I even called Mary 'mom.' I accepted my sister, and brothers, and I even named my eldest daughter KC after Posh, my adopted sister.



My Dad did in, fact, adopt Marys kids. Her ex husband had a new family, new kids, and no need for the old ones that he had left behind. Adoption meant no more support, and Mary's ex was all too happy to let me Dad adopt his kids.



I remember asking my Dad, when I was about 13, why I wasn't being adopted, too. He told me that there was no need for it, and that Betty really didn't want to give me up, even though she rarely called or came to visit anymore. I wanted more than anything to be adopted by Mary. I wanted to be John AND Mary's kid, not "Bridget, my step daughter," or "My husband's daughter." I hated that more than anything. My Dad never did that. Ever. To him, we were all just his kids.



My Dad got sick shortly after my marriage to Rudi. We found out that it was terminal, and I was grateful that my Dad had a wife to take care of him, to love him, to cherish him. I was a young mom, just starting out. I didn't want him in a hospital, but that's where he would he would have spent many lonely days without Mary.



The months dragged on to years, and I had more children. By the time my Dad actually passed away, I had 3 children. KC was 11, Kayla was 7, and Jessica nearly 4. I spent as much time with my Dad as I could, but it was hard with 3 little ones, and an unsupportive husband.



My Dad and I had many long talks before his death. We worked out all of our anger, and nothing was left unsaid. I tried my best to tell him how I felt, without hurting him. He was more than my Dad, he was my best friend. I brought up the subject of Mary and her kids many times. I told my Dad that unless he made provisions for my girls in the will, we would be written out.



He got so angry with me. He had been married almost 20 years by then, and to him, we were just one family. He completely trusted his wife to do as they has discussed, just as I am sure that you all trust your spouses. I tried to tell him that I would be expelled from the family. I tried. He wouldn't listen, and I didn't want to upset him. He was dying, and on oxygen. He was my father, and I couldn't bear to hurt him.



My Dad passed away on July 11, 1999. I helped my 'Mom' plan the funeral. I helped with the thank you cards, and I helped deal with the insurance claims. I thought, for about 10 minutes, that I was wrong. I thought that I was a memeber of my own family.



Silly me.



Soon enough, it started. The girls would be forgotten on birthdays, or we wouldn't be invited somwhere. Whatever. I waited more than 2 years to ask for the things that my Dad had told me that he was leaving for me. I was told that they were NOT mine. My brother was given a Rolex. I was given his false teeth.



I still held out hope. Two and a half years ago, I was told that I am no longer a part of the family, and I no longer welcome anywhere near anyone. I have not spoken to my brothers, my sister, or my 'mom.'



They are all living on my Dad's money. I have been written out of her will. As if that isn't bad enough, I just found out that got married to a guy named JOHN JOSEPH..Care to guess what my Dad's name was? Oh, and the reason that Posh is creeped out? He looks my Dad.



She is selling my Dad's house, and right now, Mary and John2 are in Australia. This is after she took a trip to Bolivia to save orphans and build a church, or orphanage, or whatever the hell she was doing.
See her there, 'saving' the little kids? What a fucking saint.

Now, if you're thinking that I am simply bitter because she took my money and ran, you're only half right. It goes beyond that. My Dad TRUSTED her. He never would have married her, adopted her kids, and left HIS fortune to HER if he would have known what she was truly like.

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am not all about money. I am NOT. I do, however, have a 12 yr old that needs braces, and my meds are going to cost about $200 a month, and we are way behind on rent....I don't aspire to be a millionaire. I just want to be comfortable somday, and I want to give them what they need...That's all. The money that she took from me? Let's just say it's over $100 grand...WAY.

So, I am feeling sick to my stomach. I am hating her right now, and I hate myself for hating her. I have to find a way to deal with this, and I just don't know how. How can you betray someone like that? She was a grandma to my kids, for their whole lives...and she just walked away...She just walked away... How could have snowed my Dad like that?

How?

18 comments:

mjd said...

Oh Biddie, that is so hurtful. Walking away from your children and grandkids is so hard to understand. And that is a lot of money that could have and should have been shared with you and your children. I have a divorced friend, who misses his grandkids more than his ex-wife. (She left him.)

her indoors said...

oh girl, i am so sorry for you, i wish i could say the right words that would help you deal with this, but i just don't know what to say, all you wanted and needed was to belong for life not just part of it.
be strong biddie you will work it out, you have the love of your girls and your man and together you will come through (((hugs)))

catherine in london said...

Hi Biddie,
That really sucks, but it does happen a lot unfortunately.
Was there an executor for the will, or did your stepmom handle it all? The executor is legally responsible that you get what you were willed, or they can be sued. She can't legally write you out of the will. I know you don't have any extra cash, but call up an estate lawyer and explain to them the situation. The first call will be free. They can give you options, and if that bitch hasn't spent it all, you are likely entitled to get some. Goodluck and big hugs
catherine

Heidi the Hick said...

I really wish all your predictions had been wrong about this...

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

What a f-ing bitch! I am so sorry. I don't understand parents who do that to their kids and sadly it happens all too often.

Sweetie, if I ever get rich you'll never have to worry.

captain corky said...

People really suck sometimes. Hopefully in time you'll just be happy that these people are out of your life. Money fucks people up big time.

Camie Vog said...

I need to forward this post to Mr. Vog's father. Mr. Vog and his siblings fear that this very issue will become a reality once their father dies. Though, I doubt father in law will read it... He wasn't happy how Mr. Vog's mothers belongings were divided amongst the kids when she died. He felt they all should have went to him, and he was DIVORCED from her (and married to his current wife)at the time!
Families have major issues! Your "mom" will definitely fall into the KARMA hole....

Biddie said...

mjd - I think that I could forgive the betray of my father before I could forgive the utter heartlessness of leaving your grandchildren behind. It is so cold hearted.
I hope that your friend gets to see his grandkids again. They deserve BOTH grandparents. :)

her indoors - There really isn't much too say...I just needed a forum to vent, you know? That's what blogs are for. Plus, having my friends here helps!

Biddie said...

catherine in london - My Dad didn't will me - or any of the other kids - anything. He spoke with us each , and his wife in private, and told us what he wanted us to have. he REALLY trusted his wife.
They all got what they were promised, of course...The items that I want are photographs, and keepsakes,I haven't askd for anything of any real value..I haven't even asked for the money. (I did contact our family lawyer, but mommy dearest doesn't know that)

Heidi - I know...Funny how he just couldn't see it, year after year...
sigh..I can only hope that karma kicks her in the ass someday..and the purse!

whimsical - She is a bitch. There, I said it. I don't understand, either. I just can't get over her doing this to my kids, to my dad....Oh, and the best part? I just found out..This new guy with my dad's name? he also LOOKS like my dad! What a messed up woman.

Corky- You know it. Sometimes, I think that money truly IS the root of all evil.

Camie - If Mr.In Law is half as sweet as my dad, he won't believe you. I truly hope that it works out better for the Vog family. Not every one is as effed up as my 'family'

catherine n london said...

She won't even give you pics? She IS a total bitch. I firmly believe in karma, and it will happen to her eventually, Even saving "orphans" won't reduce what she has coming to her.

Biddie said...

catherine in london - Once, when I was about 11, there was a family that was new to Canada in our little town, that was really struggling. I wanted to give the daughter one of my 'Sunday" dresses, because I firmly believed that doing the 'right' or Christian thing was not just giving away something that you didn't want. It was sacrifice. Mommy Dearest was LIVID. She told me (and these words still ring in my ears today) CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME.
Funny, isn't it? She's saving orphans, and my 12 year old doesn't have braces...a mere drop in bucket when it comes to what my dad left me.
No, she won't even give me photos. I asked for a cabinet that once stood in my Nanie's bathroom (my dad's mom) when I was a toddler. I have very vivid memories of getting my bubble bath out of it when I was little...My mother said that she didn't want me to have it because 'it is an antique and I will only sell it.'
I wonder if she has even met me?
I just found out that this new guy she married looks JUST LIKE MY DAD.
Creepy and a bitch.

Tod said...

Wow. I am sorry Biddie that you have been deprived of what is rightly yours. Families really can go into meltdown when it comes to matters of inheritance. I have heard some truly truly nasty stories, you wouldn't think it possible. If it's any consolation I would much prefer the false teeth to the rolex! :)

catherine in london said...

I believe the only reason she is doing this orphan thing, is because of how it looks to others. "isn't she such a "wonderful person?" *gag*. I know some people who only do charitable work when people who "matter" can see it. But the people who are closest to them know better.

I wonder if her first husband (father of her kids) looked like your dad too? lol. definately creepy.

Biddie said...

Tod - I must admit, the teeth came in very hady when we an obnoxious real estate lady snoopning through our things once! I had to think that my Dad would have gotten a laugh out of it!

catherine in london - Momy dearest's 1st hubby looked NOTHING like my dad...surprisingly. he looked like a porn star..(yuck)
The whole orphan adventure was planned by our church, and most of her family - 2 siblings, nephews, and neice were there. Great photo op!
My cousin has 50 photos from the trip, and there isn't ONE with dear old mom doing anything other than posing or singing.

FOUR DINNERS said...

sorry babe. Stuff like this hurts but you have to rise above it. Forget 'em and make your own life and be happy.

Maybe one day she'll get her comeuppance maybe not. If she does maybe it'll be you who gets her maybe not.

If it is 'revenge is best served cold'

Either way don't let it eat you up. Stuff nearly ate me up.

It didn't so I won. Make sure you win. x

Biddie said...

4D - I'm working on it...getting over it. It keeps sneaking up on me, and then I can't sleep...I know that mommy dearest will get hers. I know it...Too bad she and hubby #3 have pre nups.

Gardenia said...

Hmmm, your labels are appropriate. Amazing how some folks can trot off on a "mission" to look good to everyone, but neglect family. And have no conscience about it as well! But apparently she's blind to anything but herself. Enough there! I'm mad right along with you.

Yah, being a "stepchild" can be a real trip - I got a plastic suitcase when my stepdad passed away. My sister got the diamonds. Like you I made peace with him - he never did want the responsibility of kids, most of all someone else's. But in the end he wanted to be buried in the town I lived in, and in the end I understood a lot of about where he was at and why. I wonder maybe if he knew I was the strong one and the others needed the "things" to prove something, whereas I had some things on a spiritual level from him that the others would never have. I dunno.

I decided then and there - things are things. I will trust that my needs will be met, and I pray and pray I will be fair to my children and grandchildren alike when my time comes and I've threatened my hubby with a huge haunting should he marry some bitch, rather than a classy loving lady and forget the kids, grandkids.

I don't understand how men can have these blind sides - so many do - not all, but many. Someone very close to me ran across something similar - some young bitch (oops, scuse me) stepped into her dad's life, promptly put him in a nursing home, and ended up with his art, his money, his house, his vehicles....while my friend struggles by on 800 a month, can't even afford the counseling that she needs because of his treatment of her.

Sometimes life sucks - but if I know you, you'll process until you find a way to deal with it. I don't know how. I wish I did. Tendrils still try to float through my mind........I don't want them to grow there no mo'

Biddie said...

Gardenia - I am struggling with this...still trying to find my own way to deal. I know that I will. I think that it woukd be easier if I just didn't know. My 'sister' just won't stay gone.
It's like, stay away from me..no wait...I'm not done with you...only, she goes through my oldest daughter. I am most bothered by that. The treatment of my children.
I hope that my mommy dearest gets everything that she deserves.