I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking about life, family, stuff.
My oldest daughter is preparing for college in September. She's not moving away,she's staying at home. I have mixed feelings about this. I am SO not ready for my baby to move away, but will I ever be? Am I doing her a dis-service by not insisting that she live on campus.
My sister, Lucky, also has a daughter going to college. Her baby, however is going to live on campus, more than an hour away. Lucky thinks that this is something that every young person Must do.
My other sister,Posh,( not as in Spice ),wants me to call her. That wouldn't be such a big deal, except that we haven't spoken in ...17 months. This was her decision and I knew that she would have some sort of guilt or remorseful feelings at some time. Why now? Do I have to forgive her? If so, then how many times do I have to forgive? I am not without fault, but explusion from the family seems a little extreme, especially when the infraction may not have been committed by me. I'm just so tired of being the one to say'sorry',the person to reach out. It's hard, and it hurts like hell when your hand is slapped away.
Tomorrow will be 7 years since my Dad died. I know that he would be heart broken by what's happening with his family. But, the truth is, my Dad is gone, and living life the way that he wanted me to just isn't working. He would've put an end to this nonsense a long time ago.....
These are some of the things that have been keeping me up at night. I just can't seem to turn it off.
Tomorrow my 2 eldest girls nad I are going to court seeking a peacebond against GotNO. ( Got no job, got no prospects ). This has K.C. freaking out, and I don't really blame her. We are having a trial tomorrow, and the anxiety is just about killing me. I guess that I need to keep in mind that this is normal. Anybody would be stressed at the thought. This is way different than freaking out because you have to take the bus alone.
My life is otherwise great. 3 awesome kids,my Hubby, our little house. I guess that whether or not Posh and I speak again, or GotNo gets away with his crap, or K.C. leaves for college, I'll muddle through. I always do.
3 comments:
Oh, I know this is going to be too long a comment, but your entry reminded me of this...so here goes.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
Wow. I'll have to copy that and put it up somewhere. it's so nice to hear something positive. I was feeling a liitle down today ( no kidding )but I feel better after my therapy appointment....and your comment. Thanx
I've always wanted to have that on my wall.
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