My internet is going crazy today, so instead of posting what I wanted to, I am just posting more photos to make you all smile :)

I haven't been able to leave comments, but I have been reading. I'm lurking.

It's The Great Pumpkin

On Friday morning I take Jessica to see her doctor, just to make certain that everything is ok. Her blood sugar levels are still too high, so I think that we have to adjust her insulin. That's ok, we knew that this could happen. Once she started gaining her weight back and being more active, she probably wasn't getting enough. I am hopeful that her doctor will tell us that she has gained back even more weight, and that she is out of the woods. She must have gained back SOME weight, because she is now wearing 'fat' jeans.

Size one.

I swear, I still have a hard time talking about it. I haven't been this scared since she was 1st diagnosed, 9+ years ago.

Next week Shawn and I are going to the Tribunal (court for landlord tenant issues). I think that this is the end of the line for us. We owe too much money. We will probably be given about 2 weeks to move. I am scared shitless.

The good news is that our debt is now PAID to Shawns boss. Whoo Hoo! Of course, now there is a work slow down, and he will be scrounging for work over the winter. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out, would you? If you are the praying kind, I'll some more of those too. You all did such a wonderful job with Jessie last week.

I got word back about my disability, too. I was turned down. I am so disappointed, but I knew that this would happen. I was warned by everyone that most people are turned down the 1st time that they apply. I will fight it, and keep trying. I am not looking for money, just the health benefits. That's all. I just want to be healthy enough to work. That's all. I want to be a part of the 'real' world again.

So, that's it. That's what has been on my mind for the past few days. I keep thinking that things have to get better.
They HAVE to. We have been in a slump for a year. Our time to shine must be right around the corner.
Has to be :)

My Little Monster

My little monster got out today. I was checking the mail about five minutes after her best buddy Larry left, and she snuck out. She was running up and down the street when a guy from the SPCA found her. When he tried to pick her up, she ran home. I wouldn't even have opened the door if I wouldn't have heard Ruby yapping her head off on the wrong side of the door.

I had to spend $8 buying her a new tag, because I lost hers many months ago. I only found the eight bucks yesterday as I was cleaning up.

My heart is still racing. She is such a brat. I was just about to hop in the tub, and I didn't even realize that she was gone. I wonder if the SPCA guy wandering by at just the right moment and the 'found' money were divine intervention?

I have a lot on my mind lately. There has been a lot going on, and not just with Jessica. Things have been crappy any way you slice it. I am not going to go into all of that right now, I am going to deal with the most pressing issue. I need help from all of buddies with this one.





What should Shawn and I be for Hallowee'n?





You don't understand the pressure. Each year has to better than the last. One year, Shawn was Elvis, and I was his screaming fan. I followed him everywhere. Then, there was the year that I was the Paper Bag princess aned Shawn was an angry housewife. Oh yeah. He wore a robe and a hair net, and lipstick. Don't believe me?

I thought that this year maybe we could be Dog and Beth. Shawn can't stand the thought of putting seashells and feathers in his long flowing locks, even if it is a wig. I would need the best push up bra ever, but hey, sacrifices MUST be made.


Shawns other big idea is a cooler on our heads.

Why?

Because cooler heads will prevail.


So, friends, you can see my problem. I need my costume to be unique, fun, and most of all, cheap.

Any suggestions?

Jessie is Home!!

Well, Jessica is home, at last. The doctor came in this morning and decided that she was well enough to go home and enjoy the long weekend. We have to back in a week, to make sure that everything is ok and to have a couple of tests done.

I am SO relieved. It has been a long week, for everyone. Kayla and KC missed school on Tuesday, because they were both so worried about her. Shawn has had less hours at work, so he was able to be the hospital more, but between both work and hanging out at the hospital, he is exhausted. The puppies are so happy to have the youngest member of the pack home. So is the cat, I think.

KC is so thankful that her baby sister is home that she has promised to stay home with us all weekend. You don't know what that means. We usually get cameo appearances from her. You know, being 19, in college, working and having a boyfriend. KC and I have spent more time together this week, watching over Jessica, then we have in months. Strange, how things liek this either make you or break you as a family.

As for Jessica herself, she is beyond happy to be back in her own home. It took us about three minutes to pack up her room this morning. She is itching to get back on line with her friends and make some plans. She even misses school. Poor kid. I wonder if they checked her temperature before we left?

So, everything will be back to normal. The sisters will be squabbling, the house will be trashed (is already), the house will settle into it's routine once again. There is one thing that will be different, though.

I will be different. I will be more thankful this Thanksgiving. This has been a huge wake up call for all of us here. I was reminded, once again, how quickly things can change, how quickly someone that you love can be taken away from you.

I have a lot to be thankful for. My family is together, under the same roof. I have the worldest best blog buddies,and, life, for the most part, is good.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'll be back in a couple of hours to get caught up. right now, I'm getting caught up on sleep.

Jessica Might Be Home Today !!!! (Well, Friday)

Well. I made to the hospital early this morning, in time to see the doctor. He is hopefull that Jessica will be home tomorrow. The original plan was to keep her for a week, but it is the long weekend, and she is doing so much better. She is putting the weight back on, and her blood sugar is leveling out. Everything has been changed - the amount of insulin that she is getting, the carb counting, and even when she gets her insulin. It seems to be working. Oh, we have a brand new monitor, too.

We will have to see the doctor more frequently for the next little while. I don't mind. I just want my baby back home with me. The house is so empty and quiet without her.

I have been reading all of the comments from everyone. Please don't think that because I am not commenting that I am not reading. I am just so darn tired when I get home every night. Your support has kept me going. Honestly, you will never know what it means to me.

I'll let you know the minute that I know whether or not we are all under the same roof again. Keep thinking good thoughts.

Biddie xx

Updates

What a day. I was late getting to the hospital today, and I left a little earlier. I still put in my 12 hours, and I feel completely spent.

Jessica and I had a visitor today. My blog buddy Gabriel came by to say hi and to lend us some moral support. It was a wonderful surprise, and he lifted our spirits. He was so funny, and sweet. He offered to come back with his kids to see Jessica. I can hardly believe it, but he actually got Jessica to talk. You have no idea what an amazing feat that was! Seriously. We were still smiling after he left.

Jessica also had her puppy stop by. That's right. Ruby came to the hospital to see Jess. We couldn't bring her in, but we all sat outside while Jess had a visit with her doggie. Grandma Lynn came by, too, and brought Jessie some movies to watch. Shawn and I stepped out around 7:30 for a biteto eat, and two of Jessica's school friends came by. I was so happy, that almost made me cry. I think it helped Jessica tremendously. It has been a long few days, and has been feeling lonely and bored.

I STILL haven't seen the doctor. He told Jessica early in the morning that he wanted to have her home by the weekend. She is worried that she will miss Thanksgiving, which is just a few days away. Shawn and I have assured her that there will be NO Thanksgiving until our baby is home.

She has gained about 2 pounds back, but her blood sugars are still way off. Heidi and I were talking about that today, and while I want my baby back home, I am somewhat relieved to see that this is something that is not my fault. If her blood sugar is still wonky after a few days in the hospital, then there really is something wrong. I am just so happy that we caught this in time. I am not sure about the damage to her kidneys, or what the long term affects will be. I may know more after I speak with the doctor tomorrow.

Thank you again for all of the support. I just can't tell you what it means to me, and Jessica. The whole family, really, including my bff, Heidi.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

It's 11 pm, and I have been home about 15 minutes. The first thing that I did was read all of the comments that everyone left for me. Then, I read Heidi's blog. Then, I cried.

I am trying like hell to hold it together for Jessica, and the rest of the family. I leave her room when I need to cry, and I try not to show how upset I am. She is still upset about missing school, and I wonder if she realizes just how close she actually came to dying. The doctors words to me yesterday were "If we don't admit her today, she will die." I keep replaying that moment in my head.

She looks better today, and even though her kidneys are damaged, I think that we caught the problem just in time. Her cheeks are already rosier, and she wants to go home. It's going to be a little while yet. Her blood sugars are still all over the place. She had a very low bg last night at 2 am. Her insulin needs to be adjusted, and alll of the kinks need to be worked out.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. THANK YOU. I can not tell you how much it means to me. I don't have a super supportive family (in town) and I have been feeling very much alone. Tonight, I feel like a part of a family.
Thank you.

Where Do I Start?

We went to Jessica's appointment today. It did not go as well as I wanted. In fact, it was worse that I ever could have imagined.

Jessica has lost 11 pounds off of her tiny frame, bringing her weight to a whopping 89 pounds. She is so underweight. She is losing her hair, and her kidneys are failing.

How did I not notice?

Good question. I knew that she had lost weight. I knew that her blood sugars were running higher than they should. I did NOT know that her monitor was off by 25%, and that she was giving herself too much insulin. We have the monitor checked every time she sees her doctor.

I lost it. I was crying my eyes out before I even knew how sick she was.

My thoughts are everywhere right now. I don't even know if I am making sense. All I know is that Jessica is in the hospital, and she will be there for a week, maybe more. I don't know what else is happening. I'll know more tomorrow when I go back.

I feel like the world's worst mom right now. My baby is at the hospital, facing God knows what.

I'll let you know when I know more.

Biddie

Today

Today is one of those days that I dread. I have to take Jessie to see her specialist. I always feel like a little kid being dragged into the principals office. Her doctor is a great doctor,but I dread it just the same.

Jessica's blood sugars have NEVER been where they should be. Since the day that she was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 3, we have struggled. Now that she is older, and away from me so much, be it at school or with her friends, I have even less control over what happens with her. We check her bg, buy her the sugar free stuff, make sure that she does her needles....It doesn't seem to matter. Her boold sugars stay the same.

SIGH..

It all comes back on me because I am the mom. Of course it does. I can barely manage my own life right now, never mind keeping on top of Jessica. I always worry that her sperm donor will put up a fuss and start custody proceedings. Silly, really, because he hasn't seen her years, doesn't call, and is disputing the amount of support that he should be paying. He has become very spiteful, hateful even, and I just can't shake the feeling that he is looking for any reason to cause me trouble. (He has been a real pain lately, I just haven't blogged about it. It brings me down too much to even discuss it)

So, in another hour or so we will head out to the hospital to see her doctor. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well. I will breathe easy when we are home again. Wish us well.

To Sir With Love ( Lulu ) 1967

This is for Kate :)

Petula Clark - Downtown

After visiting Rick, the Palm Springs Savant, I was suddenly struck with the mood for some retro stuff. I wanted to hear some Petula Clark.
What better to put me in a good mood then Petula Clark?

My Kids Rock no, seriously.....

See this photo? Kayla entered it in a contest and she has made it through the first round of cuts. I'm not sure when we'll find out who the winner is, BUT her photo is being printed in a book. A real book, no scam. ( I checked, of course).

Can you believe it? My girls are going to be in a book! The funny thing is, that Kayla entered the contest accidentally. She didn't even mean to. Go figure.

The photo was taken in July at Jethro's Juno party, and I am convinced that he brought her good luck. I better clear off my bookshelf. I have a photographer in the family, and soon we will have a published author, and a Juno award winner......

Got nothing. Read this :)


http://wwwbiddiegirlca.blogspot.com/search?q=haunted+asylum

Oh, not the updates, scroll down just a teeny bit.

Thank you.

Told You I wasn't Crazy

I was thinking that maybe I am just being paranoid. The whole thing with the bank account, that could just be a mistake, right?

Maybe.

I haven't been able to get a library card for years, because someone had a card in my name and never returned the books. It was NOT me. The card went to an address that I have never lived at, although the rest of the information seemed correct.

Then , there was the call from the out of town video store, telling me that I owed $50 in late fees and for a dvd that was never returned. The jerk off that had the account even used my phone number. Thing is, the video store is out of town, and we don't even have a car. I explained all of this to the clerk, and he told me that "I" had been in the store several times over the past months, renting movies. I asked for a description of the person, and I was told that was personal info, and they could not give it out.....

Well, last week, someone hacked into my email account. They even changed my secret question. I couldn't get into my own email for almost two days. It took me that long to figure out the new password.

I am a little freaked out now. I'm beginning to think that paranoia is just good thinking when someone is out to get you.......

Date Night

Shawn and I are spending our date night at the movies tonight. I can't wait. The only thing better than an evening alone with Shawn is an evening alone with Shawn watching zombies on the big screen.

I am so pissed.

Big time.

I have been getting phone calls from a collection agency for about 3 months now. Ever since my charges for shoplifting were dropped, the company that tried to extort money out of me has been calling..Or, rather, sending their dogs after me.

See, Zehrs wanted me to pay the cost of their security guards, and other related costs for my arrest. They sent me a bill for over $300. As it turns out, that is illegal. (Here in Canada, anyway) and I was advised NOT to pay. My charges were withdrawn, anyway, which means that there will not even be a record of my arrest. Done. Gone. Finito. Bye - bye. So, ever since I told the reps that wanted the $300 that I am NOT paying, a bill collector has been bugging me for an amount that I supposedly owe. That amount is now $500 that they want to collect.

Now, I don't know, but it seems strange that the same company that couldn't collect an amount on bogus charges is suddenly, after 6 years, coming after me for another 'bill.'

So, I finally tracked down someone that could pull up my account, and this is what I am told.

I had a payroll cheque go into my account on December 31st, 2002. I have not worked since NOVEMBER 2001. Someone made several deposits into my bank account from a bank machine, and then took the money out. The problem? The deposit envelopes were empty. So......

The only proof that I have that I owe this money is from the company themselves, except, they say that can not send me out copies of my bank statements because it goes back too many years. How did they come up with this info, then? Where did a payroll deposit come from, a year after I quit my job?

So, this rude guy calls me today and tells me that I owe this money. I tell him, AGAIN, that I have ZERO money coming in, and until he proves to me that I owe this amount, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of making payment arrangements. He tells me that he spoke with my husband on Monday (2 days ago) and that my husband told him that I was on vacation.

Yeah.

He says that if I have money for that, then I can pay this bill.

WTF? He screamed at me to PAY MY BILLS.

I am exhausted. I am tired of all of this. I do not owe this money. I know that I don't. How do I prove it? Who do I complain about a bill collector being verbally abusive?

How do I get off this merry-go-round from Hell?

Six Years Ago

Six years ago, on September 18th, 2001, I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I mean huge,enormous, life altering. I agreed to date my next door neighbour, Shawn.

September 11th, 2001, was a day that none of us will ever forget. It is engrained in our memories forever. I will never forget September 11th for all of the reasons that everyone never will, and for some reasons that are all my own.

I seperated from my husband in May of 2000. I had decided that I would not rush into anything, and that I would just hang with my girls for the next little while, and forget all about men, dating and all of the complications that dating men will bring to your life. I was fine with that until I moved into a little townhouse next door to the burly construction worker.

I thought that maybe he looked familiar, but I didn't really KNOW him. He was a repeat customer at the grocery store where I worked, and he was the uncle of Kayla's friend. He was also my new neighbour. He smiled shyly whenver he saw me, and almost always blushed when I said hello. I could feel my cheeks grow hotter when he spoke to me,too. He would come over to use the phone, and borrow this or that. I liked him, but I was certain that he was taken. I toyed with the idea of asking him out, but could never get up the nerve.

September 11th changed all of that. I watched the twin towers burn to the ground on tv, and thought that the world might be ending. I knew then that I would have to make a move on the hot guy next door. It was now or never. If the world was going to end, I didn't want to die alone.

Later that night, as some of the neighbours and I were sitting outside, talking about the tragedy, a man walked up to me and handed me papers. He was posing a pizza guy, and I instinctively knew that he was looking for me. I was served with court papers from Geoff, husband #2, stating that he wanted custody of Jessica. She was only 6 then, and he hadn't even seen her for months. He was behind on support, and hadn't even so much as called to ask about the daughters that he left behind. Now, on September 11th, of all days, he was letting me know that had every intention of splitting up the family, and taking away my baby. It was more than I could deal with. Scared out of my mind, I phoned Betty in Nova Scotia, and made arrangements to leave the province. I had no doubt that I would retain custody, but the road ahead seemed too long. I could NOT do this. I spent 7 years battling Rudi for custody, and dealing with the fall out from that. I was not willing to do it again. No way. I was out of there.

Betty told me that she was going to send me money to move, and even had a house for me to live in. She and Stan had recently decided to rent out their 3 bedroom townhouse, and it was empty. That same night, I started planning my escape. I would pack all of my stuff that fit a U-Haul, take my 3 kids, my dog, and split. I was outta there.

Then, something happened to change my mind.

Shawn asked me out. The guy that I had been crushing for months finally got up the nerve to ask ME out....I said yes. I had to.

For the first couple of days, he came over to my house, and the girls played with his niece while Shawn and I watched tv in the living room. We didn't even kiss until our second 'date.' I was falling in love.

Love?

Please. Could my life get anymore complicated? I was supposed to be packing my kids up and moving across the country. I wanted to run, and I wanted to stay.

I stayed. I really had no choice. Shawn couldn't leave Ontario, and I didn't want to leave him. Strange as it may sound, I was in love. (Still am)

Betty was pissed. She didn't understand how I could risk everything for a man that I had just met. I didn't know how to explain it. The girls were mad. They had been burned twice, because of the choices that I had made. They were afraid to love again.

Honestly, so was I.

We have been together since September 18th, 2001. Just one week earlier, I had cried myself to sleep, alone, and frightened. I was angry with God. Angry over the tragedy that I watched unfold on tv, and angry over the fact that I was once again, going to fight for my baby, this time without a partner.

I can't believe how much my life changed in that week. I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past six years. We have been through so much, as a couple, and as a family. We aren't perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but we are a family.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

For Jamie

Our dear blogbuddy, Jamie (Look at the sidebar, still can't do links) has just recieved some very bad news. Bad.

I wish that I could change things for her. I wish that I had a magic wand. I wish......

Well, I don't have a magic wand. I can't perform miracles. I am just me. The only think that I can do is to ask all of you to pray. Pray to whatever, or whomever it is that you believe in. I know that this can work, because you have all prayed for me. We prayed for 4D when he was sick, and we have made a difference, together. I hope that we can make a difference again.

Stop by Jamie's place and say hello. She's super sweet, and needs all of the encouragement that she can get. I don't want her to give up.

You Like Me, You Really, Really, Like Me!!

Look what I got from Whim! I can't believe that I would be picked, when there are soo many deserving people out there!



I have to pick five people now, and I don't know if I can...ONLY five? All of my blogbuddies are Nice. Beyond, infact. They are MY friends, afterall. I know that alot of my pals have already been picked, too. We are a great crowd, aren't we?

I pick Cindydianne -

She actually PHONED me when my internet was down, to check up on me. She did. Can you get any nicer than that?

Marni-
Marni phoned me, too. A couple of times. I swear, I have the BEST blog buddies EVER. (and OMG, she has the cutest voice)

Gardenia -
She has been a wonderful friend, too. The whining that she has 'listened' to is enough to make anyone crazy, but she always has time for me.

Paddy -
Paddy...What can I say about Paddy? He is a true gentleman, through and through. His posts are always thought provoking and insightful. An email or comment from him is always a reason to smile.

Dilling-
What can I say about Dilling? She rocks. No, really. I have a standing invitation to come and see her if I ever make it out west. She has one from me, too.

Honestly, I could pick all of my blogbuddies. Her Indoors has been a wonderful friend, too. I got a little card and a surprise in the mail one day, just because. Tod? LOVE him. I do. 4D? The best. Debi, Burfica, Jamie, Canadian Flake, Saly, all sweet. Captain Corky? He gives me warm fuzzies, and I think that I am in love with Max. Camie Vog...I WILL visit her one of these days. I have to meet her babies, too.

The point is, you ALL rock, and you ALL are the best. I mean it. If I didn't mention your name, just look at my blogroll. You are all there because you matter.

The Soundtrack Of My Life

My black rubber boots squeaked on the freshly mopped floor. I hate that noise. It gives me chills, and the last thing that a person wants before she walks into the dark autopsy room is a chilled to the bone feeling.
I flicked on the light switch and took a deep breath. Working as a morgue assistant wasn't exactly my dream job. It did allow me to work while the kids were in school, and put food on the table. It was a hell of a lot better than working nights at a gas station and leaving the kids alone, or going back to babysitting. Dealing with other peoples kids was about the last thing that I was willing to do.

My second marriage had come to a crashing halt less than 2 months earlier. Geoff was far from perfect, and he never held a full time job, but at least I had the illusion of a partnership before he left. Now, I was completely on my own with 3 kids, and I could have not been less prepared. I hadn't worked outside of the home in years, and the baby was still only in kindergarten.

My sea green scrubs tugged at my butt when I bent over to pick up my pen.
'Gotta lose weight,' I thought to myself. These scrubs are so damn uncomfortable. I could never understand how my sister wore hers home all of the time. Mind you, she worked 3 floors up, in x-ray, not in the bowels of the hospital, in the morgue.

I was already sweating by the time the phone rang.
'Morgue, Bridget speaking,' I spoke softly into the phone. There was something about being in the morgue that just made you speak like that. A reverence for the dead, maybe?
"Bridget?Is that you?" My mother shrilled into the phone.

'Yes, Mother. I just said that it was.'

"Oh." Silence. She ALWAYS did this. She phoned me from her office on the ninth floor, and checked up on me.

'Mother? Mom!,' I repeated, more loudly.

"Oh, yes, I thought that I would give you a ride home tonight, if you want. I brought you some raisins, and some homemade soup from The Church Ladies."

Great. So now the damn church knew that husband number two had walked on me. 'Yeah, thanks, I'll come up and see you when I'm done. The raisins...are they same as the last ones that you gave me?' I held my breath, knowing that the answer would be yes. The last batch of raisins that she sent home for me had been hand picked out of a box of Raisin Bran. One by one. It was no use trying to tell her that you could just buy Bran cereal.

She had already hung up, anyway, the dial tone was buzzing in my ear.

Back to work.

I left the autopsy room and entered the small hallway outside. This was my least favourite part of the job. I didn't like the cutting, or the removal of the organs, or the sewing afterwards (although my sewing had improved drastically over the past few weeks, I had to admit), but THIS was the worst.

Another deep breath. There was no need to double check the chart. I knew the name. I knew all of the names of everyone that I had ever worked on. I would remember this one, too.
Hannah Grant. Aged 62, found hanging in her bedroom closet, she was a deaconess at a Lutheran Church outside of town.

I touched the knob, and waited. I had this ritual, everyday. Touch, and wait. I exhaled loudly. I didn't even realize that I had been holding my breath.
Damn.

I HATED getting the bodies out of the cooler. I had nightmares about the door slamming and locking, or jamming, and getting stuck in that cold, dark, cramped room with the dead. There was no lock on the door, inside or out, so it would never happen. COULD never happen, but I was terrified anyway.

There were only 2 bodies in the windowless room. One was a man, the other was Hannah. I wheeled her out of the hallway and into the autopsy room. I took photos of her neck,and tried not to look at her bulging eyes. I couldn't imagine what could make a woman that had given her life to God give up in such a way. It took me longer than usual to transfer her from the gurney onto the operating table.

Dead weight and all.

I cut her clothes off and made certain that all of the untensils were ready for when Dr.Hong came in. I liked working with him best. The other doctor was a friend of the family, but she was a perfectionist, and much too serious. You need to keep things light in the morgue. You have to. Working with dead people could be so depressing,and you would go nuts if you didn't joke around a little bit. Dr. Hong was my mothers boss, and she was his second in command. That made her MY boss, in a round about way. Just another reason to hate this job.

I thought about my fathers death, just 1 year earlier, and his insistence that he NOT be autopsied when he died. He died of a terminal illness we had been trying to prepare ourselves for the inevitability of his passing. Your never ready, though. Ever. I thought about how proud my Dad would be of me, and all of the bad jokes that he would tell. As a monument (tombstone) salesman, he had heard all of the jokes...People are dying to get, business is dead...yada yada, yada.

I smiled despite myself. I was proud of myself. I was proud of myself for picking up the pieces and moving on. I was proud of myself for taking on a job that most other people would never dream of taking on. (I could totally do the Quincy thing was what I said to my mother when she told me about a job opening at the morgue several months earlier.)

Life could be worse. Sure, my husband was gone, but he was a bigger scrub than the two piece sea green uniform that I was wearing. I had my kids, and I had my family and friends.

Dr.Hong came into the room , carrying a coffee. "You ready, Bridget?", he asked, squinting at my face. "I can finish my coffee if you need another minute." He walked to the stainless steel counter top and put his coffee down.

'I'm ready as I'll ever be, Dr.' I turned on the old clock radio that didn't keep time, but got three stations on it.
Tubthumping was playing, and Dr.Hong started singing along with it, off key. "I get knocked down, but I get up again......"

Ready as I'll ever be, I walked to the table where Hannah lay waiting. It was a tough job, a crappy job, but it was MY job.

And I was ready.

What a week! The girls went back to school on Tuesday, and the house has been so quiet...Well, except for our little ghost girl. She came to visit on Tuesday morning. I heard her rolling something across Jessica's bedroom floor - and then footsteps running after it - for a full five minutes. FIVE minutes. Think that isn't long? Yeah, well, try listening to someone scampering around in your house when you KNOW that you are home alone. Five minutes is a LONG time. She has been very active all week. I am getting used it, but I don't like it.

I have been off of my meds for about a month now. Luckily for me, I haven't bottomed out. Unluckily for those living with me, I am feeling very manic. When I am manic, I am very UP. Think complete lunacy. Now you got the picture. Yup. Last weekend I laughed for over an hour about nothing. NOTHING. I just couldn't stop. I hate it. It's better than the other side of the coin, though. At least I'm not crying.

We are now the proud owners of a dishwasher, too. That's probably the best thing that's happened around here in ages. We got it for free. FREE. The funny thing is, for years, I have been hearing the girls say things like 'If we had a dishwasher I would empty it and put all of the dishes away. I would never complain about dishes again..' Yeah, right. It's still like pulling teeth to get any help with the damn thing.

Thanksgiving is sneaking up on us, too.(Another 4 weeks or so here in Canada). I'm not that fond of Thanksgiving, to be honest with you. Ever since I was exiled from the family, it's just another day to me. We don't have anyone to invite, and Shawn makes big meals all of the time. Yay. I miss the days of the 30+ family members gathered around the table, talking about what we are thankful for. I know that most of people weren't really family. I know it, but I miss those days just the same. If any of my blog buddies are going to be in my neck of the woods around this time next month, give me a call. We have more than enough.....

P.S. I have some new friends on the blogroll. Check them out...

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/theitsitstheretheirtheyrequiz/">The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

The Voices In Her Head Said To GO..............

What a crazy few days it's been. Shawn has been putting in 7 days a week, and this weekend, he was forced to take Sunday and Monday off. He had no choice. You can't work alone on a construction site and nobody else would go in with him. He's pissed because we need the money, but he needed a break. I was glad to have him home. I like our little ecno dates, and, even just running errands with him is fun.....

Last Thursday was a wild day. Shawn came home early and I was dying to spend some alone time with him. We wanted to er...um...celebrate our love. So, I kind of pushed the kids out of the house. Those ones, the ones in the photo, Jessica and Kayla. Ruby too, because she is a real pain in the ass. ( Oh come on, you all do it, too, don't be making like you all are shocked)

I usually have a pretty good sense of foreboding, things to come, whatever you want to call it. I just KNOW things. I always have. I pushed my 2 youngest girls and my 7 pound dog out the dog with barely a second thought. I did pause to lock the door, because, well, honestly, I didn't want to get caught with my pants down.

Anyway, they went for a walk with Kayla's bf and his dog, and were on the way home when something scary happened.....

There is a busy intersection by a corner store up the street from us, and Shawn tells the girls to always wait for the light. ALWAYS. The road is BUSY and it freaks Shawn out. (If it were up to him, he would send the girls out in bubble wrap, with body guards, at all times...Or maybe bear suits...and pepper spray). So, they wait. They cross on the green light. Always. Except for Thursday.

On Thursday, for whatever reason, Kayla had this compulsion to run across the street against the light. She never does that. The road is too busy. She grabbed Ruby into her arms, and told her little sister and her bf to RUN.

Not five seconds after they ran across the road, a runaway car crashed into another car, raining debris down on the curb where they had been just been standing, and narrowly missing them. Kayla and bf were witnesses, and the police officer told them that if that had NOT ran the red light, they would have been killed.

That's why they weren't fined for jaywalking.

OMG. They would have been killed.

I sent my kids and my little doggie out so that I could ... um, you know..and they were almost killed.

I usually know these things. I do. The day that my Dad died, I phoned Mission Mary, and told her that today was the day...I phoned her at 10:12 am...exactly 12 hours before he passed away.

I can NOT believe that I didn't feel something was off. Thank goodness that Kayla did. She said that she just felt an urge to cross, like a voice was telling her to.... Thank goodness she got more from me than just my bad temper.

Needless to say, I am counting my blessings. I have been thanking God everyday since Thursday, and I just can't stop thinking about it.

The rest of the weekend has been largely uneventful compared to that... I did leave the house alone on Saturday and venture out to the Farmers Market (well, I took Ruby, so not quite alone) to buy tomatos and pears...Still, nothing campares to Thursday.

I am suddenly feeling VERY lucky.

I Want Action Tonight...

I don't really have to write a report, because Heidi wrote a killer one on her blog, already. Seriously. That chic rocks. Don't believe me? Just check out these photos. This is me and Jethro. I am lucky enough to have two best friends. Heidi and Jethro. I have known Jethro since we were 10. He is like a brother - except I like him. I love him, sure, but I like him. Heidi and I have been friends since we were 13 and 15. That is a LONG time. We have never been to a concert together before. Ever.
Jethro took this photo of Ratt. We were feeling badly because Shawn couldn't make it and he loved Ratt back in the day. We also took a video - a medley of Ratt's big Hit. Round and Round. It was good. They rocked. KC hated them and complained every minute. I was glad when they finished.
Ah...The soccer moms. As the night wore on, they got friendlier and friendlier with each other. I kind of felt like I should have paid extra just to watch them.

C.C. Rocking out. Need I say more?
I'd like to say thank you to my sponsors....Seriously, KC and Spencer paid for everything for me yesterday. They bought my ticket, bought me some food, and even bought me a drink. I did bring my own vodka, though.....
Heidi and Jethro. How cute are they?
Ok. You're still cute.

Brett Micheals and someone else. Who cares. It ain't C.C. Brett played with a broken hand, so I have to give him credit for that, even if he did spend half of his time on stage plugging his new TV show.

You Rock! Seriously, YOU ROCK!
There's Brett and that guy again.
C.C and Brett. Oh yeah. C.C., I love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
C.C doing one of his solos. He was kicking ass. Really. I would have gone just to see him. He still has it.
Group photo, minus Jethro, who was taking the photo. I got frisky with Heidi after watching the soccer moms all night. Couldn't help myself.

I look stoned. Or drunk. Or both. I am neither.

Heidi and KC. Yup, they gotta take the funny face photo every time they see each other. You should see our family album.

In all seriousness, I had soo much fun. Heidi and I laughed until our sides hurt, and even our anxiety(ies) were forgotten for the evening. I spent some time sitting by the water at Lake Ontario, and I have to say, it was incredible. I have missed the ocean more than I realized, and just being near the water was soul cleansing.

The whole night was incredible. The only thing that would have made it better - no perfect - would have been if Shawn would have been there.

Next time. And there will be a next time.

Talk Dirty To Me...

No, no, don't talk to me (Corky). I'm just gearing up for my concert tonight. You know the one. Heidi, Jethro, KC, Spencer, and I (can we say 5th wheel, boys and girls?) are all going to see Poison in Toronto. I am SO excited because this will be a REAL concert with my two best friends. Beyonce was awesome, but it was a diva show. This will be a REAL concert. A rock show. Old school. Oh yeah.

We (KC, Spencer and I ) were going to take the greyhound, but we wouldn't make it back in time, so (here's the best part) Spencer's MOM is driving us and picking us up. I feel like a spazz. I'll probably feel like an even bigger spazz when I get into her car with my teased hair belting out 80's tunes.

This is the real reason that KC and I wanted to see Poison SO badly. C.C. Deville. We saw him The Surreal Life Season 5, and we fell in love with him. How could you NOT? I mean look at him? He's hugging Mrs. Brady! He was so sweet, and we decided right then and there that if Poison ever came to Toronto, we would be there.

We were going to bring a big, sparkly sign that says C.C., I LOVE YOU!, but Jethro asked me if HE would be sitting with us.

SIGH.

Point taken. I'll leave the sign at home, BUT, I am seriously thinking of teasing my hair and sneaking some booze in. (Yup, in the bra. I could get a 60 in there)

Sorry Jethro. I can't promise anymore than that.

Later, friends. I gotta go find my hairspray. I only have 4 hours before Mom gets here to pick us up.

Sooo...We paid our ginormous cable/internet/phone bill on Friday. Shawn took me to the movies (no pocorn, just the movie, took the bus, no taxi..it was our economy date!) and then we hit the hardware store to look for an adapter for the DISHWASHER that Kayla dragged home (don't ask). By the time all of that was done, and we were at the bus stop, soaking wet, it was well after 10. Shawn had to be up at 5:30 for work (yup, putting 7 days, that's how we paid the damn bill)and I was beat to a snot. It was raining, and miserable ,and I wanted my bed - and snuggle time with Shawn.

Yeah..no. We had to take 2 more buses to get to Rogers and plop down $500 smakers. OMG, but that HURT. FIVE HUNDRED bucks. That was most of his pay...BUT, we made it there, just in time, and we are safe for another couple of weeks. Without our phone, Shawn can't get work, so you can see how that bill HAD to be taken care of, ASAP. Anyway, I am on line until further notice.

Ugh. Gotta go. More later. Just had to deal with Geoff's wife and I am so upset that I am shaking. Sorry guys......

Hey, Lookit Me, I'm a Book, Too!!

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.

I took this little quiz over at Heidi's place. It seems amazingly accurate. Funny how a silly little quiz could capture the 'real' me.

I'm Still Here

I got this over at Canadian Flake's blog.....

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Duchess Bridget the Encompassing of Nether Wombleshire Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

So, as you can see, I am still here. Shawn called the phone company and got us an extentionsion until Friday. I don't know if this is feasible, but at least it bought me some time. (Whew) I will go bonkers if we lose the internet and cable AND our telephone service. Completely over the edge. I am NOT kidding.

My brother arrives tomorrow, with his new wife. I have known her for 23 (?) years, but TMOC and Lovey just got married in May. This will be the 1st time that I will see her as my sister in law. We were supposed to bbq, but TMOC decided that he would rather go out with HIS relatives for dinner instead. Oh, but we can tag alonng if we like....No thanks. I think that I will opt out of this one. We don't have the money, and I am tired of getting shafted, quite frankly. I wonder if TMOC will read this blog entry? Maybe it will do him some good if he does.....I miss the days when we were still close....

Is it just me, or has it been a LONG week? I dunno. Either way, the weekend seems to be dragging out, and I think it's because Shawn has to work. Yup, all weekend. His asshat boss decided to take half of paycheques every week, so we are still way behind. He hasn't had a full week yet, either, expect for this one. You can imagine how tight money has been. I am hoping that things will change SOON. Things can only get better, right?

I will run out of my meds this week, and since there was a smallish problem with my taxes, I am not getting my baby bonus, either. That puts us another $500 in the hole. It just seems IMPOSSIBLE right now.

On a happier note, Heidi, Jethro, KC, Spencer and I are going to see Poison on the 28th. This will NOT be like Beyonce. These are $20 tickets, and we will be sitting on a lawn. I will probably have to sneak my camera into the venue under my - er- the girls. Might even hide a mickey of vodka, too. (Yes, yes, all in the same place). I am soo excited. I WILL be holding a sign that says C.C. I LOVE YOU. I don't care if he can see it or not. I'm doing it. I will probably tease my hair, too. We'll see. I'll have to check with Heidi, just like we used to in high school before the dances.

TMOC will be here this week. He is coming for a wedding, so I wasn't expecting to much of him, but he is only coming by on Wednesday night for supper. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I wish that he would spend more time with his neices. KC and TMOC used to be SOOO close. It's sad that there is a distance now...and I don't mean the one from here to Nova Scotia.

My internet might be cut on Tuesday. I have all my services on a bundle, and that is how much I owe. Shawn is going to try to work some majic, but I just don't know....If I'm gone for awhile, don't panic. I haven't been sent back to the funny farm (it's not veery funny there), I'm just off line.



And, because I promised....Here's Heidi at Beyonce. She's a real rocker chick. What? What's that? Where's the photos of me? Umm, gotta go now..................................

The Beyonce Experience

The Beyonce Experience...It's kind of in point form now, because blogger is being an ass hat, and I have tried about 3 times to publish this, so I'm just pushlishing as is.....

Check out the background singers. BBW. Seriously. I dig them. Big, beautiful, and fabulous singers...
See the scary looking girl with the guitar? She now has five new big fans. I can not say enough about Beyonce's band. Incredible. Amazing. Beyond words.


My sister sent us the tickets, just because. She is SO cool like that. This is also the sister that sent me 2 ipods a few months back. Anyway, my sister has a friend that works at the record label, and did he ever hook us up! We got floor seats, 11th row. Now, in case you didn't hear me, I'll say it again. ELEVENTH ROW. Heidi and I were practically shaking. I mean, we could see Beyonce's face. Like her facial features. It was AMAZING. I will never have seats like that again, ever.

Robin Thicke opened for Beyonce, and all I could think of was...Your Dad used to be on Growing Pains. He tried - bless his heart - to dance, but most of his moves? Not so much with the dancing. Some were really good, others were more like a cry for help. His singing was not my style, but still very good.

We made it back to the bus station at 11:20- our bus was leaving at 11:30. Ten minutes to spare. Unbeliveable.
How amazing is it that two anxiety ridden chics made it to the Big City, with kids in tow, and home again, without a full blown attack?

I am so proud of us.

Ok, I'm back. I don't after all, have Strep FINGERS. My sterp throat seems to be gone, I just have a bad cold now, maybe some form allergies...ARGH. I still feel crappy, but not as bad as before.

Anyway, things are pretty much the same here. The new carpet is down, thank goodness. It's a different look, but the other shit was soo threadbare and smelly, I am so glad to be rid of it.

We are still losing half of Shawn's pay every week. We haven't gone any farther with the bankrupcy yet, because we can't afford to. We're stuck. I can't see how we'll go on from here. We haven't been able to get our rent money together, and in a week, my internet will be gone. I can't figure out what to do....

I have heard back from disability, though. Not a yes or a no, just that they recieved my papers and are considering them. I have no idea how long this process will take, but I am one step closer. I guess that is good news.

Wednesday is the Beyonce concert, and as of today, I have NO IDEA how I am getting myself and 2 kids to Toronto to meet Heidi and her girl. The tickets were free, but I didn't count on our money situation being quite this bleak. Heidi is probably having a panic attack after reading this....

Shawn keeps saying DON'T WORRY.

Oh, ok, then. The situation seems so impossible.

I guess that if there is any good news, it would that Shawn and I are better than ever. As a couple. It's not really something that I can explain. Things are just so GOOD, even with all of this stress.

How can I be so HAPPY with my life falling apart?

Tag, I'm It

So, I've been tagged again, and since I have strep throat, and I am feverish and cranky, I am going to this MY way. (Well, I TOLD you that I was cranky). I'm going to do them both at once, and I'll probably end up getting something wrong, BUT I just might have fun doing it, so it's all good, right?
I was tagged by KB, and Jamie, and argh...who else tagged me? Marni? I told you, I'm feverish, here. I've been sick since Friday and we are in the middle of a freaking DIY reno..Apparently, Shawn has decided to go on strike or something. My furniture is literally upside down in one room, and the carpet is almost done, there is just debris everywhere....oh, wait, I'm supposed to be doing something here, right? Yeah, the MEME's. Ok. Here goes the first one.

The first one is where you go to wikipedia and type in your date of birth, and come up with three intresting fact, two birthdats, and a holiday, right? Ok, here we go.
June 26.

In 1284, the Pied Piper lured 130 children away from Hamelin.

In 1819, the bicycle is patented

In 1997, Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone is published in the UK

In 1955, Mick Jones, is born ( The Clash)

In 1969, Bridget Steeves is born

June 26 is Independence Day in Madagascar

Tag Number Two...............

Tag number two is where you take your middle name, and take one fact that is somehow relevant to each letter of your middle name to your life... Um, yeah. Well, that kinda sucks, cuz my middle name is COLLEEN.

So, here we go.

C- Crazy. It's kinda true. I mean, it's not stamped on my forehead or anything, but I have had a stay at the funny farm....

O - Obviously wonderful.

L - Loyal. I can say that without a doubt. I am completely loyal to my friends and loved ones and family.

L- Again? Lightheaded. This fever is getting to me, man.

E - Energy. I wish that I had more of it. I never have enough. Ever.

E - What, do I stutter? Epic. Really, Jessica said epic, so I'll go with that. Besides, Shawn said that my sandwiches are epic.

N - Nighthawk. I have a lot of insomnia. I mean ALOT.

Ok. I can't think of anyone else to tag, because I think that most of us have been tagged, BUT if anyone wants to do this, then by all means, go ahead, and let me know. Can't wait to see what you all have to say....