Missing Since Thursday

This is 15 year old Shannon. She is a good friend of Jessica's and she has been missing since last night at approx. 5 pm. (Thursday, December 4th)

I think that she was wearing her school uniform when last seen - navy blue pants and a white top.

This is a not a run away. She has never done anything like this before and none of her stuff is missing.

PLEASE, if you live in the Kitchener/Waterloo area and you have seen her, call the police at:
519-653-7700

If you are reading this and are not in our area, please, pray that she is brought home safely. It's cold out there and she is alone.

Thanks.
Biddie

**************************************************************************************
We just got word that Shannon is home. That is all we know for now. Thank you for your prayers - I can only imagine what the past couple of days have been like for her family.
Thank God, she is home now.

Today is a suck ass day. For the second time, I was told that I was having my dental surgery, and for the second time, after I arrived at the dental office (different one then last time), I was told that the actual surgery would be months away.

I hate this. Not only was I up half the night completely freaked out about the whole thing, but I had to get Shawn's dad to drive us (it was out of town) and listen to him complain about he waited outside for us for 20 minutes. (He was there about three minutes before we came out of the house).

The dentist that I saw had teeth that are far worse then mine, which really did not inspire any trust or faith....Then, they tell me that there will be an extra $669 associated with the cost.

WAH????

Why am I just being told this now? Thank goodness the surgery was put off..I don't happen to have $669 kicking around. I can't spend that. Jessica needs her braces and that has to come first.

I have to try to convince my dentist that I can do this in his office.
Yeah, right.

My village is finally up, but we are missing almost 1/3 of it. I have no idea where the village diner is or the cars, people, fences...sigh.
I don't suppose that they could be too far off. Must have been pushed into the back room when Cody started his Fish Room.

Yes, we have a whole room dedicated to fish and aquariums.

Whatever keeps you off the streets, I guess.

Other than that, everything is the same old.

No news is good news, right?

Wow. It's been over a week since I last blogged? Time does fly.

Shawn came home last week and I don't think that I have ever missed anyone as much as I missed him while he was away. After spending the first night catching up, we ran away from home and holed up in a hotel for a couple of days. (We were a mere two blocks from our house). It was just what we needed. Of course, Kayla and Cody came by to check out our 'fort', but other than that, we were pretty much alone.

It was heavenly.

I am starting to feel the Christmas spirit again. Our Christmas village grew so much that we had to do major renos to find the real estate for it. Hopefully, it will up and glowing by this time tomorrow. I am almost a whole month behind on the project.


There has been more drama in Shawn's family and we are doing our best to not get sucked in. It is so easy to get caught up in crap, but I am trying to focus on the family that lives under our roof, not the extended ones.


It looks like Cody will be here through the holidays, too. I don't talk about it much, but the situation with his mother has just gotten progressively worse.

She has little or no contact with him, contibutes zero dollars to his expenses (she says that she is no longer responsible for him), but refuses to let me speak to the school or write notes on his behalf. She lives in another town, and has no idea what is doing or with whom....She can't write him notes simply because of the logistics, and she won't let me do anything for him.

It pisses me off to no end. I can pay his way, buy him clothes, lunches, give him bus fare, but I can't write a freaking note to the school or talk to his teachers. It seems to me that she wants it both ways.

Cody asked about going to see her and his siblings over the holidays. He was told that he is not welocome to spend the night there, and is not welcome on Christmas morning. He can go by on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours.

I haven't spoken to this woman.

No, I mean like EVER. I said hi to her once and that is IT. She has no clue what kind of people we are or if we are taking care of her child. She just couldn`t care less.

It infuritates me to no end, but for Cody`s sake, I remain silent. (Trust me, this is incredibly difficult for me).

ARGH!

Cody is more than welcome to stay with us. We will make him feel as though he is part of the family and he will have a great holiday here.

So....that`s about it. I am happy as pig in sh*t to have my family back together, and I am soo looking forward to the holidays with the rest of my family.

I just keep reminding myself that things could be much worse.

Hey Santa Claus

I got nothing.

I miss Shawn more than I ever thought that I would and I have done nothing since he left.

My Christmas village is still not up, and I am feeling very un-Christmas-y.

Very.

Meh.

Maybe a trip to the mall with KC will help.

Meh.

Close Call

Spencer was in a car accident last night. He was driving home from work when he was cut off by a driver that just didn't look at the traffiic around her.
No, really, she just was going on her la di da way and ignored everyone around her. Apparently, it is her world and we are just living in it.
Spencer is ok. He is bruised, cut, swollen and angry as hell, but he is ok.
The car, however, is a probably going to be a total right off.
He bought it in May.
I feel awful for him, but the most overwhelming emotion for me at the moment is gratitude.

I am so grateful that Spencer was not seriously hurt.
I am so grateful that nobody else was hurt, or worse yet, killed.

More than anything, I am thanking God that KC was at work and not in the car with Spencer where she usually is.

I have yet another reason to celebrate this holiday season.

Mr. Sunshine

Shawn is still in The Big City, working on the studio with Jethro.

Heidi sent me some photos of the guys at work, along with a little note.

It said something along the lines of: Shawn has been a ray of sunshine.

Hmmm....Ray of sunshine?

It's a good thing that she included photos, because the girls and I were confused.

Nope, it really is Shawn.

LOL.

Don't tell him, but we all miss him a bit.

World Diabetes Day

November 14 is World Diabetes Day.


Jessica was diagnosed when she was 3 years old. I can recall the moment that the doctor gave me the news....She had been so incredibly sick, and I knew that something was wrong, but I chalked it up to the flu that had been going around. I had it, and I thought that she did too.

She started having accidents in bed at night, and that was not something that she had ever done before. Not knowing how seriously ill she really was, I bribed her with a Barbie doll that she wanted.

Jessica wanted that doll so badly that somehow, she actually stopped wetting the bed at night. That was nothing less than amazing since she was beyond sick at that time.

I recovered from the flu, and Jessica was still sick. In a matter of of days, she lost an astounding 8 pounds off her slight three year old frame.

I called my family to take us to the hospital. My motherly instincts told me to go, now.
I couldn't get a drive and I didn't have the money for a taxi.
Looking back, if I had known just how bad it really was, I would have called an ambulance.

A neighbour drove us to the hospital - Jessica, Geoff and I. I have no idea where KC and Kayla were. I can't remember that part.

She was taken into the er immediately. There was no triage, no waiting.

I was told later that if I would have waited a mere couple hours longer, we could have lost her.

It has been nearly 11 years since that day.

I wish that I could say that things have changed. but nothing really has.
Jessica still has daily injections, and checks her blood sugar several times each day.
In fact, far from getting better, the past 13 months or so have been a nightmare for our whole family.

I don't know if they will ever find a cure for this horrendous disease. Ten years ago I was told that in ten years we would wipe it off of the face of the earth.

It's still here, it's still stealing lives and destroying families.

Today, on World Diabetes Day, more than ever, I am thinking of Jessica and all of the other people out there that are suffering.

KITCHENER--Emma Ermel is tired of the needles. The four-year-old Kitchener girl was diagnosed in June with Type 1 diabetes, and insulin injections and blood sugar tests have become part of her daily routine.“I hate those needles,” Emma said.She wishes she could get rid of them, and maybe even diabetes. That’s why she’s going to sell hot chocolate tomorrow — World Diabetes Day — to raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.The money, Emma said quietly from the safety of her mother Amy Ermel’s arms, is “for people who are trying to find a cure.” Emma and her hot-chocolate crew will be at the Zehrs store at the corner of Ottawa Street and Strasburg Road tomorrow from 4 to 8 p.m. World Diabetes Day falls on Nov. 14 in honour of the birthday of Frederick Banting, who helped discover insulin in 1922. The World Health Organization estimates that more than 180 million people worldwide have diabetes, and that number is likely to more than double by 2030 without intervention. Juvenile diabetes is a growing concern in Canada, said Margot Fitzpatrick, regional manager for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in southwestern Ontario.Every year the number of children with diabetes rises by three to five per cent, she said. And the number of children diagnosed before the age of two has tripled in recent years. “This disease is growing incredibly and something really needs to be done about it,” Fitzpatrick said.The foundation funds research and offers outreach programs, including mentors for families just diagnosed and support groups.“That beginning time is extremely difficult for the whole family,” she said. “It’s a huge learning curve.”Suddenly families have to deal with regular blood testing, injections, a strict diet, and the constant worry about blood sugar levels.“It’s a really fine balancing act,” Fitzpatrick said. That’s how life feels in the Ermel home since Emma’s diagnosis. Amy thought something was wrong with Emma when her daughter was unusually thirsty, and going to the bathroom more. She suspected a bladder infection, but tests showed Emma had diabetes — and her blood sugar level was very high. Even a few days more without treatment, Amy was told, and Emma could have become seriously ill. Then Amy and her husband Shawn Ermel were bombarded with information on managing Emma’s diabetes. Four times a day Emma gets insulin injections, usually in her arms or belly, and her blood is tested regularly throughout the day. Amy frets over all the many factors that can cause Emma’s blood sugar level to fluctuate, even just the excitement of her junior kindergarten class.“It’s getting easier, but it’s never a thing where you can just sit down and take a breath.” jweidner@therecord.comDiabetes factsMore than two million Canadians have diabetes.Type 1, usually diagnosed in children and adolescents, accounts for about one in ten cases of diabetes. Type 2 diabetes usually develops in adulthood, although increasing numbers of children in high-risk populations are being diagnosed.Gestational diabetes is a temporary condition that occurs during pregnancy.Diabetes is a chronic, serious condition. If left untreated or improperly managed, diabetes can result in a variety of complications including heart, kidney and eye problems, and nerve damage.Symptoms of diabetes include: unusual thirst, frequent urination, weight change, extreme fatigue, blurred vision, frequent infections, and tingling in the hands or feet.Scientists believe lifestyle changes can help prevent or delay the onset of Type 2 diabetes. A healthy meal plan, weight control and physical activity are important prevention steps.Source: Canadian Diabetes Association, www.diabetes.ca

So....Yeah.
I went to my appointment today. Of course, my surgery was postponed and all I got was some fillings done. I was such a mess that the doctor said that he will have to send me to a specialist.
Sigh.
I was so wound up about the whole thing, I really just want to get it over with.
The good news is that Shawn hasn't left town yet and he was able to go with me.

No news other than that. Still feel cruddy from the nitrous, but otherwise ok.

How was your day?

Not Much Happening...................

Well, there isn't much going on here. Shawn got laid off, but it looks like he will have some work out of town.
He is going out of town to do some work for family. My family. Not the blood kind, but the kind that you choose because they are so great. He will be staying with them for the duration....
He assures me that he will be on his best behaviour.


I have dental surgery on Wednesday. I don't mind telling you that I am scared outta my mind. I am petrified of the dentist, and I always need laughing gas.
Never makes me laugh.
Ever.
Since Shawn will be gone and KC and Kayla are in school, I will have see if Spencer will pick me up on his day off. I will be a big mess and plan on spending the rest of the day in bed.

Things are fairly normal here otherwise. I like normal - well, our version of normal, anyway.
Jessica is healthy and happy (and turning 14 next month), KC loves school, Kayla and Cody are surviving in the same house without killing each other, and Christmas is coming.

Oh yeah, life is good :)

Really?

Do we really need a sign?

We Need A Little Christmas

I am soo excited about Christmas! There are only 51 days until Santa...That might seem like a lot, but when you break that down into shopping days, or baking days, it looks more like this - 1230 hours, 78319 minutes and 4429105 seconds until The Big Guy delivers presents.
Oh, not Santa, Shawn!

In the meanwhile, I am sneaking little Christmas-y things out bit by bit.
Santa and Clarice, with Rudolph, and my new ornaments, including my Bumble.


There are some not-so-new ones, like Gary, my inflatable Ginger Bread man. The kids hate Gary. I have no idea why. He waves happily to them whenever they walk by.
Poor Gary. Look how happy he is.

I am scouting new real estate for the village, too. It's taking longer than I thought. I wonder if Shawn would mind giving up his half of the bedroom for a few weeks???

Fat Albert's Halloween Special - Pirated Video 112 (Halloweenathon)

Happy Halloween everyone!

Jessica was given a clean bill of health, no kidney damage! I was so freaked out, and convinced that she was sick, mostly due to the fact that nobody would give me the results over the phone.

No wonder we were scared.

I took Jessica to the dentist, and we were given MORE good news.

Jessica's braces will cost a couple grand LESS than we first thought. That's the estimate, anyway. It is still about 5 grand more than we have, but it takes a weight off of our shoulders. It feels more manageable.

Halloween is tomorrow and I am bummed out. Last year we had about 10 kids, tops. I bet that five of them were drunken college kids. This year, we have major road work being done on the street, so we will get zero kids. You cant even walk on the sidewalk...Oh, wait, they tore that up.

This is disastrous for us. We love the pumpkins and the decorations, and the little kids coming by all dressed up. Ruby usually gets in on the act, too. She has several different choices, but I really like the bumble bee costume. Unfortunately, she ate her headpiece when she was a puppy.

Halloween just isn't happening for us. It is truly tragic.

I guess I will have to focus my energies on other things.

Freaking insomnia. I just realized that I packed Shawn's lunch in High School Musical lunch bags.

I am a mess. I think that I am going to try to sleep off my insomnia.

As for Shawn, I have a feeling that nobody will even mention the lunch bags.

Just a hunch.

ABC news GHOST video

Gearing up for Halloween :)

This is complete suckiness. The no computer thing. I hate no being able to check in when I want to know what is going on in blogland!

Things are somewhat improved. Yes, Shawn had all of his tools stolen, but we were lucky enough to have a boss with good insurance. Shawn's boss replaced most of what went missing, and Shawn only missed about three days of work. We will need to come up with several hundred dollars to get back to where we started....a fall arrest, the tool bags, the hatchet....but he has a screw gun and he is back to work. I feel so lucky. It could have been a lot worse. We can survive a crappy paycheck or two. No biggie.

I have most of my meds now. I still need the Cymbalta, but I am on the right track again. Thank God. I don't know if I can handle anymore of these mood swings...It gets pretty ugly.

Cody has a job now, working with KC at the party store. He is a great kid and I really enjoy having him here. I just can't help but wonder about a mother that dumps her kid and then gives him $30 a month to get by. I wonder if she thinks that she has sponsored a child overseas. Thirty bucks a month won't cut it here in K Town.

Today is Betty's birthday. I have been thinking if her all week (ever since I ran into her sister that so kindly reminded me of her birthday). I hope that she is doing well and I wish her all the best. I will not however be calling her or sending her an email.

I just can't do it.

November 1st is nearly here. You all MUST know by now what that means..

Christmas Village !

I have some new additions to the village and it has outgrown its little corner of my home. With the new family member and all of the crap that we have inherited recently, I have no idea where I will put the village this year. I was thinking that maybe one of the kids could giver up his/her room for the holiday season. I don't think that's too much to ask...Is it? Shawn has been coming up with all kinds of crazy ideas. Unfortunately, crazy is the operative word.

There is still no word on Jessica. She had some testing done and I still waiting for the results. I am trying to think positively here, but the longer I wait, the more difficult it is. If I hear anything, I will let everyone know. I going on the assumption that no news is good news.

I thought that I would throw in a photo of Shawn and I. There aren't too many photos of me wearing actual clothes (as opposed to sleep pants and nighties) and as a bonus, I am smiling here, not looking special needs with my eyes closed or drooling.

Dear Asshats

Dear Asshat(s):
Thank you so much for the quality time that Shawn and I have been allocated due to your thoughtlessness. We will now have many hours together thanks to the fact that you have stolen all of Shawns drywall tools. I do mean all. Two extra large hockey bags full of thousands of dollars worth of tools, some that we will never be ale to replace.
I am just curious....What are you going to do with a fall arrest system that is made for someone Shawns size? I hope that you have fun with it. It took us three years and $200 to find one in the size we needed.
We only recently replaced the tool belt - also a speciality item - and all of his tool pouches. It took us so long to replace everything because we have to save our money to pay for these things. By the time Shawn pays his expenses every month, we are lucky to have enough to go around for the basics in the house....
Those hockey bags were $50 each, as well. They are pretty dirty, so I doubt that you can use them for anything. Drywall dust seldom comes out of hockey bags and leather pouches.
You must have needed 6 industrial extention cords, too. They are fairly unsightly for use in the house, but you must have really needed them.
I bet that you will have a blast with the $700 laser level, too. Oh, the hours of entertainment!
Thank you, Asshats. Thanks to you, Shawn is unable to work until we replace his tools. Unfortunately, we don't have thousands of dollars sitting around to buy new tools.
You can see our dilemma. No tools = no work. No work = no money. No money = no tools.
I am still stunned. This will set us back for years to come. I hope that you will sleep soundly in your beds tonight, knowing that you have just ruined us.
I for one, will not be sleeping much at all.

I am so behind with everyone. I have missed so much and I have missed all of my friends so much!

Last weekend, Shawn, KC, Spencer and I went to see my family in Windsor. I have an aunt there, my Dad's baby sister, and her family. There is only 7 years between my Aunt Beth and I, so she really is my Dad's baby sis. She is awesome. I love her husband, my Uncle Jeff, and my Grandmother lives there, as well. My lil cousin Kristy just had a baby of her own, and I could not get enough of her. I gotta say, we make gorgeous babies in our family. Must be the good genes.

The visit was too short and I always come away wanting more..more family time, more great memories, more hugs. It was an incredible reunion. Shawn had never met my aunt and uncle, or my Grandmother. We have been together 7 years and I think that my aunt was starting to question whether or not Shawn was real or just a figment of my imagination. Those of you that know Shawn know that never in my wildest imagination could I dream up Shawn.

The boys all went fishing in Lake Erie, which is a 2 minute drive from the house. My aunt, KC and I went to see the vineyard where cousin Kristy's husband works and who do we meet there?

None other than Mr. Hockey himself, Gordie Howe. Of course, my camera was with Shawn, cuz you gotta get photos of the fish. When the boys stopped there later, they didn't bother with photos, either. Mind you, I have about 15 photos of my cousins vintage 'vette, from every angle. No Gordie Howe, but fish and a 'vette.

Oh well.

I miss my family already and it has only been a week.

I got some kind of cold/flu when we went south last week. I missed my dental surgery that Monday. Now, I am a huge dental-phob (must be a word for that, but I don't know what it is) and now that I have to rebook the appointment, I will be obsessing about it for another couple of weeks. I need work on ALL BUT ONE of my teeth. I can't put my kids through school, but that dentist is gonna be able to put his through school no problem.

Shawn had family here from Hungary,and I missed out on meeting them, as well. I am kind of bummed about that, because I was so looking forward to meeting his cousins. I couldn't infect people that came half way around the world with my weird illness.

KC is starting school again next week. I am so proud of her. She hasn't been able to find any (paying) work in advertising, so she has decided to try her hand at...wait for it....

Dental assisting! LOL. My biggest fear come to life!

I know that she will kick ass at this. She looks so cute in her scrubs and she is going to the same school that I went to when I took my PSW course. Kayla is thinking of taking a course there next year when she graduates.

We had our Thanksgiving meal today. Shawn and KC made sooo much food. I am still stuffed, some 10 hours later. After dinner, we all watched Hocus Pocus, the girls' fav Hallowe'en movie.

As much as my family is growing and changing, it's nice to know that some of the old favourites will never change.

I'm back :) My pc crashed, again, and I had to wait for Kc to loan me her laptop. I had two hundred emails to go through when I finally logged back on. It's good to know that I haven't been forgotten.
I'll try to catch up this weekend. I have missed you all soooo much!

It's Like This

Ok. I have been gone a long time. There has been a lot going on and I am not coping well.
I am not ready to talk about Jessica. Things might not be as bad as I think, but I don't want to talk about it or even dwell on it. I am afraid of jinxing it. For now, she is ok. Well, her boyfriend broke up with her in a text message, but other than that, she is fine.
The concert was incredible. Beyond anything that I could have imagined. Kayla and I had a great time together in Toronto. We spent the day after the concert window shopping and hanging out with KC and Spencer. I love Toronto! We took a pile of photos, but since my pc is still a mess, I haven't been able to download any yet.
I got a card in the mail last week from my blog buddy, Whim. It was handwritten and I can't tell you how wonderful it was to get a real card. I nearly cried when I read it, but I held it together, barely.

Something else happened last week. I can't get into too many details, but we very nearly had one less family family member on Shawns side of the family. One of his nephews was actually stabbed with a screwdriver.
I am not sure if it was because of my meds situation (or lack there of right now) or a serious case of family loyalty, but my reaction to A's stabbing affected me in a way that I shocked even me. I felt an overwhelming need for vengeance and it scared the f**k outta me. I very nearly did something that would have changed the course of many lives - forever.
Geoff is a Major stressor for me right now, too. He refuses to help out at all with Jessica and her braces, but he has money to fly off to Cuba? I have asked him for $1000 and the total is estimated to be about 8 grand. Even with his second job, he is too broke to help. Maybe they are flying there on Steffanie's broom stick and saving money that way. I'll have to ask her what kind of mileage she gets.
I am off my meds. I don't have any left, other than my sleepers, which are not working anymore. I seem unable to do what it is I need to do to get more meds. I seem unable to do anything right now, except to be angry. Life is not much fun right now. For me, or those around me.
Argh. I am not going to whine here, not today. I am just telling it like it is. I know that things could be worse and I am trying to focus on that....The fact that things could be, and have been worse.

I am going to see my Grandmother on Sunday. She lives about 4 hours away and because we don't have a car, getting to Windsor is no easy feat. Spencer is driving us on the weekend and this will be the first time that Shawn will meet my Dad's side of the family.

Hopefully, I will be around more this week. I have missed you all.

Biddie

Bad Day

Shawn can't make the trip with us this week. He has to go to work, has to push, push, push, to make his deadline and pay the bills. My hotel is already booked and paid for, so Kayla will go with me instead. That's ok by me, I think that it will do us some good to have time alone.

Speaking of Kayla, she brought home a kitten. Need I say more?

Jessica saw her Doc today. It was bad news. I am feeling completely drained, tight chested, and overwhelmed. I really thought that she was on the right track. Now, I am not so sure of anything.

There is so much stuff going on at my house, I can barely keep up.
I went to see my shrink, and he put me on a new drug - Cymbalta. I am still on Wellbutrin, too, but this is supposed to make some drastic change for me. So far, all it has done is upset my tummy and make me sleepy. I will stick with it, though. After all, what have I got to lose?

The girls are back in school. This means that I finally have the house to myself again during the day. Whoo Hoo! I like having the kids home, but by September, I am usually ready for some alone time.

I had an interesting phone call last week. A guy from a talent agency- Jerry - called to inquire about Jessica. KC had given Jessica's name and info to his place of business (Hollywood something or other) and he called us within a day or two. Jerry wants to represent Jessica and get her some auditions...he mentioned lots of companies and tv shows (Disney, Universal, Nickelodeon,Fox, and Hannah Montana). I just about fainted when he called. He wants her to get head shots and start going on auditions immediately.

Poor Jessica. She had absolutely no idea that KC had even sent her name in anywhere. I think that she is too shy for that kind of thing. It is kind of cool though, and very appealing, but I don't think that it is something we will pursue.

In other news, our household has a new member. Cody, Kayla's boyfriend has moved in. His mom bought a house out of town, and he wanted to finish his last year of high school with his friends.
I was reluctant to agree to this arrangement, at first. I mean, aside from the obvious (boyfriend/girlfriend thing) there is the whole privacy issue. I am a freak and I love my privacy. Some days I am in my nightie until close to 3:00. Then, there is the whole mental health problem. I cry - a lot. I stay in my room - a lot. I don't clean up some days, or make dinner or do anything.
So far, it has been fine. Cody fits right in with the family and we love having him here. Kayla and Cody are seeing that it is not always mirth and laughter to live with your better half. In fact, they are getting on each others nerves more often then not.
Shawn has a new buddy now, too. He and Cody are getting on famously, and it something that I think has been lacking for both of them. Cody needed a father figure,and Shawn needed another male in the house. Before Cody, estrogen was practically dripping off of the walls here.

Our Big Trip to Toronto is almost here, too. With any luck, we will be spending the night in Toronto after the NKOTB concert. Shawn and I have never had a vacation, and we have never stayed in a decent hotel, either.
It seems fitting that our first night away should fall on our anniversay.

Yup, seven years.

It seems like only yesterday, and yet, in some ways, it feels like we have always been together.
Oh, I almost forgot the best news of all!


The A-Team is on everyday at 3:00.

I love it when a plan comes together :)

Things That Changed My Life Chapter Three: Critters

First Day

Today was Jessica`s first day of highschool. She has to wear a uniform, and you can see how thrilled she is.

Sigh....she is growing too fast for me.

Things That Changed My Life, Chapter 2

I couldn't talk about life changing events without talking about my sister. Some of you might thing that she is an obvious choice for this topic - if my brother changed my life, then my sister did, too.

Well, it isn't just about being my sister. It's more than that.

When I was 11, I found out from my Nannie (Betty's Mom) that I had a long lost sister. I guess that Lucky was supposed to be a family secret. My Nannie wasn't very good with secrets, and once she told me, I blew it all out of the water. I would not, could not, forget about my sister. In my minds eye, I could see her.....Beautiful, and funny, intelligent and kind, she would welcome me with open arms.

My search took many different pathways, and many, many years. I made phone calls, took out ads in newspapers, and once, I even did a radio interview. I was scared out of mind, but I keep thinking that this radio interview could change it all. It might help me find my sister.

It didn't. It would be another ten years until I got my first email from Lucky.

We seemed to hit it off right away. I found out that she was married, with 2 kids. Two kids! That made me an aunt. To say that I was overjoyed would be putting it mildly. I was beyond blissful....I honestly can't think of a way to describe my feelings.

Lucky and I made plans to meet in July of 2002. I had seen photos of Lucky, but even if I hadn't, I would have known her anywhere. She was everything that I had dreamed of since I was 11. No, that's not true, either. Lucky was extra, better, more, than I could have ever have fantasied about.

Lucky and I are as close as any two sisters. She has enriched my life in so many ways. I can tell her anything, and I do. If we lived close, we would always be together. As it is now, even though we live far apart, I don't feel faraway from her. All I need to do is pick up the phone, and my sister is there.

Lucky and I share many secrets, but she is no longer one of them. I think that I should call myself Lucky, for having her in my life.

I Love you, Kelly.

And Then He Kissed Me......

We finally made it to the SCI FI CON yesterday. Kayla, Cody and I stood in line for nearly an hour to get our tickets, but it was well worth it. We all had such a blast, we can't wait for next years festivities. I don't have all of the photos downloaded yet, but these are the highlights: Kayla's Chucky doll, signed by "Chucky" himself. Chucky was as surly in real life as he is in the movies - he was taller, though.
Kristy Swanson, the original "Buffy," with Kayla. She was sweet, talkative, and seemed to really enjoy her fans.
Kayla and Henry Winkler. What can I say about him? We LOVED him! Look at him moving in on Kayla there! He made her positively giddy,and, he said that it was a pleasure to meet me! What??! A pleasure to meet ME?? He took the words right out of my mouth! I had a whole dialogue in my head while we were standing in line to meet him. Oh yeah, I was gonna be all cool and talk about his work....Yeah, right. I stammered something about ...well, I can't remember actually. What I do recall is that he kissed me!
OMG!
To my credit, I did not scream ( I have a habit of freaking out when I meet celebs), but I thought that I might faint.
That may have made me unforgettable!
I also ran right into Shawnee Smith (Saw, Becker). I mean bumped right into her. Literally. Of course, I made a fool out of myself, but she was very gracious. I also saw Sid Haig, Tobe Hooper, Kate Mulgrew, Sean Astin, Rene O'Connor, Brent Spiner, and Wes Craven (although I couldn't get close enough to him for a photo). What's his name that plays Lex Luther on Smallville was there, too. I gotta say, with hair and eyebrows, he is HOT. Buzz Aldren was there, to, but they must have had him hidden behind a curtain like The Great Oz, cuz we couldn't find him. Photos with him were $200, a bit out of my price range.
Idol worship ain't cheap these days.
That's why I'm saving my pennies for next year.

Brotherly Love

Remember the post that I wrote about my brother ?

Well, he recently got his first home pc and I sent him his very first email.

‏
Me: So, you have an email now? Right on...Now you will never get rid of me :) Biddie x


TMOC: You are harder to lose than the ebola virus,but I love you.


Let`s hear it for brotherly love! LOL

Things That Changed My Life: Chapter One

Two things have gotten me thinking about my brother, TMOC. The 1st thing was the blog that I wrote about Betty. I was afraid that I made it sound as though I was angry with, or resentful of, my big brother, TMOC.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The second thing was Heidi's post about the things that changed her life. TMOC is right near the top of my list.

We were born 4 yeas apart, TMOC and I. I can't remember a time without him in my life. I love him so much that my first word was 'Deeb.'

My first sentence was, 'Deeb did it.' lol

We grew up as latch key kids, the kids of the 70's that spent afternoons alone while the parents worked. We spent a lot of time alone, because our Dad was a single working parent.

Poor TMOC! I was a pest - to say the least. I followed him everywhere. He really had no choice in the matter. As the eldest, he was expected to watch me while Dad was at work.

I spied on him, tattled on him and drove him beyond crazy.

He took me swimming, rode bikes with me, and sometimes, we went sledding together.

We fought, a lot. I seem to recollect smashing a tv. I am not certain if that happened during a game of Batman/Catwoman, or an altercation stemming from the fact that The Brady Bunch and The Odd Couple came on tv at the same time.

Honestly, he was an awesome brother. He even let me watch The Exorcist one night when I was about 8. For weeks afterwards, he would shake my bed at night and make frightening sounds that had me petrified of my own closet.

TMOC saved me from many a bully, too. Well, he had little choice. I would scream my brothers gonna beat you up!

I have lost count of how many times he saved my ass.

As we grew, we became even more close. I cried countless times when he was in Cape Breton, and I was here, in Ontario. Then I was sent to Nova Scotia, and he was here. I missed him so much. The best Christmas gift that I ever got was my brother. Betty sent him a plane ticket so that we could all be together.

TMOC and I are a lot alike. We both hate to be wrong, and we are both always right. When we clash, we really clash. I just can't make him understand that I am right.

He never lets me forget my faux pas and my blunders. That's ok, I can take it.

One of my fondest memories is of the night that Rudi and I were married. Jethro, Heidi, TMOC, Rudi and I were driving around in Jethro's van....TMOC telling Rudi that he really didn't like him very much, after all. Oh, then there was me asking Rudi to buy me a banana from the convenience store...On my wedding night.

When Rudi and I split up, TMOC and I spent even more time together. I would take the bus to Toronto,and hang with him for a few days. When he found out that Rudi had been hitting me, he offered to bust his legs.

Oh, I never took him up on the offer, but it was a nice thought :)

When he unexpectedly lost his job, he showed up at my place, unannounced. That was the way it was. He had a key for my house, just in case. I never wanted him to be locked out and alone.

He always took my phone calls, even if he was on a date, or I called at 3 am, or he was toiling away at work. Believe me, there were a lot of phone calls.

Of course, with TMOC married and living in another province, we don't get to see each other very often. It was difficult at first....He was ingrained in my life, I felt lost with out him.

I guess that if I have to pick something, or rather, someone, that changed my life, TMOC is at the top of the list. I can not imagine my childhood, my life, without him.

Here's to you, Steve, and I know that you did it!

Dane Cook - vicious circle - Brain Ninjas

Fresh prince of Belair - will smith and carlton

Cuz I needed a laugh :)

Jessica is doing better than ever. She lost 5 pounds, but since she has been so active this summer, it is probably just because of that.

Whew! We go back in another month, on the 15 of September (3 days before New Kids On The Block) to check her AIC and do routine blood work.

I can not tell you how relived we are!

Life is great.

Jessica

Jessica and I are going to the hospital to see her diabetic nurse and the social worker. I am a bit freaked out because we were just there last month and she was doing so much better than ever before.

The social worker doesn't mean anything, really, we see her every time that we go.....It's the visit in general that has me worried. I want Jessica to have a better year than she did this year....She became ill last October and it carried on into 2008. I am hoping that this school year she will excel in every possible way.

I am just questioning whether or not this is a check up, or there is more bad news waiting.

I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

Oh, Canada.....
Not one single medal?

Longing

Most days, I can forget about the things that really bother me. The things that break my heart and tarnish my soul. After 39 years, I have just about perfected the act of overlooking my pain. Then, suddenly, something so silly, something mundane or obscure will bring memories flooding back, in a tidal wave of sadness. Today is one of those days.
Mum's backyard in Nova Scotia.




My cousin T took her neice to Nova Scotia for a week this summer. I wanted so badly to stow away with them, I miss the ocean and my friends more than words can articulate. I need to smell the ocean, I need to hug Heather tight, and meet her kids. I feel an urgency to visit all of my old haunts, and to spend a late night laughing with my brother and sister in law.
I try to put Betty and Stan out of mind. I usually do.


Then, T and her niece posted photos on facebook that maade my heart skip a beat and made me feel so melancholy that I am afraid that I will never be the same again.

My Mum and I have always had a noxious relationship. She has resented me from the day that I was born. She married my father to keep my older brother, TMOC out of a foster home, and because, back in 66, you just didn't live on your own with a kid. He was a way out for her, and he loved her more than life itself.

Stan, fishing in his yard.
By the time I was three, the marriage was over and my mum was gone, moved away with our next door neighbour, leaving four little kids without a parent...My aunt Josie, Betty's sister took care of me for about three weeks while my Dad got his life in order. My aunt Josie would later tell me that I cried for the whole three weeks, asking when my Mum was coming back.

She never did. I still saw most of her family, but I seldom saw Betty. When I did, it was usually a horrific visit. She would send me to my room for the slightest infraction ( drinking the last of the milk from my cereal bowl was an instant time out). I hated the apartment, I hated my step father (It would later be revealed that he had been abusing me most of my childhood), and I hated sharing Christmas with my new step brothers, the kids that used to live next door to me. She was gone so often that I couldn't tell the difference between her and my aunt Jackie.


Mum, in her kitchen August 2008


Worst of all, her visitation was hit and miss. I might not see her for weeks, or even months, and then she would reappear, just when I was finally adjusting to life without her.
She moved to Nova Scotia when I was 11, leaving me and TMOC behind.
I saw her twice in the years between 12 and 15. The summer of my 15 th year, I was sent to stay with her and Stan. I was angry, sullen and resentful.

It was a disaster.
Twenty days before I turned 16, I was sent on a 'visit' to her house. When I asked when I would coming home, my father informed me that I was now a permanent resident of Dartmouth.

I loved my Mum. I did. Her expectations were unattainable for me. Straight A's in school - something that I had never gotten in my life. I was expected to be something that I had never been...Her perfect, Miss Teen. The punked out teen that she picked up at the airport was not what she had envisioned.

Things only got worse....She and Stan had a drinking problem. They humiliated me at every turn. She thought that I was the little 3 year old that she had left all those years ago.
Hah. She could not have been more wrong.

On a warm June afternoon, I ran away from home,and never returned. I was 1o days shy of my 17 th birthday. I had all that I could take of the drinking, and the abuse. I was tired of hiding bruises and trying to be someone that I could never be.

Fast forward 20 + years, and nothing much has changed. We argue and then make up. We scream and cry and then profess our love for each other...Until now.

Betty refuses to speak with me. Or my kids. She does everything in the world for my brother, who can do no wrong in her eyes. No matter how badly he screws up, he has her undying love and affection. TMOC gets married and he is a
hero.

My 1st wedding she created a scene and almost ruined everything.

He finishes hair dressing school (she helped him out during that time) and he is big man on campus.

I graduted from my PSW course, second in the class with honours, and I don't even get a phone call.

My Dad dies and again, not so much as a phone call.

TMOC's bio Dad dies and Betty practically writes a novel telling everyone how great he was. She gave TMOC money to get to Ontario and payed his way for the whole trip.

TMOC and I get along very well, until we start discussing our parents. We actually stopped speaking for a year once, because of Betty.
Now? He is a frequent vacationer at her country home.

I had never even seen photos until my cousin posted her photos.
I had no idea that seeing those photos would bother me so much. I thought that I was dealing with the rejection just fine. I really thought that Betty was out of my head, finally.

The truth is, I am 39 and I still crave my Mums love, acceptance and affection. I see photos of her and it all comes flooding back.

I become that little 3 year old girl, yearning for her Mommy.
I doubt that will ever change.

I just need to find a way to live with it.

19 Years Ago.....................

Today is my anniversary. Well, it is in some alternate universe where Dumb Bridget is still married to Rudi.
That's right - 19 years ago today Rudi and I were married. I was 20 and he was even younger. We gave in to pressure from my family and decided to get married, because, we were, after all, living in sin with our toddler daughter.
It's a story that you have all heard before. From me, I mean. I have already told that story. Been there, done that.
What I was thinking of today was not the wedding itself, but how much my life has changed in the 19 years since I walked down that aisle, a 2o year old bride, full of hope.
It didn't take long for Rudi to pound the hope right out of me.

I am 39 now, twice divorced and once again, living in sin. We don't own our home, we owe money to everyone and their uncle, and we don't own much.

Rudi is married to the woman that he was cheating on me with. They are living un-happily ever after in Woodstock. They own 10+ acres of land, a big house, 2 Harleys and 3 cars. He is living his dream life in many ways. Well, he hasn't seen his own girls in years and his step kids, that lived with him for 15 years moved away and have little to do with him....Hmmm, maybe that IS part of his dream.

As I sit here, tonight, in my rented home, on a borrowed computer, with my butt on an old orange chair, I realize something.

This is where I want to be.

Rudi can have his toys and gadgets, his fancy cars and big house.

I have something that I had been looking for since I was 20 and I marched defiantly down the middle of my little church in Smallburg.

Real, honest, forever love.

Happy Unversary, Rudi, where ever you are.

Blah, Blah, Blah.................

I can't remember the last time that it was this long between posts. I still have no pc and I am still borrowing KC's laptop. She is less than thrilled, but I am jonesing big time for the internet and all of my friends!
I got a way cool award from CindyDianne, and I will pass it along soon. I am so jazzed about getting another award. I always feel as though I am not worthy, like all of my blog buddies deserve it more than I do.
Not much new around here. We are having some major construction on our street this month, and we had to have some yahoo from the city come in and do an 'inspection'
I say it like that because all he did was take a quick tour of the house and take one photo from each room. He didn't even go into all of the basement rooms, or the sunroom. For this, I fretted for days about someone coming in. Of course, that means that The Germanators think that they are going to be wandering around my house, too. Erwin showed up three hours before the inspection and tried to force his way in. These people refuse to respect out privacy and think that they can come in any time.
I didn't let him in.
I watched The Lost Boys 2- The Tribe on Tuesday. You know that I was at the store asap to pick up my copy. It was ok but I was disappointed, because, as usual, I expected too much. Angus Sutherland is a poor mans Keifer Sutherland and Corey Feldmans acting was just plain painful. Still, I got my vampire fix and it was a good distraction from the nosey Germanators.
Shawn and I went to see Dark Knight last week. He was calling it Dark Day and Knight, because it was so long. He also mentioned something about do pilates before hand, so that he wouldn't need medical help to get out of the seat after the movie. I think that I liked the previous one better.
Tonight is date night and I think that we might see Step Brothers.I have a sassy new hair cut and a wild new colour - vampire red. Time to paint the town red, I think. I might go for purple, next week. Gotta mix it up and keep Shawn on his toes.

Have a great weekend. Hope it rocks.

True to his word, Shawn took Kayla and I to see Mama Mia. I had a great time and knew most of the words to every song. Shhh, don`t tell, I think that Shawn did, too.
I loved the actors and they all gave it the old college try when it came to the soundtrack. I must admit, it was odd to see a former James Bond singing and dancing to ABBA.
I think that my favourite part of the whole night was when we getting ready to leave.
Three women that had been sitting in the row across from us were discussing the film, as they watched the credits roll. One woman turns to the other two and exclaims
Oh My Gawd. I totally knew that these songs all sounded like ABBA.
Nuff said. It made my night :)

I am back. Ish. I am on KC's laptop, which I really hate. It takes me twice as long to do anything and since it is not mine, I do always have access to it. I do right now, though, so I thought that I would stop by and get caught up.

We took Jessica to see her doctor on Monday. I hate going there. We usually get bad news, or at the very least, her doc is stern and we feel like crap when we leave.
Not this time! Jessica has made the most dramatic improvement that either the nurse or the doc has ever seen in just one month.

I can not even tell you how elated we all were when we left. Jessica has gained another two pounds since June. Her AIC (average blood sugars over a period of time, usually 3 months) is down FIVE percent!

I was so impressed that I let her go away for the rest of the week. She is vacationing in Fort Erie with her friend. Swimming, sun and fun are just what she needs to celebrate the good news.
Shawn and I are going out this weekend to look at a new tower for our computer. I think that I should be back on line by Saturday. I hope.

That's about it for now. I will try to pop by and see everyone. I tell ya, one day without my pc and I am a wreck!

This is KC writing to all my mom's dedicated fans.
My mom won't be online for a while and this is why. . .
Computer + Hard drive eating virus = massive computer crash and the purchase of a new computer hopefully within the next couple weeks.
If you need to talk to her you can email her and I can check the emails from Spencer's house.
Be back soon.

July 11 is a strange day for me. My Dad passed away on July 11th, 1999. I can recall vividly, most of the details of that day. The trip that I took to Detroit, and the phone call home at 10:11 that morning. I had a gut feeling that today was the day, and I called home to check on my Dad. He was eating KFC with my brother, and was more alert than he had been in days. My (step) mom assured me that he was fine, I had no reason to worry and that I should have a great time away with my friend an Geoff.

When we got home later that day, I had an incredible urge to see my Dad. It was nothing that I could explain, other than I just needed to see him. Geoff refused to either take me in the car, or watch the girls, and he went fishing, not even leaving me with bus fare. I cried for the remainder of the day. I knew that I had to get to my Dad.
I never did. He passed away that same night - at 10:11 pm.

I can recall much more, but I don't want to rehash it all. No need, really, because July 11 th is about more than just my Dad.

July 11th 1997, my sister, in Colorado, that I hadn't yet met, lost her Mom. On that day in 1999, while I was mourning my Dad, my sister, Lucky, was missing her Mom.

I found my sister in February, 2002. We connected immediately. She was everything that I knew she would be, and more. We made plans to meet that summer. Lucky called her travel agent, and a flight was booked.

I met my sister on July 11, 2002. Kayla and I waited anxiously for the sliding doors at the airport arrivals to open. My hands shook and my heart was racing wildly. When the doors finally opened to reveal my sister, my heart was beating like a drum. It was one of the defining moments of my life.

Before my Dad died, we had the opportunity to talk - to heal old wounds, to make amends, and to make promises. I promised to live my life the same way that I would if he were still here. To make him proud. I promised to do my best to reconcile with Betty, and to take care of his grand daughters (the light of his life).

He promised to watch over me, to let me know, somehow, someway, that he was ok. He also promised to send me my sister. He kept his word.

I have always wondered if it was a fluke that I met my sister on July 11th, or if there was a higher power, and two loving parents responsible.

Either way, today, I will be thinking of John, Joan, and Lucky.

NIMBY

You know, Not In My BackYard?
I have never really ever been one of those people - the people that think that their neighbourhood, their street, their community was too esteemed, or affluent to have 'those kinds of people' in their midst. Part of my childhood was spent in a place that was so much like Pleasantville that I nearly choked on the sugary goodness everyday.
I STILL never thought that I was ever going to be a Nimby-person.



Until a couple of weeks ago, when our street woke up to this. See that pink house? It is directly across the street from me. They had JUST finished painting the exterior of the house about two days before they were vandalised.

What does this have to do with NIMBY? Well, the perpetrators of this heinous crime live three doors away from me. In a group home.

Oh, sure, we knew about it. I figured live and let live. After all, I have no idea why any of the kids are there. Sometimes, circumstances beyond your control can send you spiralling and you end up somewhere that you never thought that you would be.

The kids started hanging out on the church steps, next door to us. One night, one of them slept on the church doorstep, much to my discontent. Still, we let them be.

Look what happens when we 'let them be.'

The worst part of this whole thing is that the church next to us was hit. Bad. Jessica and I cleaned the blue spray paint from the windows, but there was a big, bold R.I.P. Biggie Smalls blasted across the new stone steps.

Some of the mostly elderly congregation were afraid that a real gang was involved. All of the houses hit have had to recover from this with NO help from the jerks that are responsible. You know how I know that the group home kids did it?

Two reasons.
One kid was caught wearing a paint stained shirt when the police came, and
they kids were forced to apologize to the church members that were cleaning up the mess.

Mind you, they have not spoken one word to any of the other neighbours that have to use their own resources to take care of this mess, and they have not even offered to help anyone with the restoration.

So, am I a Nimby now?

On my street?

You bet.

Not feeling very chatty right now. Meds aren't working and it feels like life is passing me by.

Sigh.

Cupcakes, Indy and Laughter

I had a quiet birthday yesterday...KC cooked dinner and cleaned up, and I literally did nothing. Not a thing.

It was wonderful.


I got lots of awesome gifts, but this is one of my favourites...KC bought me this because she knows that a) I am a huge Harrison Ford/Han Solo/Indiana Jones fan
and
b) I am a huge dork.

It's ok, I can live with that. I am happy as heck to be a dork. He will go on my toy shelf next to my V action figure. I'm not sure how Indy feels about sharing shelf space with a lizard, but whatever. Kayla has her Sid Vicious action figure up on the shelf, too.

KC made me a cupcake cake. How cool is that? She spent a couple of hours baking decorating and cleaning. She made a wicked good pot roast, too.

Without complaining. That was the best part.

I had two phone calls last night. The first came from TMOC in Halifax. We talked for over an hour and laughed like little kids. He is one of the few people I know that shares my love of toys and action figures. Last year, for his birthday, I bought him a vintage G.I. Joe army vehicle. He squealed like a five year old meeting Santa for the first time. I swear, his hands were shaking when he pulled it out of the box.

This year, for my birthday, he sent me a Brady Bunch birthday card. How well does he know his little sister?

Then, just as I felt that my ear would fall off from all of the talking, my sister, Lucky called. She lives in Colorado, and we never get to see each other. As a matter of fact, we have only seen each other twice. I miss her like nobodies business. Of course, there was more laughter, and by the end of the night, my sides hurt from all of the laughing.

I haven't laughed that hard in....Well, for as long as I can remember. It was just what I needed. Laughter really IS good for the soul.
So are great friends and family.

The fun doesn't end there. Jethro and Heidi will be by in a week or so, and we will laugh again, and celebrate three birthdays. ( I suck so much that I haven't even mailed out The Girls gift, and she turned 14 at the end of May). Then, there is Bucky's birthday, in early July. Might as well do it all at once.

I wonder how big that cake will be?????

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes. My friends rock.

Oh, and Heather? If I am 29, that makes you 28. :)

Mom's Birthday!

It's me KC, I broke into my mom's blogger account to show you a wicked cool picture of the cake I made her. It's a cake of cupcakes. I am actually impressed that I made that many cupcakes without burning them. Anyways, I won't make you wait anymore. Here are some pictures.

I'm sure my mom will fill you in on the rest of her day today, oh and don't forget she turned 29.

No More Monkey Suits For Another Year

Did everyone see that photo of my baby and Shawn? I am always in awe of Jessica's beauty. She takes my breath away.

And Shawn? Now you know why I can't keep my hands to myself!

Well, the graduations are done until next year, when it is Kayla's turn. Thank goodness. I cried like a baby at Jessica's. Held it in - almost at Kristy's. Another one would do me in. I need a year off.

It has been a bad week. I mean, the graduations were great. I have been a nightmare the past few days though. I know it. My mood swings are at an all time high. I haven't been this bad in ages. I feel like a shmuck. The girls, Shawn, and even the dogs have felt my wrath. I think that it may be time to discuss changing meds. I don't want my family to be afraid of me. Good Lord, the last thing that I want is for people to say things like...She is just like her mother - Hurricane Betty.

Think I am exaggerating? I'm not. Family members call her that. She blows in, makes a mess and blows out again.

Shudder.

KC and I did something today that made me more manic than depressed.

We got tickets to see New Kids On The Block in September.

Oh yes, we really did.

How exciting is that?

Couldn't you just pee you're so happy for me?

Know what the best part is? Shawn is coming with us. LOL. He made a promise to me that the next time that I went to a concert (cuz I am all the time rocking out to live music) he would go. He was probably hoping for Poison, or Judas Priest, or one of those school bands.

No such luck. September 18 th will mark our 7 th year together, too, so there is no way that he would bail on me.
I'll try not to swoon over Jordan Knight in front of Shawn. That would be bad form, especially on our anniversary :)

She's done grade school

Don't they look fabu?

Has anyone noticed that when Pepsi goes flat it tastes like pencil shavings?

Anyone?

Happy Fathers Day

I have had many Fathers Days without my Dad. It never seems to get any easier for me. He passed away in 1999 after living with a terminal illness for 10 years. He outlived the doctors dire diagnoses and expectations by 4+ years.

That was just him. Stubborn all the way. He got that from the Steeves side of the family. His Dad (passed away some 5 years ago ) and sister are the same way.

Thankfully, the stubborn streak skipped me and went straight to my kids. (Ahem, cough cough, Kayla)

My Dad wasn't just a Dad. He was a single Dad back in the days when only widowers raised their children. He was the first father in our region to win custody of his kids. Not that it matters much, but my brother had a different bio Dad (also one hell of a great man. I miss him almost as much as I miss my Dad). My Dad got custody of a kid that biologically wasn't even his. Unheard of 35 years ago.

We lived like 3 bachelors in many ways. My Dad was a great cook, but being the only parent in the house, he worked full time. He was security at concerts, he ran a hobby shop, he had his own towing business, and finally, he sold tombstones. (crap, I mean memorials. He always corrected me when I said that)

He took us to the drive in - I remember seeing Star Wars there. (It was where Toys R Us is now, Gabriel) and came to all of our school events. I can recall one time, when I was about 7, and I was in a Brownie troop. We were having a Mothers Day tea, and we made hats out of paper plates and tissue paper flowers. I waited and waited to hear from my Mum that she was coming. Of course, she didn't. So, my Dad filled in for her, as he always did. He proudly wore his paper bonnet and squished himself into the little chair. He was the only man there.

My Dad wasn't only a good Dad, he was a great son to my Nannie, and even to Betty's mom after they were divorced. He did everything for his mom, even though they had a strained relationship. You see, my Dad was raised in an orphanage, from the time he was 5 until he was 16. My grandparents divorced in 1939, and being a divorced woman was considered shameful. My Nannie had no help from her family, and it was impossible to keep my Dad while she worked full time. It just did not happen back then. They saw each other most weekends, but my Dad didn't come home again until he was 16. Still, he loved his mom.

When I was 10, my Dad met a woman who worked at Sears. He bought a watch battery from her, and they made a date. One date turned into another and another, and before I knew it, I had two new brothers and a sister. We moved out to Smallburg, and life would never be the same for me. There is alot that I can say about Mission Mary. You all know how I feel about her. She has not honoured my fathers wishes and has cut me out of the family, and the will. It is what it is. I will say this for her. When my Dad was sick - and I mean bedridden, and confused - she took wonderful care of him. My sister, Posh and my brother Mike, doted on him. Why not? He gave up alot to adopt them. He loved them, they loved him. ( I wish that I could say the same for my other brothers).

There are days when I STILL pick up the phone to call him. I hear a good joke and my first thought is - Dad would love this. When KC graduated from college, my mind was on my Dad and how proud he would be.

I miss him so much. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think of him. Honestly. Every achievement that one of my girls has, every birthday, confirmation, graduation, is bitter sweet because my Dad should be here with us. I think of all of the things that have happened since he passed - a divorce, 4 babies born, two weddings, and all of the

family that we have since lost. I hate that he isn't here to share all of that with us. I hate that Jessica barely remembers him, and most of what she does remember is a man hooked up to an oxygen hose. I hate that he will never meet Shawn and that I can't tell him that I love him one more time.
Then, I remember that he was hooked up to that damn tank, for 4 years before he died. I see him, frail and breathless, in my memory, and I know that I am just being selfish.
In my heart he will always be Daddy. The man that raced stock cars, volunteered at the church,made the best BBQ ribs, and loved his kids. He will always be larger than life.
I miss you, Daddy, but I am glad that you are up there, somewhere, without that blasted hose, telling bad jokes with your Dad, your Mom (are they finally getting along?) your baby brother, and Lucky's Mom. He can breathe, and I believe that I will see him again someday. Until then, I love you, Daddy.


Happy Fathers Day, to my Dad and all of the other Dads out there.




John Joseph Steeves
January 15, 1934 - July 11, 1999

Yazoo - Nobody's diary

Sometimes, I worry that this is all I will ever be.