My Hometown

My hometown is a place that Heidi fondly refers to as Smallburg. I hated most of the time that I spent there. It was a small town, a place that many would call quaint, or think of as haven away from the city. For me, who was used to living in a townhouse complex with 81 units, it was both a nightmare and a dream come true. It was more than just the location that was scary to me, it was the fact that my Dad and I moved out to the boonies to be closer to his new fiancee and her 3 kids, while my older brother TMOC went to Toronto to live with Betty and Stan. You wouldn't think that moving 15 minutes outside of the city that I grew up in would be a big deal. It was.


The first place that my Dad and I lived was a one bedroom apartment on a huge farm that had a gravel driveway and a cool old barn out back. I loved the rickety old barn, with the birds in the loft and the antiques littering the floor. I spent many happy hours there, by myself, or with my soon to be sister. We had no cable, being so far out in the country, and our home phone was a 'party' line. We shared the line with 3 neighbours, and when the phone rang at one house, it rang at all of the houses. Most of what we owned was in storage and I spent way too much time listening to my Dad's old Glenn Miller albums.


School was another problem. I did not, could not fit in. I was used to walking to school with TMOC, or riding my bike with my friends. In Smallburg, I took the bus. The same bus that the other kids had been riding for all of their school aged lives. Every day was a trial for me. I got beat up getting off the bus nearly every day, and the mornings weren't much better. I can't remember how long we lived there. It was a temporary home for us, a place to stay until my Dad and step mom got remarried. I was 11, and in grade 6. I hated it - everything- so much that I stayed home from school for almost a month. That back fired big time, and I ended up repeating the whole year.


After Dad got married, we moved into 'the big house,' a cool turn of the century home with stained glass windows and a bathroom bigger than my room at the townhouse. This meant blending in with 2 new brothers and anew sister, who constantly reminded me that "we are three." Like I could ever forget that I didn't belong in this house, with it's fancy furniture, plush carpeting and secret cupboards. The only bright spot was the horse barns, on the road behind my house, a short bike ride away. I spent many afternoons there, mucking out stables, and talking to the horses. I finally had room to play. I was free to explore the whole town, wade in the river, watch baseball games at the grandstands, hang out in the public library,(my fav hang out for many years) or sit in the big old oak tree in the back yard. I can remember running to the park after school and watching the fall fair being assembled. The carnies always let us play on the rides, and I can remember climbing on the carousel and ruining a skirt that I hated. The trouble that I got into was so worth it.

Most of the kids still hated me, and I was lonely. I taught Sunday School at our little Lutheran Church, babysat most Friday nights, and stopped at Tony's Donuts a couple times a week for day olds. That was it. My life in Smallburg.

Things got better in highschool. I finally fit in, found a niche, and a great bunch of friends. I found Heidi there, in our English class. We have been friends ever since.
It didn't last long. I got kicked out of school, and sent away to Nova Scotia for my own good. Know what the crazy thing is? I missed Smallburg. In Nova Scotia, all I could remember were the good times. I remember playing 'chase' with half of the town. Of course, Jethro was there, with his sister, and my brothers, and everyone else between the ages of 8 and 20-ish. We had a 5 block radius to hide, in teams, and search out the other teams. We played kick the can, and road hockey, swam in Jan's pool (Welcome to our OOL! Notice there's no pee in it? Let's keep it that way!), or at my aunt and uncles. I played with baby cousins and smoked my first cig with Kim behind the horse barns. The grandstands? We broke into the concession stand one night and ate our weight in chips. (They came in foil bags then). We went to Short Stop where "Duh, Ross" worked. That place was always a score because there was 15 cent table that had treasures galore. I once bought my (step) mom a bottle of 15 cent mouth wash for her birthday that Duh Ross convinced me was perfume. (I know, I know, maybe I should have been called Duh, Bridget). The cool thing about Duh Ross was that you could pick anything at all from the store and tell him that it came from the 15 cent table. I once got a 10 pound heart shaped box of chocolates for a measley 15 pennies.

My Dad was on the board of trade there, and designed the war memorial that was rebuilt in 1991, and helped to create the largest working water wheel in North America. It is still there, almost 8 years after his death. The horse barns are long gone, torn down to help make room for the hall where Jethro and Heidi held their wedding reception. The grandstands that once looked like the photo below, recently burned down, and now look like the other photo. It just about broke my heart, and I'm pretty sure that Heidi cried when we heard the news.

It's strange what time and a little bit of life expirience will do to your perspective. I actually miss Smallburg now. When I saw the house that we're living in now, I feel in love with it because it reminds of Smallburg. The same place that I hated, loathed, and cursed the whole time that I lived there.
My Dad is still there. He is buried in the small town cemetary that is also the resting place of my Granny, my Grossie, and far too many highschool friends. There is a plaque that bears his name, and a gravestone that I haven't seen in over 4 years. It's funny, you know? I miss the place like crazy, but I just can't bear the thought of going back. It might tarnish my memories.

Alphabet Soup

I have been tagged by Gardenia, to do my own version of Alphabet Soup. So, here goes....

A - Availible/single? - TAKEN!

B - Best Friend - Heidi, of course, and Shawn, and Skippymom..

C - Cake or Pie? - Why pick one? I LOVE cake, but Shawn makes a pretty wicked homemade pie....

D - Drink of choice - Flavoured water

E - Essential everyday item - Toothbrush. I brush my teeth about 6 times a day

F - Fav color - Purple

G - Gummy bears or Worms? - Bears, of course

H - Hometown - I was born in Wallaceburg, Ontario, near Lake Saint Clair

I - Indulgence - I can only pick one? Ummm..new jammie pants? Extra milky chocolate

J - January, or February? - June

K - Kids, and names - KK, 15, J, 12, and KC, 18 (all girls)

L - Life Is Incomplete Without...... A good book

M - Marriage date - August 5th, 1989, August 23, 1997, which I consider to be my 'practice' runs. I'm still working on #3, maybe this year.....

N - Number of siblings - Ok..Let me think....2 step brothers, Ralph, and Craig, 2 adopted brothers, Mike and Andy, 1 brother, TMOC, 1 adopted sister, Posh, and one wonderful sister, Lucky

O - Oranges or apples - Depends on my mood

P - Phobias/fears - spiders, snakes, and heights

Q - Favourite quote - Still pondering this one. I don't think that I have ONE fav....

R - Reason to Smile - Ruby

S - Season, Fall or Spring - Spring, because I always feel like it's a new beginning for me, too

T - Tag 3 or 4 people - CindyDianne, Heidi, Corky, and The Adult In Question

U - Unknown fact about me - I think that you all pretty much know everything. Why don't you ask me, and then I'll tell you?

V - Veggie that I don't like - Green and yellow Beans..YUCK! -

W - Worst habit....Only one? There are SO many....I guess putting things off for as long as humanly possible

X - X-rays - My wrists, my foot, both ankles, my legs, my teeth....Do CT scans count?

Y - Your Fav Food - Lasagne

Z - Zodiac sign - Cancer, the crab

I haven't been feeling well the past few days..I can't seem to shake this cold. I woke up today feverish again, and I stayed in bed till lunchtime. Consequently, I don't have much to talk about.
I have heard from Lucky. She is doing MUCH better, and thanks to a very well known computer company over charging her and screwing up, she phoned this morning to tell me that she was offered some free electronics. My sister being the wonderful person that she is, phoned me and asked if the kids still wanted ipods. Uh, yeah! Hell yeah! So, she is working on it as I sit here typing. Really, how lucky am I to have her for a sister?
Skippymom has her boy home now, and even though she sounds tired, she also sounds blissfully happy! It feels great to be spreading some good news instead of dwelling on negative crap.
That's it, that's all I have. My head is spinning again, and I think that I'm going to go lay down.
Later........................

ANOTHER 5 Things That You Don't Know About Me.....

1. I am a notorious garbage picker, much to the kids dismay. Shawn and I actually got our washing machine from the side of the road last year. It was less than 3 years old, and it was being tossed away because it was missing a button. We don't have a car, so we brought it home on a skate board. We just slapped it on the skateboard and rolled it across one of the busiest streets in the city.

2. My father, a swinging single guy in the 70's, dated my grade 3 teacher, Miss M. I had her for grades 3, 4, and 5. They dated secretly for awhile, and when they broke up, she tried to have me held back. I remember going to a meeting at the school, but it wasn't until just shortly before my Dad passed away that he told me the whole truth. Miss M was angry at being dumped, and tried to fail me because of it. We had to go before the school board and she came close to being fired. I made it to the next grade, but Miss M was always so hard on me. Now I know why. Thanks, Dad.

3. I had a made up boyfriend in grade 6. (Think Jan Brady and George Glass). His name was Christopher, and of course, he was SOOOO cute. I am so embarrassed.

4. I introduced my best friend, Heidi, to her hubby, Jethro, a childhood friend that I have known since I was 10. This means that between them, Heidi and Jethro know pretty much everything that there is to know about me. Scary thought.

5. I accidentally wore my pants to college in side out one day. I had been really sick, and had rushed out the door to make my bus. I made it half way through the morning before anyone noticed. I could have died, I was that embarrassed. I didn't rush to the bathroom to change, however. I waited until our next break, and chastized everyone that was laughing at me for not being able to think 'outside of the box.'

Good News

Lucky came home from the hospital today. She's still feeling rough, and will be home for at least another week, but she's home safe and sound. Thanks for all of the good wishes and kind words. It means the world to me.

Are Any Of My Blog Buddies In Fairfax County?

Skippymom needs your help. I can't do links, (cuz I suck), but, you can find her on my sidebar. Scoot on over there and see if you can help, ok?

After my last post, I thought that we could all use a smile. I'm not going spend every minute worrying about Rudi. I'll be on the lookout, and I'll be careful, but I'm not going to dedicate one minute more to him than I have to.
My brother called me today. I had been worried that we wouldn't be able to get past our arguement before Christmas. I think that things will be ok.
We went to the police station yesterday morning, and it went very well. I think that the detective in charge is taking this seriously. It feels nice to be have the justice system working for us. It feels great, actually.
It's actually snowing today, and for the first time in weeks, I think that you might need hat and mitts if you're going out. It still isn't cold enough for the snow to stay on the ground, though. I must admit, I love it! I love being able to walk to the store without bundling up, and I don't miss shovelling the snow, either. I do feel badly for my sister, Lucky. She lives in Colorado, and has been snowed in. She's in the hospital right now, suffering from pnuemonia (?). She's so far away, and I've never felt the distance more than I do right now.
Get well soon, Lucky.

Something To Blog About................

I have been struggling to come up with a blog topic when my ex husband reared his ugly head and gave me fodder.
My 1st husband and I were married in 1989, when I was barely 20, and he was even younger. We already had a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and there was great pressure on us to "Do the right thing." I don't know if it was the right thing, or not, but in August of 1989, we got hitched.
The marriage was a bad one. Rudi (that's right folk's, no more alias, his name is Rudi Horst Stangen) started belittling me and hitting me. The term is 'sexual assualt', but we call it rape. It happened to me on a weekly basis. I'm not telling you this for sympathy, I'm just telling it like it is. When our youngest (not J, she is from #2) was 6 weeks old, he tried to kill me. He did, and he even had the nerve to tell Heidi about it. I was with him for a little more than a year after that. I wanted him to leave, but he controlled everything. I had no access to our joint bank account, and I had to ask when I needed bus fare. If I wanted to go out for an evening, I needed to find a babysitter. I could never afford a sitter, because he controlled the money. I finally found the courage to stand on my own after he started abusing the girls. He pulled KC's arm out of the socket, twice. He shook KK like a rag doll when she was about 14 months old - because she was crying.
Since our seperation, and divorce, things have only gotten worse. Rudi would visit the girls only when he had time...Which was almost never. He would take the girls, and they would come home crying. His step daughters would pee in KC's bed, break their toys, hit them, steal their allowance, and Rudi and his new wife ( mistress, they were f'ing around for over a year before we split), Shannon didn't care. The girls would go weeks or months without a word from Rudi, and then he would show up out of the blue, screaming about his rights.
Once, when KC was 7, I had to phone the police because he refused to bring KC home. Another time, when KK was about 10, he did the same to her, but he actually had her for over a week. When I finally showed up with the police, Shannon wanted to fight me.
The past few years have been especially rough. KK was nearly hospitalized after his last visit. He took her to the mall for 2 hours, and told her all kinds of nonsense. When she came home, she was suicidal, and tried to push me down a flight of stairs. I can not let him near my daughter, who is just now beginning to feel good again.
Rudi has not sent a birthday card or gift in YEARS. He has never attended any special events, even when the girls have begged him to. He stopped paying support for KC in June, and has been paying about 2/3 of what he should be paying for KK. He decided how much he should pay.
Before we moved, he sent the police and Children's Aid to my house about every 6 months. The accusations were always pretty wild, and the file was always closed the same day, because my girls are not in danger, not going hungry, not being beaten, thank you very much. This is how Rudi has fun. He puts energy into being disruptive and destructive. He obviously doesn't care about the kids. He has not phoned or stopped by in a year.
So......Rudi pays me my support in 12 post dated cheques, that he drops off every January (2 weeks late). Since we moved in June, I knew that I had to phone him and give him an address to drop off the support cheques. Our lives have been quiet and peaceful since we have lived here. No Rudi.
I have been having full blown anxiety attacks just thinking about making this phone call. My chest actually hurts, and I'm having difficulty breathing. That's how much I hate conflict. So, I got Shawn to call, and speak with Rudi. Guess what? Rudi won't give me my support until I give him my address.
Now think about this. We moved in June, and he had no idea. He had no idea because he never visits. Or calls. He would never known that we moved, except for Shawn's phone call. So why does he have to have our address? To phone Children's Aid, and the police, and the SPCA. and anyone else that he can think of. He has phoned ex #2, and tried to entice him to the dark side. You would think that x #2 would love to screw me over, right? Maybe. The thing is, as much as #2 might hate, me, he hates Rudi even more.
So, I won't get my support cheques until I give my address. Guess what? It ain't happening.
Shawn got a phone call from Rudi after his conversation with Rudi.
He's going to have us, Shawn and Bridget, (last name Allen , thank you very much) charged with kidnapping.
Interesting. I have full custody. KC is 18, and KK is nearly 16. Neither one want to see him . Ever.
Again.
Can you be charged with kidnapping your own kids? When you have custody? When the ex spouse hasn't even ATTEMPTED a visit in OVER 2 years?
I'll let you know.............
Wow. I feel much better. Blogging really is better than freaking out.
Whew..

The Voices In My Head

I have SO much crap in my head. The voices in my head just won't quiet down, and I think that the only way to quell them is to blog about it all.
Christmas was awesome. We made do with less, and somehow it didn't matter. We were together, and warm, and enjoyed each others company. What did put a damper on our celebrations however, was a conversation with my brother, that upset the whole family and left KC and I in tears. I love my brother in a way that most people don't understand. There has been much upheaval and craziness in our lives, and through it all, we have been always been there for each other. TMOC is 4 years than I am, but it seems that I have been the one looking out for him. I have forgiven him for things that I would never even dream of forgiving anyone else for doing/saying. He has probably done the same for me. I don't know where our relationship stands now. I fear that I may have lost him. This pains me.
Hubby is still laid off. He went back to work for ONE day, and has been laid off ever since. I dealt with the Christmas issue just fine - we can all live with less stuff - but I am seriously sweating about the little stuff. You know - electricity, heat, phone..... I'm trying to stay positive about this, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out. Soon.
Gas. Those ass-hats are at it again. I really thought that we had it all taken care of. I mean, we JUST paid $3300 to pay off ALL accounts, past present, and even the imaginary ones. Last week I got a bill saying that we owed $110 in ARREARS. Guess what? They had NO record of Hubby paying $ 3300 just 2 weeks earlier. SIGH. I am so mad. I don't even think that I can deal with this. Hubby will have to make this phone call. Deep breaths.
Speaking of Hubby, he needs glasses. The truth is, we can't afford them right now, but I don't think that he will even admit to needing them. I'll give you a few examples. We were watching Superman Returns last week. I need the captioning because I am practically deaf. (Seriously, I have a hearing loss in both ears). Hubby can't read the captioning, because he is nearly blind. The captioning says...' i'm glad that you're feeling better.' What does Hubby read?
I'm glad that I'm feeding you butter.
One day when we were out for a walk on garbage day, we walked past an old coffee maker sitting on the curb. Hubby wanted to know what was wrong the good looking pair of boots that someone would throw them out? He wanted to try them on.
Then there was the day that he was nearly arrested for following a woman around the bus terminal, trying to feed her french fries. As it turns out, he thought that it was me, and he was shoving food in some woman's face. Then there was the time that some poor guy thought that he was being car jacked when Hubby came storming over to his truck and tried to open the door. He thought that it was his boss's truck, and he was trying to pick up his pay check.
SIGH.
Tomorrow Hubby, KC and I go to the police station. Hubby and KC were assaulted by a cab driver, and the cops might be pressing charges. Even though I am going into police station through the front doors, sans handcuffs, it still kinda freaks me out. My expirience with the justice system has been less than satisfactory recently. I am hoping that since it is the police that are pursuing this, it will all work out in the end.
Grandma comes over tomorrow, too. We haven't seen her in a couple of weeks, because she was in BC visiting with her other grandkids. The girls are itching to get at their gifts, and I think that they may have missed Grandma just a wee little bit, too. This means that Hubby will be making some homemade pie in honour of her visit. There's nothing better than Grandma and home made pie.
Maybe having Grandma for a visit will help Ruby forget about the Pug. For a little while, anyway.

Just Waitin' On A Friend

Ever since Ruby's boyfriend left on the 26th, she's been watching for him at the window. I think that it's pug love.

Christmas is finally over, and we will soon usher in the new year. Personally, I can't wait for 2006 to end. I did have a wonderful Christmas, I must admit. Hubby had lots of time off, (Thanks Mr.Bossman - Ummm, is he going BACK to work soon?) and we actually spent some quality time together.

On Christmas Eve, we all went to KK's boyfriends family home. Even though we all know each other, KK and Corey have been dating over a year now, and this was the 1st time that we had a real get together. Corey's mom and Grandma are sweet, and I enjoyed every minute with them. Grandma is very entertaining. Whenever she tells a story, she stands up and acts it out, just like charades. It cracks me up.

Corey's dad on the other hand, was a complete ass-hat. I wish that he wasn't, because I really wanted things to go smoothly. He was, though, which left Hubby with no choice to go into his Cliff Claven routine.

SIGH.

Christmas was just the 5 of us, laying around, eating food and watching movies. I can't remember the last time that the 5 of us spent time together, just hanging out and having fun. We ate ourselves silly. It was great.

Boxing Day was even better. Heidi and family came over around noon, and we had our Christmas.

Ruby and the Pug chased each other for about 3 hours, until they both stopped for a breather. Poor Pug is fixed, and Ruby isn't. I don't think that that had nearly as much fun as Ruby did.

We gorged ourselves on ham, turkey, salad, turnip, pie...The list goes on, and on....

Heidi, KC, KK, and I played

this game. It was soo close, but KC and I did win. I should probably apologise to Heidi. We do tend to get a tad competeitive.
We're only a few days away from New Years Eve. I don't think that we have any plans. I think that we are going to say good bye to 2006 in our living room, and quietly say hello to the new year. Maybe a nice, quiet start will set the tone for the rest of the year. I hope.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Porkchop

Hubby and I went out for a couple of hours yesterday, and when we came home, this is where we found Porky. How cute is my angry little grandma dog?

First of all, I would like to apologize in advance. I am about to rant, again. If you're not in the mood to hear me whine and rant, you may want to come back another day. If you don't mind my angry ramblings, then by all means, continue on.
I am so pissed. It's less than a week before Christmas, and Hubby is laid off. Not only is he laid off, but we had no notice. To make matters worse, his last paycheque was $200 short because Mr. Bossman decided to that we should start repaying our loan to him. I don't mind repaying the loan. I don't. I am so incredibly grateful to have my heat/hot water. I am! I knew that we would repay the loan in increments of about $200 a week. It makes things tight, but I feel that it's a fair amount. I am pissed because we weren't supposed to be repaying the loan until the new year. We had NO notice that Mr.Bossman had decided to start the payments early. This is bad enough less than 2 weeks before Christmas. Now, there will be no paycheck this Friday, either, because of the layoff. Maybe none next week. Or the week after. A little notice might have been nice.
Hubby and I took the bus today. I hate the bus. HATE public transit. Last week, I was crop dusted, ON PURPOSE by an old guy. Not once, but twice. He practically crawled up inside my jacket with me. I thought that maybe he wanted me to piggy back him.
There was another older gentleman that got on at my stop with me. He had a cane. Nobody would give him a seat. He was flying around every corner that we took, falling into peoples laps. He stood the way to the mall. He still couldn't get a seat. What the eff does it take? Someone give the guy a seat!!!
The food bank. My biggest beef of the day. I loathe the food bank. I hate that I have to go there, I hate that it's dirty, and crowded, and more than anything, I hate that most of the people there getting free food are taking advantage of it.
I have a nice big ham for my Chritmas dinner. No problem there. I have frozen veggies, too. What I don't have is bread or fresh veggies, or milk. The everyday stuff. If Hubby was getting a paycheque on Friday, we would make due. The fact is, we don't know WHEN he'll get another pay, and with the holidays coming....It scares me a little. Trust me, we are desperate if we go there.
So, off we went, on the bus, to get our free food. By the time I left, I wasn't hungry anymore. The place was PACKED. I mean packed like a can of sardines kinda packed. I saw one woman with brand new Reeboks, so shiny white that they must've just come out of the box. I'm talking about brand new $200 shoes.
The next woman that I saw was wearing designer clothes, and so much jewelry that she could barely hold her head up. Seriously. Her gold chains would rival something that Mr. T wore in his heyday.
Then there was the grandma. She put her hands into the bag of buns, and prceded to manhandle and sqeeze every single bun to make sure that they were fresh. Oh, they were fresh alright, but after she touched everyone (after picking her ass and nose), nobody else wanted any. One lady took 8 loaves of bread, even after being asked to only take enough for her family size....It was 2 people, by the way. Thanks. A crate of fresh onions was brought out. You know, the green ones. I was standing RIGHT beside the bin, and by the time Ihad my hand in there, they were all gone. 4 people loaded up on green onions. GREEN FREAKING ONIONS, PEOPLE!!!!!! how many fricking onions are you gonna eat, anyway? I only wanted one bunch, but the 4 other people had taken about 12 each.
SIGH......
Wanna know the best part? We had to have Hubby's dad come and pick us up, at the food bank. I don't know why he agreed to do it. I think that he likes to see Hubby when he's feeling crappy and vulnerable. That's my theory.
Christmas is nearly here, and I have seen very little Christmas spirit. The people that I saw today were the worst that society has to offer. They were greedy, and ill mannered, and down right dusgusting. They took everything that wasn't nailed down, because it was free.
Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.
Whew.
I feel a little better now. A lot better.
Sometimes you just need to vent.
On a happy note, I am looking forward to the holidays. Our family will be with us on boxing day, the day that we cooking our spiral cut ham. Hubby gets to cook, I get to eat, and best of all, I get to visit with some of my favourite people in the whole world. My real family. That should improve my mood. There's nothing better than best friends and pug love.

Oh Christmas Tree

After visiting some of my bloggy friends and seeing their trees, I have been inspired to post some photos of our tree.

KC took some photos of my favourite ornaments for me, because, as you all know, I suck.
This is the 1st year that I have all of the Rudolph ornaments - all of the different ones that I could find, anyway. I have Yukon Cornelius, and The Dentist Elf...what's his name? I have Rudolph with a light up nose, and Clarice, and I think that I have Santa in there some where, too.

This is KC's favourite ornament. She LOVES The Little Mermaid, and I do my best to indulge her. Maybe it's because she's 18 now, and I can barely see the little girl in my nearly grown daughter. Maybe it's because I'm just a big kid myself. Either way, Ariel has earned a place of honour on our tree.

Darth Vader. This is Hubby's ornament. Hubby was tired of seeing an angel or star at the top of the tree, so the Dark Lord Of The Sith has the glory this year. See him raising his fist in victory? He was a bit camera shy.....


R2- D2, another of my favourites. I had a big model of R2 when I was a kid, and have looking for another ever since my dad sold it at a garage sale. This will have to do in the meantime.

This was a gift from my FMIL last year. She hand painted one for all of us, and we think that they're great. I love hand made ornaments, I think that someday they will be the real treasures. Actually, they already are.

This is our tree, in all of it's glory. We would have bought a real tree ( not that this is an illusion, it's really there), but we don't have a car to bring it home. My brother bought one 2 years ago and carried it home 15 blocks. Tourists were taking photos of him the whole way. I have no desire to be either photographed or to struggle with a tree strapped to my back, so this was our only option. It's a little like a Charlie Brown tree, but I think that just adds to its charm.

My depression has been getting the better of me lately, and I am trying to focus on all of the positives in my life. With the exception of a loan from Hubbys boss to pay off our huge gas bill, things just don't seem to be going our way. I was feeling rather blue when I opened the mail on Friday. Along with the usual bills, I recieved 2 Christmas cards in the mail. One was from a long lost friend, and the other was from my Grandma, who lives about 3 hours away. Inside the card was a long letter, and a crisp new 10 dollar bill.
How cute is that? Thanks, Grandma, for the smile. I needed one.

A Terminator Christmas

Several years ago, when my (step)mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I told her that I wanted a Nativity scene. What I had in mind was something that would remind me of my Catholic/Lutheran upbringing. You know what I mean. Something like one of these.

THIS is what I got instead. It reminds me of something out of the Terminator movies. It weighs about 10 lbs, and if it ever fell on one of the dogs, they'd be hush puppies. Nothing screams Christmas like the T3 Nativity scene.

Crushes, Part 2

I forgot some very important guys in my first crush post. I'm sure that I'll forget more, but I just HAD to mention these guys. Oh, all of my crushes will be FAMOUS people this time.

Jerry O'Connell. Yeah, baby. He was in My Secret Indentity, and before that, he was the chubby kid in 'Stand By Me.' LOVED him in Sliders. He's engaged to John Stamos' ex, ol' what's her face.

Anthony Stewart Head. He was Giles, on Buffy. I don't really know why I like him so much. Maybe it's because you think he's stuffy and boring, but if he wanted to, he could kick your ass. He could. His brother was the one hit wonder guy, Murray Head that sang One Night In Bangkok in the 80's. Talented family.

Corey Haim. I know that he tried to sell his teeth on E Bay. I know that he is drug addidct that had to get his mom to pay his tab at Candy Mountain. I KNOW. He's a cute little Canadian boy, and I love him anyway. Sorry

Jon Erik Hexum. He was only 26 when he died. I was about 15 and it crushed my spirit. He died too young, and with so much potential. On the bright side, he was an organ donor, and many people benefited from this tragedy. Among them was a pimp, who recieved his liver (or kidneys, my memeory is a bit hazy on that part). Great news for all of the johns out there.

James Marsters, also from Buffy. He's scrawny, and pale, but also moody and brooding. I love him.

I can't post my crushes without mentioning Keanu Reeves. Dreamy. I have loved him since Bill and Ted. Or was it Rivers Edge? Who knows? Who cares? He's just dreamy. Sigh.

I hate Beta

I hate beta. I had to switch, because I couldn't leave comments on any beta blogs. It took me 6 trys to sign in because apparently my password is wrong. So far, I don't see the benefits of this new version.

The Spirit Of Christmas

I guess by now most of my blog buddies know that the last few days have been, er..rough. To say the least. I wasn't feeling very Christmas-y, and I normally belt the holiday songs out all day long at this time of year. Thanks to my very good blog buddy, Dilling, all of that has changed!
I recieved a gorgeous photo in the mail today - a complete surprise! Dilling sent me a photo as part of her art share, even though I am NOT an atrist, and only commented on her blog.
I have to say, it made my day. This gesture of friendship and kindness has raised my spirits and renewed my faith. I want to share this photo with you all, but it will have to wait until one of my kids can help me ( I know, I suck).
Thank you, Dilling, and Marni, and CindyDianne, and Snowcrush, and Tod, and 4D, and Gardenia, and Skippy, and Kate Isis, and Heidi (that goes with out saying), and Nonny, and Her Indoors, and Corky and Camie..... and thank you everyone for your support and friendship!
(hope that I haven't missed anyone, I love you all!)

5 More Things/6Weird Things about Me

I have been tagged by Skippymom to reveal 5 MORE things that you may not know about me, and by Gardenia, to come clean with 6 weird things about me. I'll combine them together and tell you some of my deep, dark, secrets.
When I asked my kids to help me with my weird list, the answer was the same from all 3. Compulsive vacuuming. I hate housework, and because of my depression, it is an even bigger struggle. I do however, vacuum. My vac never gets put away, it just gets parked. I heard the kids whispering about an intervention.
I love the smell of gasoline and new tires. When I was little, my Dad had a towing buisiness, and it reminds me of him. If only I could find that in a perfume......
The next one is a big one. I once had a crush on my brother. Before you all start playing the Duelling Banjos theme from Deliverance, there is a bit of a back story. He wasn't actually my brother at the time. He was my Dads girlfriends kid then, and I thought he was oh so sweet. Our parents got married, my Dad adopted him, and now we are completely estranged. So much for brotherly love.
I married my 1st husband out of guilt. Catholic guilt, actually. We had a daughter, and were living in sin, and my parents were freaking out. I knew that he wasn't Mr. right, just Mr. RightNOW, but married him anyway. I cried walking down the aisle because I KNEW that it was a mistake. They weren't tears of joy.
I stayed married to my 2nd husband because I loved his mom so much. I didn't want to lose her, and I felt like a 2nd divorce would be the equivilent of wearing a big scarlet letter on my chest. As it turns out, that the divorce was one of the best things that I ever did.
I know things before they happen, and I often have dreams that come true. Don't start asking me about lottery numbers or ask me to tell you your future. It doesn't work like that for me. Sometimes, I just KNOW things. I knew that I was going to lose my baby when I was pregnant with my son. There was no reason to even think this, as I was healthy and (relatively) happy at the time. He died as aresult of (my) being kicked, but I knew the day BEFORE. I even told a friend the day before he died. I had a dream about a little boy that lived on my street years ago. In the dream he fell through the ice while playing hockey and drowned. It happened about 2 weeks later. It's not all bad. When a 4 year old neighbour took off from her yard, everyone imagined the worst. I knew that she was safe, and found her hiding in the bushes across the road from our apartment. I had a feeling that she was safe, and somhow knew where to find her. Weird.
I hope this enough for you guys. I think that you know pretty much everything about me now. No more secrets.

Want a really good true story?
Check out the Adult in Question from Random Me and Stuff.
www.randommeandstuff.blogspot.com
You won't believe it.

And Finally

We got the bill paid. Hubby went to city hall and paid it, and it was reconnected in about 2 hours. YAY! The final bill that was given to Hubby, and that we paid, was different once again, then the bill that we recieved YESTERDAY.
I can fight this. I should fight this. I just don't know if I will. It stresses me out too much. I don't think that even if and when we prove our case, they will give us any of our money back.
You can't fight city hall. Truly. Did they win? Yup. They won. They got everything that they wanted, and then some. I can sleep peacefully, and warmly, in my own bed tonight. The kids are safe, and our Christmas will be a good one, because we will all be together. They can NOT come after me again, because they have nailed me for EVERY address that they had on file for me. I don't have to look over shoulder, or worry about this popping up ever again.
Did they win? Yup. They won, but I will be one sleeping peacefully tonight.

And, Breathe

Ok. I am a little more composed. Hubby has a cheque for almost the exact amount that we need, and we should be able to cover the rest. Hubby approached his boss, and his boss agreed to loan him the money to pay the bill. I spoke with the gas company, and they have agreed to put off cutting the water until 4pm today. We should have the WHOLE bill paid by then. I don't know if they will restore my heat/hot water today, and seeing as how it's a Friday........If they don't turn the heat on by tonight, we're going to a cheap motel. (Hubby got paid today, so we can swing it for one night).
I still have my paper work, and I am going to ask that this whole matter be looked into. I KNOW that I do not owe this money. Every bill that I ever had for arrears (before) was for $429.00, which I paid.
I don't understand HOW the city can cut my water when I am NOT, and NEVER have been behind. It makes no sense. By cutting my water, they would be deconstructing my family. Obviously, I can't have a 12 year old diabetic here with no water. I was thinking about it last night, and you need water for almost EVERYTHING. Cooking, cleaning, bathing, brushing your teeth.....I was dreading having to tell my 12 year old that not only is her birthday party cancelled, but she is also going into foster care because of the ASS HATS at city hall.
So, Hubby is picking up his cheque in less than an hour. Hopefully, we will all be warm and snug in our beds tonight.
Having all of my blog buddies cheering for me, and praying, in some cases, has made a real difference. Thanks..............................

The Truth About My Gas Bill

I am completely humilitated by this, but angry as hell at the same time. I have nothing to hide and I have no problem telling everyone what is happening.
This bill is not for one month, but goes back YEARS, according to the people in the good city of Kitchener, where I live, pay taxes, and to whom I make the payments on my gas and water.
The utility company came to me over a year ago, saying that I owed $400 from a previous address. I didn't dispute it, I really wasn't certain as to whether or not I paid the bill, from an address that we had left 2 years earlier. I agreed to pay it. The bill (after I made a $100 payment, and arranged to pay the rest within 2 weeks), then went up to $800, with the gas company saying that I now owed for another address. The bill then went up to $1200, $1500, $2000, and finally, $2500. The explanation given to me was that I had not made ONE payment on a gas bill in OVER 5 years. (one of the addresses in question was my ex husbands).
I do not reciepts that go back over 5 years. I am lucky to find anything from this month. Common sense would tell you that I had made payments on the bill, or it would have disconnected YEARS ago. I found some reciepts, a couple, which the gas company never gave me credit for. One account # that we are being billed for, never even exisited. If they can make a mistake on that one, then why not all of them, or at least more than one. They refuse to even consider the fact that we don't owe this amount. The bill has now jumped from $2500 to $3256.88 without an explanation. (They want an extra 50 for when that reconnect me). Since we have lived here, I have been paying my bill, including $150 that I paid last WEEK.
I know that we look like dead beats. I know it. I do not owe this money, and I have no way of paying off such a large amount. I am paying my bills, as best as I can. We just finished paying that crazy hydro bill. I paid it in full, even though I was double billed for a portion of it.
So, the utility company refuses to cut me any slack. We have offered to make payments, but they won't hook us back up until we are paid off in full. I am afraid to make payments, I am afraid that the bill will continue to grow, and we will never be paid off. They are disconnecting our water tomorrow. I don't owe ANYTHING for water, other than this months bill. They are cutting the water until they get $2000 for the GAS. Does this sound like black mail to you? It does to me.
Once the water is cut, we have to place the girls elsewhere. Not only can we NOT live here without water, but the Children's Aid will take them if they find out. I can NOT imagine a Christmas without my kids.
We have phoned the mayors office. He can't/won't help. We have phoned everyone. EVERYONE. Does anyone have a number for God?


P.S. After some digging, I did find some paper work from the gas company. The numbers do not match, and the amounts owing for the addresses in question are not the same as what the gas company claimed today. I also found one reciept for a payment not credited to me. I think that is all coming too late. The lady that Hubby spoke with today advised us to pay the bill in full, and then they would re-evaluate what we owe. They would be more than happy to reimburse us after the fact.
I think that it's too late anyway. The gas is already cut, and the water is going first thing in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed, guys. I could use some happy thoughts.

It just keeps getting better around here. I just got a bill for $3206.88 from the gas company. They didn't even give me a chance to make payments or explain. Nothing. The gas has already been cut, so now we have no heat, and no hot water. Just in time for Christmas.
I don't even know how I"ll tell KK and J. Who cares about fucking Christmas gifts when you have no heat? We lived for over a year boiling water in a pot for hot water, and I can't do it again. It took me 2 months to pay off the $1200 that we owed hydro. This will take us 4 or 5 months, and in the meantime - no hot water or heat.
I may not be around for awhile, guys. This is something that I just can't deal with right now. Sorry about the language. If I'm not back before, have a good holiday.
Bridget
I just read the fine print. Tomorrow the water gets cut. With no water, the kids can't live here. If Children's Aid finds out, they'll take them away. Merry Christmas, kids.

Crushed

Who remembers my crush tag? Anyone? Everyone? Scroll down, it's still on the page. I wrote about a few of my crushes, including my 7 yr old crush, Dennis Fanti. Normally, I change the names a bit (like I did in my weird job post, except for Rick the Creepy Morgue guy), but I thought that one name from 30 years ago....Who'll ever know?
Dennis will, cuz he just e mailed me. Yup, the one that I desribed as "hot, in a 7 yr old kinda way." I could DIE.
I'll let you know what happens next................................

My former MIL is coming over today. I love it when she comes over. It seems like we don't get enough time together. Isn't it always that way with the people that you love?

For Tod

Ah, the morgue. I worked there for a few months right after my 2nd marriage came to a crashing halt. For those of you wondering HOW I got the job, it all started with these words..." I could totally do the Quincy thing!"
Seriously, that's how it started.
My marriage was over, and I was looking for a job. I had been home with the kids since they were born, and the baby was going into kindergarten. I wanted to work, it felt like the right time. The only problem was finding a job that fit this criteria:
I needed to be home by supper time. The little one was diabetic, and the middle one had epilepsy, so paying a sitter for any more than a couple of hours was out of the question. The girls fell into the 'special needs' catagory, thus tripling the hourly wage for any sitter.
Weekends had to be optional, or a few hours spread out over the 2 days. For the same reasons as above.
I needed to earn enough to pay my way to work, and for the occasional sitter. I needed a job that would allow me take phone calls at work in case of an emergency.
So with all of this criteria in front of me, I set out to find a job.
As luck would have it, most of my family works in the medical profession. My brother in law was a morgue attendant part time, working on his off time from the fire house. My mom worked in the lab at the hospital, and was the head of her department. My sister worked in x-ray at the same hospital.
My mom hooked me up with her boss, who asked me one question before hiring me.
"Do you faint?"
I am a fainter, from way back. Blood isn't the trigger, though, it's stress or low blood sugar. Blood I don't mind.
That was that. I sat in on an autopsy to see if I could do it. I was at work within about 4 days of my 'interview.'
I don't remember much about that 1st autopsy. I only watched, afterall. I do recall that a police officer that was also observing nearly passed out. Much like the opening credits in Quincy.
I was hooked. It didn't matter that the guy training me looked like an escapee from the morgue. He was sallow and morose, with dark circles under his eyes. I called him Rick, The Creepy Morgue Guy. He LOOKED like the morgue guy. I guess that made me the morgue girl. Creepy.
Rick was a nice guy, but it felt odd having him hit on me while I sewing up a chest, or using a bone saw to extract someone's ribs.
The best part of the whole thing was the money. I won't lie. I was making $24.98 an hour....Six years ago. Weekends were mostly on call, and you got paid extra for that, plus they gave a way cool pager.
Most shifts were about 4 hours long, and the only time that they did nighttime autopsies was during an emergency....Like some sort of catastrofic event. We don't get much of those here.
My duties were all hands on. I did the cutting, the organ removal, I sewed 'em back up, I cleaned them afterwards, and I cleaned the room and utensils.
I LOVED IT.
The blood never bothered me. I had so many layers of protective gear that it was easy for me to focus on the task at hand. My brother in law helped to train me, too. I took the flack for him on the day that we rushed out to make it to my Dad's memorial service. He did a piss poor job cleaning up our 'client', and the family was quite upset. Blame it on the trainee, thank you very much. Chris might have been fired if they knew it was actually him that left poor Amy looking like that.
Yes, I remember her name. She was a nun that hung herself in a utility closet. The cops were called in on that one because of the circumstances. I'll never forget her face, or the feeling of sorrow that washed over me when the coroner ruled her death a suicide. What could have caused her to lose her faith so? I'll never know.
There was a young woman, 26, that came in one day. She looked about 40, with needle marks and years of hard living etched on her face. Her name? I know it, too. She had a little flower in the body bag with her. Her 4 year old son placed it there when they took her away. I made certain that it went back in the bag when we were done. COD? Drug over dose. She had 2 kids, and a drug habit that cost her her life. The worst part of it was seeing her common law husband on TV 3 days later, begging the viewers for help, because his wife had died of heart failure. He was parading his kids around on camera for all to see. It turned my stomache.
Then there was Jim. Jim was about 40. He had just come out to his family and discovered that he was HIV positive. He jumped to his death from a parking garage. I took extra time with him. I tried to give him the dignity and care in death that he must've felt was so lacking in his life.
Does this sound depressing? I didn't really look at it like that. I learned so much from that job. I learned about life, and death, and dignity. I liked taking care of the people that came my way. I did my utmost to treat them the same way that I would if they were a family member or a friend. I loved the people that I worked with. Even creepy Rick was ok. When he wasn't hitting on me..(Ohh, I like big girls...Oh, Bridget a wonderful woman like you deserves better...You're ex doesn't know what he's missing. If you were my girl....When all of that failed, he enlisted my mother to help him. He even tried enticing me with his swimming pool). I liked the quiet solitude of the morgue, and working alone. I would turn up the radio and dance with my mop while I cleaned. Plus, not one single client EVER complained about me. 100% client satisfaction!
I was home with my kids when I needed to be, making good money, and for the 1st time in my life, my family was proud of me. So what was the problem?
Kids. That was one problem. I thought that since there were no children admitted to the hospital, there would be no autopsies of children. Not so. Apparently, our hospital got the spill over from the other local hospital. And they ALWAYS sent the stinky ones. That was my other problem. The stinkers. Blood, I can handle. Guts, cutting, sewing, no problem. Stinkers and bugs.....That was where I drew the line. I won't go into it, but let's just say that morgue work can involve maggots.
I had one lady that had sat in the sun for so long, that she bloated beyond recognition. I don't remember her name, but refer to her simply as 'The Green Lady.' She exploded.
The other problem that I had was another apparent suicide. He came into the morgue in about 8 pieces, and his face came in an envelope. That in itself wasn't the problem. The fact that I knew the face was. It was the brother of a man that had dated my sister Posh. Someone that I knew? It was too much.
I reluctantly turned in my scrubs and quit my job. I didn't think that I would be able to perform another procedure on a friend, a family member, or someone that I had even met in passing. My short lived career was over.
It's ok. You put morgue attendant on your resume, and you get the employers attention. They know that you'll do ANYTHING for money. All's well that ends well.
And Rick? He married a woman that LOVED his swimming pool. I was NOT invited to the wedding.

While struggling to come up with a blog topic, my daughter KK suggested that I write about her. She is 15. She wants a monkey for Christmas. She's not getting one.


I could write about other things. I could write about my brother, TMOC and the recent phone call that I got from him. He saw the photo of my Christmas village and wants to know WHY I have a farm in the city limits. He wants to know if I remember where HE was Confirmed. He wants to know WHY I don't mention him more often in my blog. Oh yeah. He also told me that he is a wearing a kilt when he gets married in May and that he looks better in a skirt than me. That was pretty much the jist of our long distance conversation. I told him that YES, he would look better in a skirt than me, I do NOT remember where he was Confirmed, and the farm is in the city limits because I am the city planner, thank you very effing much. I swear, he moves 1500 miles away and still drives me crazy.
Really, I don't know what to write about. I would love some suggestions. PLEASE. I am begging for some suggestions. I'll take any.

Tagged!!!!!!!!

I have been tagged by Marni, over at A Pug's Life, to write some sort of tell all about my crushes. There have been so many that I barely know where to start.
My earliest crush was probably in kindergarten. His name was Mike, and we liked each other because we were the fastest runners in the whole class. I don't remember much about him, except that we always sat beside each other in the reading circle. Anything was better than sitting next to Tony Baloney....He peed his pants more than once, prompting our teacher to change the 'sharing circle' to the 'reading circle'. Tony shared a little too much.
My next crush was Luke. He was in my grade 1 class. Once again, there was too much sharing going on in the circle. This time, however, it was me. I showed Luke what was under my shirt, right there, in the classroom of my Catholic school. That was the 1st time that I was ever sent to the principal's office. Next was Dennis Fanti. We played Electrowoman and Dynagirl at recess. He was hot, in a 7 year old kinda way.....
My first reciprocated love was Robbie Shushack. We were both 10, and man, was I in love! He had a fort in his backyard, and we hung out there with Posh and Robbie's best friend. We shared a mutal love of animals and spent every waking moment hanging out and riding our bikes to the horse stable. I still have the silver heart that he gave me on the day that he moved away.

This is Dirk Benedict. You know him as the Face man from the A-Team, or Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica. He was hot then, he's hot now.

This is Randolph Mantooth. From Emergency! Yup, still hot.

Next on the list is Christopher Atkins. He was the man of dreams for oh so many years. He was in Blue Lagoon, The Pirate Movie, and Dallas. No one has ever filled out a loin cloth quite like him.

Marc Singer. Remember him from V? Running in those tight jeans? Enough said.

Carlo Imperato. Danny from Fame. Hey, you knew that I loved "Fame." Now you know why.

There have been other guys. My first love started out as a crush. His name was Blaine, and I fell for him hard. I thought that I would never love again after I moved back to Ontario and left him behind in Nova Scotia. I still think of him from time to time.......

My biggest crush EVER was, and always will be Shawn. He was my next door neighbour when we 1st met. Sort of. He WAS my next door neighbour, but we had some of the same friends, went to the same parties, and hung out at all of the same places for 20 years. He knew 2 of my brothers for years. He knew TMOC's bio father, and uncle. He worked for that uncle. Strange that it took us living in the same ghetto to actually meet. I do believe that it was fated, and that we were meant to be together.

So there you have it. Most of my crushes from the past 20 + years..... What a blast from the past.......Now it's my turn to tag.....I tag The Adult in Question, Cindydianne, and Tod..............You're it!

Too Much Time On My Hands

I've been sick. Some kind of cold/flu type bug. I haven't done much of anything, I've slept, and I've done alot of thinking this week. There isn't much else to do when you're lying in your bed (alone) all day, with a snotty nose and a pounding headache.
So this is what I've been thinking of.
My brother is getting married. I love my brother. I adore his fiancee, who I have known for 22 years. She is a wonderful person, with a heart of gold, and a quick wit. ( You need both to be with with my brother). I live in Ontario, TMOC and Lovely live in Nova Scotia. I have 3 kids, and a houseful of pets. (No, really, a houseful. 2 dogs, one cat, 3 birds 9 bunnies, a turtle, a guinea pig...have I missed any???). We don't have a lot of money. I can't work, and we barely eek by on Hubby's pay. TMOC and Lovey want us to come to the wedding. I WANT to go the wedding. It will cost us about $2000, to take the train, and pay for hotels/motels/food. I don't have 2 grand. Our Mum will be there. We haven't spoken in about 3 years. We will not speak at the wedding. I have no one to take care of my pets. Hubby won't want to take time off of work, cuz he's a sub contractor and taking off one week could cost him a job that may last for months.
I don't know what to do. KC has booked the time off of work, and is willing to pay for her train ticket, but that still leaves at least 3 more tickets, and expenses...........I feel so torn.
J has gained weight, and her blood sugar levels have come down ever so slightly. She still needs to gain about 5 pounds, and I'm worried about her long term health if we can't bring her numbers down. I don't know what to do, I am at a complete loss. I wish that I could take this away from her. I wish that she didn't have to live with this horrible disease.......I know, I know.....If wishes were lollipops..........
I am still unmedicated, due to the fact that that we don't have medical benefits. My meds would cost upwards of $200 a month without coverage. If I had my meds, I could probably work part time. Without them, my depression worsens, and I'm afraid that I'll end up in the booby hatch - AGAIN.
On the bright side, being sick has also given me time to think of all of the things that I am grateful for....It's actually a pretty long list.
I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my sweet (but naughty) puppy, a working furnace, diet pop, push up bras, my cute little house, my king size mattress, a long, hot bath, (thanks to the working furnace, and gas), chocolate, of any kind, a Hubby that LOVES to cook, that Fame is back on in re runs (don't judge me!), my washer and dryer ( we spent nearly 2 years going to a laundromat where the owner alternately hit on me, or KC.......EWWWW), my uber-comfy sleep pants (I'm wearing them right now), and, the ability to laugh. Honestly, witout it, I would be back in the booby hatch.....Oh, I can't forget my computer, which has brought all of you into my life.....
Have a good weekend, everyone.

Not a Total Crap-Fest..........................................

I should tell you, the weekend wasn't a total crap- fest. I got to sneak in a visit with my favourite people and pug in the whole world. That's right, Heidi, Jethro, The Boy, The Girl, and The Pug, all came to visit. We rarely get a chance to visit, due to the unfortunate lack of automobile, and the great distance......That should all change after Heidi and Jethro buy their farm. I know that farms are generally OUT of town, but it will be much closer to THIS town. I can't wait.
It seems that Ruby and the Pug are in love. There was a definite connection. I can't help but wonder what pug/yorkie-shih-tzu's would look like?

Thanks For The Lift, Dad

After bitching so much about Hubby's family, I was starting to feel a little guilty. I was thinking that they couldn't be all THAT bad. I mean, maybe was being too harsh.
We got a phone call from Hubby's eldest sis about 4 days ago. Hubby's mom is turning 80 and the family is having a big dinner at a resuarant on December 8 th...Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could be there? Now, I like this sister of Hubby's. We don't see her much, she stays out of the family conflicts, and she has always been nice to me. Hubby nixed the idea right away, but I told him that we should think about it. How bad could it be?
We were at Wal -Mart today (yes, yes, I love Wal-Mart), and we ran into another sister. He has 7, so it happens.....We were both waiting for rides...We were waiting for a taxi, she was waiting on Shawn's dad. Sure enough, Shawn's dad pulls up. When sis tellls him that we're waiting on a taxi, he waves, AND DRIVES AWAY.
Thanks, dad, you ass-hat. I guess that there will be 5 empty seats at the dinner table on the 8th.

Andy

I saw my Godson tonight. He works at Wal-Mart, stocking shelves. I don't see much of him anymore, he's 19 now, no longer the little boy that once spent countless nights sleeping over, the same little boy that would throw his arms sround me in a big bear hug, the little boy that I almost raised as my own.
I met his mom when we were kids. I was 18, and she was just turning 16. We were both pregnant with our first baby, and living at St. Anne's House, a home for unwed mothers. Andrea, kept mostly to herself, keeping the paternity of her unborn baby a secret. I felt bad for her, so young, and so alone. Her son was born on November 9, 1987, while I was at a dentist appointment. She moved out shortly after.
KC was born on March 6, 1988, and it wasn't long after that we bumped into each other again. Andrea's son was gorgeous, a tow headed chubby little guy with a quick smile and an infectous laugh. Andy and KC spent so much time together that they thought they were brother and sister. I babysat Andy when Andrea went to school, out on dates, looked for a job. I bought him new outfits each time I bought one for KC, and each toy that I bought was bought in pairs. I loved him like my own, and he loved me the same way.
Andrea got a scholarship after she finished highschool. A full ride to a University in B.C, lodging, food, books, the whole 9 yards. There was only one problem.
Andy.
Andy was only about a year old when the offer was made to his mom. She couldn't take him to B.C. She couldn't have a baby in the student residences. She had no family, no friends out there. She had no way to take care of him.
I honestly can't say whether she asked or I offered. Either way, she wanted me to take Andy. It was that, or he was going into foster care. I couldn't let that happen. This little boy was a part of my life. He was a part of my family. I loved him unconditionally, and even at a year old, he felt it.
Andrea made plans to go, and I readied myself to have 2 one year olds living in my little second floor apartment. I can't remember why Andrea didn't go. It was 18 years ago. My memory has faded, some things are better forgotten.
She stayed, and Andy stayed with her. I don't think that she ever got over not going, I don't think that she ever forgave Andy for holding her back. He was what some people would call a problem child. He couldn't sit still, he broke stuff, he lied, he stole. I loved him anyway.
I lost track of his mom a couple of years ago. She's not a bad person, she's just different than me. We have different priorities, a different way of thinking. She is very needy, and I just don't have it in me to give anymore. I know how that sounds, but I couldn't rush to her aid when my own family was in need.
So, I see my Godson every now and again. His mom kicked him out about 6 months ago, because he was "In her way." He went to live with an aunt, one of his mom's sisters that needs a person to take care of her young boys- for free. He sleeps on a couch and I know that he's paying her bills.
When I saw him tonight, what he told me nearly made me cry, right there in the health and beauty aids aisle where we were standing. He has dropped out of school and is spending all of his free time at the bar.
I feel an incredible sense of guilt. I made a promise before God and witnesses to be there for him, to guide him, to be there when no one else was. I feel like I should have encouraged him more, kicked his ass if needed, I should have told him that I cared.
KC will turn 19 in a few more months. She is in college, working part time, struggling to find her way. How could these 2 kids that once shared a crib, be so different now?
I saw my Godson tonight. He was stacking shelves and smiling, talking to co workers. I saw my Godson. For a brief moment, he was 9 months old again, sitting on my lap. He was 5 years old, getting ready for Halloween. He was 7, and we were having his birthday party at my house. All of these memories flashed before my eyes, and I cried.
I cried for Andy and what has become of him, and I cried for KC. I am thankful that my daughter is still in school, pursuing her dreams. I can't help but wonder about Andy. I wonder if he would've had a chance if his mother would've gone away. I wonder if she blames him for all of her failings. I wonder if his mom ever thinks of me. I wonder, if, like me, she wonders what would've happened if I would've kept Andy. I wonder if she knows that with a different life, he would've stood a chance.
I wonder.

I'm giving in to peer pressure, and I'm posting a photo. Please be nice...I was 3 sheets to the wind here. Hubby and I were at my cousin's wedding, a little over a year ago. It seems that I drank all of the gin that night...Me. Just me. Let's hear it for open bars!!!!














This is Charlie, our cockatiel, or as Hubby likes to call him, our cockatool. See him stomping through my Christmas village? Nice. Thanks, Charlie.







This is Bird. We used to call him Steve, but he answers simply to 'Bird.' He's a jerk. He screams when the phone rings, has been known to do fly bys on unsuspecting visitors, (and KK), and sometimes, just sometimes, will nest in my hair.





















On a more serious note, I am taking J to see her endocrinologist tomorrow.....I am praying that she has put on more (enough) weight, and that we are one step closer to getting her the pump. It has been such a long wait. I'll keep you posted and let you know what the Dr. says....I'm sure that it'll be a lot!

How Many of Me - Census Search

How Many of Me - Census Search

This, is the story of my life.

This is the other thing that we did this weekend. We made cookies. Christmas cookies, to freeze and save for later...well, that was the idea. Instead, we made a pile of cookies and ate most of them. This photo is the pizza cookie that KK and J made. It was SOO good!
My former mother-in-law is coming over today. There was something mentioned about donuts and coffee. I love when she comes over. She loves my Hubby and tells everyone that he is her son in law. When you go to her house, your just as likely to photos of us as you are to see photos of my ex. Actually, you're more likely to see photos of us..
Grandma just got here, with donuts as promised. Guess it's up to me to make the coffee.....

Christmas Village Time!!!

It's that time of year again! Christmas village time!! KK set it up for me today while I was making supper. See the farm in the top photo? Brand new this year. It's my new favourite. I'll probably spend the next month or so moving the pieces around. The kids always put random crap in it, just to piss me off. It works. Today, we found Ruby walking through the village like she owns the place. I can't wait until we put up the tree. Darn dog will probably try to climb it. Or bark at it. For hours, like she did with J's parka, and the Pine-Sol, and the steam cleaner, all of the things have frightened her in the past couple of days.
Yesterday, J and I used our free passes to the movies to see The Santa Clause 3. I had a pretty good time. The movie wasn't exactly oscar worthy, but for a mom and her nearly 12 yr old daughter, it was ok. Besides, I didn't get hit with anything this time. And, it was free.

Five Things That You Might not Know About My Guy...

Ok, here we go again. This time, however, I'm writing about my guy. He's a pretty interesting fellow, really.

1. He was once picked up by the police for riding the KFC bucket. You know the one, and don't tell me that you haven't thought about riding that spinning bucket yourself. The thing is, it isn't really a bucket. It LOOKS like a bucket, but there's nowhere to climb IN, you have to climb ON. Anyway, he was just about up when the cops started pulling on his leg. I don't think that they pressed any charges..That time.

2. Hubby once had a pet gator. Well, it was a camen, actually. His name was Booger, and he grew to about 7 feet. He started out living in a kiddie pool, and he eventually took over the whole basement. When the police raided the house (that's another story, folks), he was taken away to the African Lion Safari.


3. He once brought a live weasel to school for show and tell. In a garbage bag. Do you really need to know more????

4. His teachers used to give him 10 minutes at the start of each day to perform a stort of stand up routine. It was easier that way.



5. He was once beat up by a priest. Seriously. I think that it had something to do with Hubby eating the Host and drinking the wine for school mass. I his defence, Father Bernie was a tough old guy.....

Another darn squirrel blew my hydro out today. Great. I'm beginning to think that it may be a conspiracy.....

These are my girls...KK is the 80's Madonna, and KC is the tigerlicious babe with the ears....KK's boyfriend went out as Jiffy Pop popcorn. KK protested the whole time that we teased her hair. She never would've survived the 80's. Teased hair was part of my daily routine, for crying out loud!

Happy Hallowe'en, Everyone

Ok, I figure that most of you have been stopping by my blog long enough to know that with out the help of my kids, I am hopeless case when it comes to the computer...So, this is what you get when I left to my own devices. I haven't got a clue as to how to turn the photos....

The top photo is KC and Ruby, in her bumble bee costume. The 2nd one is Pork Chop in her Hallowe'en tutu..She is NOT impressed.

I was looking for some photos of Hubby and I from Hallowe'en a few weeks back. No dice. If I find 'em, I'll post 'em later.

Have a happy Hallowe'en, stay safe.

Friday Night

What a weekend...Hubby and I went to the movies. This was a fairly monumentous event in light of our little cash flow problem. We decided to see Saw 3 and forgo the snacks and drinks, just paying the price of admission. We generally hit the movies every couple of weeks, so I was chomping at the bit to get out and see a new movie.
The movie was great. It was over the top gore and horror. I even had to look away from the screen a couple of times. ME! The former morgue worker, the horror movie queen, looked away!! I still can't believe it.
The whole evening would've been wonderful if it hadn't been for the incessant thump-thump-thumping on the back of my seat. And the chatty Cathy's talking all the way through it. Twicw Hubby asked the guys sitting behind us to PLEASE stop kicking the seat, PLEASE stop talking. I'll never understand WHY some people pay admission to the movies and talk all the way through it.
At the end of the movie, I told the two 20 something boys that they had ruined the movie for me. The one kid, on crutches, turns to me, and says 'what are you going to do,punch out a cripple?'
Now look, I was pissed, but I wasn't about to punch anyone out in the lobby of a movie theatre. Not even a loud mouth, ill mannered, howler monkey on cruthches.
His friend, the seat kicker, looked like he was about to cry. I thought that I might get an apology out of him. I might have, to, if Howler Monkey would've shut up.
I told the loud mouth that I had an 11 year old at home was better behaved ( I do), at which point, I swear, the Seat Kicker had tears in his eyes.
Howler Monkey just couldn't shut up.
He cursed me out, screamed, threatened, and called me names, at which point I was about ready to punch out the cripple.
I responded with 'your parents must be so proud.'
They eventually left, and we waited a couple of minutes, and walked the other way. I was ready and willing to laugh the whole bad expirience off until a van load of men drove by and drilled a huge can at my head.
Seriously.
I wish that I would've tripped the Howler Monkey.
I phoned the manager at the movie theatre to let him know what had happened. His response to me?
"Sounds like a typical Friday night."
He gave me 2 free passes to the movies. I think that we'll go again, just not on Friday night. Either that, or I'm wearing a helmut.

5 MORE Things That You May Not Know About Me...

1. I hate stickers. No, really, it's almost pathological. A sticker on my banana or apple? Can't eat it. A sticky price tag? Someone else has to pull it off. If a sticker gets stuck to ME? You'll see me dance and squeal like I'm in pain. Sad, but true.

2. I once left a wedding via a bathroom window. Long story short? Dirty dancing with the groom REALLY pisses off the bride. In rural Nova Scotia, they think nothing of chasing you out of town...Piled into a pick up truck shooting at you with a shot gun! Sheesh! Some people are SOO touchy. Thank goodness the bride can't shoot her way out of a paper bag.......

3. I lived in a "home" for unwed mother's when I was expecting my 1st daughter. It was a nightmare for me! I got caught sneaking out once....I was climbing out of my second story bedroom window. Can't remember where I was going, but it must've been important.

4. I once fell out of a moving car. I was about 4, and I was out for a cruise with my Dad. I had my handy dandy pea shooter with me and I was trying to get a good shot at the kid in the car beside us...I told my Dad that I hit the door handle with my knee, but I'm pretty sure that I may have opened the door to get a better shot...I flew out, but had enough sense to grab the door. My Dad had drive about 100 feet or so to get on to the shoulder of thee road, and slow down so that I wouldn't get crushed by the door if he slammed on the brakes. I was wearing these awful yellow plaid overalls that day...Man they were itchy. I remember thinking (as my Dad and Grandma were cleaning gravel and fabric out of knees), 'at least I won't have to these pants ever again.' Nope. My Nanie made 'em into shorts.

5. I was almost hit by a car while at work one day. No, no, I wasn't part of a road crew, I was a cashier at a grocery store. It was February, 2001, and I was inside, at my till when a car came crashing through the store front windows. In actuality, it was about 30 feet away from me, but when an outta control vehicle is coming at you 90 miles an hour, and you're standing INDOORS, it scares the crap outta ya. Turns out that an elderly man with dementia had been left alone in an idling car, and he decided to look for his wife....He ran over a woman, and she got stuck under 20 pounds of drywall, and the car. The store manager didn't even close the store...He just ushered people AROUND the trapped woman. Nice guy, huh?

I was going to post 10 things that you may not know about me, but I decided to do it in smaller installments.....My life sounds way more exciting when I break it down like this.....