Saturday, March 07, 2009

Damn Blogger

I have no idea what is happening, but all of my comments are missing! No matter where I comment lately, or on which blog, the comments just - poof - disappear!
Barring a conspiracy, blogger has to be screwing up, yet again!
Either way, I really have not been on much lately. I came down with a nasty flu. Can your brain actually melt when your fever hits 102.5? Let's hope not!
Shawn at the casino
Lola sleeping happily, legs in the air.

Dog pile.
KC turned 21 yesterday and she asked (ordered) me not to post any of the photos. I felt (feel) too miserable to even move, so I still owe her a birthday dinner. Maybe I can do it tomorrow...
The pups are really coming into their own little personalities now. They still run sideways at times, but they can do much more quickly. They tear the house up in minutes and are seemingly fearless. Bumble is afraid of the balloon bouquet - the pups pull it around the livingroom. They are an endless source of entertainment.
Wednesday is our Big Concert night. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am well enough to go. I will be so bummed if I miss Motley Crue. I want to relive my youth, dammit!



Monday, March 02, 2009

I have a mustache

KC, Kayla, and Jessica saw this the other day and nearly passed out from the laughter.....I LOVE it!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Birthday Photos

How cute is Flor with the puppies? Yesterday we had some visitors...Gabriel and three of his kids (There was Juan missing, again) stopped by with a 'Gaby' cake. All that Kayla asked for a Gaby cake and of course, Gaby was kind enough to oblige. She has done this twice for us, and I am so touched.
I wish that I would have taken more photos. I always think about that after...


Kayla got a super cool Batman balloon from Mom Dad.

This is Caro with Bruno and Lola. She feel in love with the puppies, but everyone does right? Isn't that why they call it puppy love?
I had to pinky promise her that she could come over anytime she wanted to play with the babies and Bumble. Bumble is a huge attention hog and would eat that up. A pinky promise is unbreakable, after all.


This is the Gaby cake. I can not even describe it. It has three kinds of milk, apparently. Skim milk. That makes it practically diet, right??? OMG, it was soo moist.
Today is Shawn's birthday. We are waiting for him to get home so that he can open his gifts and we can go to the casino. I have never been gambling before. Well, ok, once, at my brothers stag and doe I put a dollar on that wheel that yo spin, and when I was a kid, I would gamble away my allowance at the fall fair. This is different. This is grown up gambling!
I am pretty broke, which actually works in my favour. I have $20 to blow and then I am done.
If I win big, that will make all that much more exciting.
Ok, I have to get moving. I need to do my hair and make sure that I look good for when the photogs take my winning photo.
Look for me in the paper!



Friday, February 27, 2009

Kayla is 18

Today, my middle baby, Kayla turns 18. Did you hear me? I said EIGHTEEN!
It seems like only yesterday that I brought the bright eyed tyke home from the hospital.
I have so many stories to tell, so many fond memories of her growing into the beautiful young lady that she is today....She is kind, and silly, and always makes me laugh, even when I don't want to.
She is incredible, and beautiful, and everything that I had ever hoped for - and more.
Happy Birthday, Bubbie.
I love you.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


There is not much happening here right now. I am kind of on a down swing as far as my mental health is concerned and I just don't feel like doing much of anything.
Still, there are puppies to be fed, watered and played with. They are way more active now and are actually interacting with us. They come running when one of us calls 'puppies' at dinner or playtime. Mind you, so does Bumble. He has been acting out recently - chewing on shoes and peeing on the bathroom floor. I keep reminding myself that he probably has middle child syndrome and this too shall pass.
Speaking of middle child - Kayla turns 18 on Friday.
EIGHTEEN!
This is mind blowing.
Jessica went to see her doctor today and she is weighing in at a whopping 113 lbs. She looks great and is healthier than ever. Maybe it has something to do with her extended grounding and the subsequent family time that she was exposed to? I don't really know and I don't even care, for that matter. She has started hanging out with some different kids at school and the change has been noticeable even in the past couple of weeks.
KC and I watched Blindness on Friday evening. (We were too cheap -errr, broke to hit the theatre). I will just say this - Don't bother. It should have been called Lameness.
Just saying.

Tomorrow Shawn and I are off the OHIP office (the place that issues health cards to all Canadians, the card that allows you free access to health care) to try and get his mess straightened out. We were told that someone else had been issued a card in his name and that they would not be able to issue a card to Shawn.
That is unacceptable to us and tomorrow we are finally going to deal with the problem. Well, this is the government, so we'll see how it all turns out. All I know is that somebody better help us with this.
So, that's it.
Guess I better hit the sack. Ruby has been barking at night for her puppies and it has been well over a week since I have had a decent nights rest. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that tonight is my night.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I am sitting here, trying to think of what to write. Oh, I have a ton of crap on my mind, I just can't decide what it is I want to discuss.

The puppies are all fine. I am amazed each and every day at how quickly they are growing and changing. I have five tiny miracles right here in my living room.

Shawn may be back to work on Monday. His bosses are still out of the country, doing God knows what, while their employees are all waiting to work again so that they can do silly little things like, oh, I dunno, pay the rent??? You know, silly things like that.

Nothing much ever changes with Shawn's family. I really thought after we lost his sister last year that things would change with us. With them.

It looked as though things had improved, actually.

Family members were calling me by name, not just her or she. Nope, for the first few months, I heard my name.

Bridget.

Oh, yes, I hate my name, but having any of them call me Biddie doesn't sound right.

That was then.

A month or so ago, one of Shawn's family members called the house looking for Shawn or Brenda.

Brenda???

WTF?

Come one. We have been together for more than 7 years now.

Seven.

I was tempted to over look that.

I DID overlook that.

Then, today, the bullshit started all over again. Shawn's mom said some things to Shawn today that had him beyond upset..Livid, in fact.

It seems that no one in that family can wrap their tiny little minds around the fact that yes, we are a couple. (Couple of what??) Shawn has helped me raise these kids longer than - well, longer than the bio fathers have been around.

I am just about ready to give up. What does it take to get through to these people? What have I done - or not done - to make them treat me like I am less than human?

I don't want it to get to me, but it does.

How can I pretend that something doesn't hurt me when it tears me up inside?

Monday, February 16, 2009

February 15th, 2009. 1 st day eating solid food.


Sleepy little girl, crashed right out in Kayla's hand. (Feb 14 th)


Ok, ok, I promise, I will lay off of the puppy stuff - soon. My life is so wrapped up in puppies right now that there really isn't much else to talk about. They are just beginning to eat solid foods right now, and it is such a relief. Ruby can't feed them anymore - it could kill her - and I am not willing to risk my baby. Shawn has been an incredible nurse for the pups. Kayla has put all of her spare time into mothering and playing with them, too. Even Bumble has helped. He tries to be the mommy dog when nobody is looking.


Valentine's Day was meh. Shawn and I exchanged cards and I took Kayla and Jessica to the movies later in the evening. We wanted to see Coraline, but missed it, so we saw The Uninvited instead. It was creepy,and although I thought that I had it all figured out, there was a bit of a twist at the end. We had a great time, anyway, and that is the most important thing. I feel as though I need to reconnect with my girls, especially Jessica. There have been some issues between us that I really want to work on. Grade 9 can be such a pivotal year, with so many changes and different paths...I worry about my girls. Peer pressure can make or break you sometimes.
Tomorrow is Family Day here in Canada. We are planning on hanging out and playing board games, eating cake ( baked fresh by Kayla) and watching movies. Do you all have
plans for your day off?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Priceless


exam at vets office: $94


I.V. injection: $70


other costs related to vet care: $469


Saving Ruby Tuesday: Priceless



We had a close call tonight...I feel so blessed to have had friends and family step forward to help us save my Ruby dog.



It's going to be a long night - I have 5 little puppies to bottle feed.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

25 Random Things..Copied from facebook

25 Random Things

Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 11:47pm
Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I wish that my siblings lived closer..Just Steve and Kelly :)
2. My doggies are like my 'other' kids.
3 .I am closer to my former mother in law than I am to my own mom(s).
4. I have the best friends in the world. It's true, I do.
5. My daughter is named after a sister that I no longer speak to.
6. I HATE to cook. Like, I mean, it makes me wanna cry, I hate it that much.
7. I would be lost without my i pod.
8. My father has been gone for almost 10 years (this July) and the pain is still there.
9. I wish that I was more involved with some of my family.
10. Thinking of the ocean makes me want to cry. It has been too long since I seen, smelled, or touched it.
11. Shawn and I have been together for more than 7 years and (some) of his family still can't remember my name, or the names of my children.
12. I had a crush on Aqua Man when I was a kid.
13. Maybe I still do.
14. I wish that my girls would not have had major health problems. I think about it sometimes and I feel guilty.
15. I seldom drink booze.
16. When I do, I tend to over do it.
17. My family is more important to me than anything in the world.
18. I have a hearing loss in both ears. I used to wear a hearing aid, but everything was too loud. 19. Sometimes, I wish that I had super powers.
20. I am a movie junkie.
21. I truly believe in paying it forward. I pay it forward whenever I can.
22. I can't eat KD without thinking of Heather.
23. I am resentful that both of my ex's have disappeeared from the lives of their children. I wonder if they even think about the pain that they have caused.
24. Divorce has changed my life forever...My parents, and both of mine.
25. I am glad that I finally found Shawn. I wonder why it took so long.....

Some of you have already seen this on my facebook, and I am not going to tag anyone, just play along of you want )

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Lookie me, posting video and stuff! These little babies are so adorable and we just can't stop looking at them!

Nothing much happening here. Shawn was laid off - again. Bah. I hate winter for that. Well, I hate winter for lots of reasons, but that is on the top of my list.

Of course, he is home for a couple of days and so are all of the kids. That's just my luck. I would love for Shawn have to have a lay off when we have money and the house to ourselves.

Wait..I think that's called a vacation, right??

KC and I got tickets to see NKOTB again. Actually, KC got the tickets. We are taking Shawn with us this time, no matter what comes up. I am so jazzed because we are going to 2 concerts in March. Whoo hoo!

I got a cool award from Gabriel, too. That is sweet! I always feel undeserving when I get an award, but it makes my day :)

Not much else to report. Birthdays coming up and I am undecided as to what I am going to do for them. We have three in a week starting February 27. We all get soo sick of cake.

Any ideas?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

First Photos

















Ruby had five lil puppies last night.


Five!


The first one popped out just before 4 am and by 6 she was done. I can't believe how brave she was! Five babies and she barely made a sound. I had mine one at a time and I carried on like my hair was on fire!
Ruby is fine, Bumble is confused and Shawn and I are tired.
More photos later.







Ruby

It is 4:48 am and I have been up all night. Ruby's water broke around 1:30 am and she had been acting out of sorts. I decided to stay up to keep an eye on her. I am soo glad that I did!

Puppy number one was born at approx 3:56. She has had three all together, and I am going to keep a watchful eye for the next hour or so to make sure that there aren't anymore.

Oops. Gotta go. Looks like there may be one more...
Photos later!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Remember This??

KITCHENER — A teenage girl was pushed and robbed of cash by two other girls as she and a friend left Fairview Park mall.Waterloo Regional Police said the 14-year-old victim and a friend were near the exit of the mall on Tuesday at about 8:30 p.m. when they were approached by a group of three teen girls and two boys.One of the girls approached the victim and tried to take money out of her pocket, police said.She got some cash and then tried to take a shopping bag when the victim pushed her. The argument turned into a pushing match and a second teen girl joined in, pushing the victim.The victim's friend intervened and they were able to leave the mall. The 14-year-old wasn’t hurt in the incident.Police are looking for the two female suspects, who are described as between 15 and 16.The first girl was described as black, about 5 feet 4 inches tall with a slim build and black, curly hair.The second girl is described as possibly latina, between 5 feet 6 and 5 feet 8 inches tall with a slim build.She had brown and blond hair and was wearing a white a gold jacket.Anyone with information is asked to call police at 519-650-8500 ext. 4430 or Crime Stoppers 1-800-222-TIPS.

The two girls that were the main aggressors have been arrested. I just got the call from the detective this evening. Both of the girls involved (15 & 17) are being charged with theft, along with other charges.

All I can say is thank you to the police involved.
Job well done!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Still in loads of pain ( I am a wuss, what can I say??) and Ruby is still preggers.
I'll be back when I am not crying/whining/moaning all of the time and/or Ruby makes me a grandma.
Later.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009



These photos really have nothing to do with anything, I just thought that they were funny :)
I went for my dental surgery today, and it was worse than I expected. Like ohmygawdhelpmebad. I listened to my i pod and tried to pretend that I didn't see the dentist with that shiny scalpel and I couldn't taste that blood.
~ shudder~
I survived, though.
Whew.
Other than that, same old same old.
How is everything with you all??

Sunday, January 18, 2009

We had a great visit with my SIL. She is so sweet, and incredibly funny. I laughed like I haven't laughed in ages, and it was just what I needed. As you can see, we had fun at Bumble's expense. He is so good natured that he will let us do just about anything to him. I think that Ruby is ready to go any day now. All she does is sleep. Well, she did perk up when SIL found the doggie treats. That is what finally Ruby over - the cookies. After SIL gave her a bunch of treats, Ruby was her best friend.
I think that TMOC must be missing his wife. He called to tell her that he was having beans and weenies for dinner - oh, and that he cleaned the kitchen. He is bored to tears, and I suspect, terribly lonely. I think back to Shawn's trip to The Studio in November and how lonely I was. I had the kids, two dogs, all of the other pets. All he has is three cats.
I am catching a cold and this complicates my life in the most unwelcome way. Well, what complications are welcome?
I go for my dental surgery on Tuesday. I am so not looking forward to it, but it has been cancelled twice before. Maybe three times. At this point, I just want to get it over with. The days leading up to my appointments are always dreadful, and to have to cancel yet another appointment...It would make me crazy(er). I mean, really, the stress is gonna kill me.
I made an appointment to see my shrink, too. Unbelievably, I got one for this Friday. I have no idea if I will be able to talk by then, but with my shrink, talking really doesn`t matter. I can just shake my head and I will out in about three minutes anyway. I will, however, get a refill on my meds.

I am feeling much improved. I think that it has to do with Shawn going back to work. Not just for the obvious reasons (money can be exchanged for goods and services), but the fact that Shawn is always upbeat and chipper when he is busy. He is not one of these people that just sit around (like me, lol). He needs to be busy. We are ALL happier when he is busy.
I suspect that our personal relationship will be much improved when the money issues are taken care of. I know that we always have money issues, we are not independently wealthy. We have struggled for many years now, but this has been awful. Christmas is the worst time to be worried about money and with the disconnection of the phone hanging over our heads, it doesn`t make matters any easier. In a couple of weeks, this will all be a memory..I hope.
Ok, friends, Ruby is acting out of character and we are keeping a close eye on her. Who knows, tonight might be the night......

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Can't talk now. Awesome sister in law from Nova Scotia will be here anytime.
She rocks, we are excited :)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009




Shawn is back to work! Whoo Hoo! He was so excited about going back to work today that he could barely sleep last night.
Lol.
No, seriously. That is the way he is.

I found out today that we owe aprrox. $600 and then we are caught up on our rent.
I am talking about more than three grand we will have paid off! We have been paying an extra $300+ every month to get it paid down. I am soo psyched! This will give us an extra couple hundred in our pockets every month. It will make a huge difference for us.

I am heading out with my SIL tomorrow, to see her new lawyer with her. I have mixed feelings about this. I have my doubts as to whether or not SIL will actually follow through with the custody/support thing from her abusive almost ex. On the other hand, she needs a friend in her corner. I know more than the average person about custody/asshole issues, so I guess that I am the friend of the day. Or week. We'll see how long this lasts.

My SIL from Nova Scotia is coming by on Saturday. She will be in Toronto for a few days doing some kind of training, and she will make the trip from there to see us. I love my SIL, TMOC's wife. I have known her since I was 15. It seems as though she has always been a part of the family. Sometimes I wish that she lived closer, but then I remember that would mean that TMOC would live closer too. Lol. That makes me rethink my statement :)

Jessica is fine. I am not certain how I feel about her hanging at the mall without one of her sisters there for back up. I am kicking myself because since we have had zero cash flow, our cell phone account is suspended. I hate having her out there and not being able to reach her. I know that it is not the end of the world and lots of kids go without cell phones every day. Lots of kids are not diabetic with a seizure disorder, though. Now, this mess at the mall? I am loathe to let her out of my sight.
I have no idea how I will react if we see these thugs at the mall. I am liable to freak out...
I know what you are all thinking...Biddie? Freak out? No way!

I know, cuz I am normally soo even tempered!

Oh, did I tell you that I am going to be a grandma?

Yup.
Ruby and Bumble are expecting.
How awesome is that?
My poor lil 8 lb dog is so fat that she looks like she swallowed a watermelon, and Bumble seems to strutting his stuff more than usual.


January 15 th would have been my Dad's 75 th birthday. I still can't believe that he has been gone nearly 10 years. I think that I will go through my old home videos. I can't remember his voice anymore. That is what I miss the most - just hearing his voice.

Maybe that is what I will do....spend some time with my Dad later today.

Have a great Thursday, everyone.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

What ????

What the eff is the world coming to?? My 14 year old daughter and her friend were swarmed and robbed inside The Bay.
Did you all hear me?

They were inside the store when it happened.
In fact, Jessica's friend was actually sexually assaulted.

Inside.

I am so freaking pissed that I could just kill someone right now.

The police are on their way right now.


I think that's going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KITCHENER — A teenage girl was pushed and robbed of cash by two other girls as she and a friend left Fairview Park mall.Waterloo Regional Police said the 14-year-old victim and a friend were near the exit of the mall on Tuesday at about 8:30 p.m. when they were approached by a group of three teen girls and two boys.One of the girls approached the victim and tried to take money out of her pocket, police said.She got some cash and then tried to take a shopping bag when the victim pushed her. The argument turned into a pushing match and a second teen girl joined in, pushing the victim.The victim's friend intervened and they were able to leave the mall. The 14-year-old wasn’t hurt in the incident.Police are looking for the two female suspects, who are described as between 15 and 16.The first girl was described as black, about 5 feet 4 inches tall with a slim build and black, curly hair.The second girl is described as possibly latina, between 5 feet 6 and 5 feet 8 inches tall with a slim build.She had brown and blond hair and was wearing a white a gold jacket.Anyone with information is asked to call police at 519-650-8500 ext. 4430 or Crime Stoppers 1-800-222-TIPS.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Bumper Stickers

Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence..Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called ...they found your head..

Everyone has a photographic memory ...some just don't have any film.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.


WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one..

Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

!
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Better


Thanks for all of your kind words. I am feeling a bit better.

I feel less homicidal at least.

I will be back soon, as long as my internet conncection holds out.

Biddie xx

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Pain

Seems like that is all that I feel these days.
Pain.

I am not trying to be a drama queen, I am just trying to explain myself. I don't really know if I can.
Things are not going as well at home as I let on. Or, maybe, I thought that things were better and tonight it hit me just how NOT ok things really are.

I am on the verge of a breakdown. I have left the house three times since Christmas Day. No, three times including Christmas Day when Heidi and I took the dogs for walkies.
That is probably the same amount of times that I have gotten dressed or brushed my hair.
Kinda doesn't matter anyway. Nobody ever sees me.

I have been struggling to make time for a breakdown. The truth is, I really don't have that luxury. You see, I have to make it to the disability office by Friday..Have to be there in person to show them my birth certificate. I need to fill out papers that must be signed, by me.

We have no money coming in, so our only hope is my support and/or GST cheque. Once again, they both come in my name, and I am the only one that can cash them. If they don't arrive, or if they do and I don't cash them, we will be without our home phone by Saturday.

Then, there is the small matter of guilt. How could I possibly leave my family knowing full well that we don't any money, not enough groceries? Will Jessica take care of herself? I doubt it. That seems to be sliding recently, too.

Then, there is the matter of Shawn. When I tried to tell him just how depressed I was, his response was.."It's all about you.."

Jesus Christ. I am having a fucking breakdown and I am selfish.

If he - if anyone really knew what was going on inside of me...If only.
Shit, that would actually make things so much easier...Here, look THIS is what the problem is guys...SEE??? Yeah, that would be much more to my liking than trying to talk about this crap.

Shit.

What am I even saying here? I dunno. My thoughts are racing and I...I...am stumbling. Faltering.

Am I asking for too much? Maybe I am. Maybe the whole 'unconditional love' idea is bullshit.

Maybe there is no such thing.

All I know is that I feel so alone.

More alone than ever in a house with four other people.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Church Bulletins

Church Bulletins

They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with old fashioned typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ----------------------- --- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. ------------------------ Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.-------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Now For The Fun Stuff

Christmas was great. Heidi and her family came over for dinner and fun, and we had a blast.
We ate our faces off, as usual. I never take pretty photos of the food the way that everyone else always does. I guess that with our family, there just isn't enough time.
Ruby and her rawhide Christmas card from Santa.
KC and Bumble (with Spencer in the back ground) sharing a moment.

Jessica and Heidi. As you can see, Jessica is taller than Heidi. She is taller than Kayla, too, and will soon be as tall as me. Look at how healthy she looks! What a difference a year makes!


Jessica and her new cell phone. I don't think that it has left her hands since Christmas morning.




Cody and Kayla. Isn't that Christmasy and such? A new pellet gun for Christmas. It's not a Red Rider, but Cody seems happy as heck anyway.
Things are better today. I feel like there are still some things for Shawn and I work out, but I am feeling much more hopeful about the future today. I am going to chalk his insaneness (is that a word? Well, it is now) to holiday stress and madness.
I am looking forward to 2009 and a fresh start for all of us :)



Saturday, December 27, 2008

Better - ish

Things are better. I think. Thanks for your words and your prayers.
What would I do without you guys???

Friday, December 26, 2008

Ironic

Ironic -
Posting a poem about a mom leaving her kids and not being there at Christmas, only to have your husband leave you that same day.

Reflections

Christmas has always been a time of reflection for me. It may have something to do with the long winter nights, the dark and the cold. It may be because I have so many fond memories of Christmases gone by, the holidays of my past that I cherish so much.
Whatever the reason, this Christmas was no different.

I have been troubled with insomnia again, and I was up late on Christmas Eve, talking to a friend on the computer (Hi, Corky!).
When it felt as though I could barely keep my eyes open, I shut everything off and sat in favourite chair, took a deep breath and thought of the long ahead of me..

Kayla appeared suddenly, unable to sleep herself. After talking for a few minutes, Kayla produced a three ring binder that I had not seen before.
It was a book of poetry, written many years ago, by my Dad.
I have read some of Dad's poems before, but this binder held some of his most heart wrenching and personal thoughts.
I read one out loud, and it brought tears to my eyes.
It was called
Christmas Without You

The children are sleeping,
Tucked in their bed,
The presents are wrapped,
Round the tree they are spread,
As I sit here in my chair,
In my mind, thoughts go through,
Why am I so sad?
It's Christmas Without You

Morning comes early,
Down the stairs the children run,
They tear open their presents,
To receive them oh what fun.
But their laughter seems distant,
There is something missing, it's true.
You have left us, you're gone,
It's Christmas without you.

Afternoon brings dinner,
I am no cook I have learnt.
The potatoes are soggy,
The turkey is burnt.
Vegetables that are cold,
Ice cream that looks like stew
No wonder we have not eaten,
It's Christmas without you.

Kids going to bed early,
Something is sure amiss,
First they give me a hug,
Then I get a kiss.
Why are their little minds troubled?
The answer I know - I do.
For their Mother was not here,
It was Christmas Without You.

This year, my best gift was that binder of poetry. I have learned so much about my Dad, just by reading his notes.
I had no idea that the divorce has affected him so profoundly. I was so little when my Mother left that I don't remember that first Christmas.

Thanks to that little black binder, I feel as though I know my Dad better, differently, than I did before, almost ten years after he passed away.

I couldn't ask for anything better.

I hope that you all had wonderful holidays, too.

Biddie xx

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I am still not ready for the holidays. I don't even feel close to being ready. There is still so much to do and I feel woefully unprepared.





Jessica turned 14 on the 16th. Fourteen! I am still shell shocked that my baby is 14.


Gramma Lynn came over after school and we opened gifts. TMOC's Christmas package arrived that day, so we opened those too. We never seem to be able to wait.

I went shopping with Gramma on Monday and we had all of her shopping done for KC, Kayla and Jessica done in less than an hour. It was a kamikaze shopping trip. Normally, she spends a couple of hours wandering the mall wondering what to get. She rocks as a Gramma, but since the girls have gotten older (and their taste is considerably more expensive), she has been more miss than hit at the gift giving. It was fun, and the whole thing was just under $200 (for my girls, Spencer and one of her other grand kids). I must say, we rock.
I took Jessica to see her doc on the 15th and she was given a clean bill of health. Her weight is at a healthy 107.5 lbs, and she has stayed there for a few months. Her cheeks are rosy, she looks great...There is not much else that I could want, really. Well, work for Shawn, but that is not likely to happen until after the New Year.

I know that you are all sick of hearing this by now, but I am just pinching myself at our luck....It is the Christmas season again and my baby is home. Can I ask for anything else????

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas....

Finally, our tree is up, courtesy of KC and Kayla. I actually have enough Rudolph ornaments to do the whole tree, but it would not be Christmas without the home made decorations that the girls made when they were little. I have a bunch of new ones this year. I love the red round ones with all of the Rudolph characters. This one is Sam The Snowman.
Looky here! It's Kris Kringle and The Winter Warlock. I got this one well over a month ago, and when I hung it tonight, I discovered that it doesn't work.

Here is my new water globe. Of course, Bumble is afraid of this, too, and the ornament beside it.
Anything that plays music or moves scares the crap outta him.







Here's a wee little Bumble. I wish that he wasn't so washed out.




Kayla found the rest of the village pieces (accidentally) and we finally have the whole town up and running.



Looks like a fresh snowfall.

Our new diner. I LOVE this piece! It is easily my all time favourite.
Kayla and KC put the tree up for me when I was out buying groceries. How sweet is that? I gotta say, with the tree up and the stockings hung, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...






















Friday, December 12, 2008

One Of My Favourite Christmas Carols

I love this video..Bing Crosby, David Bowie, what more could you ask for?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas with Gramma Lynn has been put off until the 20 th, the day before she leaves for B.C.
I'm ok with that, because I am not exactly caught up in the Christmas spirit.

My dental surgery was put off until January 20. I am going to see my regular dentist and he is doing the procedure himself - without sedation. I can't afford it and I am tired of dealing with other dentists. I just wanna get it over with.
Shawn and I are going to the dentist together that day - me for my surgery and he is having another root canal. Isn't that romantic?

A relative stopped by today. Most of you may know that I love hanging with family, and they are always welcome in our home. Almost always.
Shawn has a relative named Bob. He is....Odd.
Probably harmless - I am told.
He stopped by today unexpectedly. Of course, Shawn was gone, and asked me to keep him there until he could get back.

OK.

I tried to talking small talk with him. He doesn't really get the whole small talk thing. His idea of small talk is this :

Bob: Remember that time with Shawn?
Me: Ummm...
Bob: You know, that time!
Me: That time...?
Bob: Yeah! That time! With you and Shawn!
Me: Oh, yeah.....That time. That was...great.
Bob: (sitting back in the chair, smiling ear to ear) Yeah! That was the best.

Bob then spent several minutes telling me about his girlfriend's Jack RUSSLER terriers, and how hers have fur just like Bumbles, except that really, they have no fur at all.

God help me.

Bob has a warehouse full of boat mufflers that he bought online from a guy in Australia. He is positive that they will sell like hotcakes.
Thank goodness Bob lives in Orangeville now and we don't see him as often. Bob is best enjoyed in small doses.
Shawn is still not back to work. I am really starting to sweat now. There are only a couple of weeks until Christmas and then there will be no work for almost a whole week after that. There is no way that we can hang on until then.
I mean, the kids can eat just about anything - and they will, but the cats...If they go hungry they will eat my eyes out while I am sleeping. Ok, maybe not my 15 year old orange tabby, but that wild ass crazy black cat of Kayla's will, I know it.
I am NOT going to be wearing an eye patch for the holidays.

Geoff had a lovely vacation in Cuba. I saw some of his photos on facebook. I think that Jessica did, too. I often wonder how he (or any other deadbeat) can sleep at night. He has not bought Jessica any diabetic supplies in over six months and he has no money to help with braces, but he can vacation in Cuba.
I wish that I were that broke, don't you?

Jessica is devastated. She can't understand why she rates so low on his list of priorities and I have no way of explaining it to her. I just hope that this doesn't put a damper on her birthday celebration this weekend.

Anyway, I am not going to let him spoil my holiday season. I refuse to give him that kind of power.

Well, it is late. I usually hang out on my own late into the night, but I am trying to get my sleep back on schedule. I haven't been falling asleep until after 3 am most nights and I have to be honest, it does nothing for my sweet disposition!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Monday`s Thoughts

I have loads of stuff swirling around in my big empty head.

I am so relieved that Jessica's friend is home safely. I still have no idea what happened to her. I am just so happy that her mom can sleep at night now.

I got a phone call from my blogbuddy Camie Vog last night. She says that I sound 'Canadian.'
Most of my Canadian friends will say that I sound like a Nova Scotian. It was great to hear from her, since she doesn't get much blogging done these days with the wee one toddling around and getting into stuff.

Shawn has been off of work since he came home from Toronto. I hate the winter slow down and I hate that it always happens right before the holidays. I am not freaked out, though. We are doing so much better than we were last year at this time. I have not forgotten how far we have come.....Jessica is healthy, I am on my meds, and we are paying off our back rent. Yup, still chipping away at it.

I don't have my Christmas tree up yet and we are celebrating Christmas with Gramma Lynn this Sunday. She is heading out west, to see her other grand baby, so we are having a huge turkey dinner early.
I love Lynn for so many reasons. She is a wonderful grandma to the kids. Beyond wonderful, really. She loves KC and Kayla like her own, and treats them the same as all of the other grand kids. Naw, who am I fooling? She treats them (and Jessica, of course) better then the others. LOL. It's true. She spoils them.
Gramma Lynn has been a great friend to me. When Geoff and I got married, she was my matron of honour, and when Geoff and I divorced, she and I became even closer. We just decided that Geoff leaving was just that, Geoff leaving and it should not affect our relationship.
She is wonderful to Shawn,and calls him her son. I laugh at that, but I love it. She hugs him tight whenever she sees him, and he loves it. His family is not touchy feely and he never got a lot of hugs as a kid. We are making up for it now.
I still have a ton of stuff to get in the mail. I have not mailed TMOC`s package yet. I bought my SIL a Royal Dalton fígurine and now I am kicking myself. How the heck am I going to get that off to Nova Scotia in one piece? I may have to wait until she comes for a visit in January to give it to her. I have to mail the other stuff, though. My brother is a bigger kid than I am about the holidays and he needs his stuff. Of course, there is always a little toy for him, too. This year I found a Pez dispenser that looks a skull. Not very Christmas-y, I know, but he will love it. I also got him the complete series of Soap on DVD. Now he can drive my SIL crazy watching it instead of me. LOL. I am evil.
I am only about half way done my shopping. I got Shawn a sno cone machine. He will love it. I still need to buy something for KC. Can`t say what, she reads this blog and it would spoil the surprise.

Jessica is having a birthday party this Friday. She is having 6 friends sleep over...I hope I know what I have gotten myself into. They are going to watch movies and do `girlie`things. I have to find a place that can make me a peanut free cake, cuz two of her friends are allergic. The only affordable place that I can think of is Zehrs, the same outfit that had me arrested for stealing the cheese. You can see my dilemma. I am banned forever from the place, but I won`t have an issue going to the one that I used to work at. I just feel icky about supporting them in any way after the way that I was treated.

I have been watching Celebrity Rehab 2. Sigh.
Gary Busey is an even bigger freak than I thought, and Jeff Conaway is a jerk. I am so disillusioned. Kinikie is an asshat.
Rodney King on the other hand seems like a sweet guy. Every time I see him I can see the beating in my minds eye, and then the subsequent beating of Reginald Denny during the L.A. riots. It makes me wonder about the human race and the way that we treat each other.

OK, well, Shawn has come home (He was hanging out with his nephew) and brought me a coffee. If I have to make a choice between Tim Hortons or the laptop, Timmie`s will win every time!

Friday, December 05, 2008

Missing Since Thursday

This is 15 year old Shannon. She is a good friend of Jessica's and she has been missing since last night at approx. 5 pm. (Thursday, December 4th)

I think that she was wearing her school uniform when last seen - navy blue pants and a white top.

This is a not a run away. She has never done anything like this before and none of her stuff is missing.

PLEASE, if you live in the Kitchener/Waterloo area and you have seen her, call the police at:
519-653-7700

If you are reading this and are not in our area, please, pray that she is brought home safely. It's cold out there and she is alone.

Thanks.
Biddie

**************************************************************************************
We just got word that Shannon is home. That is all we know for now. Thank you for your prayers - I can only imagine what the past couple of days have been like for her family.
Thank God, she is home now.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Today is a suck ass day. For the second time, I was told that I was having my dental surgery, and for the second time, after I arrived at the dental office (different one then last time), I was told that the actual surgery would be months away.

I hate this. Not only was I up half the night completely freaked out about the whole thing, but I had to get Shawn's dad to drive us (it was out of town) and listen to him complain about he waited outside for us for 20 minutes. (He was there about three minutes before we came out of the house).

The dentist that I saw had teeth that are far worse then mine, which really did not inspire any trust or faith....Then, they tell me that there will be an extra $669 associated with the cost.

WAH????

Why am I just being told this now? Thank goodness the surgery was put off..I don't happen to have $669 kicking around. I can't spend that. Jessica needs her braces and that has to come first.

I have to try to convince my dentist that I can do this in his office.
Yeah, right.

My village is finally up, but we are missing almost 1/3 of it. I have no idea where the village diner is or the cars, people, fences...sigh.
I don't suppose that they could be too far off. Must have been pushed into the back room when Cody started his Fish Room.

Yes, we have a whole room dedicated to fish and aquariums.

Whatever keeps you off the streets, I guess.

Other than that, everything is the same old.

No news is good news, right?

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Wow. It's been over a week since I last blogged? Time does fly.

Shawn came home last week and I don't think that I have ever missed anyone as much as I missed him while he was away. After spending the first night catching up, we ran away from home and holed up in a hotel for a couple of days. (We were a mere two blocks from our house). It was just what we needed. Of course, Kayla and Cody came by to check out our 'fort', but other than that, we were pretty much alone.

It was heavenly.

I am starting to feel the Christmas spirit again. Our Christmas village grew so much that we had to do major renos to find the real estate for it. Hopefully, it will up and glowing by this time tomorrow. I am almost a whole month behind on the project.


There has been more drama in Shawn's family and we are doing our best to not get sucked in. It is so easy to get caught up in crap, but I am trying to focus on the family that lives under our roof, not the extended ones.


It looks like Cody will be here through the holidays, too. I don't talk about it much, but the situation with his mother has just gotten progressively worse.

She has little or no contact with him, contibutes zero dollars to his expenses (she says that she is no longer responsible for him), but refuses to let me speak to the school or write notes on his behalf. She lives in another town, and has no idea what is doing or with whom....She can't write him notes simply because of the logistics, and she won't let me do anything for him.

It pisses me off to no end. I can pay his way, buy him clothes, lunches, give him bus fare, but I can't write a freaking note to the school or talk to his teachers. It seems to me that she wants it both ways.

Cody asked about going to see her and his siblings over the holidays. He was told that he is not welocome to spend the night there, and is not welcome on Christmas morning. He can go by on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours.

I haven't spoken to this woman.

No, I mean like EVER. I said hi to her once and that is IT. She has no clue what kind of people we are or if we are taking care of her child. She just couldn`t care less.

It infuritates me to no end, but for Cody`s sake, I remain silent. (Trust me, this is incredibly difficult for me).

ARGH!

Cody is more than welcome to stay with us. We will make him feel as though he is part of the family and he will have a great holiday here.

So....that`s about it. I am happy as pig in sh*t to have my family back together, and I am soo looking forward to the holidays with the rest of my family.

I just keep reminding myself that things could be much worse.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I got nothing.

I miss Shawn more than I ever thought that I would and I have done nothing since he left.

My Christmas village is still not up, and I am feeling very un-Christmas-y.

Very.

Meh.

Maybe a trip to the mall with KC will help.

Meh.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Close Call

Spencer was in a car accident last night. He was driving home from work when he was cut off by a driver that just didn't look at the traffiic around her.
No, really, she just was going on her la di da way and ignored everyone around her. Apparently, it is her world and we are just living in it.
Spencer is ok. He is bruised, cut, swollen and angry as hell, but he is ok.
The car, however, is a probably going to be a total right off.
He bought it in May.
I feel awful for him, but the most overwhelming emotion for me at the moment is gratitude.

I am so grateful that Spencer was not seriously hurt.
I am so grateful that nobody else was hurt, or worse yet, killed.

More than anything, I am thanking God that KC was at work and not in the car with Spencer where she usually is.

I have yet another reason to celebrate this holiday season.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Mr. Sunshine


Shawn is still in The Big City, working on the studio with Jethro.
Heidi sent me some photos of the guys at work, along with a little note.
It said something along the lines of: Shawn has been a ray of sunshine.
Hmmm....Ray of sunshine?
It's a good thing that she included photos, because the girls and I were confused.
Nope, it really is Shawn.
LOL.
Don't tell him, but we all miss him a bit.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

World Diabetes Day

November 14 is World Diabetes Day.


Jessica was diagnosed when she was 3 years old. I can recall the moment that the doctor gave me the news....She had been so incredibly sick, and I knew that something was wrong, but I chalked it up to the flu that had been going around. I had it, and I thought that she did too.

She started having accidents in bed at night, and that was not something that she had ever done before. Not knowing how seriously ill she really was, I bribed her with a Barbie doll that she wanted.

Jessica wanted that doll so badly that somehow, she actually stopped wetting the bed at night. That was nothing less than amazing since she was beyond sick at that time.

I recovered from the flu, and Jessica was still sick. In a matter of of days, she lost an astounding 8 pounds off her slight three year old frame.

I called my family to take us to the hospital. My motherly instincts told me to go, now.
I couldn't get a drive and I didn't have the money for a taxi.
Looking back, if I had known just how bad it really was, I would have called an ambulance.

A neighbour drove us to the hospital - Jessica, Geoff and I. I have no idea where KC and Kayla were. I can't remember that part.

She was taken into the er immediately. There was no triage, no waiting.

I was told later that if I would have waited a mere couple hours longer, we could have lost her.

It has been nearly 11 years since that day.

I wish that I could say that things have changed. but nothing really has.
Jessica still has daily injections, and checks her blood sugar several times each day.
In fact, far from getting better, the past 13 months or so have been a nightmare for our whole family.

I don't know if they will ever find a cure for this horrendous disease. Ten years ago I was told that in ten years we would wipe it off of the face of the earth.

It's still here, it's still stealing lives and destroying families.

Today, on World Diabetes Day, more than ever, I am thinking of Jessica and all of the other people out there that are suffering.

KITCHENER--Emma Ermel is tired of the needles. The four-year-old Kitchener girl was diagnosed in June with Type 1 diabetes, and insulin injections and blood sugar tests have become part of her daily routine.“I hate those needles,” Emma said.She wishes she could get rid of them, and maybe even diabetes. That’s why she’s going to sell hot chocolate tomorrow — World Diabetes Day — to raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.The money, Emma said quietly from the safety of her mother Amy Ermel’s arms, is “for people who are trying to find a cure.” Emma and her hot-chocolate crew will be at the Zehrs store at the corner of Ottawa Street and Strasburg Road tomorrow from 4 to 8 p.m. World Diabetes Day falls on Nov. 14 in honour of the birthday of Frederick Banting, who helped discover insulin in 1922. The World Health Organization estimates that more than 180 million people worldwide have diabetes, and that number is likely to more than double by 2030 without intervention. Juvenile diabetes is a growing concern in Canada, said Margot Fitzpatrick, regional manager for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in southwestern Ontario.Every year the number of children with diabetes rises by three to five per cent, she said. And the number of children diagnosed before the age of two has tripled in recent years. “This disease is growing incredibly and something really needs to be done about it,” Fitzpatrick said.The foundation funds research and offers outreach programs, including mentors for families just diagnosed and support groups.“That beginning time is extremely difficult for the whole family,” she said. “It’s a huge learning curve.”Suddenly families have to deal with regular blood testing, injections, a strict diet, and the constant worry about blood sugar levels.“It’s a really fine balancing act,” Fitzpatrick said. That’s how life feels in the Ermel home since Emma’s diagnosis. Amy thought something was wrong with Emma when her daughter was unusually thirsty, and going to the bathroom more. She suspected a bladder infection, but tests showed Emma had diabetes — and her blood sugar level was very high. Even a few days more without treatment, Amy was told, and Emma could have become seriously ill. Then Amy and her husband Shawn Ermel were bombarded with information on managing Emma’s diabetes. Four times a day Emma gets insulin injections, usually in her arms or belly, and her blood is tested regularly throughout the day. Amy frets over all the many factors that can cause Emma’s blood sugar level to fluctuate, even just the excitement of her junior kindergarten class.“It’s getting easier, but it’s never a thing where you can just sit down and take a breath.” jweidner@therecord.comDiabetes factsMore than two million Canadians have diabetes.Type 1, usually diagnosed in children and adolescents, accounts for about one in ten cases of diabetes. Type 2 diabetes usually develops in adulthood, although increasing numbers of children in high-risk populations are being diagnosed.Gestational diabetes is a temporary condition that occurs during pregnancy.Diabetes is a chronic, serious condition. If left untreated or improperly managed, diabetes can result in a variety of complications including heart, kidney and eye problems, and nerve damage.Symptoms of diabetes include: unusual thirst, frequent urination, weight change, extreme fatigue, blurred vision, frequent infections, and tingling in the hands or feet.Scientists believe lifestyle changes can help prevent or delay the onset of Type 2 diabetes. A healthy meal plan, weight control and physical activity are important prevention steps.Source: Canadian Diabetes Association, www.diabetes.ca

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

So....Yeah.
I went to my appointment today. Of course, my surgery was postponed and all I got was some fillings done. I was such a mess that the doctor said that he will have to send me to a specialist.
Sigh.
I was so wound up about the whole thing, I really just want to get it over with.
The good news is that Shawn hasn't left town yet and he was able to go with me.

No news other than that. Still feel cruddy from the nitrous, but otherwise ok.

How was your day?