Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I can't seem to break free of this funk that I am in. I am more depressed than ever, I have been for the past week or so.
Hubby and I went to my former MIL's last night to help move some furniture for her. She is still sorting through Grandma J's things. We moved some stuff, and my former mother in law (MFMIL) let us take some of Grandma's things home with us. I felt like a vulture. I still do.
What upset me even more is the fact that my no account ex didn't even bother to go help his mom while she deals with the emotional as well as tangible baggage that she's working through.
So, that was weighing heavily on me last night.

I miss this place. Nova Scotia. It has been 17 years since I have been to the one place that makes my heart sing. I consider Nova Scotia to be home, and I miss it sorely. My older brother and his wife to be live there. Some days, I wish that I did too.

Christmas will soon be upon us, and I am worried about that. Not just the financial aspects, but the whole Christmas season has got me down. Ever since the big rift in my family, Christmas hasn't been the same. We used to spend every Christmas Eve at my aunt Donna's house, after the church service, of course. The church service, at my littleLutheran church in my small home town, was always magical. The songs, the candles, the same people that have known me since I was 10....Nothing ever changes at St. Peter's, and I like that. I was an acolyte there, my Dad was Lay minister, my aunts still sing in the choir. I feel the joy and wonder of Christmas just walking through those doors.

My aunt Donna's is a magical place, too. She lives in some would consider an honest-to-goodness mansion, easily the prettiest house in town. When we were kids, we would hide in the basement until it was time to open gifts, playing with the couch cushions, making forts, hiding from my brothers. As the kids grew and more joined the family, the basement gave way to video games and barbie dolls. My girls played in the rooms that I had once found cavernous and wonderful.

That all changed a couple of years ago. Now, it is just my Hubby, the girls and I . I no longer feel the same anticipation for the hoildays. I know that my family will be gathering without me, and my heart breaks a little more every time I think of it.

As for Hubby's family...We've already covered that, no need to rehash it. We won't be spending Christmas, or any other holiday with them in the near future.

I know that I have a lot to thankful for, and I am. My kids,my Hubby, my friends (bloggy, and otherwise), the fact that we did pay our rent this month....I am thankful. I just can't shake this soul crushing depression.

Hey, maybe if I had some visitors over the hoildays.....What are you guys all doing this Christmas? Wanna come for turkey dinner? Hubby is a teriffic cook, and KK and I will bake some pies....











Friday, October 20, 2006



So many husbands would agree......

Today is a much better day....KK had her award ceremony last night. The ceremony itself was a joke. It appeared as though it was planned at the last minute. Nobody knew what they were doing, the students didn't know when to stand up, sit down, or recieve their awards. I felt bad for all of the kids that worked so hard.

KK, however, made us proud as hell. She has stuggled with her learning diabilities, and depression for years. Last year at this time, I was getting phone calls from the school because she was skipping class, talking back to teachers, (I know!! What a shock! MY kid, flapping her lips!), and forgetting homework. I am so impressed with her turn around. Hubby and I knew that she had it in her, it was convincing HER that was difficult.

In one week I have watched my eldest daughter graduate from high school, and watch my middle daughter recieve an academic award for english. I don't think that I can take anymore for awhile. I wonder what the little one has in store for me?

My former MIL came by on Wednesday with some furniture, cookbooks, and dishes for us. She had to put her mom in a nursing home recently and she's feeling kind of low. It couldn't be avoided. Grandma had fallen in the tub, set my girls' Christmas gifts on fire last year, was giving out money to dead beats just stopping by for that purpose, and was losing weight because she had forgotten whether or not she had recently eaten. My heart goes out to my dear friend(MIL). I can only imagine what a nightmarish decision it must have been for her.....

Tonight, we're off to buy new winter coats. I may regret spending the money next week, but it has to be done....The little one has grown so much that her big sister's hand me downs are too small....

So, that's my week in a nut shell. I skipped over the part about KC going to VORP and dealing with the crack head because I am too pissed to write about it. I will, though. I want to end the week with ahppy thoughts....Have a great weekend, every one.....

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Thank You

I got a cheque in the mail today. It isn't a big cheque, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it is enough to buy bus tickets to get the kids to school, and Hubby to work. Tomorrow my middle daughter has her academic award ceremony, and I was worried that I wouldn't have bus fare to get us there. I wasn't expecting this money until next week, so it truly is a Godsend. I think that there can only be one explanation for this....
The prayers and thoughts of my blog buddies, all of whom have been incredibly supportive. Not once was I told to shut up, or to stop whining...Everyone was so kind. I had friends tell me that they would feed me if they could, offer to roll their coins for me, and was given the ulitmate offer by 2 blog friends and their families. I almost took them up on it, too. (No, really, I was going to phone today because of the bus fare situation). I have been shown more love and support in the past few days by blog buddies, then I have in the past few years by my own family.
Thank you to everyone. Thank you Marni, and 4D, and their families. Thank you to Diana, Dilling, Tod, Ldbug, Cinydianne, *(Asterisk), Camie Vog, Nonny, Callie, Coffeypot, Kate Isis, EVERYONE for your kind words and best wishes. And of course, thank you to Heidi (and Jethro) who have been dealing with me for YEARS.
Thanks, guys.
Biddie

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Truth About HIS Family

I love my Hubby. I love my family. I do NOT love my Hubby's family.
Hubby and I have been together for just over 5 years. We have been through so much together...More in 5 years than some people go through in 20. Hubby has helped me raise my 3 girls from 2 previous marriages. We have become a family in every way possible. My girls adore him, and like every other kid, they also hate him some days. They refer to him as "Dad", or "My Dad", but usually call him by his first name. KK has been reduced to tears more than once by a classmate or hurtful person telling her that 'S is not your Dad.' My response is to tell them that KK's relationship with her Dad is no one else's business. We decide who our family is, not someone who is of no importance to us.
My family, the family that I am still involved with, think of S as my Hubby, TMOC and Lucky think of him as their brother-in-law. It's that simple. The rest of family, Mom, Mum, 2 brothers, a sister, are no longer a part of my life. That makes it simple too.
Hubby's family is different altogether. He has 7 sisters, one brother, numerous nieces, nephews, his mom, his dad. He has been the go to guy since he was a kid. He quit school at 15 to work full time. He supported his family, turning over every paycheck for years to help out. He was single, without a serious girlfriend until 5 years ago, when we hooked up. This created a problem for S's family. With me, and 3 kids to support, love, live with, he could no longer be the guy to rush in to rescue eveyone else. He still cares, but his resources are now spoken for, he has his own family now. This means that he can't hand over a whole paycheck to give to a sister, so that she can go away for a weekend, or buy a new wardrobe, or a $500 bike for her kid. I'm not kidding. This is where his money went. He also paid for pedigree puppies, bought cars, paid for home improvements. This was expected because he had no family of his own to support. He was the one that was going to take of his parents in their old age. Pay the bills, give up his life to care for his parents, so that the other 8 siblings don't have to be bothered. That is what it boils down to. Give up your life so that I can live mine. It may sound unbelievable, but that's the truth. They have done just about everything that they could to break us up. They have even tried to convince me that S is cheating on me. I think it pisses them off that I am still here.


So, as a result, they hate me. Not me, so much as what I mean to them. I mean a loss of their freedom, a loss of their free time, a loss of their guilt free living. Now, instead of S picking up the slack, every one has to pitch in. I have been treated like gum stuck to a shoe. No, worse. Like dog shit stuck to a shoe. They don't even know me. They don't know that I would do just about anything for someone that I love, someone that I care about. They don't know that if they were to treat me with just an ounce of respect, or with a fraction of kindness, I would bend over backwards for them. They don't know this because they have never taken the time to get to know me.
So, S had it out with his mom today. He laid it out on the line. Treat Biddie with respect, or say good bye. I don't want it to come to that, but I am so tired of being hurt, of crying about people that have never given me a second thought.
S's mom was so shocked. She wanted to know what to do. Should they have a get together just for Biddie? Should we all go out, maybe have dinner?
Christ on a cracker, it's been 5 effing years! I have extended my hand so many times, that I just don't think that I can do it again. Why? I am done being hurt.
When Hubby asked for a loan last week, his mom' s response was 'If it were just you, we would, but HER...'
I doubt whether they even know my name. Well, they probably have their own name for me....
That's it. That's the reason that his family hates me. Not because I am a bad person, or an unfit mom or a horrible wife. They hate me because I love S.
I honestly don't know what will happen. Maybe S will be forgiving. Maybe we'll all have Christmas together, maybe, maybe, maybe...But I'm not holding my breath.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Long Week Ahead..............................................

I'm in a bad mood, and maybe I shouldn't even be writing..Maybe this is the best forum for me to vent..It's probably better than freaking out and slamming stuff around, or screaming at the people around me..
The past few weeks have been incredibly difficult. Ever since my notice from the ASS-HATS at hydro, things have gone steadily down hill. Hubby was laid off. It was only for a couple of days, but it really messed us up. Then, he went back to work, but has been unable to put in his usual hours. That wouldn't even be a huge problem except that my support from x #1 was cut in half, by him. He owes me about $3000.00. My Child Tax Credit stopped coming a few months back, too. All of this together has led to near diaster.
We only paid October rent yesterday. It left me with about $11.75. I'm not kidding. I need bus fare for Hubby to get to work, and J to get to school, and of course, groceries. It's that bad.
I have no family here, to speak of. I have no one to help, no one to turn to for supprt. Hubby has 8 siblings, all in town. He is the youngest, and the one that has always helped the others. He has paid the rent for one sister, for over a year. She has a job, she just likes to have spending money. He has drywalled and landscaped several different houses, for free, of course, 'cause that's what you do for family. Need something moved? Call my Hubby. A niece or nephew with a birthday? Hubby has been known to spend upwards of $500. Back to school shopping? No problem! Hubby will give you money. He has paid the mortgage AND taxes of one particular family member for 3 years. He 'sold' someone a car for $5oo - he got $20.
Where am I going with this, you ask? We need enough money for food and bus for the week...$150.00 will do it. Until Friday. You'd think that these people would be more than willing to help out, right?
Wrong.
As I sit here typing, I have no idea how we'll take care of the family until the end of the week. Hubby has heard a million different reasons why nobody can help us.
Don't get me wrong...Just because Hubby has helped someone out, doesn't mean that they are obligated to help him..I don't want people to think that Hubby or I do things for the reward. I don't. He doesn't. It's just that you would like to think that maybe, just maybe, the people that Hubby has dedicated his life to helping would care enough to do the same. It pisses me off and breaks my heart at the same time. I loaned one sib a cell phone because she had an infant and no phone. She ran up a $600 bill and gave me $40.
I could go on. And on.
So, it's Sunday night, and we have 5 more days until there is a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. If everything works out the way that it should, we'll be fine by the and of the week. Better than fine, really. I'll be able to pay some bills, buy my kids some new winter coats, and go the movies with my handsome Hubby. I might even take the girls out for dinner...Five more days...
It will be a long week. I have one consolation, though. When our long, hard week is over, we will be able to say that we did it alone, without the help of the ingrates that Hubby used to call family. I really think that this may be it now. I can't imagine Hubby speaking to them for a very long time. If ever.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Today is a big day. Today my eldest daughter graduates from high school. I have so many conflicting feeling about this.
My 1st daughter was born before I turned 19. I was a highschool drop out, living with my then boyfriend, also a drop out. It was a less than ideal start, to say the least. I had dreams of becoming a journalist, or a nurse, or .... It didn't matter then. Now I was a Mommy. I always wanted to be a Mommy, too. Just not at 18.
From the very beginning, I knew that I was meant to be a Mom. A wife, not so much, but I loved being a Mom. KC was beautiful, and funny, and oh my GOD, we thought that she was BRILLIANT. We all did, truthfully. (Of course, now that Heidi has her own kids, we've seen True genius. The Boy made an electric guitar out of cardboard. And the Girl? Where do I start?)
I remember KC's 1st day of kindergarten like it was yesterday. I can tell you what she wore, how she smiled, they way that my Dad and I cried as she made her way into the classroom. She was independant from the moment she could walk, talk, get around on her own. She was a little mother to her 2 younger sisters, teaching them everything that a big sister should. KK followed her everywhere, and J was dubbed 'Our Baby' by a 7 year old KC.
Things have changed. I'm no longer Mommy, I am Mom. I'm not tripping over toys any more, I'm tripping over shoes and school books, and purses littering the living room. The girls argue more now. If I have to hear one more disagreement about that GD hair straightener....KC is in college, working part time, and spending more time at parties then at home.
I know that this is normal, and I welcome her journey into adulthood. I do. It just seems as though every step forward is another step away from me. I want her to be happy, and successful, and to have her own life. I just miss the little girl that made me into a full fledged grown up. I miss the kid that would smile through her missing front teeth, laughing like mad at something that her baby sister had done. I miss Hallowe'en parties and birthday parties with 20 screaming kids. I miss barbie dolls and cartoons...(Ok, we still watch cartoons, but it's not the same).
I guess that I'm afraid. I'm afraid that we will drift apart, the way that I did from both of my mothers. I'm afraid of my kid getting kicked around by life and not being able to fix it for her.
So, tonight we go to see her get her diploma, the 1st of my girls to graduate from high school. Tonight I wll cry, and rejoice, and feel an overwhelming sense of pride. Tonight, my daughter will once again help me in my journey. Hubby and I will become parents of a Graduate. Life will be different for everyone. I don't know what will happen on her journey. I just hope that we have prepared her for everything that lies ahead . I hope that someday she has a daughter that changes her life, to make it better, enhance it, to complete it. The same way that she did for me.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The weekend was mostly uneventful. Hubby and I took J to the mall to get her pants for KC's grad ceremony on the 12th. The whole bus smelled like beer, courtesy of Oktoberfest and tourism Canada. Thank you. I bought her a pair of size 0 dress pants, and even they were too big. Maybe she does need to gain more weight.
KK came home from school on Friday with a note.....You know what that usually means - nothing good. Not this time. KK is getting an academic award for having the highest English grades last year. This is the same kid that has always needed extra help because of her learning diabilities. How proud am I?
Hubby's hours at work have been cut back, and I am sweating about the growing pile of bills. I was supposed to go to the hydro office today to see the lady in charge of collections. I don't think that I'll make it. My anxiety is kicking in full blast and I feel ill. Not only that, but KC lost her keys and took mine. That would normally not be a problem for someone that never leaves the house. It is today.
Ruby lost her mind while I was in the tub today, barking and pacing. Turns out that the crack heads next door were in my drive way again. Not just parking, but actually WORKING on a van. In MY driveway. I think that I should just start charging them a fee, and maybe it'll help pay our bills! The perfect solution!

Monday, October 09, 2006

MSN video

MSN video

I thought that some spooky ghost stories might be fun...watch if you dare!

Friday, October 06, 2006



With my kind of luck, this is where my next night away will be.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

MSN video

MSN video

I love this video...makes me laugh everytime.....

It's That Time of Year Again....




Yup, it's here. The time of year that I so dread. Not autumn, or back to school, or Thanksgiving. No, what I'm talking about is .... OKTOBERFEST.
Never heard of it? This is what it boils down to. Oktoberfest runs for about 10 days, always the weekend of the Canadian Thanksgiving. We have a huge influx of tourists, infact, this is our tourist season. Many years ago, it was the celebration of the harvest - after the actual harvesting was done, of course. Now, it has come down to this: Beer, music, shnitzel, saur kraut, and sausage. This means that the buses will be over crowded, the hotels/motels will be all booked up, and drunken idiots will be wandering the streets. What fun!
But wait, there's more! We also have a parade. Yup, complete with Onkle Hans, the big, orange headed mascot. Then there's the Miss Oktoberfest pagent. Oh, yeah, I'm for real, here folks. Ladies come from all over the world to vie for the honour. No, I'm not kidding. I wish that I was.

I hate it.
I don't drink beer. I don't listen to polka music, and I refuse to do the Chicken dance. I refuse.
And Onkle Hans? He scares the sh*t ouuta me.
I might go to the parade. It is just outside my door. I might even go to the tapping of the keg - the official start of Oktoberfest. Could be interesting. One year, a guy threw a pie in the face of the keg tapper...It might have been the Premiere of Ontario, I forget. I might even ride the bus late at night for free. (They do this to keep the drunks from driving). Sometimes, they have a laser light show downtown. About 2 blocks away from where we live.
I won't wear the red or green hats. They look like Peter Pan's hat, but they have a white or yellow feather tucked in the band. For an extra few $ you can buy a HUGE feather that you are guaranteed to lose before the festivities are over.
Yeah, I might check out some of the free stuff.
I will NOT however, enjoy myself of have fun. You have my word on it.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

It's here..................



Remember last week when I mentioned waiting for my way cool ebay purchase? Well, it's here! I am so excited and as usual, I'm home alone with no one to share my joy.
I have been collecting toys for a couple of years now. Mostly toys from my childhood, but anything that strikes my fancy, really. I gave myself a $20 limit, so it makes it hard to indulge in my passion.
My latest purchase was an Enemy Visitor, from the V tv series, circa 1984. I have been looking for one for a few years now, and the last one that I found on ebay went over $150.00 - way out of my price range.
I finally found one one ebay last month. At $22.99 with shipping, it came in just over budget. Today, it arrived! He is sitting (quite regally) on the shelf along side my Glinda doll, and the Pilsbury dough boy.
I love V, and have been waiting for my action figure like a little kid at Christmas. With all of the crap going on lately, this is just what I needed.
Anyway, must go now, my action figure awaits..........

Monday, October 02, 2006

We Interrupt This Program

My electricity went out yesterday, just as I was getting in to A Haunting. It didn't just flicker and go out, but blew out, like something from a B movie. There was a huge zap, we could hear sizzeling, and the whole house vibrated. So did the church next door, just as the parishoners were arriving.
Everyone was stumped as to the cause. Even the beat cops on the corner couldn't figure it out. It took my Hubby, as usual, to save the day. He knew right away that the hairless, smoking squirrel at the foot of the hydro pole had to be the culprit. Poor little guy, Never knew what hit him.
It took less than an hour to get the problem fixed, and the hydro workers removed the charred corpse.
I still feel bad for the little squirrel.....

Friday, September 29, 2006

Dirty Sanchez

Dirty Sanchez The Movie, Not Screech!!

Screech's 'Saved By The Smell': The Teaser Trailer - Defamer


Screech's 'Saved By The Smell': The Teaser Trailer - Defamer

I couldn't believe what I was reading...Screech in a manage a trios? Screech doing something called a Dirty Sanchez? Say it ain't so? I just hope that Lisa Turtle isn't in it, too. I don't think that I could handle it.......Don't worry, there's no actual nudity here. If you're brave enough, check it out...

Thursday, September 28, 2006

So I'm sitting here, checking out other blogs, looking in on my friends, when there's a knock at the door. It's 9:30 am, and I am not dressed. I figure that it's the mailman, 'cause I'm waiting for my way cool e bay purchases.
Nope. It's the landlord. Uh-oh. This means that I can't just stick my head out the door and yell 'leave it on the porch.' What to do....See, my landlord is an old fashioned german man, about 80 years old. He'll want to come right in, have a coffee...Yeah. Like I'm in the mood to entertain. So, I think, ignore him, he'll go away and he'll phone later. He never speaks to me anyway, 'cause I'm just the lady of the house. So, I wait. He keeps knocking. And knocking. KC is upstairs in the tub, and now I'm praying that she doesn't scream out 'hey, ma, get the door.' She doesn't. She's hip to the act and she comes tip toeing down quietly.
Landlord is STILL there, banging. Then, he tries the door knob. Now what? It's not locked...If he sees me standing there, watching the door, he'll think I'm a freak...I am but I see no reason for the landlord to know this. A woman has to have some secrets, after all. If I lock the door, he'll hear the latch click. So,I did the only thing that I could do. When he tried to push his way in, I pushed back. I hope that he thinks that we just have a loose knob.( Yeah, I know, something is loose). Meanwhile, the dogs are barking theirs tails off, the blue jay is shrilling, and the cockatools are flapping around their cage like the house is on fire.
I wonder if he knows that I was home? I wonder how he would like it if I just came right into his house? ( He came busting right in on Hubby and I once when we were home alone. If that man would have come in 2 minutes earlier, he would've had a stroke, if you get my drift.)
I don't know how to handle this situation with the guy. Not only is it illegal to come busting in on someone, it's down right rude. If my kids were home alone and he did that, they would be scared half to death. We have already explained to him that it scares us when someone just comes busting in like that. I don't know what else to say. Any ideas?
I love our little house, but this is driving me crazy. When we fiest moved in, the landlord came right in to my kitchen, through the back yard, and we almost lost a couple of rabbits that were loose, because they left the door wide open.
Ok. So I have rambled and vented. Thanks for listening, and PLEASE offer up any advice. I'll be waiting.....

Monday, September 25, 2006

Missing You


I have been missing my Dad a lot lately. He passed away 7 years ago, shortly after my 30th birthday. It wasn't a shock, my Dad had been living with a terminal illness for about 10 years. The 1st couple of years we could almost pretend that he wasn't sick. He still worked, volunteered at the church, was a member of the board-of-trade in our small town. He was tired, breathed heavier, struggled a little more with everyday things. Eventually, his energy waned altogether, and he was home bound. The day that he had to surrender his drivers licence was one of the hardest.
My Dad used to race stock cars. He was a body guard at rock concerts. He played hockey. After my Mum left us, he took over as mom and dad. I remember a mother/daughter tea party with my brownie troupe. We made paper plate hats with tissue paper flowers. My Dad not only came, he also proudly wore the hat.
We didn't always get along. I recently found a letter written during my rebellious teen years, to him, lamenting about the "shit" that I put up with from my Dad.
How he didn't kill me, I'll never know.
I can remember my Dad telling me solemly that 'someday, when you have kids, you will understand.' I do.
He not only loved his kids, he loved his grandkids. My 3 girls were the loves of his life. The day that KC was born, he cried openly, tears running down his cheeks as he held his 1st granchild. I had only seen him cry once before, at the funeral of his mother.
He would drop everything to be with his little girls. He doted on them as much as he could, as much as his terrible illness would allow.
I miss him so much. Even after 7 years, I still find myself reaching for the phone, to tell him a joke, or ask his advice. He was my best friend. Really, he was. I told him everything.
He never got to meet my new Hubby, and I know that he would loved him. He never got to see J take her 1st Communion. He never got to see KK or KC graduate from grade 8. In 3 weeks, KC will be getting her high school diploma, and I know that he would be so proud. I know that KC feels the loss of her Grampie just as much today as she did 7 years ago.
I hated watching my Dad waste away. In the end, eating lunch would tire him out so much that he nearly fell asleep during each meal. He could no longer speak to me on the phone, but instead would listen as I rattled on about my day. I am so happy that my Dad isn't suffering. Nobody deserved the ravaging disease that stole him away from us. I am happy that he can run, race his cars, breathe without an oxygen tube now. I know that he is doing all of these things in Heaven. I believe. I know that someday, I will see him again. I know this the same way that I know my name, or the day that each of my girls were born.
Until then, I guess that I will have to cherish my memories. Here's to you Daddy, until we meet again.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Class Trip



Ok, I took the lazy way out and posted another photo. I am having a hard time composing my thoughts, putting words into sentences that make sense...So, instead of not posting, I'm going to share some of my fav images from the internet. Hope you like 'em.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Hydro = Ass-Hats

This weekend was supposed to be our night away at a cheesey motel. We postponed last weekend due to circumstances beyond our control. I didn't mind. What's one week, right?
Everything was a-go until yesterday afternoon. I got my hydro bill in the mail but wasn't too worried. I figured that I owed about $80. Not quite.
It seems that some ASS-HAT down at the hydro company found a bill of Hubby's for a former address. I don't know if he owes the money or not. HE doesn't know if he owes the money or not. The reason being, the bill is from 14 years ago. Yup, you heard me, 14 effing years ago. So the ASS-HATS at hydro figure that we now owe....$1203.59. No, that's not a phone number, it's my hydro bill. It's ok though, they gave me 9 days to pay it.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that ANYONE should be able to collect 14 years after the fact. Please. How could we possibly prove or disprove anything after 14 years? I am so mad. We were so close to getting caught up and maybe having a bit of fun, too.
What am I going to do about it? I'm going to pay the damn thing. I learned my lesson the hard way that you can't fight city hall. Or the hydro company. Going away would have been nice, but electricity is fun, too.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

And Further More

There has been so much happening in my life the past week or two.
I took J to see her specialist yesterday. Why does he always make me feel like I'm a kid in the principals office? Don't get me wrong, Dr.D is a great doctor, he really is. He just makes me feel completely incompitent. J gained nearly 8 lbs, and even grew a little bit. Her blood sugar is still too high, but she is healthy - er. Her cheeks are looking rosy again and she's playing with the puppy non stop. She just needs to get her b.g. at an acceptable level. We have changed her insulin routine,and I'm hoping for the best.
The saga contiues with KC and the crack heads. She has another court date on the 29th of this month, and a meeting with the mediator on the 25th. This crap has been going on since before we moved in here. I don't understand the 'juctice' system at all. This kid was threatened and harrassed for months, and now the court system is doing it, too. It doesn't seem fair or just. I wonder what the outcome will be after the Victim Offender Reconciliation Program. I wonder if my daughter will ever feel safe again? I wonder if she will ever trust the court system again?
My former mom in law came by today. We are still super close, and she loves Hubby like a son. Our family may not be conventional, but it works for us. Anyway, she stopped by after school, and stayed for a couple of hours. It's always a good time when Gramma is here.
In other news, who else is pissed about Dog the Bounty Hunter being arrested? C'mon, 3 freaking years after he and his team take down Andrew Luster, a man now serving time (120+ years)for raping 3 women, NOW they want Dog and his team? Please. What the eff is going on here? Can we say conspiracy?
I have had it with blogger!!! I can't down load my photo of Dog. Just doesn't seem fair....

Monday, September 18, 2006

My Mom



This is a picture I created in paint. Well maybe I should explain that I (KC) have taken over my Mom's blog for the moment and decided to post another piece of art? It's a picture of my mom on Sunday morning when she didn't brush her hair. But notice how she doesn't have the scowl this time? I'm impressed...do you have any idea how hard it is to use the Paint program? This one isn't on the fridge though. I don't trust the people in my house especially since the other one has gone missing? Yes people my art work has been stolen! So this one will not be printed, but I will sign autographs for the other one.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Weigh - In

It's been nearly one month since I took J to see her doctor. On the 18th, we go back again. If she hasn't gained any weight, or not enough, she may have to stay at the hospital. I think that she may have gained a couple of pounds, but she had previously lost 11. Short of a liquid butter diet, I don't know how to put the weight back on. ( On her. I have NO problem gaining weight. ) So, I'm a little nervous about that.
On Monday, Hubby and I will be celebrating 5 years together. In some ways, it feels like so much longer. I can barely remember life before my guy. I think that we may just take the girls out for dinner. Unless J is in the hospital. Then it'll be cafeteria food all around.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

KC's 1st Day of School


This is the family portrait that my daughter drew on her 1st day of school this year. Isn't it precious?
This really is the picture that KC drew on her 1st day of school this year. The funny thing is, she just started college. Imagine spending thousands of dollars on tuition and THIS is what she comes home with.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

***Deep Thoughts, By Jack Handy***

Sometimes, I think that I would be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

If you ever catch on fire try to avoid looking in the mirror, because I bet that would really throw you into a panic.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he gets a good, lucky feeling.

It takes abig man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

I think in one of my past lives, I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.

I saw on this nature show the male elk douses himself in urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

On this day in 1966, The Monkees T.V. show premiered. Some people out there may think that this is no big deal. Consider this- without Davy Jones, where would Axl Rose have learned his cool dance moves? Don't believe me? Check out the clips below.
Guns N Roses 'Sweet Child O Mine'
The Monkees - Daydream Believer

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Ponderings........

Today, mostly because Iam uninspired, I am posting some interesting (?) little known facts.
Taphephobia - is the fear of being buried alive.

Clinophobia - is the fear of beds

Cat urine glows in the dark under a black light.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.....

Yup, that's all I got. It's Sunday, and everyone is home, even KK. Hubby and I are making lasagne today, the kids have been waiting months for this. Must go now, lots to do.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Updates..September 8

Uncle Ned came by today. He was the contractor that Hubby worked for when he was at the haunted asylum. I asked him what happened to the place. His answer was this. The owner stiffed him for 60 grand and work was never completed. It still sits empty to this day.
Those of you who have been reading my stuff since the beginning know that since our move, we have stove-less. We have been bbq-ing like mad, and I am sick to death of weenies, burgers, and bbq chicken. All of that changed today with the arrival of our new Kenmore stove. Brand spanking new, we had to cut it out of the box. It was a gift from Uncle Ned and his wife, Mary. This is my brothers, uncle, mind you. How awesome are Ned and Mary?
No one has ever done anything like this for us before, and I don't know what to say...Thank you just doesn't seem like enough. Maybe a nice casserole, or a cheesecake?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Help!!

This is Ruby. She is the cutest little puppy ever. She has brought new life into our home and into our 'grandma' dog, Porkchop. We all simply adore this dog. There's only one problem: Ruby is a brat. This is hard for me to admitt...No one ever wants their baby to be spoiled.
The truth is this. I need help. I have had many dogs in my 37 years. I have never had a dog as smart, or as bad as Ruby. She is in to everything. She has toys, whole toy box full, but she still wants the toilet paper, our shoes, our socks, my bra (can't believe I just wrote that..I am trying to be brutally honest), the toilet brush, you name it. As I am writing this, Ruby has somehow managed to wrap herself in two plastic bags. She's wearing them like mismatched rain coats and running through the house. The puppy training isn't going so well, either. I know all of the tricks, but I just can't get her to go outside. We can sit out with her for an hour, when we come in, she goes on the floor. ( It might just be me, but I swear, she smiles as she does it ) She bolts out of the house when the door is opened, and has almost been hit by a car. Twice.
SIGH. Help! I am appealing to my friends for advice. I'll take any.
I have to go. I can hear Ruby in the bathtub...........

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I Need A Life

I was told recently that blogging is a "waste of time" and people who blog need to "get a life."
I was hurt by this statement at first. See, I'm a bi-polar, depressed, anxiety ridden, OCD-ing mess. I am, and I am still coming to terms with it. Blogging has really helped me. I share my opinions, stories, triumphs and sadness with people from around the world. I have blog buddies in Michigan, the U.K.,New York,British Columbia, Texas, Ireland....all over, really. Blogging has opened the world up to me. I now have daily contact with people that I would otherwise never know.
I am writing again,too. Writing was my 1st love, my passion. I used to fill notebooks, diarys, and any scrap paper I could find with short stories, and musings. For a long time, there was none of that. I had forgotten how to express myself.
That has all been changing. While I still stuggle daily with my depression, I am beginning to feel good about myself. I look forward to reading everyone's lateast blog, and revel in the amazing photographs that my pals are posting. I'm laughing at their jokes, crying with their sadness, and sharing their joy.
After the shock began to fade at such a hurtful statement, I began to realise something. This person, the negative nay- sayer that put down my efforts ( and those of my friends ), is himself, unhappy. How else could someone that claims to love me say something so negative about something so positive?
I was too shocked to respond to the whole 'get a life' statement. Hubby, however, was not. His reply was simple.
" When was the last time anyone cared about YOUR opinion"?
I didn't need to say anything else. To all of my blog buddies out there ( and you know who you are ), thanks for caring.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Summer


Summer is coming to an end. It fills me with a kind of meloncholy... I love having my girls home with me. I always have. When all of the other parents were filled with dread, I was the one secretly jumping for joy. I love having my kids here. Late night movies, soap opera afternoons, and impromptu trips to the shopping mall are how we spend our summers.
It hasn't always been like this. When they were younger it was trips to the swimming pool, and lazy afternoons playing with Barbie and friends.
I'm going to miss my vine covered front porch, the glorious Morning Glory that has taken over in an inferno of colour. I'll miss my girls ( and the borrowed Boy ) jumping through the sprinkler on the front lawn, or throwing a protesting Porckchop and Ruby in the inflatable pool. ( Not wads of meat, the dog, Porky ).




This photo was taken just as the Morning Glory was overtaking the house. We now blues, purples, reds, and pristine white flowers all over the house.

The winters are so desolate. What is there to look forward to? Slush? Wet boots? The bleak, isolating darkness?

I guess that there's snowmen, and sledding...Christmas, and a fresh coating of snow to cover yesterdays mistakes. Oh yeah.....And the holidays!!!

P.S. The naked guy? Keanu Reeves. He just makes me smile..






Sesame Street - A loaf of bread...

I remember! This one is for Dilling

Friday, September 01, 2006

Sesame Street - Daddy Dear

Dilling- do you remember this one? I don't know what happened today, but it made me cry...Maybe I missed my Daddy? That' the way it is with me..up and down.

One Of Those Days

Today is one of those days. My bi-polar is in full swing, with my depression going full blast. There's no reason for it, that's just how it goes. I was watching a Sesame Street clip and started crying ( again ).
So, I'm posting some of my favourite videos in an attempt to cheer myself up. I don't expect anyone to watch them all, but maybe someone will find something in the pile that doesn't completely offend their sensibilities...Maybe. Enjoy
Spoons Old Emotions

I love the spoons. Always have. I met them about 20 years ago in Halifax....What a weekend that was...
I'm Your Man - Wham!
El DeBarge with DeBarge - Rhythm of the Night

I still know all othe words to this...Sad.
Aretha Franklin - Free-Way of Love !!!!

This is another favourite.....Who doesn't love Aretha?
JUMP -- Van Halen

Who can feel sad listening to this?
Walk this Way - Run-DMC and Aerosmith

This one reminds me of Heather..
Cherish - Kool & the Gang

Ah..Makes me think of Blaine. This was 'our' song. Still think of him when I hear it. He's married now with about 5 kids last I heard..
How Will I Know - Whitney Houston

I was living in Dartmouth when this song was huge. Everytime I hear it I'm back in my Mums basement watching videos with Shane And Blaine.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Haunted Asylum








My Hubby is a dry waller. He works for different companies, and goes where the work is. It is probably the only advantage to being a sub- contractor.
In the spring of 2003, he took a job for my brothers uncle, working out of town. It was only about 45 minutes away by car, but Hubby didn't have a car. He decided to live on- site for the duration and come home only on weekends.
I didn't realize at the time that this job would be so different from the rest. I didn't realize that this summer job would have such a dramatic affect on him...and us.
The job was supposed to be simple. Take a former childrens residence, and turn it into a retirement home/hotel. This place sat on about 100 acres and included its own water treatment plant, and its own power generator system. I can't remember the name of the place, but it was more of a warehouse for unwanted kids. The home was built in the 50's, and eventually closed down in the 90's. What happened in those in between years is the stuff that horror movies are made of.
Children were placed there for a variety of reasons. If a child was deemed 'retarded' or suffered any kind of illness - epilepsy, physically handicapped, troublesome, or just unwanted. Rumors of staff abuse, rape, torture and even murder echoed throughout the near by town. Nobody cared. Infact, the home had a very interesting way of dealing with the town folk and the kids. You could sign out a kid for the day, and even get paid for it. Yup. They farmed out the able bodied kids. Most were overworked on farms and in private homes.
This place had its own morgue. Tres creepy. Then again, the whole damn thing was creepy. Girls were raped by staff members. kids were locked in the padded room to 'settle down', sometimes for hours. I was in the "quiet room." It freaked me out.
In one room , a cable man was killed by an agressive boy. He was in stalling cable in one one of the bedrooms and was stabbed with his own screwdriver.
The basement was probaly the worst. There were single rooms, with bare cement walls, little light, and one small window about 18 inches high- at the very top of the wall . It was so incredibly depressing and dismal. Apparently, the most violent kids were kept there.
The nightmare came to an end some time in the mid 90's with the closure of the facility. It remained empty for about 6 years, until a developer bought it lock,stock, and barrel for about 1 million dollars.
Hubby and another sub contractor agreed to stay on the premises. That way, they could work later, and completely eliminate travel time. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and Uncle Ned was happy to have his best guy on site 24/7.
It was the little things, at first. Hubby was in a room across the hall from the old gymnasium. At night he would hear what sounded like sneakers squeaking on the floor. The former cafeteria would come alive at night. The microwave that Hubby brought for his food would beep. His electric kettle would go missing. It always turned up later. Chairs could be heard being moved about. Not creepy? All of the chairs were gone. Then there were the mice.
One night after both men had been asleep, they were awakened by the sound of a thousand running feet. The room was invaded by probably 100 little mice. They ran around as if terrified of something, syncronized in their fear. Another night, hubbys air mattress jumped in the air, as if a wind had taken hold of it. It danced around the room like something out of Fantasia. The room had no windows.
The murdered cable guy must have been hanging out, too. Hubby had cable on his television. Strange, since the building had been abandoned for more than 5 years, and the only hydro was from extension cords criss-crossing the hallways.
Hubby thought that a night at the 'home' was just what I needed. I love everything paranormal, and had never met a ghost that I couldn't deal with. I packed up my keds and headed off with my man for a night of adventure.
I asked my guy not to tell anything when we got there. I often get a feeling for a place. Sometimes, it feels like I'm going to vomit, other times I have the urge to cry. Sometimes, I'm just creeped out.
I knew immeadiately that something was amiss. The whole property felt tainted, unclean, wrong. I knew where the morgue was, without being told. I felt overwhelming sadness in that room. I heard the ghostly children playing in the gym. I heard laughter and felt the fear. At the pool that night, I could feel unseen eyes watching our every move. Hubby had the joy of watching a 200 pound pool cover dance in the moonlight one evening during a solo swim. He even felt cold hands on his legs one night in the pool house change room. He still continued his midnight swims.

We went on a tour of the facility. Hubby took me into the restricted area, accesible only by a key, 'borrowed' from the groundskeeper. ( the groundskeeper, by the way, had been there since long before the place closed. He told Hubby that he wouldn't even come onto the property after dusk) My guy had been living there for weeks. He knew that place like the back of hand. Somehow, in the early morning light, we got lost. My panic increased with every step, but I refused to give in to panic. We quickened our steps. I heard foot steps behind me, also going faster. I smelled fruity perfume, in a closed down hell hole. It didn't seem possible. I didn't say a word as we navigated those hallways. I was afraid to. We finally left out of an emergency exit. When I spilled my guts about the echoing footsteps, Hubby admitted that he had heard them, too.

I was ready to go home. Enough is enough. As we were packing the car for our ride home, I laughed aloud at my fear. Completley irrational. What a scaredy cat I had been . As I laughed at my silliness for letting myself be frightened, I heard a harsh SHH!.

I got into the car and let my brave guy finish the packing.

Hubby remained on site for about 2 more weeks. When I got home later that day, we noticed that one of my shoes had been left on the job. I found it 2 days later, while Hubby was still away. It was stained and smelly, while the other one was clean and new.

Boo.













Saturday Night

I had such an awesome weekend. Friday night was dinner with family in Elmira at a fabulous restaurant. Saturday night was a visit to the farm, and hanging out with people that are my family by choice.
KK and J had other plans, and TMOC decided to stay home, so Hubby, KC and I went out to the farm with Jethro and Heidi. We got to spend time with The Boy and The Girl, Heidi's parents, and Heidi's sister. Heidi's mom, Sally, is so wonderful, and down to earth. She welcomes everyone into her home like they're family. She makes you feel instantly at ease.
KC got achance to ride a horse, and I got a chance to catch up with some old friends. I seldom get a chance to hang with Jethro ( who has known me since I was 10 ) or Heidi's family.
Going to the farm is like catching your breath for a few hours. I can't explain it. It's like a safe place. There is no other place on earth where you can feel so relaxed, so content, so welcome.
We had a great dinner ( no bbq for us 2 nights in a row ), and laughed. I can't remember the last time that I felt so good. Heidi's Dad got me caught up on the home town gossip. Lori S had a baby! Billy R won $ 50 000! Old man Sisto isn't dead! Big news. I loved every minute of it.
Heidi's sister is so sweet. She makes me miss my sister Lucky.
And the Pug. He is the reason that we got Ruby Tuesday. After we dog-sat him for a couple of days, we were hooked. That dog is love sponge.
Jethro drove us home, ( being that we are to lame to have a WORKING car ) and J and KK had a chance to visit with Uncle Jethro. TMOC had a chance to catch up, too. The night was over way too quickly, we were saying good-bye again before I knew it.
These times with the people that I love the most are always over too fast, and too far in between. I hope that Heidi and Jethro move back home. I hope that we get to spend more time with them. I hope that our next visit isn't so long in coming. I hope that nothing ever changes...the farm, my friends, my family.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I'm back...

TMOC is gone now. He left for his uncle's house, and then he's flying home tomorrow evening. In some ways, the visit seems like it went by too quickly. In other ways, it was just long enough.
We really didn't do much. We watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, and podged a wig for Hubby since he misses his long, flowing locks so much. I'm still picking glue out of my hair.
We went out to dinner with TMOC's aunt and uncle, and had a wonderful time. There's nothing like an evening of laughter to finish off a long day.
I probably won't see my big brother again until his wedding next year. It's funny..I miss him so much some times. I really do. Then when we're together, we revert back to our youth. I can't seem to break the cycle. No matter how hard I try.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Updates

After my last post about our ghost girl, things have changed a bit in our quiet little house. It seems as though someone - or something - is opening the cupboard doors in the kitchen. Strange.......I'll keep you updated.
J has been doing better. Her blood sugars have been closer to normal, and her cheeks are looking rosy again. She is eating more, too. We're going out for all you can eat tonight. I hope that she can keep up!
TMOC is here. We're all going out for dinner tonight and maybe doing some garage sales this weekend.
Has everyone been over to her indoors and todemesne's blog? I got a good laugh out of them today. Check them out if you have time...
Gotta run.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

TMOC


TMOC arrives tomorrow, Friday. He'll be here for 5 days. I can only imagine the things that he has in store for me.....

I See Dead People

It's true. I do. My girls do,too. Not like that kid in The Sixth Sense. They don't hang out with me, or chat about the weather with me, and my therapist is most definetely NOT an earth bound spirit. We do however expirience more than our fair share of paranormal happenings.
It was one of the reasons that we moved 3 months ago. Ok, the crack head neighbours and the slum - like conditions didn't make us partial to the place, either. The truth is the townhouse felt "off" from the minute that we 1st moved in. We moved in anyway, desperate for a home near the school that the 2 youngest girls missed so much since our last move.
It was a townhouse like any other. It was an end unit, with a small livingroom, diningroom, & kitchen,and a miniscule 2 piece bathroom on the main floor. The upstairs contained 3 bedrooms, and the main bathroom. An unfinished basement completed the unit. Hubby and I took the basement, so that each of the girls could have their own room. I didn't mind - at first.
I can't really say for certain what the first indication that our ghost had followed us was. KC was scared to be alone in her room , but considering some of her past expiriences, I couldn't blame her. Maybe it was Hubby complaining to me about the girls tickling his toes at night, or the way that I pulled the blankets off of him some nights. The cupboard doors in the kitchen were always open, even if I was home alone, or I had just closed them. Then we started seeing Her.
At first, we thought that it was J, our youngest. I would see a little blonde head just above the stair railing, coming down the stairs. When the blonde head reached the bottom of the stairs, she simply vanished.
KK was having problems of her own. She seemed to get he worst of it. Her bed shook at night, she actually fought with unseen hands to keep her blankets on the bed each night. Voices called to her when she tried to drift off to sleep. Then, there was the face in the mirror. A little girl of about 8 with blonde hair and an icy smile.
I suppose that I could write this all off as mass hysteria. Except for one thing.....Nobody was talking about what was happening. I hadn't told the girls, they hadn't told us...everyone was suffering in silence.
The worst of it seemed centered around KK. Alone in the tub one night, a woman appeared in the bathroom, slowly making her way to the tub, where KK was bathing. When they made eye contact, KK let out a scream that defies description. It was the kind of scream that makes your blood run cold. I knew as I ran up those stairs, this was real terror. I felt it in my bones, and I also knew, then and there, that we needed to move.
The problem was, and still is, that our ghost, the little blonde haired girl, has been with us, for about 3 years now. She has been a part of our lives since about the time that Hubby started working at the former children's residence, the haunted hell hole that nearly drove Hubby crazy.
We have been here since June. I love it here. For the first time in years, I feel comfortable. The girls are no longer afraid to be home alone, and the house doesn't feel oppressive or unwelcoming. It has been more than 3 months and there have no strange happenings, or unexplained events. Our little house has a lightness, a homey, comfortable feel to it. In fact, I love it here. I hope that our little ghost does, too, because she is bound to show up, sooner or later.....

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Porkchop

As promised, this is Porkchop. She is our 'Grandma' dog, rescued from the Humane Society 2 summers ago. She is cranky, a little mean, and passes gas from both ends. She is also a huge music critic. She hates James Brown and barks like mad when she hears his music. What can I say? She is absolutely one- of- a kind and we wouldn't trade her for anything...

J


Yesterday was not one of my better days. J and I had to go to the JDEC - The Juvenile Diabetes Education Centre at the hospital. J is my 11 year old and she was diagnosed with JD when she was only 3. It has been something that she, and the whole family, has struggled with ever since.
It seems that no matter what we do, her blood sugar, or blood glucose levels, are sky high or way too low. For years, J suffered from low blood sugars and seizures. Now, they're way too high. We have tried different types of insulin, changed her schedule, changed her diet, nothing seems to make a diference.
I have to tell you about my baby. She is one of the most content, even tempered kids that I have ever met. Truthfully. Her 1st word was HAPPY. When she was little, she would ask if she could go to bed, instead of asking to stay up. She has never complained about this horrible disease, not once.
It breaks my heart to see her suffer like this. I worry endlessly about the complications of this
monstrous thing that has taken over her life.
When we went to see her Dr. in March, J was slim, but healthy. She was 89.5 pounds, and 5'1. Yesterday, she had grown an inch, and dropped to 78 pounds. She should weigh about 92, 95 by now. I was shocked. I knew that she had lost some weight, but I was unprepared for something so dramatic.
We are now faced with finding a way for J to put on weight and do it in a wasy that will be healthy for a diabetic. For everything that she eats, she needs insulin, and finding the right balance has always been difficult. Now, it seems nearly impossible. We have one month, to bulk her up, or the Dr. will have to put her back in the hospital. Anymore weight loss, and she is back in the hospital.
As her Mom, I feel responsible. I feel like my defective genes cursed her with this life altering
nightmare. I feel like I should be able to control it, to make it go away or at least make it something that we can deal with. How? How do you fight something like this? I don't think that I can stand the thought of J in the hospital again, hooked up to an IV, pale and sad. I hate it.
You know what the worst part is? She won't complain. She never does.
I would take this away from her in a nano second, the blink of an eye, and take it upon myself. If I could. If only I could..........

Sunday, August 20, 2006

What Happens At The No-Tell.....

Friday was our night away, the first in 3 years. Unless you count my 72 hour "vacation" a couple of years back. It didn't matter to me that what started out as a whole weekend away was now only one night, or that we were staying at some dive a few miles from home. It was an adventure just the same.
It started with dinner at a restaurant with a view of the mall. The lasagna was almost as good as mine, and Hubby's burger was homemade and huge,just the way he likes them. It was more like dinner theatre, because shortly after we were served, we watched some rent a cops take down a shop lifter. Three security guards for a girl not much bigger than my leg. She put up quite a fight, though.
After dinner it was off to our favourite hole-in-the-wall, across from the kick ass toy store and Chapters. Imagine my surprise to find out that there was a La crosse tournament in town and nearly every hotel/motel was booked. By the time we found a place, we had spent 1/2 of our budget just getting there. The lady at the front desk thought that I was crazy when she read the address on Hubby's id. Less than a block away. Yup. We were smack in ther middle of the old 'hood, and only steps away from Hubby's whole family.
I still didn't care. Away is away, right? We hunkered down for the night,content to be alone.
The room itself was pretty standard. Two queen size beds, a fridge, a broken night stand, and the same a/c unit in my Nanie's apartment - 25 years ago. Thankfully, the place was sound proof, and we only had a drunk knock on our door once.
We spent the evening together, just the 2 of us, and caught up on....Stuff. I kept the weather network on all night because neither one of us brought a watch, and we didn't want to miss our 11am check out time. At 9:30 the next morning, we discovered that we had pay TV. Oh yeah. I watched the weather network for 12 hours and there was free movies playing.
Typical.
We left at 10:45, soaking up every minute that we possibly could. It was glorious. Truthfully. We had such a good time that Hubby promised to take me "away" once a month.
I can't wait for September.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Some Of My favourite Things.......



Some Of My favourite Things.......

A photo of my garden,I am so proud of it...SOMEBODY thought that these flowers wouldn't grow....And... Ruby Tuesday Soho. Ruby came into our lives on June 18,th of this year. Our terri-poo, Poodle passed away exactly one year earlier. We didn't plan on getting another puppy on the anniversary of Poodle's death. It just worked out that way. I think that some things are just meant to be......

Friday, August 18, 2006

Today is Friday

Today is Friday, and YES, I'm in love.
Our road trip has been scaled back to just a night away at our favourite No- Tell- Motel, across the street from 3 of my favourite places: Chapters, the movie theatre, and a really kick ass toy store that sells hobby supplies,too. I could spend all day in there.
Hubby has promised NO WORK on Saturday, so in a couple of hours, he is mine, all mine.
Can't wait to get the weekend started!!!!
The Cure -- Friday I'm In Love (rUmPeLsTiLtSkIn)

For My Hubby

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

10 things that you might not know about me

#1 I am deathly afraid of heights. I won't even stand on a step stool.
#2 I once had my nose broken after I was hit by a Grey Hound. Not the bus, but an actual grey hound. Smashed my face and broke my nose.
#3 I used to work at a morgue,in one of the local hospitals. I helped with autopsies. That's why blood and guts don't bother me much.
#4 I have a Yoda lamp in my living room. His eyes light up when you turn him on. Creeps the kids out. Big time.
#5 My best friend and I have never had a real fight. I think that it's because she is too sweet to argue with me, and knows that I can't be reasoned with. It's true.
#6 That I partied with The Forgotten Rebels. This means nothing to those of you that are not part of the Canadian punk scene, but it was big news when I was 15 and hanging with them.
#7 That I was once picked up by the cops for suspicion of attempted murder. Long story. No actual charges laid. I'll save that story for another time....
#8 I was once attacked by squirrel. True story. I tried to help the little bastard escape a garbage can in Toronto. Never again.
#9 I once "borrowed" a car with my best friend in Nova Scotia. Course we didn't know who the owner was, but we did return it. Drove it right back into the driveway.
Almost as good as new.
#10 I spent the night with Hubby in an old, HAUNTED, mental facility for children. That was spooky as hell, and I will NEVER go back there again. Another long story. Save it for later.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Barnyard

I don't do reviews,it's too much like english all over again, but I will tell you that you have to see this movie. Hubby and I took our 11 year old to see The Barnyard yesterday. Not only was there no swearing, or sex, but we all enjoyed it.
Sam Elliot, Courtney Cox, Kevin James, Wanda Sykes and Shaggy all provide voices in this family friendly comedy. I actually laughed out loud. If you have kids, or, if you're like Hubby and I, you just love animation, check out The Barnyard.
Barnyard: The Original Party Animals

Great family movie.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Lucky

There's something that some of you may not know. I've only known my sister for about 4 1/2 years.
TMOC and I call her Lucky. We found each other in February 2002 after what had been for me, a 22 year search.
I first heard of my sister when I was 11. My Nanie let the secret out one night when I was there for an over night visit. I was astounded. Shocked. This was what I had always wanted. A big sister.
I would dream about what she was like, where she lived, who she was. I searched phone books, wrote letters, made phone calls. I even went to a psychic. For years, I got no where.
Life went on, for me, and for Lucky. I didn't know where she lived, knew nothing about her, except one thing. I loved her.
It's funny how you love someone that you've never met. I waited for the day that we would meet,the day that it would all come together. I waited, and waited.
We both got married, had babies, and got divorced. She was always on my mind. I thought of her the day that 1st daughter was born. I wondered if she had children of her own. I thought of her on Christmas, every year on her birthday. I wondered if she was happy, where she was, did she even know about me, and TMOC.
In 1999, Colorado experienced such a tragedy that it sent shock waves around the world. I watched the Columbine footage on T.V,with my Dad, over the phone.
"Dad, she could be there, her kids could be there." I thought that she could a teacher, maybe I had nieces or nephews there.
I had no reason to think that Lucky was in Colorado. No reason to think that she was anywhere but in Canada, where she had been born. I prayed, for the students and teachers at Columbine, and for my lost sister.
On September 11, 2001, I watched, along with the rest of the world, the terrifying footage of the World Trade Center being attacked. My thoughts once again went to my sister. Was she in New York? Was she safe? Could she have been on one of those ill fated planes?
It strenghtened my resolve to find her. I went to work with a vengance. I left no stone unturned this time. I needed to know once and for all. I needed my sister.
I've seen a lot of reunion stories over the years. I watched every one that I could. Every episode of Jenny Jones, Montel, Oprah, Sally Jessie....you name it. I knew that not every reunion had a happy ending. I knew friends that had their own stories of lost family members. It didn't always end with one big, happy, family. I knew that. I also knew that with us, it would be different.
I found some adoption sites on the web. There were so many, and you had to be registered at the right one...But, which one was the right one?
Christmas came and went that year, and my sister was never far from my thoughts. I had no phone call, no e mail, no nothing.
In February, I found a new site. 24 hours after I registered, I recieved an e mail.
It was the news that I had waited 22 years for. I had found my sister.
The world stopped spinning, my breath caught in my throat. It was the news that I had been waiting for, news that I knew would change my life forever.
Our first contact was via e mail. There was so much to tell,so much that we both wanted to know. She had 2 kids, a boy and a girl. We had both been divorced, from men with the same name. She DID live in Colorado, and was very close to Columbine. She was a teacher. She had in-laws in New York.
The best part was, she was exactly like I knew that she would be. Smart, and beautiful, funny ,and kind,with a heart as big as her smile. I love her so.
I love her in a way that I never thought possible. She is so much more than a sister, more than a friend, more than I could ever have hoped for. I love my niece and nephew, and my brother-in-law, even though we've never met. I know them in my heart. Of course I do. They've been there all along.
Bright Eyes -- First Day of My Life

For my sister, Lucky

Saturday, August 12, 2006

The Party's Over

So K.C. had her party last night. I must say, I'm impressed. Nothing was broken,stolen,smashed or burned. When I called home to check on things the first time, K.K was already stressed out.
That was about 9:30. By 11:30, when I called back, K.C. was the life of the party. And happy to let me know that she is no longer puke free.
All she had was wine coolers.
Today, she is hung over, and not looking for ward to working this afternoon. She has made a solemn oath to NEVER drink again.
You see, there is a method to my madness.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Postponed

Bad news. The road trip has been postponed until next week. I was so looking forward to it that I cried when Hubby told me that he had to work on Saturday.
Curse this bi-polar crap. If I'm not laughing, I'm crying. No in between. I need this road trip now more than ever......
Punk Rock Girl

Another favourite.
Potsmokers Cartoon

Neil Diamond sings about smoking pot. Scary stuff.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Almost like Magic!!!!

OOh look everybody, Biddie has links, um, I mean, I! I have links!

I, Biddie, have figured out how to do links! To my blog friends, like for example, the smartest hick in the world. Like who would have thought that a little chick from the sticks knew so much about computers and stuff, especially since I didn't pay attention in high school---I mean, SHE, she didn't pay attention, you know, when computers were all new and stuff.

Especially since I'm so busy watching Johnny's latest--I mean SHE, Heidi, is watching Johnny Depp's latest movie and that's why SHE couldn't possibly have fixed up those links.

DON'T ASK ME HOW I MADE THE LINKS IN MY SIDEBAR OKAY?

(because I'm pretty sure it was really just pure dumb luck)

What The Eff?

I must have hit my head when I fell yesterday... I agreed to let K.C. have a party on Friday while Hubby and I spend the night away. We haven't decided where yet. I was insipered by my blog friend, CindyDianne, who recently took a road trip with no destination.
Seriously, what was I thinking?

Speaking Of Suckfest............................

Yesterday sucked.
Ok, not completely. One of my favourite people in the whole world stopped by. She is my former mother-in-law. Hubby #2's mom. I love her. She always makes me laugh. She adores her grand daughters, and they adore her back, she knows that her son is a jerk, but it hasn't interferred with our relationship. We're are still family, she and I,more so now than when Goof and I were married. And, she loves Hubby.
So that was nice. I was having a good day until I went downstairs to get the laundry.
I should back track and tell you that I am a complete klutz. I'm certain that my photo is in the dictionary if you look the word up. I have broken my ankle, several toes,and foot numerous times. Always the right foot. Always. I almost cut my baby toe off while baking a pie once, too.
Told you. Klutz.
My foot is still not healed properly from my last incident. I stepped on my own foot and "shaved" or "flaked" a piece of bone off. Ouch.
So I'm bringing the laundry up yesterday. No big deal, right?
I should also mention that our little house is about 80+ years old. Most of the fixtures, etc, are original to the house. Including the heating vents on the floor.
I had noticed previously that the floor vent by the front door was cracked. Didn't think a thing of it. I stepped on the damn thing and it broke into about 4 pieces. I fell through the floor, and it sucked me in clear up to my thigh. The laundry went flying like confetti and I folded like a K- mart lawn chair.
I was so stunned that I just kinda sat there. Stuck. My dear friend just looked at me, too shocked to do anything. The kids were horrified. K.C thought that I broke my leg.
I couldn't bring myself to laugh, but I didn't cry or pee myself, either. ( standard reaction for me)
Man that hurt. My poor foot was swollen in a matter of seconds. Pretty impressive, really.
Today, I'm sore and bruised, and a little bit battered. I don't think that I fractured my foot, just my fragile ego. Why do I always fall when I've got an audience? My dear friend thinks that I will do ANYTHING for a laugh. Maybe she's right. It was pretty funny. I wish that I could've seen my face. In fact, the more that I think about it, the funnier it seems.
Yup, got the giggles now. Full on hilarity. Excuse me while I go pee......

Monday, August 07, 2006

Grandpa Ed

Today is a bad day. I went a funeral this afternoon, for a family member that I haven't seen in a couple of years. Not only do I feel sad, but I feel endless amounts of guilt for not visiting with Grandpa Ed.
Ed wasn't my REAL Grandpa. He moved in with my Nanie when I was about 15. My Grandpa had passed away about 5 years earlier,and Nanie was lonely. She had raised 8 kids, and had never really ever been alone before.
I don't know how they met. I think that it was at the food court of a local mall. She was funny and personable,everyone that knew her liked her.
He was grumpy and surly, and used to having his own way. They hit it off.
I learned very quickly not to speak when Ed's favourite 'programs' were on T.V. People had been uncerimoniously tossed from the apartment for lesser offences. He and my Aunt Jill had a now legendary fight over country music. She was for he was against.
In spite of everything, I liked him. He was good to my Nanie. Some family members complained that she waited on him hand and foot. She did. She needed to. It was her way of saying that she cared. She needeed someone to fuss over, and he needed the fussing. It wasn't one sided by any means. Every time that Ed left the house, he came home with a present for his girl. It could be a can of hair spray,or a new lamp,or key chain. She needed that.
They would have been lost without each other. Indeed, they were.
In October of 2001,Nanie became ill. I can't even remember from what. What I do remember is Ed. I saw him at the hospital, and he was lost. He wouldn't leave her side, even after the doctors told us that she was gone.
At the funeral, he spoke of her as if she were still coming home. He looked different, like 1/2 a man. Not like our Ed at all.
I worried about where he would go, who would see that he ate,that his laundry got done,who would be there for him.
In December of that year,the unthinkable happened. Ed, despondant over the loss of his best friend, tried to kill himself. He set fire to his mattress,wanting to be with Nanie again. Of course, Ed being Ed changed his mind. He walked out of the apartment in his slippers,and went to have his oil changed. My Aunt Josie found him several hours later.
Most of my family members pretty much gave up on Ed then. They were angry with him for setting the fire that destroyed all momentos and tangible memories that they had of their parents. No one was hurt, but a lot of lives were affected. People were angry.
I saw the truth of it all. Ed wasn't trying to hurt anyone. He was in so much pain that he literally could not function without the love of his life. I understood then. I understand even better now.
Ed passed away last Friday, after living out his remaining years at a retirement home. He never recovered from his loss.
Today, along with the sadness, and guilt, I feel a little bit of joy. Maybe, just maybe, Nanie and Ed are together again. Watching their programs and drinking tea.
I hope that he says hello for me.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Circa 1978

Do not adjust your computer screen. The photo you are viewing IS technicolour. IT was the 70's, after all.
This is about 1978,my big brother,TMOC,our dog,Boss, and me. I'm about 9 here.
TMOC and I were latch-key kids. Our Mum had left years earlier,so long before that I have no memory of ever having lived with her. She left with our next door neighbour,Stan, who also left behind 2 kids.
We lived with our Dad,and our beloved dog, Boss in a little town house. My Dad owned a towing company,which meant that he was gone- alot. It also meant that sick days were often spent in the garage being watched by one of my "uncles". I loved it when the burly truck drivers would teach me words that I never heard in my Catholic home,or when they would let TMOC and me drive the cars in the junkyard. The best part was watching them play barbies with me. I don't know who had more fun.
I was the unofficial mascot of Professional Towing. We played pinball and ate candy, drank pop and drove clunkers, found treasure in the abandoned vehicles. Life was great.
Dad was always at work it seemed. That left TMOC and I to our own devices. We played Batman & Robin,watched The Odd Couple,and argued over whose turn it was to do the dishes. (His)
I thought that my big brother was the smartest guy ever. I believed every word that he said,took it as gospel. He took me everywhere. I had crushes on all of his friends, and was the text book bratty little sister. It didn't matter. He still played with me,took me to the comic book store, bought me chips.
I didn't realize it at the time, but we were poor. Dad owned our little town house, and had his own business, but things were worse than I ever knew. One of his partners was stealing from the buisness, and he almost lost evrything. We never knew. Our Christmases were still huge, with nearly every toy on our wish list. Ok, TMOC got a Big Jim instead of G.I.Joe, and I got a Darcy doll instead of a Barbie. But he tried. We had every electronic toy before any one else. In fact, TMOC charged his friends to play pong on our game console. Hey, it was hi tec.
Yup, TMOC was quite the enterprising young man, even at 12.
All things must change,and change they did in 1980. My Dad met someone special, and TMOC moved to Toronto with Betty and Stan. My Dad and I moved to a small town to be closer to his new "friend" I missed TMOC terribly. No more exlax hot chocolate, no more bus trips down town, no more Batman & Robin.
TMOC is in Nova Scotia now, with his fiancee. I adore her, the kids love her,and she and Hubby are kindred spirits. I've known her since I was 15. She is most definetely too good for my brother.
I miss him like crazy. I know that we're too old to play silly games. I know that he has his own life. I have my own life, too. But what I wouldn't give for one more game of pong,or a trip to the comic book store.
I'm 37 now, and he's 41. The funny thing is, no matter how old I get, I'll still be TMOC's little sister.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do Not Adjust Your Computer Screen...

H.R. Pufnstuf TV Theme

Dilling - I found it! I would love to have this on dvd, but my family is frightened..gives the kids techno color nightmares.

In the spirit of my childhood nostalgia,I'm posting more of my favourite commercials and T.V. shows. How scary were the 70's ? Gives me goose bumps.
shazam

I forgot about this. I used to have the biggest crush on Shazam!!
Sigmund and the Seamonsters intro (1973)

this one is for dilling....

Friday, August 04, 2006

Electra Woman & Dyna Girl

I used to watch this every Saturday. Can you believe how cheesey the 70's were? scary.

Barbie Commercial

The Barbie that I always wanted...
Crest Gel Toothpaste Cavity Creeps Commercial

Does anyone remember this commercial?

Back in The day

I'm filled with nostalgia today. Thinking of my childhood, and people from my past.Life in the small town where I spent (as my Dad would call them), my formative years.
One of my favourite memories is playing Chase with the kids from the neighbourhood. The great thing about Chase was that everyone played. We had kids as young as 8 and kids that came home for the weekend from college.(or jail). It was hide'n seek, except with teams. We would have 3 square blocks to run and hide in,nothing was off limits. We hid in strangers sheds, under cars,someones front porch. It was heaven.
The other game we played was kick the can. I can still see my brother 'Menty' clothesline-ing himself during one particularilly wild game. We never locked our doors. Everyone said hello to each other. There were no secrets in our small town.
Sometimes, I yearn for those days. I wish that my girls could live such a simple life. The local cops used to drive us home on slow nights, and sometimes, they even flashed the lights. Yup. Life was good.
I guess when I feel down, when it feels like life has kicked me in the head, AGAIN, I have those memories to draw from.
Life really was good.
Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Hot.......

Today is 47 with the humidex. Is it possible for your brain to melt?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Have Hose, Will Travel

We are barely settled into our our new home, I still have boxes to unpack, curtains to hang,walls to paint. We've been here 2 months, after fleeing our old neighbourhood, full of drugs and hookers. Guess what? As it turns out, the house next door to ours is known as a crack house.
The landlord didn't tell us THAT when we moved in.
They're pretty quiet, actually. The worst part is all of the unsavoury looking characters that come and go. It only took us a couple of days to figure out that the place next to ours is a boarding house. That didn't bother me much. The old guys watching my dogs frolick on the lawn didn't bother me. The people coming to buy drugs, parking in my driveway, now THAT bothers me. Nothing deters these guys from using my driveway. Two weeks ago, Hubby and I came home from market to find a moving truck in our driveway, and part way across our lawn.
I've been mulling over the solution to this problem. I could call the police, but I don't think that my call would take priority. I am not legally allowed to have the vehicle towed. My solution was the garden hose. A bit of water never hurt anyone, and it has been crazy hot lately. So far, the offenders have high tailed it off of my property before I could get the water turned on.
Then yesterday, the gods were smiling down on me. I heard a car, and sure enough,there was a car in my driveway. Parked. Just waiting for me and my hose. K.C. watched from the window as I put on my shoes, ready for the attack. Then it happened. The passenger side door opened, and instead of STEPPING out, MR.Next Door ROLLED out,down my driveway, and onto the side walk. What does the guy in the drivers side do? He watches. Just like K.C. and I did from the livingroom window. Mr. Next Door reaches the sidewalk,and just lays there. Kinda like a turtle on his back. Or a dead bug, on his back with his arms and legs straight up, pointing.
I am a PSW, trained to help people in distress. Did I help? Nope. Couldn't. I mean the guy wasn't hurt, he was loaded, or hammered, or baked,whatever. I sat on my couch and watched. Mr.ND had to CRAWL up the little hill and into his front door. The funny thing is, my driveway hasn't been used since. Maybe I'm a little evil. Maybe . But I loved every second of it..And I didn't have to get the hose.