It's Sunday morning, and everyone is still asleep. This is the first quiet moment that I have had in days. (deep breath)



Okay.



KC got a message on her cell phone from my OTHER mother yesterday that went something like this...'KC, this is Mary.(long pause)......I have some things that belong to Bridgets father that I don't want. I'll be dropping them off later today. '



Ok. Let's review this....BRIDGET'S FATHER? Doesn't she mean Grandpa? How effing cold is that? So, I spent that WHOLE day waiting for that lunatic to show up and drop off stuff that is probably nothing more than just a pile of papers or maybe another set of false teeth....I think it must be stuff that her new hubby doesn't want cluttering up the place that isn't worth any real money......



Meanwhile, back at the ranch.....I am still awaiting word on Bio Betty's sister, Kaddy. Last I heard, they were taking her off of life support on Monday. Some of my family members will arriving tomorrow, others, like Betty, are waiting until after my aunt is gone. It's too hard on Betty, don'tcha know?



Shawn is out of town working. He's coming home today. There's just too much crap going on here to be away from home, and there is a job that he can start in town tomorrow. I think that the time away was good for us, but just between you-and-me...I will be SO glad when he walks through that door tonight!



So, Mission Mary will be here in about an hour, give or take,and Bio Betty will be arriving in less than a weeks time. I get to be rejected pretty much tag team style. It sucks. I spent most of yesterday feeling like I was going to throw up. I am so dreading the next week or so.



Anyway, as you can see, the past few days have been diffucult for Ruby, too. She barely finished her dinner before she fell asleep the other night. Her boyfriend The Pug came for a visit yesterday, and only stayed about 10 minutes. No wonder they call 'em the dog days of summer.....



***update***



Mission Mary came and dropped off some stuff. I'm surprised at what she brought. Most of it is complete and utter crap. This is what she does...brings me crap because she knows that I won't be able to part with it. Some of what I got was a complete shock. I got my Grandmothers cabinet. Not just any cabinet, but the same cabinet that I have been asking for since my Dad died, almost exactly 8 years ago. I also got: 3 bags of pens, 1 bag of pencils, 1 pair of polyester tennis shorts, a strand of Christmas lights, my fathers dogs rabies tags, a new, unopened, tube of tooth paste (must have been special to my dad?), a comforter, curtains, 2 coffee mugs, some old family photos (many, many, are missing), my grandmothers antique lamp, a binder of handwritten peotry, his passport....There's a lot of stuff...Some models, handcrafted, that he spent hours on, crammed into bags, smashed to pieces. I think what took my breath away the most was the sight of my Dad's beloved flag, stuffed into the bottom of one the piles of clothes. I almost didn't notice it.



I hated that flag. My Dad hung it every year at the family cottage. It has our family crest, and he made sure that it was the 1st thing he did when he opened the cottage for the year. He flew that Damn flag. Now, It's down, cuz, Mission Mary has another name. She won't be needing anything with John Joseph STEEVES name on it anymore.



Maybe that's a good thing.

One of my aunts is very ill right now. I got a phone call last night telling me that she is in a coma is not expected to survive the next few days. I like my aunt very much. She is sweet and good natured, and nothing at all like Bio Betty.....

Oh, yeah, did I mention that? Bio Betty and the rest of the family will be arriving from the 4 corners of the world. I know how selfish this is going to sound. I do.

I am not ready for this.

I think that if I have to deal with Bio Betty and some of the others, I just may end up the hospital. I don't want to see anyone. I'm not ready. It's only been a year since I last saw Betty, and I just can NOT go there again.

I hate this. I have a huge family. Most of them don't bother with me, even though we live in the same city. I have have an aunt and 2 cousins on my facebook. That's the extent of my family involvement. Thanks to Bio Betty, I am pretty much a stranger among my own people. Of course, there is always the OTHER side of my family...You know, the side that disowned me and stole my inhieritance.

I just want to be left alone. I do. I just want this all to go away. Maybe I can just hide under a big pile of coats until this all blows over....

Baked Potato, Anyone?

SIGH.

Can anyone guess what this is?

Anyone?

It's Shawns new blanket. Yupper. It is. It's one of those emergency blankets that you use for camping or you put in a first aid kit your car. I left the man alone for TEN MINUTES and this is what happens.

I find him wrapped up in this.

I tried to get a photos of him sleeping with, but he woke up just as I was zooming in for the kill - er - picture. He wanted to take the damn thing to bed with us.

Oh, and the best part?

It crinkles when you move.

Where are my meds...?

Well, friends, I'm 38 now. Hard to believe, isn't it? I know, I can hardly believe it myself. The highlight of my day was the brand new ipod shuffle that I got from KC and Spencer. Yup, that's right. A brand new ipod shuffle. It's full of 'old lady music' now, so Jessica won't be borrowing it.

The other highlight (not counting the squirtguns that I got) would have to be the Operation game. Not just ANY Operation game, but Spiderman Operation.

I know. I can hardly catch my breath. Anyone wanna play?

Tagged by Coffey Pot

1 WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. I was named after my
Dad's best friends wife..or something like that. They ended up divorced, but I did meet her once. Bio - Betty actually wanted to name me Bridey, but a pyschic told her that name would bring me bad luck.....Good call on that one, Betty.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED Yesterday. I cry everyday, it's no big.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes. When my arthritis bothers me, my writing looks like a chicken scratch.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Hmmm. Only one? Well, I would have a burger for lunch, if I had a choice. Does that count?
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes, 3. All girls, but you all know that.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I don't know. I am fiercely protective of those I love, and completely loyal, but I can be a real pain in the ass.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT ? Do you know me at all? Please.
.8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not for a million dollars.
10. YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Raisin Bran, or Shreddies
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Sometimes...Depends on which shoes I'm wearing, and how lazy I'm feeling
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not really, but piss me off and watch me go!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? any if it is Brookfield brand...can't buy it here. I love almost any though..cookies and cream, chocolate mint, pralines and cream...
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their smile...
15. RED OR PINK? red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOU? My smile.
. 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Dad, and my Poodle
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? whatever..
.19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? brown tank top, black shorts..isn't this a little personal?
.20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Crap..don't tell my shrink, cuz he said not to eat chips, but guess what I had about 2 hours ago?
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Shawn, on the phone, and the tv in the background
.22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? .Purple
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Gas..it reminds me of my Dad's towing company, and my uncle's service station. Oh, yeah, that and fresh baked bread.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Shawn..he called me at lunch to tell me that he loved me.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, I do! He is my ispiration!
26. What is your favorite TV show? Only one? Hmmmm Jericho...Or Heroes
27. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? None, really,but I will watch a boxing match now and again.
28. HAIR COLOUR? brown, but shawn says auburn, and the kids say gray
29. EYE COLOUR? blue, and yes, they are REAL
30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? oh yeah. Blind as a fruit bat without them
31. FAVOURITE FOOD? home made lasagne
32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary, always scary.
33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Apocolypto. LOVED it. No wait..Ghost rider. Not bad.
34. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? A bit...
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, baby, I was born in June.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? I like both, but I love LOVE a good bear hug. The best that I ever got? Hmmm Jethro, or my cousin Mark, or Shawnie.
37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Only one? Crap. I'll go with....cherry cheesecake? blueberry cheesecake? Ice cream?
38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I dunno..I'll be happy if ANYONE does.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Maybe 4D. He hates these things.
40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I actually haven't been able to finish a book since my depression kind of bottomed me out again. I have about 10 books here waiting..The last one that I read was written by Heidi. That was in April. I have one by VC Andrews (a guilty pleasure) that I have been working on since December.
41. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Food crumbs
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Nothing. Shawn took me to the movies. It was my birthday gift, we saw 1408
43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOUND? My kids laughing.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? I don't really care for either, but if I had to pick ONE then I would pick the Beatles
45. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Not too far, really. I travelled to New York city once, and of course, Detriot, but I haven't ever really traveeled much. Been to Nova Scotia, but I lived there, so that kind of makes it home...
.46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yes, but I only share it with Shawn...
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Walaceburg, on lake St. Claire, right here in Ontario
48. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GET BACK? Anyones....But I'm hoping that maybe Tod will do this for me...He is always a good sport about these things!
49. ARE YOU MARRIED? Ish. As good as married, really. Seems like we've been together forever.....
50. IF MARRIED...AND YOU WERE WIDOWED WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER REMARRIAGE? Maybe. Someone told me once that getting remarried after losing your spouse is a testament to the love that you shared. I dunno. I can't imagine losing Shawn, and I can't imagine spending my days with anyone but him....

Where do I start? There is so much brain clogging crap floating about in my head right now.. I can barely keep it all straight.

I have an appointment with disability on Wednesday. This will the first of many, and I know that I won't be able to answer most of the questions. I still haven't done my taxes for 2006, and I can't even get into the mess of Shawn's finances. It is causing me such a headache. He owes about $50 grand to Revenue Canada, and we are still trying to figure out how to deal with that. Might as well be a million, really. This could affect my disability, but I won't really know how until Wednesday.

The good news is that my shrink has agreed to fill out the papers for me...I was kind of shocked, really. I have only seen him twice, and I was sure that he would need some convincing. Apparently not. I had heard horror stories about doctors and shrinks not willing to help in the disability process, or charging upwards of $50 to fill out the paper work. It feels like I am FINALLY being taken seriously. Maybe the whole cheese fiasco was a GOOD thing...

The landlord came to pick up some rent money today. We are more than 3 months behind, I think. It hasn't been that long since we've paid, we just haven't been able to pay a full month in..well...months. I love it here. It feels like home. I know that we owe the money, and I have no intention of running off without paying what I owe. The landlords have been pretty good to us, but I dread dealing with the 80 year old busy body that comes to collect the rent. He repeats himself everytime I see him....
I KNOW that we are behind. I KNOW that our house is owned by the church. I KNOW that I spoke with the president of the church....
SIGH....
The landlord asked me today WHY I wasn't on welfare...WHY I don't have a job. He gets way too personal...I have a hard time with this. I am tired of people asking me why I don't work. It is really no one's business, and I for years I have had to deal with rude and ignorant people telling me to 'get over it.'
There is nothing to get over. I don't work. I can't work. I have tried...I have gone on job interviews, and have even done volunteer training.
I never finish. Ever. I want more than anything to help Shawn pay this rent.
Rudi has stopped his support payments again, and it seems as though we are drowning. The guilt keeps me up at night. It's all I think of, really. The last thing that I need to is to explain myself to a stranger. He can be pissed at me, or evict me (oh please, don't) or try to work with me..but PLEASE don't ask me personal questions. It makes me unreasonably angry.
I felt like asking this 80 year old man why he always smells like tabacco and shit when he comes to collect the rent. I didn't...I just felt like it. (cuz that would be too personal)

My birthday is on Tuesday. I will be 38. The year that I turned 26, my Dad convinced me that I was turning 26. That man was one helll of a salesman. Really. I guess this means that I was 26 for 2 years in a row.. I'm depressed this year. I mean, yeah, I am ALWAYS depressed, but this year, I just feel awful. I don't know if it's Mommy Dearest getting remarried and partying down under, or the complete and utter lack of any parental interest shown by bio - Betty. Maybe it's because my sister, Lucky, is still sick and won't be able to travel this summer, like we had thought.
I just feel so tired. This money thing is all that I can think of. It's not that we won't have money to celebrate my birthday. Whatever. Heidi and Jethro already gave me a kick ass gift..Maybe it's the new meds that I am on...Mood stabilizers that have completely taken the wind out of my sails....I cry all of the time now. No more mood swings, just good old fashioned depression. Thanks, Doc.

SIGH......Well, there is one thing that is guarnteed to make me smile...Couldn't sign off without a little Ruby love.

Warning, This blog is rated PG

Mingle² - Online Dating

I found this over on Ann's blog. Being the tech wiz that I am, it took me about 10 minutes to cut and paste, but VOILA! Thanks, Ann!

I got this rating for using the word HELL twice and FUCKING twice, and the word HURT(?) once.

I saw this over at StinkyPaws place, and I just HAD to share it. It still gives me the giggles.

June 16th marks my one year mark since I started blogging. I got dragged into this kicking and screaming (ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration) by my bestest Heidi, who thought - scratch that - KNEW that the voices in my head needed an outlet.



I really had no idea where I was going with this little blog of mine, and I absolutely had no idea that I would make so many wonderful friends along the way. You all know who you are. You do.



Today is also fathers day, and since my Dad passed away 8 years ago, today is all about Shawn. I didn't make him breakfast in bed, but I did make coffee...That is HUGE for me, people. I will make supper tonight, too. Since I hate cooking, and avoid the kitchen like the plague, that will probably knock Shawn over with a feather.



Yesterday I had a visit from two of my very favourite people in the whole world. Heidi and Jethro. Oh, yeah, all of our kids were there, too, and Ruby's Larry stopped by (I think that Heidi will tell you more about him), but for me, it was all about Heidi.



I get very selfish when it comes to sharing my time with Heidi and Jethro. I have known Jethro since were 10, and Heidi and I have been friends since we were 15. They don't live that far away, really, but we don't have a working car, and between horse/farm time, Jethro's job, and Shawn's jobs....our visits are few and far between. Our time togther never seems like enough.



Yesterday was no exception, but I was happy to share it with Larry. What a storyteller! He had us in stitches more than once, and I can't wait to hear Heidi's account of the afternoon.



Of course, no afternoon with Heidi is complete without photos of Ruby and The Pug. No matter how many boyfriends Ruby has, it's clear to us that The Pug will always be number one in her heart.

Smirnoff Black Cherry and Ruby's Larry

KC was kind enough to leave me some booze. It's not much, but I seldom drink, and I haven't eaten much. I really shouldn't be drinking, anyway, because I've had a craptastic day. Straight up, this black cherry stuff kind of rocks...

We have a neighbour, that I call Ruby's Larry. He has crazy white hair, and always stops to visit with Ruby. He has no choice. She insists. She sits in the window and watches for him. When he goes by, she barks uncontrolably until he stops...Poor Larry. He sits, or better yet, will actually lay in the grass with her and talk and play...Sometimes, I mow the grass around him.

No problem, it's Larry. You do what you have to do. I always thought that Larry was just an eccentric member of our little community. Ruby's Larry.

He stopped by tonight, and as he was playing with Ruby in the grass, he started talking to Kayla and I about some of his old friends, former jobs, and places that he once lived. Turns out that Ruby's Larry is an accomplished actor.
It's true. I googled him. He worked with Joey Ramone (had to pick Kayla up off of the walk way after she heard that) and has done some real acting. Don't I feel foolish. The guy that plays with my dog in the grass is a real, honest to goodness accomplished actor.

Is my face red. Yup.

Mind you, it could be the Smirnoff. Which is almost gone. Not quite drunk, but feeling good.
Later.

I tried like heck to post last night, but you tube just wasn't working with me. My SIL has a cousin that has made it to Toronto on Canadian Idol. You have to see this kid. He rocks. His name is Tyler Mullendore, and he is from Cape Breton. (While I do have family from there, I do not share the dialect or the accent. Sorry) Check out his clip on you tube. Seriously. My Canadian friends have to keep an eye on this kid. He's going places.

Can't remember if I mentioned it earlier or not, but I did manage to get my bogus shoplifting withdrawn. Yup. That's it, that's all. I am done. I don't have to return to court, and I have a clean criminal record.

I started the very long drawn out process for disablity, too. It can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years, but, I have started. I have to wait for the papers to be sent in the mail, then I get my doctors to fill them out, then the fun really begins. I went for my in office consultation, though, and got the ball rolling. One step closer.

Mommy dearest came home from Australia on Monday. I haven't seen her or the look a like replacement husband. Trust me, you'll all know if I do.

Love is in the air. Ruby Tuesday has a new boyfriend. His name is Jimmy and he is a Yorkie/Poodle cross. They had their very first date on Saturday night. Ruby had a bath and Kayla even did her hair for her..

Don't they make the cutest couple? I'll let you know how it goes....

Finally, something to blog about other than myself...Poor Paris, off to the slammer. My heart bleeds for her.

I'm trying like hell not to write depressing posts. I am. Problem is, I am severely depressed right now. I am sleeping and crying right now.....That's it. That's all.

Shawn is finally working for a good company, but the last guy stiffed him, again. This means that I have to tell my 12 year old that we can't go to the school BBQ because I don't enough money for hot dogs and bus fare. I just don't know how much more I can take.

Shawn and I haven't spoken in days. It's killing me. I can't go on like this, but I don't know how to fix it....................

So...Most of you know that I have two moms, right? Not 2 moms like moms that were a couple, but 2 different moms. My dad was married twice, and my bio mom was rarely around. I spent more time with my step mom...We'll call her Mary.



Mary and my Dad got married when I was 11 or 12, I'm not sure...They had been dating for a couple of years, and it came as no great surprise to me when they did. Of course, that mean that I was happy about this wedding, or ready for a new mommy, a new sister, and 2 new brothers. Like I told all of my bloggy friends before, in time, I felt that we became a family, and I even called Mary 'mom.' I accepted my sister, and brothers, and I even named my eldest daughter KC after Posh, my adopted sister.



My Dad did in, fact, adopt Marys kids. Her ex husband had a new family, new kids, and no need for the old ones that he had left behind. Adoption meant no more support, and Mary's ex was all too happy to let me Dad adopt his kids.



I remember asking my Dad, when I was about 13, why I wasn't being adopted, too. He told me that there was no need for it, and that Betty really didn't want to give me up, even though she rarely called or came to visit anymore. I wanted more than anything to be adopted by Mary. I wanted to be John AND Mary's kid, not "Bridget, my step daughter," or "My husband's daughter." I hated that more than anything. My Dad never did that. Ever. To him, we were all just his kids.



My Dad got sick shortly after my marriage to Rudi. We found out that it was terminal, and I was grateful that my Dad had a wife to take care of him, to love him, to cherish him. I was a young mom, just starting out. I didn't want him in a hospital, but that's where he would he would have spent many lonely days without Mary.



The months dragged on to years, and I had more children. By the time my Dad actually passed away, I had 3 children. KC was 11, Kayla was 7, and Jessica nearly 4. I spent as much time with my Dad as I could, but it was hard with 3 little ones, and an unsupportive husband.



My Dad and I had many long talks before his death. We worked out all of our anger, and nothing was left unsaid. I tried my best to tell him how I felt, without hurting him. He was more than my Dad, he was my best friend. I brought up the subject of Mary and her kids many times. I told my Dad that unless he made provisions for my girls in the will, we would be written out.



He got so angry with me. He had been married almost 20 years by then, and to him, we were just one family. He completely trusted his wife to do as they has discussed, just as I am sure that you all trust your spouses. I tried to tell him that I would be expelled from the family. I tried. He wouldn't listen, and I didn't want to upset him. He was dying, and on oxygen. He was my father, and I couldn't bear to hurt him.



My Dad passed away on July 11, 1999. I helped my 'Mom' plan the funeral. I helped with the thank you cards, and I helped deal with the insurance claims. I thought, for about 10 minutes, that I was wrong. I thought that I was a memeber of my own family.



Silly me.



Soon enough, it started. The girls would be forgotten on birthdays, or we wouldn't be invited somwhere. Whatever. I waited more than 2 years to ask for the things that my Dad had told me that he was leaving for me. I was told that they were NOT mine. My brother was given a Rolex. I was given his false teeth.



I still held out hope. Two and a half years ago, I was told that I am no longer a part of the family, and I no longer welcome anywhere near anyone. I have not spoken to my brothers, my sister, or my 'mom.'



They are all living on my Dad's money. I have been written out of her will. As if that isn't bad enough, I just found out that got married to a guy named JOHN JOSEPH..Care to guess what my Dad's name was? Oh, and the reason that Posh is creeped out? He looks my Dad.



She is selling my Dad's house, and right now, Mary and John2 are in Australia. This is after she took a trip to Bolivia to save orphans and build a church, or orphanage, or whatever the hell she was doing.
See her there, 'saving' the little kids? What a fucking saint.

Now, if you're thinking that I am simply bitter because she took my money and ran, you're only half right. It goes beyond that. My Dad TRUSTED her. He never would have married her, adopted her kids, and left HIS fortune to HER if he would have known what she was truly like.

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am not all about money. I am NOT. I do, however, have a 12 yr old that needs braces, and my meds are going to cost about $200 a month, and we are way behind on rent....I don't aspire to be a millionaire. I just want to be comfortable somday, and I want to give them what they need...That's all. The money that she took from me? Let's just say it's over $100 grand...WAY.

So, I am feeling sick to my stomach. I am hating her right now, and I hate myself for hating her. I have to find a way to deal with this, and I just don't know how. How can you betray someone like that? She was a grandma to my kids, for their whole lives...and she just walked away...She just walked away... How could have snowed my Dad like that?

How?

By Popular Demand

Please, keep in mind, these are only prototypes...

Kayla's Pop Bottle Shoes..She told me to tell you that you MUST wear socks with these or your feet will be torn to shreds. I dunno..isn't that a bit like wearing socks with sandals?

Can someone explain to me PLEASE why it that Kayla will wear shoes made out of pop bottles, but NOT the brand new Sketchers that I found tucked away in the back of the hall closet?

I made it to my appointment yesterday, with time to spare, thanks to Lynn. She picked me in a taxi,waited for me, took me out for coffee afterwards, and then dropped me off again. I honestly don't know if I would have made it, otherwise. Shawn couldn't take any time off, and I really didn't have anyone else to go with.

I still can't pronounce the doc's name, but I think that I will like him. I sat in this amazing over sized chair that reminded me of a throne, and I felt immeadiately comfortable. It wasn't clinical in the least, thank goodness. I think that would have been too much for me. This was more like sitting in a comfortable living room than a shrinks office.

It took forever to get my family history. He was confused about my FORMER MIL coming with me, and didn't understand WHY I didn't know where my Mum lives. (Betty)
You should have seen him scribbling away at his little flow chart!

Dr. Shrink put me on a mood stabilizer, and I go back in 3 weeks to get an anti depressant. I also got a lecture on healthy eating habits and late night snacking. The meds are supposed to promote weight loss, too, so I'm all for it.

I guess that in the end, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I still haven't had the chance to tell him about most of my issues, and I am dreading dealing with it all. I do feel better. This is just a baby step, but it is a step forward.

It's 3:00, and in one hour, I have my appointment with my new shrink. I don't know if teh doc is a man or a woman, in fact, I can't even pronounce the name...

I am FREAKING out. Truly. I have been having nightmares about this, and now, I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

Deep breaths.....

Ok.

Whew.

My xMIL, my dear friend, my REAL family, Lynn, is coming with me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve her in my life, but I am ever so thankful.

I'll let you all know how it goes.

Happy Birthday, Grandma J

This photo was taken yesterday at the hospital where Gramma J is recovering from her hip surgery.

It was her 92nd birthday. KC and Spencer went to see her, and as an added bonus, Gramma Lynn was there, too.

I just love this photo, and I had to share it. Doesn't J look good? 92....Unbelievable.

Happy Birthday, Gramma J

Our little Pork Chop was almost dognapped today. Shawn put the pups out for a few minutes, and went into the back yard to check his garden. (We're trying to grow veggies this year) When he back out front, Ruby was there, and Porky was gone...It looked like she had slipped out of her collar. The strange thing is, that the crazy guy next door that is always talking the dogs knew EXACTLY where to find Porky. I'm telling ya, it's pretty bad when people are reduced to stealing dogs.

Last week, it was our lawn mower. The next door neighbours took it from back yard, and placed it in theirs. Yeah, like we'd never notice it. I love my house, and even our neighbourhood, but sometimes, it's just too much.

Have I ever mentioned that I have the coolest sister EVER? Well, I do. It seems that Lucky has a friend in the recording industry ( I think that he works for a major record label), and she has managed to get me tickets to the Beyonce concert here in August...I swear, I lucked out big time in the sister department. While I am not a huge Beyonce fan, I know 3 girls that are.
Speaking of Lucky, she is doing much better. She is still on oxygen, but she is at home with her family, and she is laughing again. What a beautiful sound.

Facebook | Message:

Does anyone rememeber me talking about the night that Heather and I were picked up by the police in Nova Scotia? It was the night that I thought that we (well, me, really) were going to be charged with attempted murder?

Well, I found our dear friend Mr. Eckstein on facebook. I wrote him a little letter, and this is the reply that I got. Just to make things clear, the first time that he hit me, I was walking past my school with Shane, when Mr. Eckstein called us out. I did respond, to be sure. Of course I did. I was a loud mouthed 17 year old girl. I was also a 120 pound 17 year old that was attacked by a middle weight semi pro boxer.

After that night in June, Mr. Eckstein stalked me for MONTHS. I didn't leave the house alone, and I was terrified for my life. One night in August, Heather, Shane, Blaine, and their middle brother and oldest sister and I went for a walk. As luck would have it, we stopped in front of Mr. Eckstein's house.

He came running out of the house, and swung a piece of wood at my head....Make no mistake about it, he meant to kill me.

I have reflected on this night, for 20 years. What follows is the communication between Mr. Eckstein and myself. I did NOT throw the first the punch. In fact, when he came at me, I was so frozen with fear, that I sat where I was, and pissed my pants.


Hi, Shawn I guess that you have no interest in communicating with me. I thought as much. That's ok. I still want to share some things with you. I have memories of that night..you know the one I mean. I can remember you coming at me with that 2x4, wearing nothing but a pair of track pants, your barefeet slapping the pavement. You swung that piece of wood at my head, and I knew, in that moment, that you truly meant to kill me. What I don't know is why. I never even met you before that balmy June night when Shane and I were out walking. I had no idea as to who you were, or what you were about. WHY did you pick us that night? Why couldn't you let it go after you punched my face and your friends left Shane with a bloody lip? I don't know. I do know that in that moment, the exact moment that the block of wood grazed my ear, I knew that it was kill or be killed. I was a 17 year old girl that had left home because of abuse. I was a stranger in Dartmouth, and only wanted to feel free. You took away so much from me, Shawn. I still dream of you. I see your face in the window, as it appeared that night. I hear the primal scream that you let out as you came at me. Thanks to you, something in me changed that night. I heard from a friend that I scared you that night. Do you remember me hanging off the truck, slicing at you, screaming? Do you remember MY face? I hope so. I hope that you never forget me. I hope that you never forget any of us from that night. I have waited 20 years to say these things to you. 20 years is a long time. There was so much more that I had wanted to say....Time heals all wounds, Shawn. Too bad it doesn't erase the bad dreams.

Bridget Steeves


Eckstein
Today at 7:30am
Report Message
Bridget,

I have to say that the details of that night are a little foggy, so if I have some of the things wrong I appoligize, first I think that if you were no sitting baiting me out in frount of my house then that unfortunate night would never occured. I think that there was other issues that I can not remember but all that being said I am very sorry for your sleepless nights in my youth I was a scapper and scraping was the way I dealt with most things, now I know that this is no excuse but it is the way I did things back then. That being said I do not think that I have ever tried to beat someone up that I did not think had it coming to them (so you may want to reflect on what maybe you did wrong that night instead of throwing the blame all on me) let me asure you of all the fights that I have been in I have never thrown the first punch why would that night be any different.Once again Sorry that was a different time in a different place and some of the things I did back then I regret for sure but funny thing about life is you an't take things back other than to say sorry and I have Shawn

P.S I hope you got what you needed out of this comunication.

Whew..It's 3:30 in the afternoon, and I still feel sluggish. I took a Seroquel last night - er - this morning at about 1 am, and it wiped me out for 12 hours. I got up this morning, and found myself walking into walls.

I'm afraid that when I get back on my meds, it'll be like this again. I had forgotten about the whole adjustment period. It might take months to get the meds right, and I don't know if I'll be able to hang in for the duration.

I have been counting down the days until I go to see my new shrink. Now, I'm dreading it.

Every year for Mothers Day, I get homemade cards and some kind of craft made in school, that has been snuck into the house, all hush hush. KC writes me a poem, or shares a memory, that more often than not, makes me cry happy tears. This year was a little different.

KC took m eto the movies on Friday night. We saw 28 Weeks Later, which is the sequel to one my all time favourite movies. She even paid for snacks. It was different..going out with my all grown up daughter, and having her pay. I won't lie. I could get used to it.

On Saturday, Kayla and Jessica went to the farmers market and bought me these beauties. Another favourite of mine.

Kayla watched a documentary at school earlier in the week. It was about children in developing countries, and what their lives are like. There was a line that said something like..'you complained because your parents bought you Nikes instead of Adidas..She only has one pair of shoes, and they're made out of pop bottles.'

Now, maybe another kid would take something away from that...You know like...Wow, have I got it good. Well, Kayla had a different take on it. She and Shawn spent part of the afternoon making pop bottle shoes. AFTER she wore them, she realized that she really did have it lucky. I think that she and Shawn are working on a design for sandals, now.

On Sunday, I slept in,and when I woke up, Shawn made me an omellette with sausages, and french vanilla coffee. Oh yeah. The fun didn't end there. I got watch the last half of another favourite movie of mine, Bachelor Mother, with Ginger Rogers and David Niven. Then, the girls gave me their gifts, that they bought, with their OWN money.

This is Max. Jessica made him at Build A Bear, and he's wearing Bearboxers.









Kayla bought me this angel. It is the second that she has given me...I think that I am starting a collection.



Shawn made quiche and pie, and Kayla made a cake...I ate so much that I am STILL full. Later, after dinner, we watched Land Of The Lost, and some other scary stuff that freaked out the kids. Hey, it was Mothers Day, my choice.

I was going to get an ipod shuffle (purple), but we decided to have hot water, instead. That's right, hot water. The gas company came out on Friday, to cut off our gas without giving us ANY notice. Yuppers. We got the bill paid, but since we also had to pay a reconnect fee, and my arrears plus my new bill, we were a bit short.
Here's the thing that gets me. The woman that came out to cut the gas was the same woman that we dealt with before. The same woman that refused to work out a payment plan the first time around. She is an OFFICE worker, yet she took it upon herself to come out and cut our gas. Since when do the office girls do the dirty work?
The best part? She LAUGHED and smiled while she did it, reminded me again that I had a $3000 bill in the past. I reminded her that we paid that bill, in cash, and that this is an entirely DIFFERENT bill. I asked her WHY they would come out and turn off our gas without any notice. (which they are required to do)
Her response?
They didn't have my phone number. Well, they had it December when they called to tell me that I had 3 days to come up with 3 grand. When I reminded her of THAT, her reply was that my phone had been disconnected.
Nope. Still works.
I hate to sound paranoid, but I knew that she would not let this go. She is going to be a pain in my ass until she retires, or dies. She TOLD ME SO.
Well, I didn't curse her out, or even raise my voice, and believe me, I wanted to. I came so close to violence, it's not funny. I said this to her.
"There's a little something called Karma, and it's gonna kick you in the ass."

P.S. I got some news about Lucky. She is home now, but on oxygen 24/7. The doctors can't figure out why her oxygen levels are so low, and it worries me. I wish that I could be there to help her. Sometimes, I feel the distance between us so profoundly.

Mothers Day

It almost slipped my mind, this year. Mothers Day. I never forget Fathers Day, even though my Dad is long gone. It's not because Shawn is here, and he reaps all of the rewards and the hoopla is all about him. I remember Fathers Day because I had a great father.

Mothers Day, on the other hand, has always been a challenge for me. When I was little, really young, like under 10, we celebrated with my Nanie, my Dad's mom. She spent every spare moment with us, cooking, cleaning, sewing us clothes (that's another story altogether), until she passed away unexpectedly shortly after my 10 th birthday.

My Dad got remarried when I was 11. I did NOT like this new person in my fathers life, not one bit. She came with 3 kids of her own, and I had to share my Dad with ALL of them. In time, we grew closer, and Mothers Day became about her, my step mom.

My father passed away, and nothing has been the same ever since. I am now completely estranged from that side of the family. My "mother" hasn't seen me, or her grandchildren, in years.

I do have a 'real' Mum. She lives in Nova Scotia, in a town that I have never been to, in a house that I have never seen. She left TMOC and I behind when she ran off with our next door neighbour. I couldn't have been older than three, because I have no memory of her. Our relationship has been very strained, and with the exception of the 54 weeks that I lived with her, we have never spent any real time with her. We are very different people. She is STILL angry with a man that died nearly 8 years ago, over a marriage that was doomed from the start.

This leaves me feeling bitter sweet on days like Mothers Day. I am mom myself, and I know that I will get breakfast in bed, and home made cards, and maybe some bubble bath. KC will write a poem that will make me cry, and I will get to watch my favourite movies, without complaints. Still, I wish that I had my own mom to celebrate on May 13th.

I did have many wonderful women in my life over the years. I think that Mothers Day is a good day to celebrate them.

Jane was married to a cousin of my dads. She had 3 girls, and they were like sisters to me. Jane babysat me whenever my brother needed a break from his duties. She instilled in me a love of horror movies, and taught me how to make meat loaf. She babysat KC when we took off for a weekend after my 1st marriage, and baysat KC while I was in the hospital afterI had my still born son.

Aunt Josie is my mums sister. Josie and my Dad were great friends, long before my parents were married. My Aunt Josie, my Uncle Ray, and my Dad raced stock cars together, and remained close even after my parents marriage failed. Aunt Josie watched me after my mum left, and held me as long hours stretched into even longer nights while I cried for my mommy. Aunt Josie babysat KC the day that I got out of the hospital after losing my son. I was supposed to be on bed rest for 6 weeks, and Rudi left me home alone with a 18 month old. Aunt Josie to the rescue! She made me laugh, told me how proud she was of me, and me feel good about myself.

Mary is Heathers mom. She fed me, and sheltered me, and put up with me teen age moodiness. Her home was a haven for me, and the doors were always open.

Delores. She is the mother of the infamous Shane and Blaine. She took me in when I fled my mums house, and even hid me when my drunken angry mother showed up on her doorstep, demanding that I come home. I lived with her for months, and I was treated EXACTLY the same as everyone else, for better, or worse. This was my home away from home.

Liz was the wife of my Dads best friend. She took me shopping and bought me my first bra. She made me laugh, and taught me things like plaid and stripes DO NOT match. I thank you, Liz, and my family thanks you for that one.

Sally is Heidis mom. Sally has always opened her home to me, my husbands, and children over the years . She makes you feel instantly welcome, and you will NEVER be judged in her home. This isn't because (as Shawn believes) that she is Mennonite, it is because she is simply, wonderfully, Sally. It was by watching her, and her daughters, that I learned what a healthy mother/daughter relationship looks like.

Lynn, my former mother in law. I hate calling her that, because she is so much more to me than a former anything. She is Geoffs mom, and I almost didn't divorce him because I didn't want to lose her. That's what I thought during the rough periods of my marrige to her son. She is the world's best Grandma, to my kids, and a mom to both me and Shawn. Yes, you heard me, Shawn. What we have is a family here, made of a patch work of other families. She is kind, and funny, sweet, and silly. I treasure my time with her, and I love her like a mom. She has ALWAYS been there for me, and now, she is there for my girls, and Shawn, too. We adore her, love her, and would do anything for her. My relationship didn't suffer when the marriage ended, it just changed. It's better now. In my heart, Lynn is my mom.

I guess, while I'm at it, I should thank three very important women in my life. KC, Kayla and Jessica. That's right, my girls. Without them, I wouldn't have been on this journey. My daughters have taught me so much. I was a much different parent with KC, then I was by the time Jessica came around, 7 years later. I can't imagine my life without all of the wonderful women that have supported me, influenced me, and been there for me over the years. I can't imagine where I would be, or what I would do if I weren't a mom.

I hope that this Mothers Day all of my friends out there will celebrate the uniqueness of their own moms. I hope that all of my blog buddies that are moms hold their children tight.

Happy Mothers Day, everyone.

My sister, Lucky is in the hospital with pnuemonia, again. I am so worried about her. She is Colorado, and I am in Canada...So far away from each other. I feel so helpless, and I wonder how she feels right now.

My sister is one of the best people that I have ever known. She is kind, brillant, funny, beautiful, and just about the best sister that I could have ever hoped for. One of the best days of my life was when I found her....

Keep her in your thoughts, ok?

I took J to see her specialist today. The news was all good. J has put her weight up from 88 pounds to 100. She also grew a whole 3/4 of inch in two months. Her blood sugars have gone from an A1C average of 12.6 (way too high) to 9.2. Her target is about 7, so we are well on our way.

This is the best that she has ever been, and I am so proud of her determination and hard work. Yay, J!

Grandma J is in the hospital. She fell and broke her hip after over doing it this past weekend. She had dinner with friends and indulged in her favourite drink- whiskey.
I took KC and J to see her, and I can't believe how great she looks for a 92 year old with a broken hip. She is in the early stages of Alzheimers, and was bit confused. She thought that the 3 of us were sisters, and I just couldn't bring myself to correct her. Why upset her? She also thought that Geoff was the dog that she had when she was a little girl, not her grandson. (My ex #2) I think that she was confused because, hey, Geoff is a dog......

I bought a wedding gift for TMOC and the soon to be Mrs.TMOC. The wedding is only a couple of weeks away, and I still have to pop it in the mail. That might be hard to do since Ruby ate it.

Ok, in all fairness, she only ate a part of the leather bound photo album.

The weather has improved drastically along with my mood. There is a lot going on in the family, Gramma J, and Shawn's mom are both unwell, but I still feel remarkably good. Lets hope that this trend continues!

I'm not sure what's going on here...Hmmm. I wanted to leave you a little something to think about while I take J to her appointment at the hospital. (it's just a check up)

Talk amongst yourselves.

New Readers And Old Friends

I have a new reader. Her name is Heather, and even though she is lurking, I know that she is here.



Heather and I went to Jr. high together in Dartmouth. She was from that neighbourhood, and I was from a whole other planet. Or so it seemed.

I had just recently arrived from Ontario, to live with my Mum, Betty, and her husband, Stan. I hadn't seen Betty in a couple of years, and I hadn't lived with her since I was about 3. It was not an easy transition, and I was VERY unhappy.

To make matters, worse, I had just finished my grade 9 year at the rural highschool outside of Smallburg, and now, I was repeating grade 9.

Everything was foreign to me. It really did seem like another planet. All of the kids at Ellenvale had grown up together, gone to grade school together, known each other forever.

Then, there was me. I didn't know a soul. My time in Nova Scotia had been spent thus far sitting on the front steps, or going to the library. Alone.

Well, there was ONE drunken night out, but I really can't recall much about that. Anyway, I diggress.

There was one girl that I thought was different. She looked cool, and nothing seemed to bother her. She came to school most days in tight dark blue jeans and concert t's. Heather rarely spoke up or smiled in class.(She has a great smile)I thought that she had it all worked out....

We didn't reallly hit it off until that summer. The summer of 1986. I was living with Shane and Blaine's family then, and Heather was a frquent visitor. We were inseperable. We became best friends.

We spent every moment that we could together. We went to nightclubs, and got kicked out together. In fact, it was Heather that kept me from climbling into a flashy limo one night outside of The Derby. I still owe her for that one. It was owned by a pimp that would have driven my ass out of town that night.....

The trouble that we got into! She was with me the night that the semi pro boxer attacked...THAT is a night that I will never forget. He had been stalking me for a couple of months, and on a hot night in August, as Heather, Shane, Blaine, Carla, Percy, and I were out walking, he found me. Come to think of it, if my kick boxing friend hadn't have been there, I might have been in a whole lotta trouble.

The truth is, she always had my back.

Heather and I had so much fun. Oh man....She was there the day that I broke my wrist,and we shared a giggle over that story yesterday. She was there when Betty and Stan kicked me out, and was there when I went back to pick up my stuff...Her mom fed me Kraft Dinner when I was hungry, and never complained when I crashed at her house. To this day, I think of Heather and her mom when I eat mac and cheese.

We had our falling outs, too. Mostly over boys - well, one boy in particular.

I moved back home in November of 1986. I wasn't going to stay here in Ontario, it was just supposed to be a visit. Well, I've been "visiting" for 21 years.

We have seen each other since I moved away. I've been home to Dartmouth twice. It's been 17 years, now.

I lost her address around the time that Shawn and I hooked up. I have missed her tremendously. I still think of those days. I think of the shopping trips, and the days spent by the lake. I think of the hearts that we broke, and the boys that broke ours. I remember talking all night, and sharing secrets with Heather, secrets that we were afraid to speak out loud in the light of day.

I found her on Facebook a few days ago. It was easy as heck. I saw a photo of her daughter, and I knew immeadiately that it was Heather and Blaine's girl. She is the spitting image of her mom.

It was easy to pick up where we left off. It always is with Heather. It doesn't matter how far apart we are, or how long it's been since we've seen each other. That bond is still there.

So, if you're feeling friendly, say hi to Heather. She's kind of quiet, but she's a hell of a friend.

Things Are Looking Up...

Good news today. I got a phone call from my family doctor today. I have an appointment to see a shrink on May 24th. This will put me one step closer to recovery.......................

Howard Jones

I need a boost today. The damp spring weather is getting to me, and there is a lot going on in our house right now. It seems like more bad news everyday....
Things can only get better..Right?

I am such a dork. I set up a facebook account, as I'm sure most of you know already. You know this because if I have your email address, I sent you an invitation to join. For all of my friends and readers out there, I meant to invite you. I did.

What I didn't mean to do was invite, oh, say, my divorce lawyer, J's nutritionist, my ex husband and his wife, and former friends. Gawd. I am so glad that I didn't have Rudi's email. He would have been sent an invite too.

You can meet my ex yourself, if you want. He accepted my invite, and we're now facebook friends.

Yeesh.

Shawn is back to work today! Whoo hoo! Not is he only back to work today, but he has 3 different jobs on the go. I don't think that I'll be seeing much of him in the following weeks.



We got a new fridge on the weekend, too. Not NEW, but new to us. We also mananged to get a microwave in the deal. We only paid $25. I'm still pinching myself!



Ruby turned one on Saturday. KC was joking about the fact that the dog had a better birthday than her or her sisters this year. Next year I'll buy KC a squeaky toy.

I haven't seen the EPL since our little expedition on the weekend. I'm looking into a duck blind or a camo suit like KB suggested.

Tracking The Elusive Pot Lady

On the way home from grocery shopping yesterday, we spotted thses tracks. Shawn and I couldn't help but wonder....Could it be.....The Elusive Pot Lady?
We were astonished at our luck! Since little is actually known about the rare and Elusive Pot Lady, to actually find evidence of feeding behaviour was more than we could have hoped for. It sparked a debate between Shawn and myself. I firmly believe
that she is a hunter gatherer, (as my evidence here clearly shows). Shawn surmises that she is merely a scavenger.
The change in seasons may also have have an effect on her daily routine. We noticed that with the advent of warmer weather, she traded her metal pot for a plastic bowl, and slippers for bare feet. Instead of merely drinking water, she was eating a meal of rice.

The easily startled EPL darted into the shadows when I pulled out my cell phone. Experts believe this to be the only existing photo.

Mr. T Treat your mother right

I found this on Beefcake Almighty's blog. He's on Corky's blogroll, you really should check him out.
Anyway, I was going to save this for Mother's Day, but I couldn't wait.
I can honestly say, I have NEVER seen anything quite like this before!

I'm finally posting some more photos of the pups taken while Heidi was away. The bottom one is a pic of where they literally just fell after about FIVE straight hours of play.

We had so much fun.

SHAWN HELPED ME WRITE THIS

There's been so much crap rattling about in my head the past couple of weeks. I had a million ideas for when I got back into my blogsphere, and now, here I sit, blog-challenged.
This bites.
Maybe it's because Shawn is STILL home, on the very day that his boss promised that he would be back at work. I swear, he is driving me CRAZY(er). He won't shut up about some dream he had about me fooling around with the guys from 38 Special.
Yeah, right.
It could be because while I was on the phone with both KC and J, he mimicked me, repeating everything that I said, and throwing some gibberish in with it.
There must be trillion little repairs that he could be doing in this house, right now. Seriously. Half of our furniture looks like it belongs in a frat house. You know the kind I mean. First, the legs broke off of our sofa in the front room. I didn't mind, because that way, Porky can get up and down from the couch on her own. Then, a couple of days ago, the base came off of the matching chair. It's like a video game chair now. Well, kind of. Like a hideous wing back 80's flowery video game chair.
Shawn is shouting blog topics at me with lightening speed. Some of these topics include Ron Jeremy, throwing up, his fathers unyeilding compassion, the kid next next door, his loser friends, spousal abuse, Shawn's desire to start his garden, the smell coming from the basement, my brothers wedding, the asian lady the patrols the street in her slippers drinking from a large metal pot, and...no matter how hard you try, you can never unbotton a belly button.
SIGH.

I'm Back

Whew. It has been a long couple of weeks. I have missed everyone. Incredibly. Have you all missed me and my insane ramblings?
April 3rd I had my court date. It went very well actually. I have a cousin that works at the courthouse, and she made certain that I spoke with duty council and was bumped to the head of the line. I asked for something called Adult Diversion, and the judge approved it without even thinking twice. The general concensus was that the 2 security guards were a tad overzealous, and that maybe this didn't HAVE to go to court. As it turns out, the whole thing WAS a training exercise with the 2 security guards, and since nothing was found in my bags, but only in the cart, the judge was very lenient.
Adult Diversion is different for every client that it deals with. My workers name is Deb, and I've met with her once. This is how my rehabilitation works. I have to write a letter of apology to the grocery store. Deb feels that this is going to be helpful to ME, and it is an exercise only, the letter will never be sent to the grocery store. Deb feels that (in my case) the store has done enough, and there is no need for me to have any more contact with them.
I have to see my family doctor, and get a referral to a shrink. I have already done this, but my family doctor wasn't terribly helpful. In fact, he was confused as to WHY I needed to see a shrink. I'm not holding my breath on that referral.
I have to pick up an application for disability. Just get one, and show it to her.
I have to walk the dog, or TRY to leave the house every day.
That's it, folks. If I do these things, (and I will) then the charges will be withdrawn.
My record will be clean.
Crap, what a relief that is.
Shawn goes back to work full time this week, with the company that laid him off a few months back. We are SO happy. This is the company that loaned us the money to pay our crazy gas bill in December.
Our fridge sprung (sprang?) a freon leak last Wednesday (right in the middle of Jericho, no less). We are now without a fridge, again. It sucks. I can't buy milk, or keep any leftovers, or enjoy a cold drink. It sucks, big time. Our microwave died, too. April has been a crappy month for appliances in our little house.
We did have several days with the Pug, though. The girls were sad to see him go. We're already planning next years Juno awards, when I'm sure that Jethro will be a winner again.
Imagine that. Our own Jethro a Juno award winner. I couldn't be more proud.
I missed everyone so much. Cindy actually phoned me last week. I gotta say, she has the cutest voice. I'll be back tomorrow. The kids are waiting for their turns on the computer, and I have about 100 emails to read. Thanks for waiting.
Biddie

More Puggy goodness. It took forever to get a photo of these 2 when they weren't tearing up the house like whirling dervishes. They are much calmer today. (Thank you, God).

Pug Love - For Heidi

Well, Heidi and Jethro have left for the Junos. I am the official Pug Sitter.

I have promised to post photos of The Pug frequently during the 5 days that Heidi will be away. Bear with me, ok? Oh, and check out Heidi's blog for red carpet updates.

It is 20 degrees out today. 20.
Bliss.

Marni has tagged me to let you all know the 7 songs that I am most into right now. I really didn't WANT to do this, because then you will all know how much of a dork I really am. Since I was tagged, though, it's kinda like being triple dog-dared, and I have no choice.

Punk Rock 101 - Bowling For Soup

Kung - Fu fighting - Carl something or other. I feel badly, because this guy had one massive hit, and I can't remember his name.

Sweet Home Alabama - Hubby refers to this as the redneck athem. I don't care. I LOVE it.

All The Small Things - Blink 182

Don't Leave Me this Way - The Communards - Just TRY to feel down while belting this out!

Raspberry Beret - Prince

Fuck Me Dead - The Forgotten Rebels

So, laugh away. It's all good. Let's see, who can I tag? I tag:

Tod

Dilling

And The Adult In Question

Ruby in Blue

Blue. That's how I'm feeling. This court date is hanging over my head like an ominous dark cloud.
To make matters worse, I broke another tooth today. Right up front. We have no coverage, and I now have a jagged mess in the front of my face, not to mention the pain that goes along with it.
I am trying to stay positive, but it gets exceedingly more difficult with each passing day.
Sorry to bum you out, guys.

Somebody Pinch Me

Pinch me. Seriously. I just found out that the powers that be are filming a NEW V mini series. That's right. 20 years in the making. This is the best news that I've heard in MONTHS.

Even better, Marc Singer, Jane Badler, and Faye Grant are all signed on.

I feel faint.

~~~~Mugshots~~~~

Well, I did it. I made it to the police station, and got my fingerprints and mugshots taken.
I saw the mugshot, and I look like one sad lady. Seriously. I look like an escapee from a country song. You know, ran off with my hubby, stole my bible, and shot my dog.
You'd be sad too. Not only did they take my photo, slap black paint all over my hands, but they weighed me.
Anyway, I survived it without a full blown panic attack.
Thanks for all of the support, guys. I couldn't do this without you.

Check this out.....

Shawn, Kayla, J and I went to the $2 movie yesterday. (We saw Night At The Museum). It's a long 2 bus ride from our house, but for a mere 2 bucks, I'm there.....
Anyway, at our transfer point mid way, we got on the main line bus to finish our journey home. There was a hooker on the bus, a kid, really, trying to do some business with 2 drunken middle aged men. She was really working it, but they laughed her off. I did hear part of the conversation, so I KNOW what they were discussing.
Shawn and I were talking about the little girl hooker on the bus ride home. We were feeling especially appreciative of our girls - clean cut, drug free, hanging with mom and dad kinda girls....
When we got off the bus at our stop, Kayla turned to me and said "Did you see Rachel? She was the kid dressed like a hooker on the bus."
Whoa. Rachel is Rudi's 15 year old step daughter, the one that he raised.
You all know Rudi, right? The same guy that has been calling me an unfit mom for the past 16 years.
I got another letter from him not long ago, accusing me of more ridiculous bad mom crap. Completely outrageous shit. Like how I threatened to have an old lady's son put in jail if she didn't stop harrassing me for the money I owe her. Oh, yeah, and failing to provide the necessities of life to my kids, and watching Jessica fall into a coma and doing NOTHING about it.
Hmmmm......Let's just think on this for a moment, shall we? If I FAILED to provide what is necessary to sustain life, then wouldn't the girls be, um, DEAD?
Ok, father of the year. I wish that I could be the kind of parent that you are.
It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

I know that I've been kind of quiet lately. I guess it's a case of - If you don't have anything good to say....You know the rest.

I go to get finger printed on Friday the 16th. It is creeping up on me, and freaking me out. Shawn is coming with me, but I still have no idea of how we'll get to the police station. It is actually out of town, and I don't think that there are any buses that go that way. I guess that we'll figure it out. I feel like vomitting at the very thought of walking through the doors of the police station. Thank goodness for Shawnie.

Kayla and J are on their March break all this up coming week. Heidi, the kids and the Pug are coming for a visit, probably on Thursday. Those are the extent of our plans. I am looking forward to a big dose of pug love, and some quality time with my bestest.


KC may be going to Texas for a few days on or around the 19th. We're still dealing with passport issues, and my darling sister, Posh, has yet to finalize any of the details. This whole trip was Posh's idea, and I can't help but feel like it is just another opportunity for her to show off. Oh well. If KC gets to travel and see some of this big world of ours, then I guess that I'm ok with it.


The most exciting thing to happen in weeks was this. A hawk landed in our back yard and had a mid afternoon snack.

I took this photo from about 15 feet away, but I was in the house, looking out through my dirty kitchen window. I had to use my cell phone camera, so the photos aren't exactly Dilling quality. ( I wish).

It was a little bit like Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. I was waiting with baited breath for Jim to come leaping aroung the side of my house with a net. (While Marlin Perkins watched safely from the jeep).

Never happened.

Maybe next time.

Happy Birthday, KC

Last week, Kayla turned 16 and I wrote a blog entry about her. Not be outdone, KC asked that I write one for her. Believe it or not, their birthdays are only one week apart. I wasn't thinking ahead back then.
KC was born when I was just a few months shy of my 19th birthday. I was pretty close to homeless, and I landed in a home for pregnant teens. I think that my parents were secretly happy to have to have me there, because the alternative would've been me crashing on their couch in Smallburg.
I was only about 6 weeks along when I moved into St. Monica's House. It was on a quiet residental street, a few blocks away from where Rudi lived with his parents. His mom was less than thrilled at the prospect of her 16 yr old son becoming a father. She was alternately sweet and hateful where I was concerned. She would let me spend the week end one week, and chase me away with the broom another. She took me out for burgers and bought me track pants big enough for both Rudi and I to wear - at the same time.
I hated St. Monica's house. It was sheer torture for me. We had parenting classes, and chore lists, and sign in sheets. I had no privacy and yearned for my own space.
Rudi and I moved in together when I was less than a week away from my due date.
KC was born on March 6th, 1988. I had to have a C-section after my water broke and nothing else happened. The doctors waited for 12 hours, then decided that I needed the surgery. It was the single most tramatic experience of my life. I slept for 3 days and awoke a mommy.
I loved being a mommy from day one. I spent every waking moment with KC and trusted her with no one. She slept through the night after one week, and I knew, just knew, that this kid was destined for greatness.
My parents were smitten with the raven haired beauty that was their 1st grandchild. My step mom wanted to take a 6 week old KC on a Florida vacation. My sister, Posh, relished the role of Auntie and took every opportunity to spoil her name sake. Even Rudi's mom was impressed with the darling little baby that smiled at everyone.
KC was especially close to my Dad. We spent countless hours at his office, my Dad, KC and I. He taught her one of her 1st words - bucks - and the meaning of it. I seldom left his office without KC's pants being filled with loonies, toonies, or sometimes a 20. She never failed to remind me that it was HER bucks.
When Jethro and Heidi got married in Smallburg, KC was the flower girl. She delighted in being a part of the wedding, and I can still see her marching proudly down the aisle with Jethro's sister.
KC was only about 3 when she was diagnosed with ITP. (idiopathic thrombocitopinic purpura - say that 3 times fast!) We were unsure of what was happening to our daughter. She was bruising at the slightest touch, and was tired all of the time. I took her to see a pediatrician and his response was one of horror. We took her directly to the hospital where she was admitted for what we thought was lukemia. I don't think that I ever prayed so hard in my whole life. We were lucky. ITP could be treated with platelette transfusions, and we had caught it in time. I think that KC has all but out grown her condition, but I still worry when I see a bruise on her.
She never complained about the IV's or the hospital stays. Not once.
KK was born one week before Kristy's 3rd birthday, and KC was beside her self with joy. She has played mommy to both of her little sisters since day one.
KC and I have not always seen eye to eye. I can remember the time that she tried her 'self defence' moves on me when she was in grade 9. Wanna know how that went over?
We are so alike that we sometimes clash over the stupidest things.
We also laugh. Alot. A day out with KC is guaranteed to be fun. I love spending the day shopping with her, or going to the movies, or just hanging out. I have the kind of relationship with her that I have always wanted to have with my own mother.
When you are a teen mom, you become less of a person, and more of a stereo type, or a statistic. My own family expected me to fail horribly, to raise a drop out teen age mom of my very own. I am so proud to say that those people are wrong.
KC is 19 now. Older than I was when I became a mom. She works part time, goes to school, helps out with groceries or a cell phone bill now and again, and makes her mom proud.
She has a good heart, and wicked sense of humour. She makes Shawn and I proud to call her our daughter. I know that my Dad would be proud, too, if he were here to see her.
Happy 19th birthday, KC. We love you.

The Worst Advice That I Ever Got, and other tales of woe

Tod recently asked me about the worst advice that I ever got. No question about it. The worst advice that I ever got is all about Rudi. My parents advised me to marry him after KC was born. My father felt strongly that being a wife and mother would "settle me down" and that it was just right thing for me to do with my life. I actually cried all the way down the aisle on my wedding day. I knew that Rudi was just Mr. RightNOW, and that I was making a huge mistake. Still, so many people advised me to marry him. How could so many people be wrong?
The next worst advice I got when it came to leaving Rudi. Things went WAY south a week after the nuptuals. One week, folks. I was advised (by several people, no need to feel badly, here, anyone) to give it another shot. Most of my friends and family didn't know that I had been hit by him only 7 days after the wedding. Most people thought that I was just being flaky, or that I was giving up too easily. I chose to dwell on the fact that if I had left, there would be no Kayla. Maybe it wasn't such bad advice after all....

Ldbug asked about the cheese. I didn't actually get to make any meals with the cheese, but I was planning a huge lasagna. Not just huge, but epic. An epic meal. I never did get to make my meal...

Dilling wants to know about Heidi, Biddie, and highschool.
We actually met in grade 9 english, advanced, of course. Our teacher, Mrs. T was known to burst into tears at any given time during class, and spontaneously give safe sex speeches in the middle of a Shakespearian soliliquy. To say that we loved her would be an understatement. We adored her and her class.
We also had math class together. NOT advanced. I can't speak for Heidi, but I should have been in the class with the high functioning mentally challenged. Really. I saw some of their work. I could've totally nailed it. With a little extra time and a calculator.
I can't even remember our math teachers name. Mr. Something Or Other. I dunno. He kinda got on my nerves, what with the asking of questions and interrupting my goal of writing My Novel. Heidi sat in front of me, and we cheated off of Deb Van Who'sit.
Nice girl.
I can't really say that Heidi got into any trouble. Not really. I lived in town, and she was more rural, so we never saw each other on the weekends. I used to hitchhike with Donnie past her parents farm house, and wonder what it was like to have a 'normal' family. I can't even count how many times I walked past her house, on my home from the next town over.
There were school dances, though. Every Friday at lunch, our school had a soc hop in the gym. It was all of 25 cents to get in (or was it 50, Heidi?) and yet I still snuck in most days. We would gather by the stage, Heidi, Jenny, Jan, and the rest of us, waiting for them to play our favourite song. Tenderness by General Public was always a fav. I loved the soc hops, and to this day when I hear certain songs, they take me back to those afternoons in the sweaty gym. Those sweaty gym memories are some of my best.
Jethro was there, too. He and I weren't exactly the best of friends back then. He spent a lot of time at my house, but it was with my brothers. He was a semi- permanent fixture at my parents place. He was always getting into some kinda trouble with my brothers. One time, Andy, Mike and Jethro set off a pipe bomb at the school bus stop. In front of the local police station. Luckily for my brothers, my dad's cousin was the cheif of police.
Sigh....
Those were the days.